awesamblr

[awesamblr]

drunk and in love and full of food i think only the torturer eel could harm me

[awesamblr]

not to be insensitive but some of the salem witch trials were so funny bitches like “i saw her at the devils sacrament!!!” girl... what were YOU doing at the devils sacrament 👀

[awesamblr]

i am supposed to have the energy… to do stuff...?

[awesamblr]

inspired by this post

[awesamblr]

my phone isn’t charging even though i plugged her innnnn dramatic ass bitch. YOUR PUSSY IS FILLED! WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT

[awesamblr]

is rpf real

[awesamblr]

apothecary diaries top 10 anime of all time and its not even a competition

🌿 kofi link in bio if you’re feeling generous 🌿

[awesamblr]

*in a masc way* hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

[awesamblr]

[awesamblr]

truly nothing funnier than having an archive of when you first started getting into a media that has since consumed your entire life

[awesamblr]

unfortunate news being aroace does not give you immunity against yearning . sorry. i know . i was disappointed to learn it too

[awesamblr]

a mystery

[awesamblr]

two weirdos who would do anything for eachother !!!!!

[awesamblr]

why are dudes in fanfic always getting hit with freight train orgasms. why not an orient express orgasm, classy and romantic. where are the shinkansen train orgasms? his orgasm hit him like the TGV atlantique breaking the passenger rail speed record. like the shanghai maglev, his orgasm was a feat of engineering but something of a commercial disappointment.

[awesamblr]

A delivery only restaurant named "send help" that specialises in hangover food. Everything comes with some sort of an electrolytes beverage, if not two, a bag to throw up in, and one of the food options is simply "whatever", and you get an order of whatever random food options the kitchen happens to find the most convenient.

The "whatever" can be specialised, like ordering a two-piece vegan whatever gets you two random vegan options, there's "whatever w/ peanut allergy", kosher whatever, and so on.

The halal option comes with a free letter reminding you of the reasons why a muslim shouldn't drink.

[awesamblr]

diva to diva communication

[awesamblr]

you ever have situations that make you want to take people by the shoulders and go "you are not 15 any longer. this behavior is no longer quirky and cute. it is exhausting for you and everyone else to act like a teenager you haven't been in a decade or longer. knock it the fuck off"