b-rutal-youthh

[b-rutal-youthh]

I make ramen the way my high school boyfriend taught me to. I listen to the same music that my first love showed me. I write because someone I met in Instagram DMs told me they loved my writing. I repeat phrases from people who were barely in my life for a month. The way I speak is a mix of everyone around me. I think the way I do because of my therapist. My 10th grade history teacher was the one who taught me that I'm worth loving.

I am nothing but a mosaic of everyone I've ever known and everyone I've ever loved. There is no me, only what my love has made me.

[b-rutal-youthh]

"Love is everything. You are everything."

i don't have an astigmatism. my sight is just blurry because of the love. love softens things around the edges

[b-rutal-youthh]

i'd wait an eternity for just a moment in your arms. i just want one whiff of the coffee on your breath. i want to feel the itchy wool of your sweater, even if its unpleasant. i want to observe the hair on your clothes and the way your pupils dilate when you look my way.

i want to get used to your cologne, wake up to your voice, and be reminded that i've found the love of my life every time i look at you. i want to stay up into the late hours of the night so i can confirm that your eyes shine brighter than every star in the sky.

i cant. i stare at your text, wishing you were speaking to me instead. i bundle up a blanket to hold at night, imagining what you'll smell like when you're finally in my arms. the selfies you send would look better if i were there, looking at you face to face.

what a shame distance is, that it can hinder our love so.