autistichalsin - Tumblr blog

[autistichalsin]

My dad had to be hospitalized because of a reaction to a new medication.

He's going to be okay, he should be released in the morning or afternoon, but I'm really shaken up. I was too far away to be able to do anything and it scared me.

I might not post much while I process this.

[autistichalsin]

I was playing with the camera and Halsin made this face and I fucking lost it 🤣

[autistichalsin]

'forge Fridays;

Halsin at the grymforge 5/?

[autistichalsin]

And it's such a real aspect of PTSD too; that feeling that happiness/calm just AREN'T going to last. If anything, they're even scarier than chaos. You know how to live in chaos and you know exactly what's happening, but how do you deal with calm? How do you deal with the knowledge that at any moment it's going to be taken away from you?

"I almost fear something must go wrong."

Because for him, it always has. He loses his family, then finds the Grove, only to lose most of them to the Shadow Curse. He finds a chance to solve it in Aradin, then gets locked up by goblins and nearly loses the Grove for it- and he DOES lose them in the sense that most of his Druids get radicalized against him. He breaks the Shadow Curse for real, only to learn the elder brain has evolved into a netherbrain (and possibly gets kidnapped by Orin too for good measure). He finally is able to feel romantic feelings again after 100 years of loneliness in the Shadow Curse, only to nearly ruin it by wildshaping uncontrollably. Every time something could go wrong for him, something HAS gone wrong.

Navigating chaos is easy. It's survival. It's almost instinctive. But navigating a calm, mundane life? That's thinking. That's living. How do you DO that when you're used to just survival?

Halsin has to figure that one out himself, and though having his commune and partner there helps a lot... it's still a terrifying thing to work through. He can, and will... but it sure is scary to do it.

One aspect of Halsin's epilogue dialogue with a solomanced player that sticks out to me is Halsin saying that he fears coming will turn out to be a mistake, before explaining that he took the player from a life of high adventure to one that can be described as anything but. And then after being reassured, he says that he still expects to stir from the dream, or that part of him fears something MUST go wrong, depending on the option the player chooses.

Meaning... he had thought about this before and had wondered if it as a good idea, and had concluded that it possibly wouldn't. That going would quite possibly- maybe even probably- make the player realize they weren't happy with him anymore, leave him, and return to their life of high adventure. That he'd "stir from the dream" and be alone once more, because surely no one would actually continue to choose him? Surely he's too happy, surely something in his life must go wrong eventually?

He literally fears that going to the party could result in the player leaving him, and he still does it anyway not only because he loved and missed their traveling companions that much, but because he knows if that is what the player chooses, he'll have to respect it, even if it will utterly gut him in the process.

"You could have done anything. Gone with anyone. Yet you chose me."

And in that is an unspoken question- why? Did you really mean it?

And then... the player reassures him. They promise him they're happy. That they never looked back, that they chose him for a reason.

And maybe he's still afraid of stirring from the dream, but he at least knows it's going to last a bit longer.

[autistichalsin]

One aspect of Halsin's epilogue dialogue with a solomanced player that sticks out to me is Halsin saying that he fears coming will turn out to be a mistake, before explaining that he took the player from a life of high adventure to one that can be described as anything but. And then after being reassured, he says that he still expects to stir from the dream, or that part of him fears something MUST go wrong, depending on the option the player chooses.

Meaning... he had thought about this before and had wondered if it as a good idea, and had concluded that it possibly wouldn't. That going would quite possibly- maybe even probably- make the player realize they weren't happy with him anymore, leave him, and return to their life of high adventure. That he'd "stir from the dream" and be alone once more, because surely no one would actually continue to choose him? Surely he's too happy, surely something in his life must go wrong eventually?

He literally fears that going to the party could result in the player leaving him, and he still does it anyway not only because he loved and missed their traveling companions that much, but because he knows if that is what the player chooses, he'll have to respect it, even if it will utterly gut him in the process.

"You could have done anything. Gone with anyone. Yet you chose me."

And in that is an unspoken question- why? Did you really mean it?

And then... the player reassures him. They promise him they're happy. That they never looked back, that they chose him for a reason.

And maybe he's still afraid of stirring from the dream, but he at least knows it's going to last a bit longer.

[autistichalsin]

I chose you for a reason, and have never looked back.

(read this post for my thoughts on this dialogue)

[autistichalsin]

Halsin Silverbough

Oak father, he's so fiiiiine! Love his hazel eyes!

My PS5 screenshot with ps edits.

[autistichalsin]

Okay I gotta say, one of the things that bemuses me most is when people complain about act 3 Halsin, "he just eats my food and doesn't contribute anything!" (This is especially common on Reddit)

That is literally your fault, my guy!

If you don't put him in your party! He cannot! As a matter of fact! Help you! If you put him in your party, he would be helping you!

You can't exactly tell someone "I am handling all the cooking" and then yell at them for not ever cooking for you, ya know? What else is the man supposed to DO??

[autistichalsin]

[autistichalsin]

BALDUR'S GATE 3 (2023) — developed by larian studios.

[autistichalsin]

Zionism and Semitism are not, never have and never will be, synonymous

[autistichalsin]

Why can't I get paid to write Halsin meta instead of writing bullshit papers all day HUH

[autistichalsin]

The shrine begins

LOOK AT THE SNAIL HE DREW FOR MEEEEEEEEE IM CRYING

[autistichalsin]

oh uh. scuse me. just a lil snail crossing your dash

[autistichalsin]

It really does break my heart! He's so unable to see that someone else might care for him the way he cares for them! :(

can I just say how heartbreaking it is that Halsin continuously doubts someone could love him? when he says "my heart does not stir lightly... but it does now" he actually has to take a moment to breathe and close his eyes. like he's scared to admit it. like once he opens his eyes, the PC will be gone. even during his romance scene, you have to encourage him that this was what you wanted and that when he goes into wildshape and back into his regular form, PC tells him "it's okay, now come here" like he's TERRIFIED of scaring the PC because he rambles and apologizes profusely.

and when you solo romance him/decide to leave with him post brain, he tells you in the epilogue:

"Yet you chose me", like he STILL can't believe pc could've picked him over ANYONE SIX MONTHS LATER. This man wants to be loved but STRUGGLES to believe it once someone actually loves him and it's so heartbreaking. He's just a gentle giant. (also thank you @autistichalsin bc you've encouraged me to start analyzing Halsin with your posts)

[autistichalsin]

I think it's time I started snailposting again.

Do you ever just WATCH THOSE FEELERS wiggle and you just nod down at them like HELL YEAH LITTLE DUDE HELL YEAH

[autistichalsin]

Wait until antis find out about the Marquis de Sade. It'll be super scary the day they learn how to read let me tell you