averyrealhumanunfortunately

[averyrealhumanunfortunately]

And surely everything will be oka-

[averyrealhumanunfortunately]

I love Cas literally saying the same thing I did about Astoria, and MC can be like, "Cas, that's ludicrous!" No. No, it's really not.

Gabe is acting unbearably suspicious in chapter 9, but honestly, what else is new? I haven't read Chapter 10 yet, but I suspect they may be helping Lewyn with something or perhaps covering something up, despite knowing all the reasons why Lewyn and Astoria are very untrustworthy. I love Gabe to death, but it's hard to teach an old dog new tricks. Hopefully, this isn't the case in the sense that it will cause a major breakdown between the trio, but also, hopefully, it is the case because I want problems all of the time.

The revelation that Cas' family book is the magical source that Astoria and Lewyn have been using to mindwipe people also immediately recontextualizes Astoria's headhunting of them to join as a member of the Venandi. Poor Cas; they simply can't help getting exploited by other people

I also have thoughts about the recent lore drop, but...hm, that might work better as a seperate post, you know?

[averyrealhumanunfortunately]

There's something that bugs me about the fact that the vampires ended up learning about the ley-lines from a random group of colonial era witches, and I think it partially has to do with the way the story keeps alluding to the Muhhekunneuw (i.e. the Mohican), but also simultaneously sidestepping the uncomfortable elephant in the room that both the vampires and colonialist humans built Crimson Beech upon land that was not originally theirs. There's something unnerving about the fact they are only ever mentioned in casual passing, with the vampires "trading" with the Mohicans for land so that they don't have to be framed as aggressors within the lens of that particular history. It's odd that there's almost no real emphasis on the fact that they...well...fucking lived there and would have probably known about the ley-lines in some capacity prior to even the Children of Gaia. Why was it not them who informed the vampires on what the ley-lines were? Granted the indigenous American cultures do have a long history of being very particular about who they share their spiritual and religious matters with, but it really does feel like the writers kind of don't want to go there so the say, which is made even more jarring considering Gabe's "canonical" model seems to be the one that's labelled as indigenous within the game files. Clearly, they had some thoughts on indigenous Americans to make one of the possible models for their main love interests Native American, unless it's simply a fun Twilight Easter egg.

Now, this can be for many reasons, many of which could be well-meaning. Perhaps they were scared of the unfortunate implications, or (speaking of) in a post-Twilight world, they're very much aware of the problem of linking real-life indigenous groups with their vampire nonsense. If this is the case, however, that's still on them because they didn't need to name a real indigenous group (plus the problem with Twilight wasn't necessarily the fact that the Quileute were named directly, but the fact that Mrs. Meyers depicted them as highly abusive sk*nwalkers with barely any of their actual culture represented. I digress). I don't know. The topic is constantly lingering in the background like a ghost to me, and I don't like the fact that the story seems willing to keep these people (who are still here and their culture still maintained) as spirits almost isolated from Crimson Beech's past.

[averyrealhumanunfortunately]

Gabe is acting unbearably suspicious in chapter 9, but honestly, what else is new? I haven't read Chapter 10 yet, but I suspect they may be helping Lewyn with something or perhaps covering something up, despite knowing all the reasons why Lewyn and Astoria are very untrustworthy. I love Gabe to death, but it's hard to teach an old dog new tricks. Hopefully, this isn't the case in the sense that it will cause a major breakdown between the trio, but also, hopefully, it is the case because I want problems all of the time.

The revelation that Cas' family book is the magical source that Astoria and Lewyn have been using to mindwipe people also immediately recontextualizes Astoria's headhunting of them to join as a member of the Venandi. Poor Cas; they simply can't help getting exploited by other people

I also have thoughts about the recent lore drop, but...hm, that might work better as a seperate post, you know?

[averyrealhumanunfortunately]

Kaya helped me see how to be a better person, she opened my eyes to the world..Kaya and I shared great Kilvali, emotional connection. Our souls sang together.

I started this drawing because I was imagining a scene where Kaya and Tyril were reminiscing on their childhood together and Kaya gives Tyril a friendly kiss after he was being a bit too serious in their conversation to lighten him up

Disclaimer: This is not meant to be seen as romantic

[averyrealhumanunfortunately]

[averyrealhumanunfortunately]

Enjoy (?) some screenshots of Kade being grievously injured at the end of book 1, with consequences into book 2!

Book 1 fight with the Dreadlord possessing Nia:

Book 2 reunion:

Kade is still remarkably chill though. A+ brother

[averyrealhumanunfortunately]

A quick correct. Tarot cards were invented in the 15th century (I accidentally combined it in my head with the 1400s), and it only really began being used for divination purposes during the 19th century (1800s). Should've been clearer about that as well.

Before we start anything here, I would like to say that I am not a professional tarot card reader. I am just a Persona fan who, like MC, had parents who went through a spiritual phase (my highly religious father used to be in a fucking coven; weirdest lore drop I've ever received about that man). So, for the purposes of being ethical here, I wouldn't recommend taking this as a complete lesson on any form of divination. Technically speaking, I'm not even supposed to be doing this for religious reasons, but I fear my years of smarmy teenage esotericism will never truly escape me.

For anyone who is not semi-familiar with the concept of tarot like Cas and MC are, the basic background is that tarot is a form of cartomancy, a style of divination that utilizes playing cards as a medium for divining (also known as future telling). Compared to other divination practices, it's remarkably recent, really only kicking off in the 14th century. A tarot deck, unlike a standard 52-deck of French suited, are traditionally composed of 78 cards. These 78 are then divided into two sections: the major Arcana and the minor Arcana. The major Arcana, which most with a passing knowledge of tarot may already be familiar with, are composed of 22 cards numbered from 0 (The Fool) to 21 (The World). We can get into the minor Arcana later, but the purpose of the major Arcana within the eyes of occultists is that these cards are meant to serve as metaphors for one’s personal journey through life into their enlightenment. This is where the “Fool’s Journey” serves as a narrative conceptualization of this.

The type of reading in question that Cas and MC conduct is known as a "Past/Present/Future" spread, or you could alternatively interpret it as a "Problem/Advice/Outcome" spread. The goal of this type of reading is to use the tarot to reflect on past experiences, current circumstances, and future potential as a means of offering a clearer insight into one’s life in order to take proper direction towards their goals. To begin this type of reading, you usually asks a singular question you seek the answer to. While Cas and MC don't really establish one verbally before their reading, the one that is lingers over the scene is whether Cas should risk his chance at discovering a new aspect of themselves (his cultural history as a witch) by fighting back against them as a coven, or take the chance of exploring this new avenue with the knowledge that it could destroy the life they’ve built for themselves? This question, however, is very long and arguably not even the real question Cas is struggling with. The actual question seems to be a matter of identity: where should Cas’ sense of self lie? Within the covens or their ancestral roots? Now that the question is clear and the shuffling is done, the reading can commence.

PAST: The Four of Wands (Reversed)

Within the major Arcana, the first card in the numbered series is not the Fool, which is represented by 0. The first card is actually the Magician, labeled quite clearly as 1. This card is symbolic of initiation as well as a transparent sense of knowledge that becomes available to all once it is put into motion. There is a lot of things to say about the Magician (sort like how he isn’t even really a magician, rather a street performer), but the important thing for our purposes is the image on the card itself.

See, the most well-known tarot deck (of which there are many) is the Rider Waite deck, originally published in 1909. It’s considered, perhaps, the default set for beginners, and many of its card art, while simple, is packed with as much visual symbology as possible. Within the Magician’s card, he stands in the center of a garden of flowers, often thought to be Roses of Sharon and Lilies of the Valley. Clutched within his left hand is the wand (or in some translations the baton), pointing up at the roses. The Magician also points downwards as well, the power acquired by him moving through his body to bring it below. So, it is often said “As above, as below,” which states everything that occurs in a higher plane of existence also occurs on a lower plane and vice versa. Before the Magician lies a table, on which is a cup, a sword, a pentacle, and a secondary baton/wand.

“Hey, OP. Um…what the fuck does this have to do with anything?”

Okay, so I’m well aware I just gave a lot of information to you in a very short amount of time, but I promise this has a purpose. Namely, this is part where I explain what the minor Arcana is. The minor Arcana is the other 56 cards that make up the tarot deck that Buzzfeed doesn’t talk about because it’s not as interesting. In the way that the major Arcana are meant to signify highly influential moments of one’s life, the minor Arcana are a lot smaller and narrower in their vision. They are separated into four suits: the wands, the cups, the swords, and the pentacles. Noticeably, these are the tools of the Magician with each minor Arcana representing a physical element (fire, water, air, earth) as well as a power/or ability (will, spirituality, reason, material matters) that Magician not only uses, but also has complete mastery over.

The first card drawn represents Cas’ past: The Four of Wands drawn in reversed. Drawing a card in reverse (also known as low polarity) basically means that when you flip the card over, it lies upside down from the perspective of the reader, not the client. This is why when one is incorporating reversals in a reading, it’s important to remember to flip the card horizontally, not vertically. Pulling a card in reverse is often seen as a “negative thing," but all it really communicates is that the energy associated with the card is or will be struggling to properly manifest. This could be for many reasons: it’s not fully developed/in its early stages, it’s present but unable to be expressed, it’s being internalized, etc. There are countless reasons aside from the cards telling you you’re doomed.

(Pretend the card is upside down for me, alright?)

The Four of Wands is visually represented by an image of two happy people, likely a couple, dancing and celebrating among a garden of roses and grapes, symbolizing abundance and the cultivation of desire. They hold the bundles in their hands, a visual show that they managed to grasp these very things. The four wands arrange themselves in a manner resembling a wedding arch, the connection between family and this card becoming even more pronounced, particularly with large castle and smaller group of people lingering in the background. 

The wands are a slightly hardball suit of cards to read, at least in my experience as a complete amateur. The wand is seen as the main tool of the Magician for channeling, and it’s directly tied to a type of spiritual consciousness (the will). This spark of creative divinity is often matched to things like the ego and one’s personal energy well; it’s these aspects of yourself that you utilize in your drive to manifest your goals and desires. The lower polarities of the wand suit, in contrast, can point to things like a lack of direction, a trend towards impulsivity, an unstable ego, and so on. The number four tends to commonly be seen on cards meant to represent stability and security. As such, the most bare bones interpretation of the Four of Wands can be seen as the stability of the inner will. Where your ego feels safe within your journey of realizing your fullest potential. The Four of Wands is not an action-oriented card. Rather, it seems more like a pause or breath: a brief moment of meditation. If the Ace of Wands is the initial spark, and the two/three of wands is where you put your steps into action, then the four of wands is meant to be your break for celebration after you’ve reached your initial milestone. It’s a card that demands rest, preferably in a space of peace and sanctuary.

Drawing this card in reverse, as MC points out, is likely a reflect of Cas’ familial instability growing up. Growing up under the foster care system, Cas experienced a state of continual movement, much like MC. Unlike MC however, who had the semi-stable presence of Terri in their life, Cas was not as fortunate. It wasn’t just environment that shifted constantly, but Cas’ own family changed with new rules and personalities to contend with. It’s worth noting that the only foster parent Cas brings up, of which they had to have had quite a few with the rate they were being bounced between homes, is the one that seems to have seared themselves into Cas’ mind for all of the wrong reasons.

I don’t entirely agree with MC’s assertion that this card is not something Cas needs to worry about because “it’s in the past,” or at least I’m not too keen on the phrasing. The entire point of a past reading is that it comes with the knowledge that your past currently affects/or informs the present form of who you are. In regards to the state of Cas’ identity problem, the Four of Wands Reversed shows why Cas is even struggling with this question in the first place. The space that one calls home and the relationships children create in their formative years are crucial to a proper development of the self, and Cas says it best when they state “home is a loose concept in my experience.” Cas never knew their biological parents, got stuck with a strange alien book that holds more questions than answers, and was raised by strangers who likely did not look like them and did not establish themselves as caregivers enough to mitigate this seeming contradiction. There’s a particular post I can't find but still sticks in my head about Cas, almost unconsciously, mimicking a form of Denise they wished actually existed. This constructed sub-personality that’s used to recreate an element of their past with MC where the cool alternative student actually liked the new kid, and it wasn’t actually a cruel joke all along. In fact, Cas seems to be made up of sub-personalities that are entirely dependent on how others perceive them rather than how they perceive themselves. And when they perceive themselves, it’s clear all they see is that kid from senior year more often than not. The loose foundation on which they’ve built their ego has carried through into modern day.

I do wonder, however, if the Four of Wands Reversed may not be only referring to Cas’ upbringing as a human, but also their transition into being a vampire. It’s possible to read this type of card as an unwillingness to move on from the state of temporary rest and celebration it demanded once, but has now concluded. Cas has managed to find a sanctuary in becoming a vampire and joining the Venandi, but it’s also worth noting that the coven structure is a highly restrictive space in of itself. It’s easy to draw connection to the found family nature of these covens and the mixed households that foster care often creates, and to say that Lewyn and Astoria are abusive would be an understatement. It’s not just the covens though. Of the trio, Cas explicitly states a desire to stay within Crimson Beech, or at least they seem to have no real interest in leaving the town even with an excuse to do so. Cas has been roleplaying their teenage years for the better part of thirty years at least. Maybe this is a signal to Cas that it may be time to grow up and move onto the next stage of their journey. Who knows?

PRESENT: The Lovers (Upright)

The present card is the “big advice” card. In interpreting it, you narrow down what exactly is going on at the current moment. What steps can be taken to mend or end the damage brought on by the past. Basically, this is the “we know all of my trauma, what do you want me to do about now?”

The Lovers Arcana is about…well…love. On a basic level, this is a direct reference to the fact that Cas, as MC states, has managed to find their soulmate (or soulmates depending on the route taken). The angel in the middle of the Lovers, Adam and Ish’shah (soon to become Eve), is Raphael, the archangel associated with healing who, in Paradise Lost, is sent down to warn the two mortals of the temptation that lies ahead of them. The card itself is associated with the twin sign of Gemini, whose cosmic purpose lies in seeking out and fully understanding the shadow aspect of one’s self in tandem with its brighter counterpart, ideally coming to a more rounded sense of being. The Lovers card also serves as a metaphor for the marriage of the subconscious mind, where Adam represents the logical and Eve represents the intuitive. In this, Raphael stands in as the divine direction, the super-conscious that guides the two. In its high polarity (upright) state, it represents union, choice, and connections. In its low polarity, it implies discord and disharmony.

In sharp contrast to the instability of their past, the Lovers implies that Cas is in the process of healing the fragmented sense of identity they've acquired, likely through their connections to others. One recent example is Cas’ relationship to their sense of humanity, which they have often tried to deny or hide away as a result of associating it with a period of time in their life where they were at their more vulnerable. It's only through their connection to a human (MC) and another vampire who does everything in their power to reaffirm the humanity they themselves struggle to maintain (Gabe) that Cas gradually begins connecting to this side of their identity again. I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that forming and protecting the family that Cas acquires over the years is their divine directive in a way, implying that the answers to their identity problems lie in these very relationships they’ve built and will continue building. A bridge between communities could be ideal here, but with the witches posing a threat to the covens, it seems this direction has been muddled. Still, the fact that the card appears upright implies that there might not be as much disharmony between these two identities (vampire and witch) as Cas seems to think there is on the surface. In fact, the card could be implying that Cas already knows the answer to their question, or at least is in harmony already. Simply put, Cas might be overthinking things again, creating discord that is not actually there and allowing the opportunity to capitalize on the benefits of this energy pass by. In any case, I would say that the answer to Cas’ concerns is not separation/isolation (which they have already experienced more than enough of), but rather through the connections they have formed and can go onto to form. It’s here they will find a more cohesive form of self.

FUTURE: The Sun (Upright)

The final card to read is the future. In my opinion, it’s debatable whether a card can really tell you the future per say, or simply give a perspective on one possible path that’s in accordance to the advice presented in the present card. After all, the future is varied and the only surefire thing in life is the unchecked chaos of the human will. Also, taxes.

Seeing two or three major Arcana appear in a three-card spread like this is usually the universe trying to signal that something really drastic is probably going to happen to you. I remember once watching an older woman draw, in quick succession, the major Arcanas of Judgement, Death, and the Tower before witnessing the most genuine look of terror befall her. In fact, despite the Sun’s…well…sunny disposition, I actually feel it has quite a lot in common with those aforementioned Death and Tower cards.

When received in high polarity, the Sun represents an awakening of the self from where it was previously dormant. It can also be seen as the moment one becomes truly adept at something. The most immediate thing that comes to mind is the awakening of Cas’ powers as a witch. The Sun speak to a large shift in both outlook and self as well, to the point that the person in question may be completely unrecognizable compared to the where they originally came from or who they once were. In Cas’ case, I think this implies that their brighter and more cognizant future where they have formed and embrace a stronger sense of who they are will be a rapid departure from the wound formed in their childhood reflecting in the Four of Wands Reversed.  After all, the Cas of now is remarkably different in a lot of ways from the Cas that MC meets in the hallway in book one, much less the Cas decades prior. When the card is in low polarity, it’s also associated with ego-centrism and a child-like willfulness. Cas’ past child-like desire to run away from themselves and others, to shut themselves off in moments of being overwhelmed, was also reflective of a type of stubbornness that no doubt stunted their growth. While it’s clear that Cas is still in the process of managing this aspect of themselves, the fact that the card is not reversed in its appearance could be a sign that this part of them may be dealt with.

The birth of a child is also an aspect that a high polarity within the Sun covers, as represented in the card art. If this interpretation is sound, this birth is likely metaphorical; a rebirth of Cas perhaps, and the signal of a new beginning.

Alright, so what’s the point of anything then?

The TLDR goes as followed:

(Past) Four of Wands Reversed – A representation of a call towards a sense of security and identity that was not allotted to Cas in their childhood. This has led to a weaken sense of self that Cas has had to spend a vast major of their time attempting to develop, often through somewhat simple and superficial personas that only represented a small aspect of who they are. There’s a lack of closure that has yet to be discarded.

(Present) The Lovers Upright – Cas has formed connections and relationships that have helped them heal and given them that sense of security missing from their past as well as a more stable sense of self. In the wake of a blossoming identity crisis, it is these relationships which will be the bedrock of Cas’ self-discovery. While they should be mindful of their future, they must remember not to fragment themselves again like they have in the past. A dialectical marriage should be the preferred manner to self-analysis.

(Future) The Sun Upright – Through old and new connections formed in the present, Cas will be rewarded with a greater understanding of themselves and totality of who they are. This version of themselves will likely be much different from the version of them in the past, and thus it is important that they cannot return to that place of isolation and posturing. With two major Arcana to focus on, the past is no longer the most influential period of their life, nor is it the core of who they are. It’s time to behave as such.

Aka, Cas doesn't have to choose, they shouldn't be worrying so much, and this is about their journey at the end of the day.

[averyrealhumanunfortunately]

In that long ramble about Nathan, I somehow forgot to bring up the fact that Aleksa, his father, was a dhampir of the book one creator. That’s probably pretty important character lore to mention now that I think about it.

[averyrealhumanunfortunately]

since vamps can turn into bats in a lot of stories, what do you think cas, gabe, and rippy would look like as bats???

I LOVE THIS QUESTION!!!

Them as freaky lil vampire bats

[averyrealhumanunfortunately]

hearing "ley line" like a sleeper agent activation phrase and having to shut the hell up when someone starts explaining how they work in any other media. nodding all uh huh yeah okay that's cool. but are there creatures made of ley line energy though. do sentient forests sit on them. do the forests yearn. do they dream.

[averyrealhumanunfortunately]

I love how there's no option to refuse.

[averyrealhumanunfortunately]

Genuinely impressed by people who can actually live blog anything from Choices. I play through the entire chapter, and when I just get into it, I'm done with the scene I would've wanted on my blog.

[averyrealhumanunfortunately]

@rjschoicesstuff

Oh, I hadn't considered that angle, but that's really good too. Nathan makes a lot of jokes about Cas and Gabe needing to hook-up, especially in book one, and while it's mostly just friendly ribbing, it is worth noting that Cas and Gabe are like...really into each other. Maybe not romantically or sexually at this point (maybe being the operative word here), but often it can feel like they care more about spiting each other than anything else (I actually do think Cas' initial interest in MC came from a desire to piss Gabe off, but you didn't hear that from me). Nathan is supposedly an exception to this, but like...is he really, or is he just another blip in what is a decades long rivalry? It fits neatly into the running gag of everyone thinking they're the odd one out in the relationship.

Nathan's anemia was actually inspired by a documentary series on Netflix. I think it was called Dark Tourist, or something like that. I didn't quite like the host of it because his attempts at humor often came off as highly judgemental and tone deaf in certain cases, but in one of the episode, he met with one of those vampire coven in Louisiana that actually would drink each other's blood. I was so enthralled by the group, especially when it was revealed that one of their members actually suffered from anemia (it's never said outright, but I recognized the medication bottles on the bathroom sink). Nathan finds minor relief in drinking blood bags as a means of alleviating the symptoms alongside his iron supplements when human food is no longer as viable for his diet. It also provided a good reason (aside from personal moral discomfort) as to why it may not be best for Nathan to go hunting for humans; his blood hunger comes much faster, and it's much more aggressive. Think of how people with low blood sugar can go hulkamania due to a survival mechanic in their brain. By the way, Nathan never told Gabe or Cas this, and they only find out from Lewyn (who has access to Nathan's medical records) after they turned him. So, fun conversation, I imagine that was.

Late as hell but I saw you wanted questions about your ID mc, is Nathan different from the canon mc in any way? like things you'd imagine him reacting different to, different traits, stuff like that?

Hey there! I assure you, you do not have to worry about being late. I’m barely online in most circumstances; I’m just happy that you even dropped by.

So, a bit of backstory. I played Bloodbound before Immortal Desires, though I never managed to finish it until much later when I was able to take advantage of the short-lived one hundred gems a day boon alongside the special diamond events. My Bloodbound MC, Vanessa (named after Vanessa Brooks from Blade) is my silly deconstruction of the female blaxploitation protagonist, and I love her deeply. When constructing the basics of my ID MC, however, I decided to go for the exact opposite of Vanessa. Thus, Nathan was created.

Nathan is a weirdly relaxed and somewhat lackadaisical surfer-boy whose existence as a young white man has left him the privilege of never really having to think that deeply about the world he’s apart of or the position of life society assigns to him, despite holding a strange and somewhat glib sense of curiosity towards the odd and unknown. His dreams are simultaneously grand and simplistic; he hopes to travel to Europe after school, but outside of that, he mostly just assumes he'll settle down with some random girl and start a family, not because it's what he wants per say, but what else is there to do exactly? He gets bored easily, but romanticizes the mundane American high school experience as a result of his latchkey kid upbringing and a life of perpetual movement due to his hippie mother's very important crusades of justice that always lead to her getting fired. He'd rather spend his time floating in the ocean because seasickness is preferable to the nausea he receives thinking about the future. He's a clever kid who wants to know more about the world he's in, but his own preconceptions and somewhat sheltered outlook often lead to roadblocks in his ability to comprehend the entirety of things. He can read people very easily but prefers to just trust that they are who they say they are until all evidence proves otherwise. He'll eat an edible with you upon request because he thinks tripping out together is probably more comforting than doing it alone, so why not? He gets killed within the first thirty minutes of a slasher film.

Amusingly, this somehow fits remarkably well with MC’s canonical personality, which is quite savvy, but often held back by their lack of knowledge about a plethora of things. Of course, addendums are naturally created since the fact that MC is customizable inherently limits them to an extent.

The most noticeable schism I find between Nathan and canon MC occurs in book one with Cas. Canonically, MC and Cas take to each other quite quickly, and this is heavily contrasted with how long I see Nathan actually acknowledging Cas as a real person with, like, feelings. It’s worth nothing that my version is Cas is not only male, but also black. There is a very explicit, sub-textual element of racism and internalized homophobia that has formed not because the narrative is making such, but because I created it (partially by accident and partially on purpose) with my decision on what gender/or race I wanted these characters to be. Nathan sees Cas’ punk veneer, his explicit queerness in both behavior and in dress (all punk is queer, no matter what they say), his propensity to get into fights, and, the smoking gun of it all, the way he keeps antagonizing Gabriella and suddenly that superficial line is drawn immediately. Nathan is not enlightened in the slightest; he takes Cas’ persona at face value when they meet, and there is a lot of childish macho posturing that is born as a result of Cas' desire to pull Nathan's pigtails and Nathan's desperate attempts to let Cas roll off his back, save for when he feels the need to defend Gabriella's honor. Of course, Nathan still finds something inside of him that is drawn to Cas (a mixture of curiosity towards vampirism and genuine attraction), but there’s a stubbornness here that’s actually quite comparable to Cas in some regard where Nathan will refuse to name this feeling for quite a while. In fact, I only imagine them getting properly chummy post-Gabriella reveal, where Nathan actually has a real reason to call into question his past perspective on both Gabe and Cas.

Other divergences are a bit more minor. Nathan is a lot more mentally and physically jostled than our canon MC can be. He has abandonment issues thanks to his father’s absence (honestly, everything about Aleksa is its own can of worms), which manifests in an outright paranoia that both Cas and Gabe are merely placating him and are actually one foot out the door of their relationship all the time. He has a baseball injury that led to long-term post-concussive depression which flares up at minor and inopportune times, and he also suffers from anemia, which makes the latter half of book one where MC is constantly getting cracked open like a soda pop even more harrowing. In fact, I think Nathan’s decision to be the one to sacrifice himself to the Creator would be informed by the fact that he knew he was probably going to die anyway. In a lot of ways, it's Nathan's relationships to other people that keep him alive. The only reason he didn't kill himself in some of his lowest points before all this was because he knew Terri would be unable to cope.

Furthermore, Nathan is a lot of more…sadistic is a heavy term, but schadenfreudeist isn't a word. He’s a bit nastier than MC in canon is what I'm trying to say, at least post turning. Prior to his "death," Nathan’s plans for dealing with uncomfortable emotions was to keep everything in his chest and then die. As a result, Nathan, like canon MC, has a lot of built up resentment that gets poured out when his vampiric puberty kicks in, especially with the dysphoric dissociation he experiences with his body. The core of this resentment is tied up in the fact that Nathan, who has gotten mostly everything he’s needed in life (save for a stable household) by being exactly what society is tolerant of, if not celebratory towards, cannot fathom why the world won’t just let him have what he actually wants. The realization that he has to work for the same state of semi-peaceful existence he managed to grasp after the hell that was his late childhood/early teens drives him up the wall, and people's refusal to meet him in the middle leads to some impulsive behavior driven by frustration. In Book 2, Nathan never actually sleeps with either Cas or Gabe. He chickens out with Gabriella because the realization of what Gabriella was trying to do with the whole "being like Cas" thing sort of shell-shocked him soft, but in Cas' case, he ends up...overstepping in a moment of spite to keep it vague, something that canon MC would just not do. Nathan is sometimes just prone to being mean for the sake of emotional release/catharsis because he spends so much time just trying to be the better person even though it exhausts him.

I’m not really quite sure how I managed to create an MC that slots into the canonical personality as easily as Nathan does; I’m admittedly not used to it. Vanessa is quite different from the Bloodbound MC, my Royal Romance MC Gabriella (yes, it’s quite a small world) is in a different league from the canon RR MC, and my Desires and Decorum MC Helene has strayed so far from the narrative, she ended up being aromantic. I guess the best way I can summarize Nathan is that he's MC taken to their logical extreme with the added benefits of the fact that I’m not restricted by a customizer. Of course, the biggest difference between Nathan and the canon MC is that Nathan would never wear three quarters of those wack-ass outfits if you dared him.

[averyrealhumanunfortunately]

Before we start anything here, I would like to say that I am not a professional tarot card reader. I am just a Persona fan who, like MC, had parents who went through a spiritual phase (my highly religious father used to be in a fucking coven; weirdest lore drop I've ever received about that man). So, for the purposes of being ethical here, I wouldn't recommend taking this as a complete lesson on any form of divination. Technically speaking, I'm not even supposed to be doing this for religious reasons, but I fear my years of smarmy teenage esotericism will never truly escape me.

For anyone who is not semi-familiar with the concept of tarot like Cas and MC are, the basic background is that tarot is a form of cartomancy, a style of divination that utilizes playing cards as a medium for divining (also known as future telling). Compared to other divination practices, it's remarkably recent, really only kicking off in the 14th century. A tarot deck, unlike a standard 52-deck of French suited, are traditionally composed of 78 cards. These 78 are then divided into two sections: the major Arcana and the minor Arcana. The major Arcana, which most with a passing knowledge of tarot may already be familiar with, are composed of 22 cards numbered from 0 (The Fool) to 21 (The World). We can get into the minor Arcana later, but the purpose of the major Arcana within the eyes of occultists is that these cards are meant to serve as metaphors for one’s personal journey through life into their enlightenment. This is where the “Fool’s Journey” serves as a narrative conceptualization of this.

The type of reading in question that Cas and MC conduct is known as a "Past/Present/Future" spread, or you could alternatively interpret it as a "Problem/Advice/Outcome" spread. The goal of this type of reading is to use the tarot to reflect on past experiences, current circumstances, and future potential as a means of offering a clearer insight into one’s life in order to take proper direction towards their goals. To begin this type of reading, you usually asks a singular question you seek the answer to. While Cas and MC don't really establish one verbally before their reading, the one that is lingers over the scene is whether Cas should risk his chance at discovering a new aspect of themselves (his cultural history as a witch) by fighting back against them as a coven, or take the chance of exploring this new avenue with the knowledge that it could destroy the life they’ve built for themselves? This question, however, is very long and arguably not even the real question Cas is struggling with. The actual question seems to be a matter of identity: where should Cas’ sense of self lie? Within the covens or their ancestral roots? Now that the question is clear and the shuffling is done, the reading can commence.

PAST: The Four of Wands (Reversed)

Within the major Arcana, the first card in the numbered series is not the Fool, which is represented by 0. The first card is actually the Magician, labeled quite clearly as 1. This card is symbolic of initiation as well as a transparent sense of knowledge that becomes available to all once it is put into motion. There is a lot of things to say about the Magician (sort like how he isn’t even really a magician, rather a street performer), but the important thing for our purposes is the image on the card itself.

See, the most well-known tarot deck (of which there are many) is the Rider Waite deck, originally published in 1909. It’s considered, perhaps, the default set for beginners, and many of its card art, while simple, is packed with as much visual symbology as possible. Within the Magician’s card, he stands in the center of a garden of flowers, often thought to be Roses of Sharon and Lilies of the Valley. Clutched within his left hand is the wand (or in some translations the baton), pointing up at the roses. The Magician also points downwards as well, the power acquired by him moving through his body to bring it below. So, it is often said “As above, as below,” which states everything that occurs in a higher plane of existence also occurs on a lower plane and vice versa. Before the Magician lies a table, on which is a cup, a sword, a pentacle, and a secondary baton/wand.

“Hey, OP. Um…what the fuck does this have to do with anything?”

Okay, so I’m well aware I just gave a lot of information to you in a very short amount of time, but I promise this has a purpose. Namely, this is part where I explain what the minor Arcana is. The minor Arcana is the other 56 cards that make up the tarot deck that Buzzfeed doesn’t talk about because it’s not as interesting. In the way that the major Arcana are meant to signify highly influential moments of one’s life, the minor Arcana are a lot smaller and narrower in their vision. They are separated into four suits: the wands, the cups, the swords, and the pentacles. Noticeably, these are the tools of the Magician with each minor Arcana representing a physical element (fire, water, air, earth) as well as a power/or ability (will, spirituality, reason, material matters) that Magician not only uses, but also has complete mastery over.

The first card drawn represents Cas’ past: The Four of Wands drawn in reversed. Drawing a card in reverse (also known as low polarity) basically means that when you flip the card over, it lies upside down from the perspective of the reader, not the client. This is why when one is incorporating reversals in a reading, it’s important to remember to flip the card horizontally, not vertically. Pulling a card in reverse is often seen as a “negative thing," but all it really communicates is that the energy associated with the card is or will be struggling to properly manifest. This could be for many reasons: it’s not fully developed/in its early stages, it’s present but unable to be expressed, it’s being internalized, etc. There are countless reasons aside from the cards telling you you’re doomed.

(Pretend the card is upside down for me, alright?)

The Four of Wands is visually represented by an image of two happy people, likely a couple, dancing and celebrating among a garden of roses and grapes, symbolizing abundance and the cultivation of desire. They hold the bundles in their hands, a visual show that they managed to grasp these very things. The four wands arrange themselves in a manner resembling a wedding arch, the connection between family and this card becoming even more pronounced, particularly with large castle and smaller group of people lingering in the background. 

The wands are a slightly hardball suit of cards to read, at least in my experience as a complete amateur. The wand is seen as the main tool of the Magician for channeling, and it’s directly tied to a type of spiritual consciousness (the will). This spark of creative divinity is often matched to things like the ego and one’s personal energy well; it’s these aspects of yourself that you utilize in your drive to manifest your goals and desires. The lower polarities of the wand suit, in contrast, can point to things like a lack of direction, a trend towards impulsivity, an unstable ego, and so on. The number four tends to commonly be seen on cards meant to represent stability and security. As such, the most bare bones interpretation of the Four of Wands can be seen as the stability of the inner will. Where your ego feels safe within your journey of realizing your fullest potential. The Four of Wands is not an action-oriented card. Rather, it seems more like a pause or breath: a brief moment of meditation. If the Ace of Wands is the initial spark, and the two/three of wands is where you put your steps into action, then the four of wands is meant to be your break for celebration after you’ve reached your initial milestone. It’s a card that demands rest, preferably in a space of peace and sanctuary.

Drawing this card in reverse, as MC points out, is likely a reflect of Cas’ familial instability growing up. Growing up under the foster care system, Cas experienced a state of continual movement, much like MC. Unlike MC however, who had the semi-stable presence of Terri in their life, Cas was not as fortunate. It wasn’t just environment that shifted constantly, but Cas’ own family changed with new rules and personalities to contend with. It’s worth noting that the only foster parent Cas brings up, of which they had to have had quite a few with the rate they were being bounced between homes, is the one that seems to have seared themselves into Cas’ mind for all of the wrong reasons.

I don’t entirely agree with MC’s assertion that this card is not something Cas needs to worry about because “it’s in the past,” or at least I’m not too keen on the phrasing. The entire point of a past reading is that it comes with the knowledge that your past currently affects/or informs the present form of who you are. In regards to the state of Cas’ identity problem, the Four of Wands Reversed shows why Cas is even struggling with this question in the first place. The space that one calls home and the relationships children create in their formative years are crucial to a proper development of the self, and Cas says it best when they state “home is a loose concept in my experience.” Cas never knew their biological parents, got stuck with a strange alien book that holds more questions than answers, and was raised by strangers who likely did not look like them and did not establish themselves as caregivers enough to mitigate this seeming contradiction. There’s a particular post I can't find but still sticks in my head about Cas, almost unconsciously, mimicking a form of Denise they wished actually existed. This constructed sub-personality that’s used to recreate an element of their past with MC where the cool alternative student actually liked the new kid, and it wasn’t actually a cruel joke all along. In fact, Cas seems to be made up of sub-personalities that are entirely dependent on how others perceive them rather than how they perceive themselves. And when they perceive themselves, it’s clear all they see is that kid from senior year more often than not. The loose foundation on which they’ve built their ego has carried through into modern day.

I do wonder, however, if the Four of Wands Reversed may not be only referring to Cas’ upbringing as a human, but also their transition into being a vampire. It’s possible to read this type of card as an unwillingness to move on from the state of temporary rest and celebration it demanded once, but has now concluded. Cas has managed to find a sanctuary in becoming a vampire and joining the Venandi, but it’s also worth noting that the coven structure is a highly restrictive space in of itself. It’s easy to draw connection to the found family nature of these covens and the mixed households that foster care often creates, and to say that Lewyn and Astoria are abusive would be an understatement. It’s not just the covens though. Of the trio, Cas explicitly states a desire to stay within Crimson Beech, or at least they seem to have no real interest in leaving the town even with an excuse to do so. Cas has been roleplaying their teenage years for the better part of thirty years at least. Maybe this is a signal to Cas that it may be time to grow up and move onto the next stage of their journey. Who knows?

PRESENT: The Lovers (Upright)

The present card is the “big advice” card. In interpreting it, you narrow down what exactly is going on at the current moment. What steps can be taken to mend or end the damage brought on by the past. Basically, this is the “we know all of my trauma, what do you want me to do about now?”

The Lovers Arcana is about…well…love. On a basic level, this is a direct reference to the fact that Cas, as MC states, has managed to find their soulmate (or soulmates depending on the route taken). The angel in the middle of the Lovers, Adam and Ish’shah (soon to become Eve), is Raphael, the archangel associated with healing who, in Paradise Lost, is sent down to warn the two mortals of the temptation that lies ahead of them. The card itself is associated with the twin sign of Gemini, whose cosmic purpose lies in seeking out and fully understanding the shadow aspect of one’s self in tandem with its brighter counterpart, ideally coming to a more rounded sense of being. The Lovers card also serves as a metaphor for the marriage of the subconscious mind, where Adam represents the logical and Eve represents the intuitive. In this, Raphael stands in as the divine direction, the super-conscious that guides the two. In its high polarity (upright) state, it represents union, choice, and connections. In its low polarity, it implies discord and disharmony.

In sharp contrast to the instability of their past, the Lovers implies that Cas is in the process of healing the fragmented sense of identity they've acquired, likely through their connections to others. One recent example is Cas’ relationship to their sense of humanity, which they have often tried to deny or hide away as a result of associating it with a period of time in their life where they were at their more vulnerable. It's only through their connection to a human (MC) and another vampire who does everything in their power to reaffirm the humanity they themselves struggle to maintain (Gabe) that Cas gradually begins connecting to this side of their identity again. I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that forming and protecting the family that Cas acquires over the years is their divine directive in a way, implying that the answers to their identity problems lie in these very relationships they’ve built and will continue building. A bridge between communities could be ideal here, but with the witches posing a threat to the covens, it seems this direction has been muddled. Still, the fact that the card appears upright implies that there might not be as much disharmony between these two identities (vampire and witch) as Cas seems to think there is on the surface. In fact, the card could be implying that Cas already knows the answer to their question, or at least is in harmony already. Simply put, Cas might be overthinking things again, creating discord that is not actually there and allowing the opportunity to capitalize on the benefits of this energy pass by. In any case, I would say that the answer to Cas’ concerns is not separation/isolation (which they have already experienced more than enough of), but rather through the connections they have formed and can go onto to form. It’s here they will find a more cohesive form of self.

FUTURE: The Sun (Upright)

The final card to read is the future. In my opinion, it’s debatable whether a card can really tell you the future per say, or simply give a perspective on one possible path that’s in accordance to the advice presented in the present card. After all, the future is varied and the only surefire thing in life is the unchecked chaos of the human will. Also, taxes.

Seeing two or three major Arcana appear in a three-card spread like this is usually the universe trying to signal that something really drastic is probably going to happen to you. I remember once watching an older woman draw, in quick succession, the major Arcanas of Judgement, Death, and the Tower before witnessing the most genuine look of terror befall her. In fact, despite the Sun’s…well…sunny disposition, I actually feel it has quite a lot in common with those aforementioned Death and Tower cards.

When received in high polarity, the Sun represents an awakening of the self from where it was previously dormant. It can also be seen as the moment one becomes truly adept at something. The most immediate thing that comes to mind is the awakening of Cas’ powers as a witch. The Sun speak to a large shift in both outlook and self as well, to the point that the person in question may be completely unrecognizable compared to the where they originally came from or who they once were. In Cas’ case, I think this implies that their brighter and more cognizant future where they have formed and embrace a stronger sense of who they are will be a rapid departure from the wound formed in their childhood reflecting in the Four of Wands Reversed.  After all, the Cas of now is remarkably different in a lot of ways from the Cas that MC meets in the hallway in book one, much less the Cas decades prior. When the card is in low polarity, it’s also associated with ego-centrism and a child-like willfulness. Cas’ past child-like desire to run away from themselves and others, to shut themselves off in moments of being overwhelmed, was also reflective of a type of stubbornness that no doubt stunted their growth. While it’s clear that Cas is still in the process of managing this aspect of themselves, the fact that the card is not reversed in its appearance could be a sign that this part of them may be dealt with.

The birth of a child is also an aspect that a high polarity within the Sun covers, as represented in the card art. If this interpretation is sound, this birth is likely metaphorical; a rebirth of Cas perhaps, and the signal of a new beginning.

Alright, so what’s the point of anything then?

The TLDR goes as followed:

(Past) Four of Wands Reversed – A representation of a call towards a sense of security and identity that was not allotted to Cas in their childhood. This has led to a weaken sense of self that Cas has had to spend a vast major of their time attempting to develop, often through somewhat simple and superficial personas that only represented a small aspect of who they are. There’s a lack of closure that has yet to be discarded.

(Present) The Lovers Upright – Cas has formed connections and relationships that have helped them heal and given them that sense of security missing from their past as well as a more stable sense of self. In the wake of a blossoming identity crisis, it is these relationships which will be the bedrock of Cas’ self-discovery. While they should be mindful of their future, they must remember not to fragment themselves again like they have in the past. A dialectical marriage should be the preferred manner to self-analysis.

(Future) The Sun Upright – Through old and new connections formed in the present, Cas will be rewarded with a greater understanding of themselves and totality of who they are. This version of themselves will likely be much different from the version of them in the past, and thus it is important that they cannot return to that place of isolation and posturing. With two major Arcana to focus on, the past is no longer the most influential period of their life, nor is it the core of who they are. It’s time to behave as such.

Aka, Cas doesn't have to choose, they shouldn't be worrying so much, and this is about their journey at the end of the day.

[averyrealhumanunfortunately]

The urge to do my own reading of Cas' past/present/future spread from Chapter 5.

[averyrealhumanunfortunately]

Late as hell but I saw you wanted questions about your ID mc, is Nathan different from the canon mc in any way? like things you'd imagine him reacting different to, different traits, stuff like that?

Hey there! I assure you, you do not have to worry about being late. I’m barely online in most circumstances; I’m just happy that you even dropped by.

So, a bit of backstory. I played Bloodbound before Immortal Desires, though I never managed to finish it until much later when I was able to take advantage of the short-lived one hundred gems a day boon alongside the special diamond events. My Bloodbound MC, Vanessa (named after Vanessa Brooks from Blade) is my silly deconstruction of the female blaxploitation protagonist, and I love her deeply. When constructing the basics of my ID MC, however, I decided to go for the exact opposite of Vanessa. Thus, Nathan was created.

Nathan is a weirdly relaxed and somewhat lackadaisical surfer-boy whose existence as a young white man has left him the privilege of never really having to think that deeply about the world he’s apart of or the position of life society assigns to him, despite holding a strange and somewhat glib sense of curiosity towards the odd and unknown. His dreams are simultaneously grand and simplistic; he hopes to travel to Europe after school, but outside of that, he mostly just assumes he'll settle down with some random girl and start a family, not because it's what he wants per say, but what else is there to do exactly? He gets bored easily, but romanticizes the mundane American high school experience as a result of his latchkey kid upbringing and a life of perpetual movement due to his hippie mother's very important crusades of justice that always lead to her getting fired. He'd rather spend his time floating in the ocean because seasickness is preferable to the nausea he receives thinking about the future. He's a clever kid who wants to know more about the world he's in, but his own preconceptions and somewhat sheltered outlook often lead to roadblocks in his ability to comprehend the entirety of things. He can read people very easily but prefers to just trust that they are who they say they are until all evidence proves otherwise. He'll eat an edible with you upon request because he thinks tripping out together is probably more comforting than doing it alone, so why not? He gets killed within the first thirty minutes of a slasher film.

Amusingly, this somehow fits remarkably well with MC’s canonical personality, which is quite savvy, but often held back by their lack of knowledge about a plethora of things. Of course, addendums are naturally created since the fact that MC is customizable inherently limits them to an extent.

The most noticeable schism I find between Nathan and canon MC occurs in book one with Cas. Canonically, MC and Cas take to each other quite quickly, and this is heavily contrasted with how long I see Nathan actually acknowledging Cas as a real person with, like, feelings. It’s worth nothing that my version is Cas is not only male, but also black. There is a very explicit, sub-textual element of racism and internalized homophobia that has formed not because the narrative is making such, but because I created it (partially by accident and partially on purpose) with my decision on what gender/or race I wanted these characters to be. Nathan sees Cas’ punk veneer, his explicit queerness in both behavior and in dress (all punk is queer, no matter what they say), his propensity to get into fights, and, the smoking gun of it all, the way he keeps antagonizing Gabriella and suddenly that superficial line is drawn immediately. Nathan is not enlightened in the slightest; he takes Cas’ persona at face value when they meet, and there is a lot of childish macho posturing that is born as a result of Cas' desire to pull Nathan's pigtails and Nathan's desperate attempts to let Cas roll off his back, save for when he feels the need to defend Gabriella's honor. Of course, Nathan still finds something inside of him that is drawn to Cas (a mixture of curiosity towards vampirism and genuine attraction), but there’s a stubbornness here that’s actually quite comparable to Cas in some regard where Nathan will refuse to name this feeling for quite a while. In fact, I only imagine them getting properly chummy post-Gabriella reveal, where Nathan actually has a real reason to call into question his past perspective on both Gabe and Cas.

Other divergences are a bit more minor. Nathan is a lot more mentally and physically jostled than our canon MC can be. He has abandonment issues thanks to his father’s absence (honestly, everything about Aleksa is its own can of worms), which manifests in an outright paranoia that both Cas and Gabe are merely placating him and are actually one foot out the door of their relationship all the time. He has a baseball injury that led to long-term post-concussive depression which flares up at minor and inopportune times, and he also suffers from anemia, which makes the latter half of book one where MC is constantly getting cracked open like a soda pop even more harrowing. In fact, I think Nathan’s decision to be the one to sacrifice himself to the Creator would be informed by the fact that he knew he was probably going to die anyway. In a lot of ways, it's Nathan's relationships to other people that keep him alive. The only reason he didn't kill himself in some of his lowest points before all this was because he knew Terri would be unable to cope.

Furthermore, Nathan is a lot of more…sadistic is a heavy term, but schadenfreudeist isn't a word. He’s a bit nastier than MC in canon is what I'm trying to say, at least post turning. Prior to his "death," Nathan’s plans for dealing with uncomfortable emotions was to keep everything in his chest and then die. As a result, Nathan, like canon MC, has a lot of built up resentment that gets poured out when his vampiric puberty kicks in, especially with the dysphoric dissociation he experiences with his body. The core of this resentment is tied up in the fact that Nathan, who has gotten mostly everything he’s needed in life (save for a stable household) by being exactly what society is tolerant of, if not celebratory towards, cannot fathom why the world won’t just let him have what he actually wants. The realization that he has to work for the same state of semi-peaceful existence he managed to grasp after the hell that was his late childhood/early teens drives him up the wall, and people's refusal to meet him in the middle leads to some impulsive behavior driven by frustration. In Book 2, Nathan never actually sleeps with either Cas or Gabe. He chickens out with Gabriella because the realization of what Gabriella was trying to do with the whole "being like Cas" thing sort of shell-shocked him soft, but in Cas' case, he ends up...overstepping in a moment of spite to keep it vague, something that canon MC would just not do. Nathan is sometimes just prone to being mean for the sake of emotional release/catharsis because he spends so much time just trying to be the better person even though it exhausts him.

I’m not really quite sure how I managed to create an MC that slots into the canonical personality as easily as Nathan does; I’m admittedly not used to it. Vanessa is quite different from the Bloodbound MC, my Royal Romance MC Gabriella (yes, it’s quite a small world) is in a different league from the canon RR MC, and my Desires and Decorum MC Helene has strayed so far from the narrative, she ended up being aromantic. I guess the best way I can summarize Nathan is that he's MC taken to their logical extreme with the added benefits of the fact that I’m not restricted by a customizer. Of course, the biggest difference between Nathan and the canon MC is that Nathan would never wear three quarters of those wack-ass outfits if you dared him.