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lmfao bitch im really out here ruining my own life

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I live in a mandatory evacuation zone & we're staying home, is it too soon to star professing my love?????

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you’ve been visited by money birb. reblog and good fortune will come your way.

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Baby boomer: You kids don't know how hard we had it! Everyone had to use the Library to get information and we didn't have cell phones!

Me: Literally everyone I know my age wants to die but okay

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I'm so overwhelmed & I feel like absolute crap & I just want to cry & rot alone. All bc my dad threw away part of a laughing cow cheese wedge I was saving for later....

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I posted a video on my insta of me posing a few weeks ago & it wasn't that good but my coach commented on it & she is such a sweetheart! I am so lucky to be surrounded by people who motivate & support me! I love the response I've gotten from everyone with choosing to compete. My family is being extremely supportive & my coach has done nothing but build me up from the beginning. If I'm having a bad day, or if I'm struggling in any way I know that I can count on her to help lift me up. I am so lucky. I may be the one competing, but this is definitely a group effort. I have a very solid support system & I couldn't be more greatful

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Today's hiit session was SO hard. I did my usual 20/40 but instead of 12, I had to run at 10 bc I was exhausted. I literally teared up on the treadmill bc I was so tired. My legs almost gave out on me during every. Single. Sprint. Also, my mom bought Pepsi yesterday (which I love Pepsi is life) & I teared up bc I'm it tasted amazing & I couldn't have any. Preps not that glamorous

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Might macro hoard Monday & get a cookie dough donut from Krispy Kreme..... Low protein, low carbs, just high fats. I'll eat protein powder, chicken, egg whites & oats to make up for it

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I haven't really been sleeping the past week & last night, I finally realized why! 1) too much ice cream before bed, so I'll just use it as a topping for my pancakes instead 2) my phone & my laptop were too much of a distraction. So in bed by 10 every night & then I'll log my macros for the next day, set my alarm & put away all electronics 3) maybe I'll even incorporate some sleepy time tea into the mix

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Starting to feel so tiny. Prep is wooooorking

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I used to think that adulthood was one crisis after another. I was wrong.

as it turns out, adulthood is multiple crises, concurrently, all the time, forever

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I'm a little hesitant to post this, but whatever. This is where I'm sitting 7 weeks into my cut & 18 weeks out from my first show. I'm weighing ~112.8 at 5 feet tall. I'm starting to feel good; I'm slimming down & I think I even see a tiny delt popping. Today's workout is the last of the week, which is supposed to be just abs & hiit but my coach allows me to throw in a few exercising of whatever muscle group I personally feel need the most improvement. So, abs, glutes, delts & hiit it is.

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I don't feel like I'm living, I feel like I'm merely existing. I don't have any purpose. Everyone says find your passion & go for it. But, what does that even mean? I like exercising, I know that. I like feeling good, I know that. The gym is my favorite part of the day, I know that. But, do I want to turn my hobby into my career? Do I want to do something else. I just know that I need to do more, I need to be more. I just need to figure out how to get from point A to point B

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While we’re talking about what not to do on April Fools Day, let me remind everyone not to pull ‘unreality pranks’.

Don’t go up to a person and say ‘wake up’, ‘you’re dreaming’ (and especially don’t tag team it with two or three other people, saying the same thing). Don’t pretend not to know a person you know. Don’t fabricate events or non-existent people in order to pull a ‘you don’t remember? it just happened the other day!’

All of these things can trigger severe dissociative episodes, panic attacks, paranoia, psychotic episodes, and suicidal ideation.

If you haven’t experienced this (I assume most non mentally ill people haven’t), suffice to say it is the most frightening feeling in the world, and makes you want to be dead, like, right now. So don’t do it.

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I went to sonic on Wednesday & I binged. I wasn't even in the mood to binge, I just did it. I don't know why honestly. Today, I went to a wedding & I ate like crazy. I even had cake even though I'm supposed to be prepping for a show.... I didn't drink my gallon of water today & I know I'm going to look like crap for checkins tomorrow. Can't wait. I honestly just want to quit prep right now. Im not seeing any real changes & it's so frustrating. But, I'm going to talk to my coach tomorrow about my week & im going to start trying to eat more whole foods. I eat a lot of crap honestly. I'm also going to aim for 2 gallons per day instead of one (I usually get in around one and a half). I don't know, I feel really discouraged right now but also pretty motivated. I just want to bounce back from this bc I always give up at the first sign of difficulty. I am stronger than my thoughts & my tiredness & my lack of motivation. I can do this, I can prep. I can prove myself wrong