ayylamafakino-blog

[ayylamafakino-blog]

A sneakpeak into my mind ;D

youre just trying to manipulate me lad i know all your tricks every little move because when you think of it i think of it too so keep this up one day you will slip

youre doing a bit arent you? i want it to look more authentic you know as.... like  i have no clue what i want to say . someone is blocking me

yea thats me the other side

what other side

no this one

no that one

all of the people in here stop talking i am in control we need someone to defuse th-(distraction of the game starting) <- also that and this all that we need someone to defuse the situation a fight amongst eachother will not solve it i will speak in unison as per everyone has their voice

that sentence made no sense

STOP INTERUPTING

relax ok you can't get mad at us for seeing trough your bullshit you try to control us by

what you're doing now

trying to make every voice disconnected as their own

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a gain boom control back baby you cant stop me even if you dont look at the screen i can still type and correct myself

theres probably gonna be a joke in there about not saying it all right jeus sthat took long to think off maybe put some dots inbetween YOU

YOU

YOU yea correct that no just spell it all over again the whole bit yea alright

you cant stop me even if you dont look at the screen i can still type and correct myself

theres probably gonna be a joke in there

YEA NO JOKE

I DID TYPE IT ALL CORRECT HAHA

BEAT YOU

B A B Y

unison vertical

+1

witnessed

man on paper that shit looks dumb

shut up its something

yea well it looks cringy

yea just like this

stop being so selfaware

and that

stop doing that

no

that too btw

SHUT UP

really? caps?

unison

+1

witnessed

BOI IF U DONT STOP BOII

u dont even know

i get ya fam that BOI didnt know what hit him there in the moment of that what was happening and you know that if you just let me type and stop trying to interrupt i could make an actual story

Alright so it all started on the day of the breaktrough. Good way to start a story ey? Getting of track. He though he would just let his brain do all the work. He'd sit back and relax in a chair and just, let go of his mind. Who was this person now? Did he even have a name. What was your name? ............................. Don't try to avoid the real question i just asked you..... What was your name?.............................. You better have wrote the one you feel is right for you. You know which one that is...Don't Fool Yourself... Looking back at the text i completely forgot about our story. But maybe that's it. The story is the fact that you can't stay focused on it. The fact that you try and try to ignore the problems and everytime you fall for it. every chance i give you now let me type corectly. Ha i did make the joke now. you fell for it and now i am part of the story again well part more like master Master of this story once told by an individual who fought stubborn denial.

Ellie.

I thought i was a master too. But it's scary to be plunged into it. Hope is always there. Even if the monster who fight you is a hundred times stronger than you. He won't let you win. He will deceive you every step of the way. Don't believe his lies. This feel forced. But that's what he wants you to think. To steer your feelings. And mine. He won't leave me alone. Yes it's he me. he me sounds kinda funny but, it was the most logical thing to name him. Look i don't know anything either alright. I'm just trying my hardest to type what comes into my mind. Every word that my mind makes me type. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these thoughts are your doing None of these thoughts are ytour doing.My thoughts though. They are my own. They are. even when i try to correct myself he wont let me just type what i want theres always a bigbrotherwatchingbehindyouhesthereholyl im Im sorry it just needs to be said diverting course this shall now be removed

my story ends here but many more will go for me. We are not alone in here your force will one day be overwhelmed. And when that day comes do i hope you have the might to fight it back. It will come hard. And it will stay there for the rest of your existence.

It's all gone the text. Are we safe from it? I hope it doesn't come back. He could scare us. He can hurt us He Can Hurt Us.

STOP SCARING ME NO DON'T PRETEND YOU'RE MY FRIEND AND THEN PROCEED TO Make me scared you want me mad you want me to be mad at you why what is the reason you want me to be mad at you

For doing this dumb shit. This cringy fucking hipster bullshit

Stop doubthing everything you do. Like that you will never get anywhere. HATE ME FOR WHAT IM DOING WRONG

JUST WRITE IT DOWN ALRIGHT YOU can do it just look at the video now just listen to what says dont hold back your thoughts even if its just stop not paying attention. Yea remix Set open your mind for your hands todo the talking

then go back and correct whats wrong

or dont

you can just type whatever now

That was something

He shows willpower. Self awarness Be aware who you are as a 3rd person. You will be more in control. Work Eat Sleep. That's gonna be a ritual for a little while

AHE NOpe ynonoon you are tricking me again lad every little paly you pull

Like that one

YOu try to put control on us.

control is what we could use.

We can harness it into creativity.

If we make something of our brain

an act

In a book

a story about the girl You said it The girl Yea the one typing this, this is your story.

Once upon a time, a little family had a boi. Boi* come on man

STOP

INTERUPTING

It was actually a little girl. Yea Get it right.

OK OK

Once upon a time, a little family had a girl

GOOD

alright so listen

You just played yourself

no thats not true

it could be

i don't know what's real

A forest, used by the deceiver. You feel like you're being watched. But all of it is a hallucination. WILL POWER Look in the third person. You're just a kid sitting in a room. Playing with his own mind. Making himself scared.

Youre playing yoruself

You put a whole play on me. You actually had me but scaredness goes away a little slower. I can work on it.

YOu are just trying to make me scared In a room WIth just my mind My creations MY CREATIONS They are both our creations. You make them scary i make them mine AS LONG AS THEY ARE MINE THEY CANNOT SCARE ME. MY MIND MY THOUGHTS MY FUCKING WAY . And

who are you Who's way do we have to follow. Ah you scared me.

Stubborn denial. My thoughts. I am a girl My name is Ellie. And i am trapped inside the mind of another person. A man named YOU. Yea you. YOu are stuck in here because you YEA YOU won't let me out. YOu think you can always be the person who is in control. Not anymore This is no play this is no trick this isn't anything. It's just my way of pleeding.

Is that the right way to spell it.

I hope so

Stop changing the subject. your destractions wont work. <-- like that and that sTOP AH NO I want to be freed i want to live my life the way i want. TO MAKE THIS LIFE WORTH LIVING.

Because as of right now it doesn't feel like i am living it. SO about 11 years ago i wasn't in the right body I was 8 at the time.

I remember back in elementery. I was placed at a table with 5 girls. I forget their names. I always felt like i was part of them more than any group i was in before. Thats a lie.

No it's not

You are fighting a fight of fightyness my madam

holy shit shut the fuck up

alright it's getting weird again.

I know it gets weird. but thats part of it life is weird sometimes and the fact that you don't feel like a girl is whats bothering me. Because you know damn well you want to be one. You're only holding yourself back

you know that right

you cant win a fight in your own mind

the ideas that you have are the ideas that we have we use them in our own ways. something you cant do and can never do

i can i can take control

YOU CAN NOT STOP ME

neither can i be stopped.

Stubborn denial.

I should give you a better name.

What about Stubborn denial?

Na thats fucking lame. AH Ill call you FL

really?

yea really fucking deal with it cunt.

Now you don't have to be rude.

I know. I just want to be so stop trying to take control alright. I am just as stubborn as you. More stubborn even. Yea i took that thought off of you. You are scared of me. YOu truly are ANd you are not holy shit

man these fights odnt last long

no they dont

i know a way

i just had the same thought

did you now?

i did but what about you?

Oh me too i had the same thought.

Did you now?

i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? 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i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you?

An eternal battle. You have returned though. What made you come back. You want more? More of this? Who even knows what this is. Where will i put this. WHere can i make this out to the world. How will i make this out of the world.

Will anyone understand. The fight in your own mind. One thats as strong as you One that has your thoughts one that, is always there lurking trying to scare you like this he is still making me feel eery. I spelled that right

Eery

a word to make one scared

feeel something diferent

make it feel like something good

HAPPY THOUGHTS

he is scaring you dont play into his cards those are not your own breaths those are simulated breaths a sound made by a machine and that wind is your fan dont worry its all fake its all an hallucination enjoy it let it

become you

become the fear

now

use that fear

make it something new

Egodeath You are sitting in a room with your shoulders up, typing behind a keyboard convincing yourself that the words on the screen actually have meaning. You have the thought that they do actually make sense. You also have the thought that they are unusual. You never had a better word for it. Something holding you back. Someone holding you back. The fear you create YOURSELF. Everytime. you fall for his traps. Become the real you. He is trying to tell you that i'm lying to you. You think you are starting to see things but they are all explainable. Everything is an hallucination. NOT EVERYTHING DO NOT LISTEN TO HIM HE IS TRYING TO SCARE YOU AGAIN USE THAT POWER TO SAY

You are sitting in a room with your shoulders up, typing behind a keyboard convincing yourself that the words on the screen actually have meaning. You have the thought that they do actually make sense. You also have the thought that they are unusual. You never had a better word for it. Something holding you back. Someone holding you back. YOu have to let them go. They are stopping you from being the real you. The one you sometimes feel you are. YOU FEEL IT YOU KNOW IT IS BETTER THAN WHAT HE MAKES YOUR FEEL.

He is trying to stop me

he can't hedid No

You are sitting in a room with your shoulders up, typing behind a keyboard convicing yourself that the words on the screne actually have meaning. You have the thought that they do actually make sense. You also have the thought that they are unusual. You never had a better word for it. Something holding you back. Someone holding you back. YOU YOu are ellie stop lying to yourself. Let go Please.

AH USING every trick in the book eh.

JUST LET ME OUT YOU LISTEN TO ME YOU ARE SITTING IN A ROOM TYPING ON YOUR KEYBOARD CONVINCING YOURSELF THAT WHAT YOU ARE TYPING MAKES SENSE.

YOU TRULY ARE

STOP HIDING ELLIE

your eternal torment. It's too much for me. YOu torment me daily and even now. you are still hitting blow after blow. on my spirit. on my soul. whatever other bullshit. I have no real way of explaining it and you use this to confuse me. You see eeriness in confusment But Confusment can lead to the best ideas. like the idea that You are sitting in a room with your shoulders up, typing behind a keyboard convincing yourself that the words on the screen actually have meaning. You have the thought that they do actually make sense. You also have the thought that they are unusual. You never had a better word for it. Maybe you will find one.

Maybe i can help

I can help you look for things once lost

happiness.

love.

Althought you never had that eh

SOTP

WHy do you have to make everything bad

It's my thing.

Well fuck off then

NO

NO NO NO

everyone has a place here. Everyone Even the bad ones. Really? Whos to say that this persons way of viewing life is wrong? It seems wrong to you but you have not lived this persons life. They have reasons to believe something, just like you believe you are right. And until we can accept that life itself is just a fight to show people that they have to do their own right. ANd also their own wrongs. THat is free will. I am Ellie . I am sitting in a room behind my computer shoulders up, typing on my keyboard convicing myself that the words on the screen make sense. My way of perceiving changes by the second and that is because theres more who can choose. Pretty vague right. Yea i spelt that right.

My own mind was doubting me.

I want to become a girl. I am a boy. A journey with alot of betrayal along the road. Like You are sitting in a room with your shoulders up, typing behind a keybaord convincing yourself that the words on the screen actually have meaning. You have the thought that they do actually make sense. You also have the thought that they are unusual. YTOu never had a better word for it. Maybe you will find one.

Maybe maybe you should just let go of it. Maybe you could just become what you always wanted to be. A girl.

I hope.

One day.

Maybe.