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[azuredragoon-a]

HEADCANON 03.

                    ➤  self - shaping .

estinien’s hatred / grief / agony has developed essentially into himself. he’s attached himself so heavily to his past that those feelings are all he knows & over time, became a very sole part of who he is (or who he thought he was). as the days passed, so did the years, and many of his nights were spent laying awake in a sort of blinded hatred. oft did he spend his hours sat up at the foot of his bed, seething his emotions through empty glares & blood - lust filled bouts of training. he developed through his teenage years expressing to himself nothing but rage for the misery he had to bear as a child. he adopted those feelings, not as only feelings, but as key parts of himself & his personality.

as a child, he had a certain seriousness about him, but nothing touching malice , struggle , or hatred. instead, he was a boy who cared greatly for those around him, despite his quiet need to escape sometimes & the silent wish to explore beyond the town crowned home. he had a gentleness to him, a softness death could touch. & so it did.

he lost himself entirely, clinging desperately to the idea of vengeance, letting it consume all of him and all of what used to be. he will never go back to the way he was. that person died with the tragedy of ferndale. it was a coping mechanism to formulate his life around his desire for nidhogg’s ultimate destruction & he did it both willingly & subconsciously. it wasn’t until nidhogg was truly slain that estinien realized just how much of himself he poured into one single goal & how it became his entire person. depraved of what he thought he was, he was left to revel in the fact that he’s lost every ounce of meaning he had. he had developed so much into himself of vengeance that he was willing to die with nidhogg.

& he did, metaphorically. suddenly, he was a blank slate, something that could be molded & melded & it was threatening. it took several days to compute what had happened & how much of himself was lost in that battle. he’s still in a state where he is shaping who he is once more, elements of who he was as a child being reshaped within him, despite never being able to return to those moments. he thinks of them often, how he was, & wishes that he might see through those eyes again, despite knowing of its impossibility. he looks to himself as someone who must undergo new challenges.

i believe part of the reason he accepted the offer to be a part of the scions was because he felt he had nowhere else to go. after his mission to repay his debts, offer his apologies, and rebuild what was torn to wasted shreds, he wasn’t sure what next was in store for him. so, he decided to let others lead the way. people who helped him, people who have earned his trust (for the most part -- trust is a whole different headcanon to get into). eventually, he wants to reach a new understanding of oneself, to fulfill a purpose not hellbent on destruction, & find fulfillment in life. he sees it in the warrior of light, & he sees it in alphinaud. the way they’ve made mistakes, but are still revered as heroes. he wants a taste of what that feels like, whether or not he thinks he deserves it.

[azuredragoon-a]

OKAY... PSA !!.... since my reblogs aren’t working for anyone ( and that’s the main point of tumblr rp lbr ) i’ve moved back over to @azuredragoon so please follow me over there for future interactions ! i’ll be keeping an eye on this blog to see if i get replies etc and i’ll try to answer the asks i have over at my new blog on regular posts , but i really don’t want to give my followers a harder time for trying to rp with me ;_; so pls see my old - new blog here again 

[azuredragoon-a]

ok apparently tum/blr is being an asshole to yall trying to write with me and not working with editable reblogs ??? if anyone knows anything abt this please hmu ;_; is it a setting i have on or something?? is there smth i can do about it? (currently trying to google to figure it out a;lksdfj

[azuredragoon-a]

unmeiha​  *

          ❛ Still so presumptuous, ❜     she murmurs and clicks her tongue, folding her arms over her chest with a short sigh.

          She would not presume to know the depths of sorrow and rage he felt under the wyrm’s sway, but the grief of the man is one she knows as deeply as her own even without the Echo’s insight. The weight of loss that settles on her shoulders, in her stomach, in her heart; an inescapable sinking feeling, like quicksand, rooting her and drowning her in it all at once, even as she struggles against it. It claws her open, leaves her bleeding and raw, and when the sadness exhausts itself it reshapes itself into something stained red and far less forgiving, until that, too, is exhausted and the begins cycle anew.

          ❛ We are more alike than you might think. ❜

                       ❛  aye . were we not , my lance would bear little meaning now .   ❜  

WERE THEY NOT , his heart would not be so full of strength , of yearning , of desperation . for it is for these very reasons he still draws breath . he owes her greatly , as it was her hand that reached for him & dug him from the grave he’d buried himself within . there is an unspoken debt that lies heavy atop his heart , one that he will not speak of , but is held dearly with gripped fists & calloused fingers .   ❛  yet , there is much i do not know . i care not for trivial words . why do you fight , koharu ? ❜  

his curiosities will not be sated until he receives an answer born of honesty , of familiarity , of trust . this much will establish their bond .

[azuredragoon-a]

ishguardienne​  *

@azuredragoon​​ said :  ❛ i am what i am. you cannot be angry with a stove for heating the house. ❜ | (  more deathless prompts  /  accepting !!  )

        𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐀 𝐋𝐎𝐍𝐆 𝐌𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓, Iphenne is silent. She watches the dragoon intensely with the sort of look that begets disbelief. Estinien is so infuriatingly obstinate, that at times she wonders how she hasn’t found the resolve to wring his neck herself. The silence stretches on, creeping into the territory of uncomfortable and heavy before she finally finds her voice again. 

        ❝  …Is that what you think? That I am angry with you?  ❞ she asks, incredulous. Iphenne steps forward then, her calm expression twisting into something anguished. ❝  I am not angry with you, Estinien. Do you not realise how worried I’ve been?  ❞ There’s a pause before she corrects herself, feeling that the admission is too vulnerable.  ❝  We’ve all worried about you! You could have died!  ❞

                                                ❛  yet i live .   ❜    

GUILT - RIDDEN , HANDS tainted with blood , his lance , his abandoned armor , his helmet , still wearing the stains & stench of it all . an obstinate agony becomes him & he knows that no other will understand him , & that the fault of the matter lies only ‘pon one specific pair of shoulders . he shrugs haphazardly & sighs .

                    ❛  i recommend you get some rest . it should serve you well .   ❜    

he can tell she’s stressed  .  .  .  & that he’s the source of it . there’s a familiar awkwardness that overtakes him as eyes shift from one corner of the room to the other . he sits across from her , a barely eaten meal atop the table from which he’s been served . he despises this healing process  --  he’s more irritable than usual , being unable to spar , to train , to move about as he pleases . perhaps if she left , they’d both be better off .

[azuredragoon-a]

@abystal​  *

                            ❛  indeed . fifteen - thousand gil was well met .  ❜

& FOOLISHNESS BECOMES him as a shoddy , under - performing scarf drapes from his neck to his chest . it is hardly worth 600 gil the way it wears & how little it protects from the cold , yet , estinien seems to appreciate it more than he would ever let on .

[azuredragoon-a]

@gaussrounds​  *

                                     ❛  aye . family is a topic harsher than most .  ❜      

YET STILL , he seeks answers . he oft wonders about chidori & why she is the way she is . in what ways she was raised . he gives it a moment’s thought before speaking once more .     ❛  what of yours ?  ❜      

[azuredragoon-a]

↪     𝑯𝑶𝑳𝒀 𝑾𝑨𝑹  .    (  a  collection  of  sentence  starters  from  S4  of  syfy’s  wynonna  earp .  adjust  phrasing  as  necessary .  )

still not looking at your ass .

does it hurt ?

a first - aid kit ,  yeah … that’s something we should have ,  right ?

what kind of psychopath doesn’t use a pen ?

come voluntarily or you’ll be taken by force .

is that why you’ve been so moody and unpredictable ?

absorbent is as absorbent does .

well ,  that’s a felony .

you could’ve killed me !

it’s nice to see a familiar face .

i need to find  [ name ] .

a little help ,  please .

when i find [ name ] ,  i am gonna torture her .

you’re alright now .

[ name ] ,  you came .

[ name ] ,  i need you to come with me .

i don’t even get where you’re going .

you PROMISED you’d be honest .

let me have a sip of thinking juice ,  here .

what aren’t you telling me ?

so you also lied to me about NOT lying ??

i need to atone for my recent history .

we’ve all done bad things to each other .

you’re being forgetful .  or kind .

next time someone has to risk their lives ,  YOU’RE IT !

god ,  you are such a …

i would do literally anything to keep her safe .

sometimes life is a real backpack of balls .

i am so serious ,  shut your mouth .

if you die ,  i’ll kill you !

don’t you know how dangerous this is ?

i swore to protect you .

listen ,  we can help each other ,  alright ?

is everything a sex joke to you ?

who’s a girl gotta screw around here to get a gun ?

that sounds kinda lesbian .

[ name ] ,  how could you ?

i’ll show you how it’s done .

you’re stronger than i expected .

i told you ,  i’m leaving .

[ name ] ,  what the hell ?!

are you real ?

something  here  is  pretty  off .

we’ll  think  a  little  better  with  some  fire  in  our  bellies .

say your piece ,  [ name ] .

it’s just so good to be home .

who are you ?

i thought i’d be safe in here .

the only place scarier than in here ,  is out there .

i didn’t mean it like that .  not at all .

please don’t say you’re sorry anymore .  you don’t need to be .

vacation’s over ,  assholes !

please tell me everyone’s okay ,  [ name ] .

what really happened to  [ name ] ?

i know i let everyone down .

i hope that means there’s no hard feelings .

as you all know ,  i excel at having opinions .

i wish i knew what we were up against .

don’t yell at me .

home - brewed mold juice will NOT defeat pure evil !

at first i thought it was irrelevant ,  but then i figured it out .

what does a  [ last name ]  know about keeping their word ?

there’s been enough crime today .

[ name ] ,  what’s going on ?

why do i taste skunk ?

that would get my slacks off in a second .

please don’t get off on the wrong foot .

i know every curve .  every sigh .  every taste .

yeah ,  i guess i forgot .

i can’t wait for the rest of our lives to unfold .

sorry ,  i’m just .  i’m so distracted .

thanks for taking care of my friend .

i feel like i can handle it .

baby ,  i’m sorry nobody’s here .

you’re sorry we’re alone in the house ?

i could introduce you .

i’m merely here to conduct business .

everyone knows you’re  [ name’s ]  man .

stand down ,  big boy .  all it is to me is interesting .

i’m sexy ,  i’m cute ,  i found it in a boot .

sometimes i feel like you’re keeping me a secret .

love wins ,  after all .

you stay away from us .

even if your family sucks ,  you don’t .

you  …  opposite of suck .

crush ?  don’t say that ,  okay -  not here .

there’s easier ways to say you feel different .

can we go ?  now ?  like ,  right now ?

rule number one ,  we do not work for the enemy !

you’re better than this .

what do you want me to do ?

you wanna see childish ?  how about this ?

i know you  …  and you know me .

what the hell is this place ?

i don’t have my gun !

you have me .

it’s high time we leave this place .

i got you .  i got you .

what did you do ?!  idiot ,  what did you do ?!

all i have is my people .

i owe you nothing .

you may be dumbstruck but you’re not an idiot .

what are you doing sleeping with a pistol under your pillow ?

it’s my bedroom ,  i’ll ask the questions .

i’ve been keeping watch .

we don’t talk about that anymore .

oh my god ,  don’t ever do that to me again !

say hello to my little friend …

in the future ,  if you wanna hurt me  -  just say please .

give me one good reason why i shouldn’t pluck your eyes out like grapes  …  then steal these shades .

i’ve made my own fate .

i knew you could handle yourself .

demons can’t hold their liquor .

you are a welcome sight for these sore eyes .

it’s so good to be home … and in your arms .

extreme makeover ,  homo edition ?  kill the drill .

what choice do we have ?

speaking of the team ,  has anyone seen  [ name ]  since this morning ?

all that matters is he’s safe .

we all did what we had to do to survive .

what’s happening to me ?

i can’t wait anymore .  it’s been over a year .

can you help ?

the price is steep .

i will do anything to get her back .

[ name ] ,  it’s all coming back to me .  i did something terrible .

sweetie ,  it’s okay  –  just  …  spit it out .

any man that would shoot another man in the back doesn’t deserve to be known or remembered .

you miss it ,  don’t you ?

the rules were simpler ,  then .

i don’t have the luxury of getting old and forgetting all the things i’ve done .

i’d like to know the plan before i celebrate it .

they don’t deserve death ,  they deserve to be destroyed .

you look like you need an ambulance .

so we’re dealing with what ,  some kind of hex ?

we need to focus on a cure .

wise words from a leader of tomorrow .

oh ,  great  –  you’ve heard of me .

you listen to me ,  goddammit .

everyone still needs me to keep them safe .

this thing between you and i isn’t over until i say it’s over .

how am i supposed to live a normal life ?  why the fuck would i want to ?

just once i’d like for someone to come in with flowers .

i don’t pick sides .  i’m in it for myself ,  does that sound familiar ?

it’s a compliment .  it’s how we’ve both managed to survive .

noble men do not have the luxury of being neutral in times of war .

i like taking care of you .  i’d be happy to do it for the rest of our lives .

you did something terrible .  but you being you ,  how terrible could it be ?

i come bearing apology beer .

do you wanna hear my sob story ?

i did manage to get my hands on this stupid thing .

you are everything .

hide your kids ,  hide your wives ,  ‘cause we are storming the fucking castle .

can you not do that right now ,  during my rousing speech ?

don’t jump to plan c before we’ve even tried plan a .

wait ,  wait  –  are you sure about this ?

no ,  no  –  GAH ,  I’M GONNA KILL YOU !

i shouldn’t have given up ,  cause that’s what i did .  i gave up .

i let everyone down ,  but today i’m gonna change that .

i need you to kill me .

hey ,  i know how this looks  ..  but i’m asking you to TRUST me .

[azuredragoon-a]

@reapcrbunny​  *

                                             ❛  you know no rest .   ❜      

CONCERN IS LACED , weaving in & out betwixt his words & he cannot bear to watch the woman suffer onward . he is wildly familiar with the woes & sorrows of fatigue’s greatest wars , so when worrying for another , his mind strays from its usual distance .

                 ❛  should we see to an inn , i urge you to spend a night in its bed .   ❜      

& he knows his advice is hypocritical when thought of who it comes from .

[azuredragoon-a]

HEADCANON 02.

                     ➤    wan·der·lust / noun : a strong desire to travel.  

as i had mentioned in my previous headcanon post, “  so i headcanon he’s always somewhat dealt with a bit of depression, despite growing up in a relatively normal atmosphere. he wasn’t truly satisfied with the rural farm life of ferndale, but he knew not what he wanted to do about it, so he stuck with it, despite his desire for something more. ” but those thoughts, those wants, desires, never faded. he’s never been one to stay in one place for long, lest he bear the burden of companionship.

even after tragedy beset him, he proceeded in the way of the lance, in the way of self & exterior possession. he was ruled by the doctrine of the knights he had joined & moved only with them as he prepared himself for his ultimate battle against nidhogg. as he graduated & time went on, he found he could not stay himself. stillness existed no longer within him, as he had gained full access to his own life & spared the few friendships he had made along the way. he travels a lot, he likes to travel, he finds some simple joy in experiencing new places & new beginnings, never allowing himself to stay put long enough to forge anything of emotional attachment to anything. instead, he appreciates the different cultures he’s made face with & the different foods that accompanied them.

he’s never been one who is afraid to try new things. however, his desire to travel is less about the new sights to see & more about escaping his previous presence. his life is a game of cat & mouse with none other than himself. the exploration of new lands is but a luxury that accompanies his constant migration.

tl;dr bc idk what im saying : he enjoys to the pros to traveling but maintains his escapade with only the desire to escape.

[azuredragoon-a]

@eredeha​  *  kaia

                                ❛  it seems the battle is won .   ❜    

CONFIDENTLY DOES he walk onto the scene with monsters slain , a smile pronounce subtly ‘gainst his features .     ❛  it's a shame i’ve missed it .   ❜    his lance is stored ‘pon his back , yet he wields it aside . it’s best to prepared ‘fore friends of enemies creep onward in their direction .

[azuredragoon-a]

HEADCANON 01.1

                     ➤   dealings with grief .

i know i recently posted my old headcanon about estinien’s dealings with grief, but i don’t think i really touched on nidhogg’s grief that estinien had to bear alongside his own , truly making for an unbearable amount of sorrow for one person . estinien is very strong , but he’s just a man . he must have dealt with so so much sadness in his heart during the events of heavensward that it was unreal & yet still , he fought on and woke to a new sun each day and strived onward for what he believed in . even when it was all over , i’m estinien still dealt so much with nidhogg’s sorrow , his grief , his conviction . he had become one with him , body and mind . “ For a time, Estinien's soul had been merged with that of Nidhogg; the dread wyrm's tumultuous storm of emotions comingling with his own. The rancor, the fury, the grief─he had felt it all. And the grief lingered even now.  “ this excerpt takes place after the events of heavensward from the tale “From Azure Ashes” and it just makes me think long and hard about how every moment must have been a fighting battle for him. not only was he fighting war with his lance , but also with his heart . idk im emotional about estinien as u can see i’m completely normal rn

[azuredragoon-a]

@glorynot​  *

                       ❛  you could do worse than to place your trust in me .   ❜  

& HE STANDS at the foot of battle , raging ogres surrounding them in a fit of ice & raging zephyr . lance is drawn & a battle of protection begins . he would not be named the azure dragoon for naught .

[azuredragoon-a]

@ishguardienne​  *

                                   ❛  there is more to you than you let on .   ❜

THIS MUCH he understands & by this much does it bring him a tantamount feeling of guilt . to be saved by someone of such extraordinary power , yet to fail to see them for who they really are .  .  .  for who she really is . he cannot help but feel frustrated . the crackle of the fire beside them resonates warmth ‘gainst flesh ‘neath armor frosted over .     ❛  as you like know , i am no man for small talk  .  .  .  & yet , if you feel the need to speak , i would urge you to do so .   ❜

[azuredragoon-a]

@etheirian​  *

                                    ❛  i’ve been searching for you .   ❜      

THE NIGHT TIME air is calm , filled only with the subtle breaths of their resting companions . estinien had previously peeked through wyatt’s tent , only to find it empty of his body & soul . thus would he begin to seek him in the nearby wilderness .     ❛  when i’d found your tent to be empty , i could only assume you’d ventured off this way . you’re lucky the beasts still lay at rest .   ❜

[azuredragoon-a]

        𝐈𝐍𝐍𝐎𝐕𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍'𝐒 𝐌𝐘 𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐈𝐋𝐋. 𝐂𝐀𝐍 𝐁𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄 𝐎𝐑 𝐂𝐀𝐍 𝐊𝐈𝐋𝐋. 𝐃𝐎𝐍'𝐓 𝐅𝐄𝐀𝐑 𝐌𝐘 𝐀𝐌𝐁𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍. 𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐂𝐓 𝐌𝐘 𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍. 𝐒𝐔𝐑𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐎 𝐌𝐘 𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐋.

                 ↪ multiwol friendly. mature themes. spoilers ahead. read pinned.

[azuredragoon-a]

estinien’s gruff vboice