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Me, a week into my eating disorder: I'm gonna get so skinny! Only a couple weeks of self control and this will fix everything! Once I hit my ugw it'll all be worth it! :)
Me a full 2 years into my ed looking back on my dumbass:

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I literally did this today and I open this app to this BRUHHHH😭😭
me: it’s alright. you went out with your dad for dinner and froyo and consumed 1400 calories. big deal.
ana:

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when i’m in the middle of trying to figure out where to hide the dinner i didn’t eat and i hear footsteps

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Me: *sniffs food*
My ED, now in full panic mode:

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I'm lonely. And I'm lonely in some horribly deep way and for a flash of an instant, I can see just how lonely, and how deep this feeling runs. And it scares the shit out of me to be this lonely because it seems catastrophic.
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me ranting on my tumblr every single day about how i broke my fast & that im a fat piece of shit and deserve to die

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Me telling myself I’ll just exercise off all 3983 kcal I just ate

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This happened to me once, it was terrifying. I had only been restricting for around a couple weeks. I was walking through my kitchen when all the sudden it felt like my legs didn't work and I could hear my heart beating really loud. I collapsed in the middle of my floor and basically dragged myself to the stash of candy on my counter. Seriously, carry some emergency candies or SOMETHING.
i thought i was dead
i had a experience today where my body overheated i started to lose focus in my schoolwork my heart started beating so loud and fast and hurting like a mf and i thought “omg this is it this is how i die i am going to die in the middle of art class” then i decided to try to alert someone i tapped my friends thigh my breathing was shaky and loud and my face was red and tried to tell her “get the teacher somethings happening” all that came out was a scrambled mumbled sentence and i thought i was about to faint but she understand and the teacher got her to take me real quick and since she knew i was anorexic she got a proteing bar and made me eat that shit and the second i took a bite everything slowly started to calm down and i have honestly never been more terrified
dont take life for granted as someone with an ed it doesnt matter whether your bmi is high or low your heart can stop at any second
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sometimes its just like *street lights reflecting off the wet asphalt at night* maybe life isnt so ugly after all
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Me lmao
Normal 16 year olds when their parents leave them alone at the house for a week: “I might throw a party or try pot!”
Me, a 16 year old that has been left with no parents for a week: “I’m gonna starve!”
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