avirst-blog

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Attempting to be sober

April first I attended an AA meeting and if I keep it up I’ll be sober for a month at the end of April. What a thought.

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Love of numbered days...

Born with our days numbered, you think of the release of a grind.

I hope of spending nights, alone not, but with the company of soft compassion and care.

My heart hopes and yearns for your seducing touch, only to be a daydream.

This feeling is mine to bare, but free one day I will be like you, escaping from this feeling of loneliness and despair. Till then star dust, I wish you were here and I was there.

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Thinks

Dance with me stardust, the cosmos will divine the the ingenuity of our flow

How the gods fall from the pistols they grasp shooting down all the insincerity they right to fight

I dare not to be bright in the spotlight for I am a creature who hides from the light, the darkness a friendly home from the piercing beams, ready to cut anything they shine on

Bath in the darkness too long and wallow in it's depts and it's bottom will consume you our lives at stake our minds to fray, all consume the stakes at heart that we may devour our hopes and dreams

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Dream conversation

E

Wow how could you leave me?

A

I got stuck in a time loop, reliving 10.000 years of death and horror

E

Lol how did you do that ?

A

Fall asleep and mend minds with the infinity of the universe bewilding the sights only the will of the ancients have set in motion to spread the infinity that all my be actualized and kept in existence.

E

That sounds pretty hot

A

I'm now mentally scarred and a path of cuthlu is before me

E

Marry me and we can walk  the path together

*Time passes*

Woooooow

Tell me how you really feel

A

Stunned As if the divine connection was shaken by such a request

Everything, people, earth, this timeline, the gods, all a dime a dozen, who knows when our astral shall align again, such ceremony is meaningless in the age of the cosmos, find me in in transcendence and we shall dance among the heavens

E

Omg

I am

Shocked

And turned on at the same time

Unholy

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Pregnant｜｜妊娠・にんしん Hey guys, one of my close friends is pregnant and as a result I’ve learnt a lot of new vocabulary and questions from my boyfriend regarding pregnancies so I’ve decided to make a post to share everything I’ve learnt with you! Vocabulary・単語・たんご：

Baby’s sex・性別・せいべつ

Bun・パン

Congratulations・おめでとう／おめでとうございます

Due date・予定日・よていび

Expecting・妊娠中・にんしんちゅう

Fatigue・だるさ

Girl・彼女・かのじょ

Morning sickness・つわり

Nausea・吐き気・はきけ

Oven・オーブン

Pregnant・妊娠・にんしん

Recently・最近・さいきん

Wife・妻・つま

With child・子供と一緒に・こどもといっしょに

XX weeks・XX週目です・XXしゅうめです

XX months・XXヶ月目です・XXかげつめです

Questions・質問・しつもん： Why is Sarah not feeling well? セーラ体調悪そうだけどどうしたの？・セーラたいちょうわるそうだけどどうしたの？

＊ Possible Reply = She’s pregnant. 彼女妊娠したんだって。・かのじょにんしんしたんだって。

Did you put on weight recently? 最近太った？・さいきんふとった？

＊ Possible Reply = Maybe. I’m eating for two now. かもね。今二人分食べるようにしてるから。・かもね。いまふたりぶんたべるようにしてるから。

When is your due date? 予定日はいつですか？・よていびはいつですか？

＊ Possible Reply = Early November. 11月初旬です・11つきしょじゅんです。

How far along are you? 妊娠どれくらいですか？・にんしんどれくらいですか？

＊ Possible Reply = 16 weeks. 16週目です。・16しゅうめです。 I’m almost 7 months pregnant. もうすぐ妊娠7か月目です。・もうすぐにんしん７かげつめです。

Sentences・文・ぶん： I’m pregnant. 妊娠した。・にんしんした。 I think I’m pregnant… 妊娠したかも…・にんしんしたかも… We’re expecting. 今妊娠中なんです。・いまにんしんちゅうなんです。 She’s expecting (a baby). 彼女は妊娠中です。・かのじょはにんしんちゅうです。 My wife is pregnant. 妻は妊娠中です。・つまはにんしんちゅうです。 She is carrying my child. 彼女は私の子供を妊娠している。・かのじょはわたしのこどもをにんしんしている。 I have a bun in the oven. 今オーブンの中にパンが入ってるの。・いまオーブンのなかにぱんがはいってるの。 I’m eating for two. 二人分食べている。・ふたりぶんたべている。 Baby English・赤ちゃん英語・あかちゃんえいご： Below is a list of common phrases people use around babies in English with their Japanese equivalent.

Dada/Papa (dad)・パパ

Grandma/Nana・おばあちゃん

Grandpa/Papa・おじいちゃん

Honey・ワンワン

Mama (mum)・ママ

Sweetie・スウィーティー

Doggie (dog)・犬・いぬ

Horsey (horse)・馬・うま

Kitty (cat)・猫・ねこ

Moo-cow (cow)・牛・うし

Moo・モ～

Woof-woof・ワンワン

Binkie (dummy/pacifier)・おしゃぶり

Blankie (blanket)・ブランケット

Din-din (dinner)・夕飯・ゆうはん

Jammies (pyjamas)・パジャマ

Night-night (goodnight)・おやすみ

Num-num (yummy)・美味しい・おいしい

Tummy (tummy)・お腹・おなか

Wakey-wakey (wake up)・起きる・おきる

Yucky・不味い・まずい

Boo-boo (wound)・怪我・けが

Oopsie・やっちゃった

Pee-pee・おしっこ

Poo-poo・うんち

Potty (toilet)・トイレ 

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drinks

Drinks amek you strip everything down to bare bones. I like someone a lot, they dsif they eoulf br snlr yo message me but it didn’t happen, nuy iy’s oawky, of all the things’ I know for cetrn is that I care about them, I hardly know them, I want to know them, I want to be there from them, it pains me not to be, but I’m gihting the test of time.I’m glad they can’t see me like this, achiolism is a provlmem.

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Spread too thin

I didn’t sleep much, we all know what’s to blame. I kept my promises, helped my mom write up a resume. When I got home I thought I’d be okay, went to do chores and what not then, I fell asleep away from my phone. I woke up about an hour after falling asleep and when I checked my phone I had thought work had called and after hastily checking my schedule I thought I was late and rushed to work. I thought I had everything but, the note I wrote before was left behind. And today I was just, a fool. I tried to be professional but I just came off as distant and well just distant and distracted. Then people I knew during a unsavory part of my life happened to reappear in my life, with all the memories associated with them. It was not a good time. At least I got to see you and be near you. It seems like that’s all I looked forward to now days. I felt like I should have done something as I said good bye to you, but we’re not, we’re trying to be slow, we’re, gah. I know what I want but when I want to act I’m so frozen. What hell on earth. You came closer and I should have hugged but it never happened and now I’m filled with regret, I am a fool. I like you so much, I’m trying so hard to be perfect to do what’s okay what’s normal, but I’m anything but normal... 

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By the time you've finished your coffee | original song

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LEGO Liebherr LR 11000

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Sweater Weather - The Neighbourhood | Violin Cover by Joshua Chew

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Sweater weather - The Neighbourhood (cover)

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Made myself look them up

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Time

It passes so slowly when we wish it to move forward. Our warped perception, how long the seconds seem now, and how most of the day has swooshed past. My friends knew, that they needed their own alcoholic sleep aid to fall asleep, and here I am, not trying to fight it, second wind and all, keeping me a float in conscientiousness. I think many sleepless nights like this have shaped and bent my mind into what it is now. Tireless accustomed to waiting, yearning for time to pass, yet I know it move the same forever ticking forward. Entropy taking it’s course. Knowing one day everything will not be, well anything. He make a joke to me, why do anything, and I quickly realized that fallacy, as I had discovered the same line of thought randomly when I was younger, we need the nutrients from eating and our frail bodys need much to run efficiently, efficiently in inefficiently, sometimes I think god made us as one cruel joke. To have existence with meaning because it is finite, to live out such fallacy filled lives, it makes no sense.

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Found my tumbr again

Gee, a lot of time has gone by again, I met someone. I knew from the moment I saw them I knew, that gut feeling, that you want them, you want to be a part of their life, you want to do everything you can you intertwine your fate and theirs, together. 

I see good looking people all the time, none evoked any emotion. Then I saw him, and it’s just one of those things you know, boom, instantly. and now all my thoughts are fond ones of him. If our eyes were to meet I’d linger in the gaze for a second before fondly looking down. Admiring their face, and their company. I’m scared for how good things could be. The kind of butterflys in your stomach kind of feel. But I am hopeful, but there is still a lot to talk about, I’m really quite scared that my past may come to haunt me. I hope my past stays my past. Maybe I’m making mountains out of molehills, but if he does get stuck on it, I guess It will be a long, long, cold lonely winter.

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this is the picture of me that was on tumblr

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Four years later

I remember I have a tumblr. My wife is leaving me. I’m married, er separated and have two kids. I’m working at Schnucks as a checker and training at harris stowe threw a non profit group called Npower for a comptia a+ certification to work on computers. My wife isn’t coming home tonight and I’m dealing with so many emotions.

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Change

Something blew up and I'm not the same... like a quiet confidence or assertiveness has taken over and I will not back down from life's challenges.