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Things I’ve Said To The Sky Regarding My Grief

- I’ll miss you forever.

- Could I have saved you?

- Why you?

- Please pay me a visit.

- The world misses you.

- No one would’ve ever loved me more than you.

- Thank you.

- You are my favorite person.

- Are you actually gone?

- I need you.

- Will I ever heal?

- Who am I now?

- How will I see you again?

- Will this pain ever end?

- I’m sorry for everything.

- I love you the most.

- What would you do?

- Everything is grey.

- You took all of the color with you.

- I kept your shirt.

- I have a necklace with your fingerprint on it.

- I couldn’t look at you like that.

- Your side of the family doesn’t talk to me anymore.

I will find you in every lifetime.

11-22-23 1:20AM

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Book: The Pain of Healing by Samantha Camargo on amazon 💛

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sorry to bother you

i didn't mean to make my grief too loud.

my pain is beautiful

only when you don’t have to see it

only when it made me strong

only once its healed 

and you don’t have to see 

the mess it made me.

sorry for taking up the space

you thought was yours

with all my heavy thoughts 

and impenetrable experiences.

my pain is beautiful 

only once it's better

only when you don’t

have to look it in the eye.

i am loved

only when I am silent

only when I am the one

shining the light on you.

so sorry

that it got the best of me this time.

so sorry.

so sorry.

truly, 

my deepest condolences 

for the grief that isn’t yours

but is still somehow

too ugly for you to stomach.

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from The Surrender Theory by Caitlin Conlon

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Carrying grief at a young age means every single milestone and happy moment is forever tainted a little grey.

Simply because you are not here to celebrate it with me.

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It's not often, but

I sometimes wish

to go back to my youth; maybe six, when Nana

would collect me from school and make

chip sandwiches.

I miss

asking her about things

that seemed important—

like why do birds nest in trees and

why is the Sun yellow. I'm still not sure about

either, but I am no longer

able to ask.

by me

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my mother will not see me grow old. she will not see my skin wrinkle, or my hair begin to wilt. she is the creator of my life, but still merely passing through it.

mae // my mother is my entire life and still only a moment of it.

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you died and i desperately need to tell you how it feels. i need you to hold me upright while i show you this hole that exists now in my heart and the emptiness that swallows my soul. i need you to hold me while i cry out for you, and scream at god and ask him why. you died and you are the only one who can get me through this.

-Mae S. // letter to everyone i've ever lost.

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Book: The Pain of Healing by Samantha Camargo on amazon 💛

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unknown // instagram, geloy concepcion // unknown // in the event this doesn't fall apart, shannon lee barry // oh earth we're briefly gorgeous, ocean vuong // instagram, geloy concepcion // riko (aribachi) // a grief observed, c.s.lewis // jamie anderson // @sarakleign // macbeth, william shakespeare // unknown // bright dead things, ada limòn // would've could've should've, taylor swift // dark paradise, lana del rey // haunted, dean gioia // fourth of july, sufjan stevens // perfumebathing // unknown // growing around grief, lois tonkin

𝓁𝑜𝓋𝑒, 𝒶𝓇𝒶𝒷𝑒𝓁𝓁𝒶

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how terrible it is to love something that death can touch. BRENNA TWOHY A coworker asks me if i am sad, still / AARON SCHWARTZ On the other side of grief with Ocean Vuong / MY BRIGHTEST DIAMOND Gone away / ALBERT GYÖRGY Mélancolie / BARBARA CROOKER Grief / ANDREA COHEN Refusal to mourn / CELESTE ROBERGE Cairn / JAMES WRIGHT To the muse / RICHARD SIKEN Straw house, straw dog / EMILY DICKINSON I measure every Grief I meet / FRITZ VON UHDE Mourning / WILLIAM WETMORE STORY Angel of grief / FORTESA LATIFI / MY BRIGHTEST DIAMOND Gone away / MIKE MONTEIRO I thought we’d have more time. / JACK GILBERT Michiko dead / BOTTLEOFSUNSHINE13 Depression / W. S. MERWIN Separation / LEMONY SNICKET Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid / GLENNON DOYLE MELTON Love warrior / OCEAN VUONG interviewed by Tonya Mosley for NPR / LANG LEAV Three questions / VECKNESSS забыть, забыть. / Unknown.

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death is insane. wdym i’ll never see my grandmother again

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grief is so crazy like what if i forget what her laugh sounds like. does she know i loved her. i miss her so much. i catch myself doing things she used to do. i wish i could call her. i miss her so much. i do a crossword puzzle. i cry while washing the dishes. does she know i loved her? my heart feels like a hummingbird. i miss her so much. what if i forget what her laugh sounds like. what if i forget.

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just remembered shows used to have 20-25 eps per season

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