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Dream from 16/08/2025

I had been at work in the morning and then I just had to go, like I didn’t even tell Mike I just left to go in my trip overseas. I didn’t care much that I didn’t tell him. Felt like I was leaving at 1pm but I left like as soon as I came to work because you have to be at the airport 3 hours early for international trips

It was like a huge area outside, an airport and mass amounts of ppl were getting ready to leave on an aeroplane we were all going. We had already lodged all our suitcases but my skin was dry on my chin, I needed moisturiser. Sm was there he was telling me about he didn’t want to go thru with the wedding to his gf. The wedding was 3 months away. They had had a discussion and it seemed like she wasn’t that upset like she had rolled her eyes at him, and said you knew the wedding was in 3 months why is this decision happening now? It seems like he finally realised he couldnt go thru with it. I could feel his energy he seemed to really love me. He was worried about having to tell all the guests that the wedding was off. I was consoling him, telling him he making the best choice. He could see the dry skin on my chin and he was peeling it off and eating it. I was quite shocked but somehow it was so intimate… but like I wasn’t letting it fully sink in? I was like excited for him, like omg this is a new start for u, it’s gonna be so great. But then I like off bc I really needed to get moisturiser, and as I was running off he said I want to be inside your soul forever but I ignored it… i felt like I needed to go tell aggy what had happened . I kept thinking about how she has always been so jealous and how she didn’t trust him bc he spoke to other girls behind her back, even tho there was attraction as always? I kind of knew he wasn’t the one for me even tho he was hinting that I was for him . I wanted to get some cerave samples, some of my coworkers told me it was right under the table I was looking at , but I got a closer look at it was some Thursday plantation shit. As I was running someone asked me I wanted a coffee I said a oat latte plz and she said that might be hard but she’d see what she can do I said if not oat then soy or almond, as long as it’s not cows milk. They said smth about not having to pay for anything? There was a bus and we had left earlier than we thought bc the bus engine had to get battery charged. We were to board the airplane shortly like imminently and, I was still running to get cerave but the saw Alex he said don’t go there cos theee trees falling over in the wind. I saw it but was thinking I’d go anyway, I was deciding

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Pain makes me tired. My body needs to rest, but it’s more than that. I’m exhausted by feigning comfort, and I don’t want to translate what’s going on inside me, even for my friends.

Molly McCully Brown, from Places I've Taken My Body: Essays

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What lifted?

Something changed

And well all I can do is be

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Dream from 15/8/2025

Was I trying to get home? I was naked in the bathroom trying to use the toilet they were all disgusting, pee in the ground etc my bare feet touching but I had to use one I really needed to go. I was frantic . I could call to get a police escort out of here but I chose against it. Was I looking for someone? A police officer? Someone to take me somewhere?

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How do I find you again?

Where can I go to find you so it’ll be okay again?

How can we be?

/

I hope you’re out there

Happy

Or some vestige of it

/

What if you’re the way back home?

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I think I’m broken

Only you can mend me again

The one who broke me

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— Rachel Mennies, from The Naomi Letters "April 18, 2017" (via lunamonchtuna)

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I can’t handle this pain anymore

What do I do?

Please

Just tell me what to do and I’ll do it

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Darling,

How do I come back to you?

How do I trust you again?

How can I endure more days without you?

How do I let go of all the things that are not true, so that I can know the truth?

Where do we go from here?

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Dream from 14/8/25

I was at a cafe waiting for my matcha latte before going to class and it was taking forever ppl after me got their orders and it’s cos the guy has forgotten he kept looking at me but didn’t recognise me this went on for ages even though he seemed to remember he had to do my order again. I had to get to class, it was only like 20 mins left and I had to drive there. Then I was like where is my drink and he ha forgotten me again I said can I just get it iced. Hoping to save time but he never did it I asked and he checked the till. It never went thru, like the payment went wonky and it asked for a refund and he said he already did it the first time I asked and there’s no way to check. I told him I’d check my statement tmr or smth, but I had to go class had started, I was like in Monash Clayton? And I had to get the class, it Was important, but I lost my car, I couldn’t find it. I tried to check where I thought it was it wasn’t. I tried to check my pin on maps but it hasn’t loaded, I was panicking. Anxious, but I really needed to find my car, I kept checking the gps over and over and it was showing me different places like I was It was in the city then the way became really short just a few steps and I walked thru a train station I saw Gary dew I said hi to him he said it’s so noisy here. I said yeh and kept going up the escalator. I was trying to wrack my brain where is my car? How could the memory completely escape me? I only was free from this when I woke up

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I was getting ready in the morning to go to school I had a full day of class but I kept struggling to get ready I was beside myself I had on my winter school uniform and I kept needing to pee even though I had already peed more urine kept forming. I didn’t have any t bars but I figured I would wear the new sneakers I bought. Idk how so many hours has passed and I was so desperate and highly emotional, it was past 230 now, was there a point to go to class? I went to check my phone to see if any important class was on but my mum was like hovering around and it was pissing me off she came into my room and used a tester hand cream without asking and tried to use my perfume or jewellery or something while I was in the toilet my lace Bra and 2 other thing were hanging on the door knob and if annoyed me. I thought I should change out of my school uniform and into casual clothes, I knew I had to do it as fast as I could, so much urgency

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Dream from 13/8/25

I was at school, class was starting. I walked down a dark hall way, I went to the classroom. I didn’t know anyone and I didn't care who I sit with. I chose a table and it happened to be Amelia on my left and this guy who I also knew on my right like someone from primary school maybe. We had to write a key for chess pieces. I was like just do like alphabet and numbers like in Harry Potter to Amelia, and that’s what she quickly drew out. I couldn’t be bothered writing it down too. Seemed so simple. Then someone was playing chess with me or that we could see and I lost in like one surprise move. Like the knight moved and it was over.

Then it was lunchtime and I was sitting outside and Aggy was there. I was walking toward like a mini cafe to get smth but I never got there I was only semi thinking about it. Then she has suddenly changed into a fur trim overcoat and was matching someone else, like maybe it was Jen and she had to go to work. I was surprised.

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Dream from 12/8/25

I was at home, shared a bed with Francis and some other girl that I knew. I laid on the side with Francis, he was in the middle, felt comfortable but a bit awkward cos first time being so close to him. I could feel his energy. I laid on him a bit, affectionately, then made sure my body was touching his a bit and tried to sleep. I kept tossing and turning. Having him near was comforting but I felt off. I wondered what about his gf? Even though the energy between us was platonic. Then I went to the bathroom at the same time as my mum but I quickly made it in before her and took a dump out it was smelt then I went back to bed and went on the side with my sister because I felt vulnerable

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Dream from 11/8/2025

I was at class doing my thing , Emily was there she had given me some music to listen to on a blue cylinder music player I had listened to a few tracks and then forgotten about it . She showed me the Google image of where she lives, like an island basically, seemingly wealthy a huge complex with a pool etc which I never knew like I knew she was rich but not that rich. But she wasn’t showing off just showing me her living conditions, letting it be known. I could tell she really cared for me. And I kept thinking does she know all the times she tried to contact me but it’s like it never happened or like I had the memory of it, but it wasn’t relevant to the now situation . Like she wasn’t pissed or anything, didn’t bring it up.

I was at the library studying and then I went home or smth forgetting my blue overear headphones there, I was stressing abt them like should I go to lost properly to find them. Also I tried to go to the toilet but it was a curtain instead of a door which left a gap and then there was a whole in the curtain and some guy was staring thru and I just couldn’t so my business there was all these ppl waiting to use the toilet so I left

I came to some kind of decision which I was happy about

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Dream from 10/8/25

I very easily got dressed in the morning, putting on my puffer jacket, I met the teacher on the way to class, some well renounced teacher another teacher introduced me told me to say hi so I said good morning or smth then they ignored me so I left

It was time to go to my lecture and anita was there. I asked her do u know where the class is she said down here I follows her we got to our seats she has more friends than me we rearranged ourselves, I sat on the edge she said on my left and all her friends after that, it was chemistry class, some well renowned teacher, I tried to pay attention. I was rummaging thru my lunch Bag I knew lunchtime was soon and I could get smth more tasty at the canteen a chilli tender wrap but I had an old banh mi at the bottom of the bag and even tho it was flattened and had shit on it I proceeded to take a bite, I knew I was in my last semester, there was only a few months left, it felt like June and I would be done in July then I was like wait no I’m in the second half of the year not the first irl, so I had to adjust my timing but it would be the same length of time just that , we’re in August, so I’ll be done by the end of the year like within months, by the end of the year I’ll be done, I knew I had to take these exams, in the back of my head I was like this is just an additional course, like I don’t have to do it, even tho it’s uni level, but I’m gonna complete it. I knew I could go to the library and study and gr might be there but I would be doing more advanced chemistry than him, he was only doing high school chemistry mine was university level. And I felt like I was really shaky with it like I don’t remember much but I knew I could do it I just had to brush up

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Dear Georgio,

I'm still in love with you. You're the love of my life. I know it. I understand why the 3D version of us had to be disappointing, lacking. We had to know, it was for something more, to get us to a certain place which is exactly where we find ourselves now. What was the alternative? Infinite happiness in a dead place? The two are not compatible, in fact they're combustible, which is basically what happened. We created what happened. I felt it as it appeared and through to the end of it, I knew that it was my own artistry that caused our decay. I wanted it. I was tired. I just wanted everything to end and it felt like ending us was the answer. In a way it was. I'm sure it served you to accept certain things too. We had to die to be born again from the ashes. When I close my eyes the energy between us there as strong as ever. I realise today that I have no choice but to trust in it. The truth lies inside of us, in unguarded moments where we can't tell ourselves untruths anymore and in dreams, when we are most defenceless. I shall never love again as I love you. As far as memory can stretch itself, before it has to come back again, full circle. I think that finally, I cannot deny it anymore and keep going as I have. To make it small and compactible, to pretend, at times, that it isn't there, is to settle in this place. I want to explore it. Release it from the cage, a strangled bird. I want to open myself to it completely, letting it fly. I want to know what lies at the base of it. More love? I suppose so. When can we start to create things, in the name of our love, instead of using it to thwart the unwholesome things that have come before? When can love be the new, clean slate and the chalk that writes on it?

Yours forever, Katherine

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Dear Georgio,

Even if I forgave you, understood entirely what happened and came back to you, what exactly would I be coming back to? I don't want more of what we had, some lesser vestige of a long gone forgotten pass-time that the humans liked to do, to fill up time... I want it to be different. I don't want to stay here with this version of you and I. It would inevitably lead to the same thing happening over and over, the definition of crazy. I don't want to break my own heart anymore, for no gain, just for the sake of feeling it. The truth is, I still want to leave with you. My heart yearns for you, even as I fight against it. I love you still. Despite everything, I know that we would be impossibly happy somewhere new. I believe we could be so happy that we cannot even fathom how much. I still want to soar with you, to heights and depths so far and wide, as big as our love could be. Will be. I see it so clearly when I close my eyes. I want you every day. I want you with me, always. I want our love to permeate everything that we do. So I will no longer struggle against what is trying to be anymore. I know that we are clawing our way to get back to each other and I won't fight it, but I just pray that this time it's because it's the end. I can't be here anymore.

Yours forever, Katherine