awkwardalpha - Tumblr blog

[awkwardalpha]

[awkwardalpha]

windows home screen throwing out a rather intense scenario today

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The fastest way to shut down my "freelance life means I have to constantly be working" thoughts is to remind myself that if I was a boss holding a worker to the standards I hold myself to, their union would hunt me for sport and nobody would blame them.

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[awkwardalpha]

I hope something unexpectedly good happens to you this week.

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Me if I were a dog

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Girl you cannot “reclaim phrenology”

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[awkwardalpha]

sometimes I just think about Jackie. Jackie, who would be horrified that the girls ate her, horrified that Shauna would say it's what she would've wanted. Jackie, who would hate that her necklace was being used as some sort of symbol, hate that people were murdered and hunted while wearing it, when all she wanted was for it to keep people safe. Jackie, the girl who was unknowingly the biggest thing standing between complete disarray and civility. she died not knowing how important she was, not knowing how much her death would change the lives of these girls. she died in the snow, betrayed and thinking that her friends hated her.

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coach ben has the energy of a brother who got stuck babysitting his younger sister's sleepover and it was going fine until the sun went down now he has twelve gremlins running up the walls hissing. someone broke into dad's knife display. there are bras in the freezer. half the group is huddled in a circle chanting in tongues trying to levitate a girl, the other half are mixing ketchup and toilet water and forcing each other to drink it. he keeps finding one of them sniffing his pillow. how does she keep getting back in he locked the door? there are two mean lesbians in the corner whispering.

[awkwardalpha]

i really hope coach survives and then the rescue ride home is just incredibly awkward for everybody

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"if you ship this thing it's because you're too naïve to understand that it's toxic and that you wouldn't like a relationship like this" actually it's because I see one of them as a mentos drop and the other as a bottle of coke zero and I want to watch the mess they'll be together

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[awkwardalpha]

You, a heroic paladin have successfully slain a fearsome dragon. But the dragon warns you that death is but a door, and dragons don’t die, they reincarnate. You paid it no mind….until your son was born with golden, slitted eyes.

[awkwardalpha]

"objectively physically attractive but in possession of negative rizz" is one of my favorite character concepts. i think it's so great when there's an absurdly hot person who's just a complete fucking loser. the mood is unsalvageable the moment they open their mouth kind of deal. you get no bitches because you're so sucks.

[awkwardalpha]

diversity loss this trans man is just as much of an emotionally unavailable avoidantly attached brick as any cis guy

[awkwardalpha]