azuralilies

[azuralilies]

i watched My Neighbor Totoro for the first time, here's my chronological viewing experience:

woo-hoo! dusty old japanese house with japanese architectural details aplenty

these kids got some ENERGY my goodness

family dynamic's adorable. peak quality dad humor

kids: our house is haunted. parents: that's so cool!

hell yeah, wrinkled old lady rep. we need more friendly old women with potato faces and warts like storybook witches. the backbone of society, these ladies

Plot Summary: Small Child Bothers Local Wildlife

sacred tree sacred tree sacred tree

Introducing Totoro! nobody said this fucker's got TEETH???

Uh-Oh! Inadequate Parental Supervision Detected

(you misplaced your four year old! you're not supposed to do that)

4-year-old: i met a magic forest spirit. dad: oh shit fr?

4-year-old: *angrily hugs sister* missed u bitch

this small child has a smile like a toad. like a really really cute toad. like the cutest toad in all existence. i love her she's perfection please just let this child be happy

rice paddies are so pretty....so back breaking....rice is such a prissy crop

*my crush is stranded in a rainstorm* takethisumbrellait'syoursnowBYE *runs away in panic im so good at flirting*

Giant Chinchilla Learns To Hold Umbrella, Is Fucking Delighted By Experience

take this, it will help you on your quest! *hands u trail mix wrapped in a leaf*

LO-FI HIP HOP STUDY LIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

crouching down to peer at dirt--A++ top notch foundational childhood experience

mom has a big ass forehead

honey! the chinchillas are performing Rituals in the backyard again

help yeah let's jack and the bean stalk this shit

huh so we're all just climbing aboard the giant chinchilla's tiddies now ok

class trip!

the pure adrenaline of Vegetable Gardening

no! the small child is crying! she is bawling her eyes out. no no no. i can't cope with this. emotionally i cannot cope 🥺🥺🥺

i've only had Mei one hour but if anything happens to her i will raze this earth and everyone on it

please someone make this small child smile again

oh no the tall child is crying too

i can't take this. my heart can't take this.

i need a drink

small child running determined to deliver magic veggies to the hospital. this kid is my hero

she is also unsupervised. so, so unsupervised

babe you are FOUR

godDAMMIT ghibli, you cannot give me watercolor sunsets while a small child is missing. u are killing me. my heart is giving out. this is me, experiencing heart failure.

Totoro to the rescue!

no wait CATBUS to the rescue!

i admit i initially thought the cat was a creep. alice in wonderland prejudiced me. i have revised my notions of smiling cats

i've decided the cat is a metaphor for the magic of a robust public transport system

MEI'S OKAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and so is mom. she's a lovely lady im sorry for what i said about her forehead. it's a noble forehead.

happy ending YES bitch!!!!!!

ok. ok ok ok. that was magical.

(as a first-time adult viewer i was worried i wouldn't be able to Access the Magic. but i could and i did and it was incredible. that was culture. that was ART. joy distilled into animated form. holy rites of childhood. i understand now. how glorious, this world we grow out of. how full of marvels. i'm going outside to smell grass and sun and get dirt under my fingernails. miraculous.)

[azuralilies]

@biggest-gaudiest-patronuses

Just thought you oughta know that when I mutter “Oh for gods sake” in public I am in fact muttering “Oh for Gaud’s sake” because I have encountered something in the outside reality with your blog’s energy

[azuralilies]

Seafoam green (in my opinion)

sometimes when i am angry/frustrated and need a venting outlet, i go through different versions of the same (emotionally fraught, aggressive, tearful, tragicomedic) argument in my head--where I argue viciously (with and against myself) over

the differences bt cyan and teal

whether cyan (or teal) is the superior color

if there is such a singular thing as cyan (or teal) or if it is a subjective category that can expand and contract wildly based solely on one's worldview

how to pronounce cyan

how to pronounce teal

it is a courtroom drama that never delivers the same verdict twice. a mental process both exhausting and strangely soothing. an old reliable friend. in conclusion, i am not neurotypical

[azuralilies]

Ah, you’ve been found

your poor little meow meow fucking bit me

[azuralilies]

Honestly

Gaud just has that effect on things

“i’m a fearsome indestructible monster of lore whose one shocking weakness is fire” buddy everyone’s weakness is fire

[azuralilies]

[azuralilies]

Did someone wake you from a nap?

put me back in the oven i am NOT done baking

[azuralilies]

Would 1000% hang out with Samara

*stalks the street at night looking for neighborhood creepypasta monsters to make friends with*

[azuralilies]

In Louisiana alone the number of above grounds tip their numbers to their favor so there really is no debate

so glad not to see any Skeleton War nonsense on my dash this year. such a dumb concept. as if the skeletons could ever not win, literally every human is a sleeper agent

[azuralilies]

you people are really out there putting skeletons in negligently small enclosures without any enrichment or socialization smh

[azuralilies]

Gaud if you don’t elaborate on this in a way that MAKES SENSE I’m gonna put your platform in the freezer

so....vampirism. by medical definition, an STD. we are agreed, yes?

[azuralilies]

wait so technically vampires are vegetarians

[azuralilies]

[azuralilies]

[azuralilies]

Boys have a thing and girls don't

One November afternoon when my daughter was in kindergarten, I picked her up after school. She bobbed out to the car and crawled into the back seat.

“What did you do today?” I asked.

She couldn’t wait to tell me. “We learned that boys are different from girls” she chirped.

Looking into the rearview mirror, I could just see the top of her head. “My teacher told us that boys have a thing and girls don’t,” she added.

“Well, yes they do…” I said cautiously.

I couldn’t think of anything else to say, so we were quiet for a moment. Then she piped up again. “That’s how girls know that boys are boys,” she said. “They see that thing that hangs down and they know that he is a boy.”

I mentally calculated the distance home. Our five-minute commute already felt like an hour.

“Did you know that when the boys see a girl they puff up?”

My palms were beginning to sweat.

“Um…well…” I was still searching for something new to say, to change the subject when she asked, “Why do the girls like the boys to have those things?”

Well, I didn’t know what to say. I mean, what woman hasn’t asked herself that question at least once? “Oh, well…um…” I stammered.

She didn’t wait for my answer. She had her own. “It’s ‘cause it moves when they walk and then the girls see that and that’s when they know they are boys and that’s when they like them. Then the boy sees the girl and he puffs up, and then the girl knows he likes her, too. And then they get married. And then they get cooked.”

That last part confused me a bit, but on the whole, I thought she had a pretty good grasp on things.

As soon as we got home and I pulled into the garage, she hopped out of the car, fishing something out of her school bag.

“I drew a picture,” she said. “Do you want to see?”

I wasn’t sure I did, but I looked at it anyway. I had to sit down.

There, all puffed up so to speak, looking mighty attractive for the ladies, was a crayon drawing of a great big Tom Turkey. His snood, the thing that hangs down over his beak, the thing that female turkeys find so irresistible, was magnificent. His tail feathers were standing tall and proud.

She was a little offended that I laughed so hard at her drawing, and I laughed until I cried. But when I told her I loved it … and I did … she got over her pique.

That was the end of that, for her anyway. But I’m not so lucky. Every year I remember that conversation. And to be honest, I haven’t looked at a turkey, or a man, the same way since.

[azuralilies]

[azuralilies]

demanding a series in the same vein (heh, vein) as Dexter/Hannibal wherein a prolific serial killer plays cat & mouse with the police--except the serial killer in question is a preteen schoolgirl. this would make for compelling television due to the fact that middle school frequently causes girls to become deranged, and more media should reflect this