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the rest of the country: trying to sell me something while I drive >:(

the midwest: asking me sleepover questions :)

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me, a goblin whose bedtime gets progressively later and later,

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Buffets are PVP enabled areas

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Hate it when customers call me by my first name, like “oh cool, you can read a name tag”, that doesn’t mean you can get chummy with me

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this is military action i can support

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We’ve entered the darkest timeline.

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i don’t even need to read this to know that i am

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when the answer is B three times in a row

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I walk this lonely road. in my bag, i have a giant toad

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None Pizza with Left Beef is 10 years old today.

happy birthday to a decade-old meme.

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Golf is the most unnecessary sport on earth. After communism wins, golf will be abolished

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Person: “So what are your interests?”

Me, sweating: “I spend hundreds, potentially thousands, of dollars a year on pieces of cardboard with no real value outside of a very small secondary market and sentimental value.”

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i have no doubt Mickey Mouse can kill someone in one glance

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this is the angriest bird i’ve ever seen

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