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Listening to a podcast

"Let's take a word from our sponsor."

*Skip ahead a minute* "You can-"

*Skip ahead a minute* "Use code-"

*Skip ahead a minute* "300,000-"

*Skip ahead a minute* "300,000-"

*Skip ahead a minute* "T-shirts-"

*Skip ahead a minute* "Motherfuck-"

*Go back 15 seconds*

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I'm gonna be real with you, i don't think weirdo kinksters should be considered acceptable collateral damage when banks/credit card companies enforce adult content bans on sites like patreon and ko-fi

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I don't want anybody going into debt for it, but if my funeral has the budget for it, I would like to have a carved portrait on my tombstone depicting Death as some sort of reluctant animal control professional, wielding one of those stick-loop things instead of a scythe, and myself as some sort of a wretched medieval manuscript creature that has no intention to comply with the process of being removed from the premises.

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Has anyone written a pro wrestling AU for OFMD? Because pro wrestling is literally theatrics and pageantry. You put on a costume and some kind of persona and then you beat the tar out of your opponent in a choreographed fight where both of you know who is going to win beforehand. Stede would love this so fucking much. He would love putting on a ridiculously elaborate costume and doing what amounts to a drag performance with fighting. His persona would be "The Gentleman" or something and his costume has frills and ruffles and stuff all over it and he's got a jabot collar on with his tights.

Not to mention pro wrestling tends to be homoerotic and kinky as fuck. I think Stede would thrive honestly.

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You can teleport one (1) single individual live seagull into any time or place in history. Where would you choose to put it to best fuck with peoples' heads and cause as much confusion as possible?

I'd pick Tutankhamun's tomb, just behind the sealed door, 30 seconds before the seal is broken and the tomb is opened. Imagine throwing that into the curse myth - just as these people are about to crack open the greatest cold one in history, knowing that this is what they'll be known for from hereon, they open the door that must not be opened, and out scatters a frantic, deeply baffled bird, entirely healthy and intact, fluttering away never to be seen again, with no apparent way of how it got in.

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Edward Teach voice: if you want i could show you a more advanced trick of the trade 😏 *shows hole*

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did… did she do that?

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im only saying this once

the only acceptable jobs for spider-man

broke high schooler

broke college student

freelance photographer

high school teacher

unpaid intern

pizza delivery guy

research assistant for doomed scientific project

guy who stands on street and spins sign for quiznos

being spider-man

and thats IT i dont want any of this “hes a genius tech ceo making millions” SHIT. Spider-man is BROKE and he missed rent this month and he has a tiny apartment and thats how its MEANT TO BE. he doesnt make money because he is our Friendly Neighbourhood Spider-man and not fucking Tony Stark.

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"you don't owe anyone anything" You are a tar pit. Speak for yourself. I personally owe the cafe employees my dishes put away and my friends a listening ear and small scared insects a cup and a gentle trip outside. Hyperindividualism is a rancid infection borne of capitalism and willfully misinterpreted therapyspeak and I will defy it by continuing to be kind regardless of whether or not it benefits me personally

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Do you not see why people believe astrology tho??

so i'm a custodian.

whenever someone does something cool like shit on the bathroom floor or get blood all over a toilet, i have to close the bathroom down by blocking the doorway with a CLOSED sign.

this sign is big and bright. it says CLOSED in four languages and has a do not enter symbol. it completely blocks the doorway. the only way to enter is to look directly at the sign and either move it or climb over it.

almost every single time i shut down a bathroom so i can suit up and clean a biohazard, someone will enter the bathroom with a dead-eyed, slack-jawed expression and try to wordlessly walk past me to use a stall.

and every single time, i have to block their path and say, "this bathroom is closed. there is one directly down the hall, marked by signs. please leave," and they either try to argue that THEY specifically should be allowed to use this one, as if they are god's most special little guy, or express shock even though they, again, had to contend with the CLOSED sign to enter.

often, i am standing there in the middle of cleaning up bodily fluids having to firmly repeat myself. they always leave angry or confused.

anyways, you clicked this button to send me an ask about astrology:

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Happy Frenchie Friday!! Hope you all get to do whatever the fuck you want, babes!

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Hey could you take a look at this inordinately visceral gif of a printer for me really quick?

Thanks

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prematurely greying

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got a text from my old boss that she got new kittens, which didn’t surprise me bc she’s infamous for having like 10+ cats at a time and is constantly taking in strays from neighboring farms. average thursday for her right. but then i go to actually open the image she sent and

unique markings indeed!