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Liam is required by the D&D gods to create bisexual characters, listen I don’t make the rules

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I don’t know how to live

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Peter, v-logging with his phone camera: Hi I’m Spi- I mean, Peter Parker, and today we’re going to witness firsthand people’s reactions after they’re told they have big dick energy. Let’s go!

Peter: What’s up, Thor. Dude, I just wanted you to know that you radiate big dick energy today.

Thor: God of thunder in the streets, god of big dick in the sheets, I suppose.

Peter, checking to see if he’s still recording then proceeding to give a thumbs up: I stan so hard. Legends only.

Peter, bumping into Steve reading the paper: Cap! Ah, have a moment? Word on the street is that you have big dick energy. Thoughts?

Steve, choking on his coffee: I-I guess the serum did have… its effects…

Peter: Oh my god.

Peter, finding Bucky watering flowers: Hey, man. Love what you did with your hair today, may I enlighten you on the fact that you have, putting it modestly, very big dick energy?

Bucky, looking into the camera like he’s on the office: …Parker what the hell.

Peter, breaking into the sanctum: Wow doctor, looks like you got a super serious case of chronic big dick energy there.

Strange: Listen. There’s kinetic, potential, thermal, chemical, electrical, even the vague concept of dark energy. But there is no big dick or whatever you just—

Peter: You’re no fun.

Peter, after buying a plane ticket and flying to Wakanda unsupervised: As king and black panther, your highness, your reign is supreme and so is your big dick energy.

T'challa, amidst a breakdown: Noo!!! Stop!! You and Shuri, I am begging you, please, I have no idea what that means!!!!

Peter, approaching Tony relaxing on a lounge chair: Now for The Man. The one and only, genius billionaire playboy philanthropist. Mr. Stark, are you aware you have big dick energy?

Tony, lowering his shades: Kid, I invented big dick energy.

Peter, tearing up: I know.

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Marvel Movies ranked by if there are trains in them

Iron Man- 0/10. No trains. 

The Incredible Hulk- 1/10. No trains, but a verbal reference to the subway.

Iron Man 2- -100/10. No trains, negative 100 points for a cameo by train-hater Elon Musk

Thor- 0/10. No trains in space :(

Captain America: The First Avenger- 7/10. Cool train heist scene, and monorails go by at the World’s Fair

The Avengers- 3/10. A freight train goes by at the beginning. Cap tells the police to get people into the subway, giving hope for more train content that goes unfulfilled. The only scene of Cap riding the subway was deleted.

Iron Man 3- 0/10. No trains.

Thor: The Dark World- 10/10 THOR RIDES THE TRAIN

Captain America: The Winter Soldier- 0/10. No trains.

Guardians of the Galaxy- 0/10. Still no trains in space :(

Avengers: Age of Ultron- 6/10. Okay action scene involving stopping a train. 

Ant-Man- 9/10. Fight scene involving Thomas the Tank Engine!!!!

Captain America: Civil War- 1/10. Cap and Sharon meet next to high-speed rail tracks but no trains go by. 

Doctor Strange- 6/10. Subways go flying by in the mirror dimension!

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2- 0/10. Still no trains in space :(

Spiderman: Homecoming- 10/10! Peter “Numtot” Parker rides on the train several times and also crashes a car for good measure

Thor: Ragnarok: 0/10. Someone better get some trains in space real soon 

Black Panther: 7/10. Cool Wakandan tram goes down the street, and the finale involves a vibranium train!

Avengers: Infinity War: 6/10. Cap emerges from behind a moving train!!

Ant-Man and the Wasp: 0/10. No trains.

Captain Marvel: 11/10 THERE ARE TRAINS IN SPACE!!! TRAINS IN SPACE!!! THERE ARE FINALLY TRAINS IN SPACE!!!! also she rides a train on earth too!!! Carol Danvers: queen of public transportation and my heart

Avengers: Endgame: 0/10. No trains.

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petition to add a “valid/neutral/dumbass” axis to the traditional D&D alignment chart

example: Hiccup Haddock is chaotic good dumbass, the Eleventh Doctor is chaotic good valid.

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so i made and account on tv tropes and it asked for my relationship status

i went over and was about to put in “single” or “it’s complicated” and, well..

i can’t deal anymore

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my brother is getting married and i’m so excited to fulfill my destiny as the embarrassing drunk gay sister who flirts with the bride for the entire ceremony

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r/relationships: i [25F] and my husband [25M] had a baby [0F] but she was kidnapped and now we found out that our friend [243F] is her from the future and our other friend [2864X] is now our kid-in-law?

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What Happens When Zookeepers Have Too Much Time On Their Hands

Via Bored Panda

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i can’t believe i haven’t seen this yet

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Reasons I believe my friend is secretly some kind of deity

1) First time we spoke was a week after the beggining of freshman year she summed up my entire character and most of the events of my life Sherlock style. I asked her how the hell she knew all that. She just shrugged and said she figured out our entire class already.

2) The one time we had religion class instead of ethics she listened to the teacher for a few minutes, laughed and told me:

“Humans have wished to be gods so much they’ve forgotten they have to ability to create them. Imagination has truly suffered from this ‘monotheism’ stuff.”

I was confused and asked her if she was an atheist. She rolled her eyes and said:

“Oh I believe in god alright. I just don’t think the bastard deserves to be worshipped.”

3) Out of nowhere she gave me this advice:

“The only truth a liar ever told was that lies weren’t going to save you. Don’t become the liar who has to pass that wisdom on, because they speak from experience.”

4) To this day, she has one of those old-timey phones with buttons she only uses to ocassionally call someone. When I asked her why she never got a smartphone she got pouty:

“I hate social media. On Facebook they talk a lot but never say anything. If I wanted to listen to people moan about their problems and ask for help they don’t expect I’d listen to their prayers.” (Notice the choice of words)

5) I noticed she was stiff and I offered her a massage since I’m really good at it but when i started kneading her back I swear to this day those were not muscles I felt. I asked her what she did to turn her muscles into rocks covered with a thin layer of skin and she kinda froze then shrugged and said she was just really, really stiff. My hands hurt after ten minutes when I can usually go for an hour. Next time I offered she seemed surprised and laughed. She still has rocks for muscles.

6) We were having a debate over the way neural pathways are formed (I study biology and she forensics) and I jokingly asked if I could have her brain for study when she dies. She laughed.

“Sure, if you find a way to kill me you can have it. I’m actually curious what you’re gonna find.”

7) One time she was tired and miserable and I tried to comfort her. We both have really dark sense of humor so I told her she could scare the dead out of their graves with that glare. She told me the dead can’t come back and I rolled my eyes and said ‘obviously’ but she continued:

“When you die you descend to the underworld with nothing to lose. To keep you, they give you something to lose. When you want to return, they will demand it back. That’s why nobody ever leaves. The only way out is to never enter.”

8) One day she just came up to me with a disappointed look on her face. When I asked her what was wrong she was quiet for a few seconds and then just told me:

“Betrayals committed in good intentions are still damning. Just… keep that in mind.” Then she left and didn’t speak to me for three days. I still don’t know what she meant but even three years later I haven’t forgotten it.

9) We were casually sitting on a bench when, out of nowhere, she asked me: “Is it just me or have humans gotten dumber? Or have they always been this stupid and I just haven’t been paying attention?”

10) She asked me if I ever wondered what it was like to die. I said no but told her I would tell her when I found out. I meant it as a ghost joke but she smiled at me and said:

“Great. I’ll wait for you to come back. Maybe you’ll even remember me.”

In conclusion, she is some kind of low-key god and she lost her faith in humanity even before we lost our faith in her but she’s stuck with us because immortality is a bitch.

P.S. I just remembered her name is a variation on ‘Eve’. Maybe I should reconsider my atheist status?!

UPDATE (Jan 9, 2019): Since people liked this so much I’m making it a thing. All I have about Eve can be found under #god goes to college

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Concept: The dragons of Berk with Modern day Riders. Like, these are still the canon dragons from a thousand years and they are now paired with Riders who were born in the 2000s or the late 90s.

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So there’s this huge dudebro in my class, who, yesterday, sat next to me. And I’m sitting there sweating because like… I’m wearing my shirt with the lesbian flag on it, and he’s the most popular jock in school, and always has this look on his face that say ‘I can and will kill you’. He looks me up and down, stares at me for a minute and then goes, “So. Girls in skirts and long socks, am I right?”

To which I nodded solemnly, both out of agreement, surprise and also a healthy amount of awkward fear. He nodded and went, “You get it.”

I said, “Yep.” He fistbumped me, and on went our lives.

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What is it

What is it

DREAMWORKS WHAT IS IT