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shipper trash gandalf: part three

#love at first snark

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thorin “no chill” oakenshield

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I made more

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My 2025 resolution is to abandon the ways of man and take up life as a Hobbit.

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I got further into the council of Elrond and the dwarves are fucking ride or die man

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Gandalf's Totally Foolproof I Swear This Is Gonna Work Guys strategy for protecting Middle-Earth:

apply hobbit of choice to problem

introduce big groups in smaller groups as not to spook potential host

when all goes haywire, eagles

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"chuuya needing a roommate and the only one who shows up is his ex non other than dazai-"

......can i. please ask for any more details that you have🥹🥹 im genuinely sold by the idea i need to hear more from you great artist imsofrancey

YESSSS OFC YOU CAN

Their apartment start looking like a dirty hovel as soon as dazai moves which causes chuuya to lose his mind. they start making everything a bet or a game pretty much like "if you do this (insert erotic game) i'll do the dishes" and so on. so it gets better. dazai manages to pay his rent with online poker and is always playing music too loud to piss chuuya off. chuuya comes back from his club nights at 5am not helping dazai with his insomia at all so at that point they just have breakfast. chuuya busts his ass off at work and dazai goes on to say he's not getting a job because he doesn't want to be part of late stage capitalism, chuuya is not happy hearing this lovely opinion on the economy. they start sleeping in the same bed after a week. they also unconsciously (or very much consciously on dazais part) sabotage any potential relationship for each other. like imagine going home to the guy you're dating and you see his ex living with him and they complete each other's sentences and all. they all run. lots of light drugs are involved cause they are the embodiment of a quarter life crisis

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eh, we weren’t that close anyway

that scene of monica in the balcony telling a pedestrian to come to her apartment so chandler could fight him for telling her to shut up about her engagement is so draco coded

and harry WOULD go crazy if draco had a secret locked closet he didn’t know the contents of (ron thinks its flesh eating spiders)

and hermione and pansy as phoebe and rachel

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Thematic Rec Masterlist

★ Lists (of links) to lists (of fics) || as of 2021.03 ※ About my favourites + fave authors ※ Crowdsourcing for ultimate favourites

Timeline :

Book 1. Sorcerer’s Stone : Friends in early years of Hogwarts

Book 2. Chamber of Secrets : Draco has the diary

Book 4. Triwizard Tournament : Draco appears in the 2nd task  |  Yule Ball

Book 6. Sectumsempra : alternate scene

Book 7. Horcrux hunting : Draco with the trio

Hogwarts Era

Wartime

8th year   •   8th year Hufflepuff!Drarry

Draco’s birthday

Halloween

Christmas

Settings :

Bets & Wagers / Pranks

Breaking the Statute of Secrecy

Climate change

Clubbing

Coffee shops AU

Coming back to the Wizarding world

Different schools AU : Beauxbatons, Durmstrang

Everyone lives AU   |   Sirius Black Lives

Fairy-tale elements

Games : drinking games, party games,…

Historical AU

Leaving England

Muggle life   |   Muggle things

No Hogwarts AU (joining the Wizarding world later)

Non-magical AU (& high school, college/uni)

Politics

Pureblood culture

Sentient house / Hogwarts

Sorting AU : Slytherin Harry | Gryffindor Draco | Ravenclaw Draco

Time travel   |   Dimension travel

Voldemort wins AU   |   No Voldemort AU

Genres / Formats :

5+1 things

Angst

Canon rewrite

Case fic / Mystery

Dark fic / horror

Epistolary   |   Social media

Fluff   |   Fluff (Hogwarts era)

Humour

Hurt / comfort

Kid fic   |   Raising a child

POV Outsider

Serialized fics

Slow burn / slow build

Song fic / song-inspired fic

Relationship status :

A/B/O Dynamics

BDSM

Bonding

Boss/Employee relationship

Casual relationship

Childhood friends

Counselling

Courtship

Domestic!Drarry   |   Pet names

Enemies (to Friends) to Lovers

Established relationship

Fake/Pretend relationship   |   Arranged marriage

Flirting

Friends to Lovers

Friends with Benefits

Infidelity

Marriage proposal

Misunderstandings / Miscommunication

Reconciliation

Roommates   |   Sharing a Bed

Secret relationship

Slavery

Soulmates

Stalking

Strangers to Lovers (with various AUs)

Teacher-student relationship / Tutoring

Ties switching

Unhappy ending (between H/D)

Unrequited love

Occupations :

Arts : artist, dancing, music, musician, pianist!Draco

Auror   |   Military

Breakup specialist!Draco

Chef

Healer!Draco   |   Mind healer

Matchmaker

Minister-for-Magic!Harry

Model

Pirate

Potions Master!Draco

Professor (at Hogwarts)

Prostitution / Sex Work   |   Stripper

Secretary / PA!Draco

Seer!Draco / divination

Unspeakable!Draco

Wandmaker!Draco   •   Wandmaker!Harry

Writer

Characteristics :

Chubby!Drarry

Dark!Drarry

Determined!Draco

French!Draco

Insecure!Draco

Jealous!Draco   •   Jealous!Harry

LGBTQIA+ : asexuality, fem!Drarry, transgender

Manipulative!Harry

Master-of-Death!Draco   •   Master-of-Death!Harry

Oblivious!Drarry

Pining!Draco   •   Pining!Harry

PoC!Drarry

Possessive!Drarry

Powerful!Draco   •   Powerful!Harry

Protective!Draco   •   Protective!Harry

Reckless!Harry

Recluse!Harry

Sassy!Harry

Shy!Drarry

Silly!Draco

Snarky!Draco

Spy!Draco / Redeemed!Draco

Sweetheart!Draco

Tall !Harry

Troubled!Draco   |   Exiled!Draco

Magical / physical situations :

Abusive relationship

Age difference

Amnesia

Animagus

Bodyswap

Captivity : Draco in Azkaban   |   Harry in Malfoy Manor

Coming out

Creature!Drarry (vampire, veela, werewolf)  |  merman  |  phoenix

Crossdressing

Dark Mark

De-age

Disability (+blind, deaf)  &  mute

Drunkenness / Intoxication

Ghost

Illness   |   Hanahaki disease

Injury

Internalized homophobia

Life debt

Love / Lust potion

Mental health issues / PTSD   |   eating disorders

Mpreg!Draco   •   Mpreg!Harry

Occlumency

Parseltongue

Patronus

Quidditch

Sectumsempra

Substance abuse

Suicide implied/referenced

Tattoos (magical)

Sexual details :

Bottom!Draco   •   Bottom!Harry

First time / Virginity   |   Awkward first time

Non-Con (Dub-Con) elements

Smut : anal plug, (specialized) dildo, hate sex, hospital sex, ice play, piercings, praise kink, (semi) public sex, riding (Draco), size kink, slut, wanking

Interaction with other characters :

Animals / Pets

Draco & his parents

Draco & Luna friendship

Draco & Ron friendship  |  Draco friends with Hermione/Ron first

Draco & the Dursleys

Draco & the Weasleys : Molly  |  George  |  Ginny & others

Draco has a sibling

Drarry & Scorbus

Drarry & Scorpius

Drarry & Snupin

Drarry & Teddy

Drarry & Wolfstar

Harry & Narcissa friendship

Harry & Pansy friendship

Harry & the Malfoys / Meeting the Parents

Harry & the Slytherins friendship

Harry has a sibling

Harry reconciles with his Muggle family

Matchmaking / Meddling from family, friends, professors…

Mentor!McGonagall

Mentor!Snape

Sex Ed class

The Golden Trio broken up

Misc.

+ podfic

uncategorized themes

—

✔ Most popular fics of the year ✔ Longest fics sorted for every month ✔ New complete fics posted on AO3 each day

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been in drarry hell for 5 months now and i still get whiplash from the range

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io vecchia rincoglionita sbavosa pisciata rotta in culo: ai miei tempi Fiorello l'avevano scomunicato per eccesso di frociaggine in questo festival

una delle cinque astroproiezioni di mio nipote in salotto: nonna zitta che non si può parlare durante il quindicesimo spot per l'eterosessualità o carlo conti III ti frigge il chip nel cervello

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gone but never forgotten #sanremo2024

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I like when the sbpd treats shawn like a blood hound on the job like "what is it shawn??" And following him around at crime scenes like he sniffed out a narcotic at the airport

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One of my fav Psych (2006) gags is when Henry will just be vibin, living his best life, and then BOOM there is Shawn Being Shawn.

Enjoying the morning news? Surprise! Yes that’s your idiot son now running for mayor. Are you just trying to enjoy your favourite Spanish drama? BOOM how about Shawn dressed as FedEx driver enters on stage left.

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i think that we as a society moved on too quickly from berlermo

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i do love the idea of the Justice League finding out Batman’s identity and the fact that he’s actually just a tired vigilante dad and immediately discrediting his spooky-scary-intimidating reputation, and Bruce just being devastated about it. he worked so hard on that reputation, on that respect, and it’s all down the drain just like that. nobody flinches away from his glare anymore, because they’ve seen him glare at Red Hood and get a spoonful of mashed potato flung into his face for the effort. nobody cares about his threats anymore, because he tried to threaten Red Robin to go home and rest one time and Tim just giggled at him deliriously before mocking his tone and stealing his coffee. they’ve seen him pick a splinter out of a whining Nightwing’s finger mid-meeting. Damian once called him a condomless harlot to his face when he told him not to bring his swords onto the watchtower. he’s lost control.

he decides he wants the fear factor back and in all his brilliant genius, he decides the best way to go about that is to invite the league round for a fancy dinner party, specifically so he can use all his ‘brucie wayne’ acting skills to channel the essence of every creepy-rich-guy-in-haunted-manor movie he has ever seen in his life. it is the only time his kids have been fully onboard and willing to contribute to one of his plans without any complaints. they almost seemed more eager to pull it off than he was.

they spend the entire day making the manor look old and slightly abandoned, much to Alfred’s displeasure, and ensure that the only lighting is a fuck ton of candles, just enough to light the halls while leaving the corners and edges shadowy and ominous. Damian is allowed to have some of his more ‘skittery’ pets roam the manor freely for the night, causing occasional scritches and scratches to come from the ceilings. all of the kids dress in their best funeral attire, apart from Jason who gleefully pulls on an old white shirt stained with blood from when Tim crashed through his window with a stab wound, requesting a medkit.

when the league arrive they’re greeted by all the kids lined up on the staircase, staring at them blankly and ominously, while Bruce gives them all a large grin and ushers them into the creepy looking dining room. the league are somewhat nervous.

during the dinner the kids act completely different than the league have seen them in-mask. polite, cordial, and refusing to show an ounce of emotion. they pick at their food and only speak in vague sentences that refer to various horrific events of their past. Bruce has never been prouder.

the first close call they have to breaking character is when Bruce presents a bottle of red wine without any kind of label. as he pours a slightly disturbed Diana a glass, she asks where he got it from. Bruce happily gestures to Jason as says ‘my second eldest procured it especially for you, earlier today.’

Diana looks across the table at where Jason is grinning eerily at her by candlelight, still visibly stained with blood, eyes glowing slightly green. she pales, and Tim knows he can’t watch her shakily lift the glass to her lips without bursting out laughing. he refuses to be the one who fucks up first, so he dramatically stands up and declares he must ‘go feed the experiments’ before storming out the room. ‘the experiments’ are in reference to the pen of rabbits outside that glow in the dark because Damian rescued them from a testing facility, but given the environmental context it sounds much more sinister.

Jason joins him by the pen to also start wheeze-crying in private about 20 minutes later, because apparently after Oliver Queen had finished with his bbq rib, Damian had leaned over and without blinking stared into his eyes to blankly state ‘i would love to feed your bones to my animal friends, if you don’t need them anymore.’ and from the other end of the table Jason had snorted wine up his nose from how hard he was trying not to break.

amazingly, they never break character, although it came pretty close when after hearing another skitter from somewhere above, Stephanie climbed up from the table into the crystal chandelier and deftly returned to present the table with a large tarantula cradled in her hands, to which Damian stood up and declared, ‘ah, dessert! i will help pennyworth prepare it.’ before taking the animal and leaving to put his beloved spider back in it’s enclosure. the league genuinely seemed to be under the impression they were about to be served a tarantula-based desert, and upon seeing their faces at this realisation Dick had to pretend he’d dropped a fork on the ground so he could duck by Bruce’s chair and stuff a napkin in his mouth while he got his laughter under control. Bruce pats his shaking son’s back below the table cloth, determinedly staring at their guests with that same creepy-grin he’d kept up the entire night.

every member of the league makes their excuses to leave early, much to Bruce’s exaggerated disappointment. the second the last of them is out the door Alfred turns to face the family and says ‘mission accomplished. now get this manor back to it’s proper state.’ and they have the spend the rest of the night cleaning.

totally worth it, in Bruce’s mind. none of the JL will look him in the eye for weeks afterwards, and it was honestly the most successful attempt at family bonding they’d ever had. he wonders if they should make it a monthly thing. It’s also how they find out Damian’s a fucking theatre kid with a gift for the arts which is another revelation in of itself