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babybinnyboy · 3 years

Text

— streetlights ; scb (m.)

— genre: best friends/roommates to lovers au (i clearly love this trope a little too much) ; major angst ; some fluff

— word count: 7.2k

— rating: 18+

— summary: x fem!reader ; to keep you safe, he asks you to be home by the streetlights every night. little do you know, it helps him sleep at night when he hears the door open at nine at night.

— warning(s): just a whole lot of your otp being stoopid ; swearing

— listen to: streetlights - scb (spotify)

— a/n: helloooo, i am finally back with another fic 💀 this was originally supposed to go on my 3racha blog but i was too lazy and just went with it here...i also am trying a new style of banners (since i make my own graphics and shit) and this isn’t my first banner like this but it is the first published one. anyway, i know this fic is a shitshow but it is currently unedited and i hoped for some feedback — my writer’s block has been kicking my ass lately. enjoy!

9:37 PM [changbin 🙄:] be home before the streetlights come on.

“He acts like your dad. No offense,” Hyunjin threw popcorn into his mouth, receiving a smack from Minho as he sat down. “Shut up, if Changbin heard that he’d kick your ass so fast, I’d watch your head spin.” Chuckling, you grabbed your purse, tucking your cellphone into the side pocket. They didn’t really know much about Changbin — despite you and him being friends for nearly ten years. You met Minho and Hyunjin freshman year of university, and hung out with them constantly while Changbin waited for his transfer. He got into Yonsei University, while you decided to stay a few hours from home at Seoul National University. Being without him for three entire school years really took a toll on your friendship, but you saw him bring friends to SNU — and for him to be seen with anyone but you glued to his side was truly a sight for sore eyes.

However, Changbin making more friends cut away a chunk of your time together. At Yonsei, he met Jisung and Chan — and through music, the three became best friends in the back of their Coding 101 class. They eventually decided to transfer with Changbin, having formed the trio they called 3RACHA — and they put tracks on SoundCloud for fun. You remember hearing many demos for said tracks during your calls with Changbin in the last three years, and the staticky yelling of Jisung when he finally finished his verses. You’d smile when he would prop you up with him in the makeshift booth Chan had built in his dorm, but for some reason, you felt a bit empty.

The truth was, you were sure that Changbin was drifting from you. Of course, even if he was, you wouldn’t stop him — people grow and sometimes it is in different directions, but seeing him grow away from you (or what you assumed to be away from you) made you feel a bit...strange. Especially now that you were officially roommates, even if you shared the apartment with a grumpy Changbin in the mornings.

“Yah, you’d think you’d help me fight him instead of standing there like a fool. How can you call yourself my boyfriend if you’d let Changbin-hyung hurt this handsome face?” Hyunjin strokes his jawline as Minho rolls his eyes, stealing popcorn from the bowl in the younger man’s lap. “I mean, I think Changbin is perfectly capable of beating your ass, but that being said, I should get going.” You smile softly at your friends when they turn to you, a glint in their eyes you couldn’t quite read. “Fine, hold on. Let us walk you.” Minho started off the couch towards the door before you shook your head, slipping your purse onto your shoulder.

“I got it, thank you, though. It’s just a ten-minute walk. I’ll see you guys next week, yeah? Same time.” Minho looked unimpressed, but with a nod from Hyunjin, you waved at the two boys before heading out. “Text me when you get home, Y/N.”

“Will do!” You chirp as you shut their front door, heading for the stairs of their complex. Minho and Hyunjin could afford the nicer apartments off campus, whereas you and Changbin lived in the smaller complex not far from them. You had a cozy three-bed, one-bath (and yes, Changbin did use your body wash) and your common areas were practically doused in what you and Changbin enjoyed. His collection of horror DVDs sat in the bookshelves you nailed to the wall (without the landlord’s permission), and your snowglobe collection gathered dust on the top shelf. Changbin had been telling you to wipe them, but you ignored his tips and allowed the snowglobes to stay as they are. On your couch were two blankets, one black and as soft as your hair after wash day — and another that Changbin’s mom sent you for your birthday.

You’d known the woman for ten years and she still didn’t remember your taste. You didn’t blame her, but she would at least keep the post-it notes you sent home with Changbin on the tubs of kimchi he takes back every few days. Yes, every few days, because you and Changbin are gremlins and don’t eat anything without your favorite side dish.

“Shit.” You feel a fat drop of water land on your head, looking up at the sky to see the dark, rolling clouds getting ready for a storm. Cursing to yourself, you run to the crosswalk as the rain starts coming down lightly, making spots on the asphalt as you scurry to press the beg button. Waiting for the LED man to appear, you feel your phone buzz in your purse. If Changbin hadn’t called you yet, he would start soon.

9:49 PM [changbin 🙄:] looks like rain

9:53 PM [changbin 🙄:] streetlights are on, where are you?

10:09 PM [changbin 🙄:] it’s drizzling, you’re gonna get sick, y/n. if you're still over there, ask one of the guys to drive you, i’ll send them gas money.

10:10 PM [changbin 🙄:] y/nnnnnn

Scowling, you run towards your apartment gate, your cardigan drenched as the thunder rolls in the sky, and you swear your fingers are numb as you try to punch in the security code. “C’mon, stupid gate.” Muttering, your trembling hands finally pull the gate open and you bolt towards the lobby of your complex. You can hear the disgustingly wet squelch of your boots as you scurry towards the elevator, repeatedly clicking the up button. As you press a third time, it dings, opening to reveal a fully-dressed Changbin with a yellow umbrella in his hand. Frowning, he pulls you into the elevator, closing the door on the next person trying to get in. “You’re freezing, pipsqueak.” He scolds as you shiver in your wet clothes.

“I got caught in the rain.”

“I see that, did you get any of my messages?”

“Yeah, dad, I got them.”

“I knew you guys were freaky but not like that.” You hear Jisung’s voice as the elevator opens, and you scowl inwardly as you kick your boots off to walk into your apartment. You feel the wave of warmth hit your face, and as you drop your boots in the foyer, Changbin groans, picking them up and putting them by the window. They’ll dry when the sun comes up tomorrow morning, he thinks, and Jisung launches himself onto the couch. Chan was supposed to be over too, but it seemed he’d become a bit preoccupied with his current fling of the month. “I’m gonna shower, Bin! Tell your ratty little friend to keep out of my restroom.” He snorts at your attitude, tossing a warm towel your way.

“She’s something,” Jisung mumbles as his hyung sits next to him, offering a cold bottle of water. “Something good or something bad?” Changbin notices the indifferent look on Jisung’s face, and assumes it’s not the former. “What’s wrong with Y/N? You don’t like her?”

“No, it’s not that. Look, hyung, I know we’re tight and I know that having 3RACHA happening and the friendship being so fresh, it’s kind of inevitable seeing each other. Haven’t you noticed Y/N leaves the apartment every time Chan-hyung and I come over? She’s always like Oh, I told Felix and Jeongin I’d meet them for lunch, or I forgot I had to study with Seungmin. It’s always something, dude. I think Y/N feels like we’re cutting into your freaky deaky time.” Jisung eluded, hoping to plant a seed in Changbin’s brain that could benefit you all. You and Changbin spend more time together, Chan can stop hearing Changbin complain about how pretty you look when you leave, and Jisung can win the bet he placed with Chan about you having a crush on Changbin.

In the end, you’re all winners.

“Firstly, my best friend and I do not have freaky deaky time, whatever the hell that is. I dust her snowglobes, she records movies for me, and we live. She just doesn’t know you guys well enough yet, now, can we stop talking about her? She saved a couple movies for us before she dipped,” Changbin reaches for the remote, scowling at the next words Jisung muttered. “Dusting her snowglobes? What kinky sex thing is that?”

“Yah! Don’t you respect your elders, Han Jisung?” Changbin could feel the hot flush creeping up his cheek, and his younger only shrugged. “You’re shorter than me.” Lunging for the boy, Changbin wrestled him off the couch. Not hearing you stumble out of the bathroom and towel-drying your hair, he jumped when you flicked a few droplets of water onto his arm. “No fighting in my living room, Seo.”

“Yeah, just fucki—” Changbin slapped a hand over Jisung’s mouth, but you rolled your eyes anyway. “Han, if I wanted to screw my best friend, I think I would have already.” And with a wiggle of your finger, you prance into the kitchen — in search of the leftover takeout you saved from last night’s study session with Seungmin. He really was a sweet boy, he just had evil tendencies. Like scribbling on your paper to annoy you when you were trying to focus. Either way, Seungmin was a dandy fellow.

And the perfect distraction from your indecisive feelings about a certain roommate named Seo Changbin.

—

“Okay, so now you multiply—” Hyunjin groans frustratedly, shoving his books away. You’d been trying to explain basic Statistics to him, but if he had just taken it in high school like the rest of us, maybe he’d be in a different boat. “You’re an awful tutor, Y/N. All you do is get honey-butter chip crumbs on my books and drain my pockets for boba.” He’s pouting, but you chew on a boba ball for emphasis, basking in the sweet, sweet taste of your rosehip milk tea. Shutting his books, you pushed them towards him.

“Let’s just get out of here, being in the library drains me. We can catch dinner at that place you like, you know? The one with the really good hangover soup,” Your mouth is watering and Hyunjin throws a chip at you, quickly picking it up under the beady eyes of the librarian. “Well, are we walking?”

Of course you weren’t walking. You’d asked Changbin to borrow his precious 2012 Toyota to take to Hyunjin and Minho’s — which he thought over almost too carefully. He’d reluctantly handed you his keys, and you were sure to hit every pothole you could find on the way to the library. However, if he had done that to your car — you would charge the Seo family for years.

You weren’t too worried about Changbin billing you though, you were a broke college student waiting to get her greedy hands on the food his mom sent down every week.

“I have Bin’s car,” You pressed the key fob, hearing the beautiful beep of ol’ Gladys. She was a nice pearlescent color — and she was very cozy. Instead of leather seats, Changbin had asked his parents to get cloth seats — I don’t like burning my skin in the summer, He had said. They’d been reluctant but eventually did just that, and now you didn’t even park in the sun anymore so it didn’t matter. Several stains littered the fabric but that’s what made Gladys Changbin’s car.

“How long have you known Changbin-hyung again?” Hyunjin scowls as he lightly bumps his head on the roof, reclining the seat a bit to avoid it the next time you decide to run over eighty million potholes. Smiling at the memory of meeting Changbin, you stick the keys in the ignition as you answer his question. “I met him in grade 6. He was sitting in my seat, and I told him to get up but he told me he wouldn’t, so I shoved him out of it. We got into a screaming match and then we got sent home for the rest of the day, and we wound up walking in the same direction towards his aunt's apartment and me and my mom’s. I apologized and he came over for tteokbokki and spicy tuna kimbap. The rest is history.” You shrug, and feel your cheeks heat as you notice Hyunjin is staring at you rather intensely.

“You...You little rat,” Hyunjin twists in his seat as you pull into the restaurant parking lot. “What?”

“You like him! You like Changbin-hyung! God, I fucking knew it!” Hyunjin claps his hands excitedly, and you feel yourself choking on your words. “I do not like him! I love Changbin, he’s my best friend! You don’t meet too many guys like him in your life.”

“Okay, and you’re not Mulan and you will not fall in love with an army General who hides his feelings behind the saying ‘a life for a life?’” Hyunjin is gasping, and you give him a wary side glance as you unlock the doors. “Bro, who hurt you?”

Pouting, Hyunjin seems to have forgotten all about the topic at hand when he begins talking about how he and Minho got into an argument about whether or not Minho should start walking the cats with Kkami. Obviously, Hyunjin had thought this idea was stupid and clearly stated so — making Minho upset in the process. Minho had asked him to leave his coffee on the table instead of bringing it into the bedroom when he returned from the café they had down the street, and apparently, this was a huge deal to Hyunjin. Iced Americanos were their thing, and so was breakfast in bed. It seemed the younger man had a lot of emotional turmoil, but you assured him it’d be resolved in due time.

“I dunno, Y/N, what if he starts telling me not to bring him one anymore?” You hand Hyunjin a menu as you slide into the booth the hostess had led you to. “Look, oppa, if Minho has that big of an issue with it, you just gotta bring him the coffee anyway.” You skimmed the menu, eyeing the photos of their bulgogi meal. Mouth watering at the thought of stringy, cheesy tteokbokki with a kick, you had zoned out entirely and didn’t notice Chan standing at the end of your table, notepad in hand. “Can I get you guys started with some drinks today?”

“Do you guys still have peach soju? You run out awfully fast,” Hyunjin’s voice snaps you out of whatever trance you’re in, Chan’s hands coming into view as he scribbles across the paper. “One glass or two?”

“Two, please. Two.” You feel your stomach churn as Chan meets your eyes, a glint of suspicion crossing his. “Okay, are you ready to order?” Hyunjin clearly doesn’t sense your distress as he begins ordering — spicy tuna kimbap, bulgogi with a side of rice, and kimchi stew. While your friend is fulfilling his stomach with his eyes, you force a smile as you tell Chan your order of yukgaejang, cheesy tteokbokki, and the new kimchi dumplings.

“Any side dishes?” You shake your head quickly, wondering since when does taking an order take so long? You felt like you’d been here for hours, and Hyunjin simply ignored the harsh kick you gave his shin as he asked for spicy cucumber salad. “Alright, I’ll be back in a moment.” Chan slid the pen into his back pocket, his slacks so tight that if you liked Chan, you would’ve complimented his butt.

“Bro, his butt looks so good. I wonder—” You sigh loudly, running your hands through your hair as he turns to look at you again. “You are awful at taking hints. I should make you pay tonight,” Scowling, he kicks you under the table, and you damn near play footsies as Chan slides two shot glasses on your table and hands you the bottle of Soju. “Nice to see you, Y/N.”

Hyunjin has a sudden moment of realization as Chan walks away again, clicking his pen as he checks on another table. You sink down the booth, your cheeks burning in embarrassment.

Here was the problem with Chan. He knew entirely too much about you — and he knew you were on edge 24/7 about Changbin. He was aware that you constantly avoid spending time with Changbin when they were over because you would react negatively to Jisung’s constant teasing. Chan understands, even if you’ve never confirmed any of his suspicions, that you are afraid of ruining what you already have with Changbin.

He knows that you think you can’t say anything about your feelings, because if you did, Changbin would simply turn you away. And maybe you’re right, maybe Changbin would laugh in your face or just say he’s not interested because you’re his best friend. But there isn’t another like Changbin.

There isn’t another Seo Changbin. Only the one who buys you fruit-themed earrings whenever he sees them, only the one who pays the light bill a day late.

Only the one who is just as enamored with you as you are him.

—

10:56PM [changbin 🙄:] hyung told me he saw you and hyunjin at the diner today

10:56PM [changbin 🙄:] he also said you packed up the tteokbokki 👀 care to share with your dearest old roomie?

10:58PM: u only want me for my food, come to the kitchen. i’m heating it up.

“I do not only want you for your food, you gremlin.” Changbin grabs the disposable chopsticks you offered him, scoffing as you prepare two glasses. “What are we drinking?”

“I went to the market with Hyunjin, even though he complained the whole time. I just bought a pack of Chilsung and a thing of green plum syrup, so I’ll be putting those to good use.” You shovel ice into the cups, and Changbin wonders if it’s just him, or you’re being rather distant lately.

Big surprise, it’s not just him. Changbin hadn’t noticed at first, but he slowly realized that you stepped back immensely when he transferred to SNU. Originally, he thought he transferred out to make his parents happy — but when he got here, he realized he’d missed you terribly. And not only that, but he had missed out on three crucial years of your life, and the spring finals were approaching (in three months) — alongside your graduation, but you had yet to spend more than two hours a night together. You were always with Minho and Hyunjin, or Seungmin, Jeongin, and Felix. Whether it be studying or just relaxing, you were never in the house — but he felt as though it’d be a good time to bring it up now.

“So...we should have a little day to ourselves tomorrow.” He picked up a rice cake, offering it to you. Taking it slowly, you raised a brow at him and spoke through your chewing. “A little day? C’mon, Binnie. You’ve got that project you’re working on with Chan and Jisung, and tomorrow is Friday. I have a yoga class with Minho and Hyunjin, and then we’re getting dinner.” Pouring a bit of syrup in each glass, you managed to miss Changbin’s deep frown.

“I told them I was going to take a few days off. But it’s okay, I’ll find something to do,” He feels his chest a bit heavy as you slide him his cup. “Sometimes, I wonder if we’re even still friends.” He’s muttering, but you hear him clearly. Taking his chopsticks, you pick your own rice cake up before trying to lighten the situation. “You’re my best friend, Seo. I wouldn’t trade you for the world,” He presses his lips into a fine line, clearing his throat as he looks away.

“Okay, tell you what. I’ll cancel dinner with the Bonnie & Clyde wannabes and we can get dinner instead. We can go to—” He shakes his head, cutting you off and before you know it, you see a tear rolling down his cheek as he’s walking away. “Goodnight, Y/N. Have a good time tomorrow.”

For as long as you’ve known Changbin, you’ve seen him cry once. Not because he wasn’t in tune with his emotions, but because he never wanted you to see it. He hated feeling vulnerable, even if you were the person he most trusted.

You know there is a lack of communication between you. And, you don’t know how to fix it, but you know who will help you do so — Chan and Jisung. Sure, Minho & Hyunjin were dating and Felix, Seungmin and Jeongin all had partners, but it wouldn’t be the same.

1:33AM: gotta cancel tomorrow. my best friend needs me.

1:36AM [cat daddy 🐱:] we’ve been planning this for months? why the sudden change of heart?

1:38AM [hyunjinnie 🤩:] it’s fine y/n. goodnight.

1:40AM: thanks jinnie. goodnight.

1:42AM [cat daddy 🐱:] i hate it here.

—

9:30AM: i need your help.

9:31AM [bang chan:] ...can it wait?

9:33AM [han jisung:] well, well, well. what do we have here?

9:37AM: yah, don’t be greasy. you’ve stolen my best friend from me and now, i’m demanding you give him back.

9:40AM [han jisung:] lol just say u like him and go 🥴

9:42AM [bang chan:] fr 🤪

9:43AM: this is why you’re both 5’7 and get no bitches

9:43AM [han jisung:] isn’t changbin-hyung 5’6? right. anyway we’ll be right over.

9:45AM: you ain’t shit lol, bring coffee.

“I can’t believe you got us out of bed before noon,” Jisung slides an iced Americano your way, and you rub your eyes sleepily. Changbin leaves for the gym nearing seven in the morning, and doesn’t come back until after two, so you were in the clear until then. “Here, have a doughnut. Changbin told us a while ago that you like blueberry?”

“Oh fuck yeah, I do. I didn’t know he remembered that,” You took it gently, breaking a piece off as you sat cross-legged on a chair. “So, operation give-me-my-best-friend-back starts now. I feel like—”

“You haven’t been communicating and like you don’t spend enough time together, even though you spent three years apart and missed each other an awful lot. I don’t want to assume anything, because then it looks like we’re blowing smoke up our asses, but I want to say that it has to do with Chan-hyung and I.” When did Jisung become so...articulate. Shocked, you simply put on a mask of understanding and nod, finishing your bite before saying anything. “I may not be super fond of you guys, but I know Bin likes you. He talked about you all the time before you transferred from Yonsei, and I know that he enjoys your company as well as your friendship. But I also know that I am no one to stop Bin and give him an ultimatum or simply ask him to split his time. Just because he is my best friend, I know he would pick me over you and that isn’t fair to either of you — you guys help Bin so much. I will forever be thankful for you guys helping him become this confident and outgoing guy that I had never seen before.”

You don’t notice you’re crying until Chan wiped his thumb across your cheek. “M’sorry, I didn’t mean to start crying.” You turn away from them, wiping your face quietly. “Changbin never stopped talking about you, Y/N.” Mumbling, Chan looked at Jisung, giving him the look. Say something, his eyes begged.

“He always talked about how much he missed you, and when he got tipsy, I swear it was like word vomit for him. He would tell us how often you met up every week when you were in high school, and how you managed to change your class schedule in high school to have more classes with him. I’ve never seen him speak so fondly of anything or anyone, and I know he’s proud of you. Hyung talks about you and your family all the time, and how loving you are to them and how he knows how safe and sound your children will be if you ever have them. He wondered out loud what he hoped your partner to be like, Y/N.” And he hoped your partner would be like him, would be him.

“Woah, what are you doing here?” Changbin was shutting the door, and you quickly wiped away any remaining tears. “Hey, hyung. Just having a little moment with Y/N.” Jisung played it cool, sipping his iced Americano while you inwardly panicked. Suspicious, Changbin’s eyes narrowed at Chan’s fiddling, but looked away. “Why are you here? I thought you were at the gym.”

“Yeah, well, I live here too, Y/N. I pay rent and bills for this roof just like you do.” He scoffs, allowing his keys to clank against the metal dish on the side table. “What? Did you plan to enjoy my best friends without me?” Narrowing your eyes, you felt your stomach churned as he bore holes into your head with his gaze.

“Well. I have to bask in someone’s company. Thanks for the talk guys, I’ll see ya around.” You slipped your jacket on, grabbing your own keys out of the bowl. In your sweatpants and bedhead, Changbin was sure you wouldn’t walk out on him right now. “I’m literally here all the damn time, Y/N. You never want to hang out.” And you hate the way you glare at him, at your favorite person in the entire world. You know you need to do better, and you feel like you’re slowly letting him slip right through your fingers.

Might as well snip the rope that ties him to you. Maybe then, he will see that he needs to be free from you and everything you feel. Maybe then, you will see that everything is a two-way street.

“Have you ever thought that maybe, just maybe, our friendship is fading into something else? Use your brain, Seo. I know you’re not stupid.” You tug your high-tops on, feeling your throat tightening at his softened expression. Fuck, fuck. Don’t cry.

“But it seems that I am. I’m a fool, I can see that now. See you, Y/N. I don’t expect you home tonight.” He turns on his heels, heading directly to his room as you feel tears start streaming down your face. Angrily, you rip the door open, slamming it behind you as you sprint for the elevator. A drive, it’s just what you need. A quick drive.

Dumbfounded that things went nowhere near as planned, Chan and Jisung are left to cheer Changbin up as they follow him into his bedroom, shutting the door lightly and turning on Changbin’s microphone. If they knew anything, it was music. And music would always be their answer.

Always.

—

How you ended up in Yongin, and in front of Changbin’s childhood home, you have no idea. You just took random turns wherever, and wound up sitting outside his auntie’s house. Unluckily for you, however, Auntie was tending to her garden as you pulled into the driveway. Hence, why she was serving you a hefty bowl of kimchi stew that only reminded you of a certain blue-haired boy that sat in your apartment. You sat on her porch, in the cool breeze.

“Baby, are you sure you’re alright? You’ve awfully quiet—”

“I’m in love with him, Auntie. I love him with my whole heart and I can’t imagine my life without Changbin and I’m such an idiot. I’m a big, dumb idiot.” You buried your head in your hands, feeling tears gush out once more. You’re surprised you even had more left, you definitely didn’t drink enough water today.

“Ah, a classic talel of cat and dog. You’ve been drifting apart, haven’t you? Or at least, that is how each of you see it,” Auntie hands you a bottle of raspberry Soju, offering two glasses. “You want me to drink with you, Auntie? Are you sure?”

“Just turn away, I don’t care. It looks like you need it.” You scowled, earning the sweet laugh that you’d grown accustomed to hearing everyday after school — you hadn’t realized you’d missed it so much. You poured carefully, downing the shot as she instructed. “You’re not drifting. One of you is pushing, the other is pulling. You are pushing him away, dear. It’s only logical that Binnie is trying to pull you back.”

“I dunno, Auntie. He’s always busy.” You murmur, and she crosses her arms, raising a judging eyebrow. “Y/N, Changbin calls me every Friday. You haven’t been home in weeks.”

“Hey! That’s not true! I’m home every night before the streetlights come on,” You argue, but she’s skeptical. And she’s right, you have been pushing him away — but that’s much harder to accept than to convince yourself that you’ve just been growing in different directions. “Because Changbin tells you. I know you both very well, baby. You need to talk this out.”

“But Auntie—” You stop at the sudden vibration against your thigh, recognizing the custom one you set for Changbin. Closing your eyes, you feel your heartbeat in your ears as you pull your phone out.

6:05PM [changbin 🙄:] it was nice while it lasted. i packed most of my stuff and i’ll be gone before you get back. be home by the streetlights, y/l/n. take care of yourself.

“Are you okay?” Auntie reached to touch your hand, but you flinched away. “He’s..he’s leaving. I have to go, Auntie. I have to get him back.” You scramble to collect your things, shoving your phone in your pocket before sprinting to your car.

“I love you, Auntie! I’ll see you soon!” You pulled out of the driveway, hoping the forty minute drive would be shortened if you weave your way through the highways instead of the backroads.

6:15PM [bang chan:] please make it home fast

6:20PM [bang chan:] it can’t end like this between you, y/n. please, please make it in time.

You look out your windshield to see dark clouds rolling in the sky, and you don’t remember seeing rain in the forecast. But anything, anything to stop Changbin from leaving is welcome.

6:29PM [changbin 🙄:] looks like rain. drive carefully.

6:30PM: goddamnit, seo. wait for me. please.

Incoming Call From: changbin 🙄

“Please wait for me, Bin. I’m coming.” You say shakily, taking the exit that would take you straight back to your neighborhood. You feel your heart race as he sighs deeply into the phone, and you just know he’s crying. “Please, Seo. Please wait for me.”

“I can’t wait for you to be ready for me anymore, Y/N. I can’t keep pretending with you anymore, this is like a fucking seesaw. I have to get off of it because I know you won’t. The sky isn’t the limit, but I’ve reached mine.” You feel tears stream down your eyes as you speed into your neighborhood, hearing the rain pitter onto your car roof. You hang up, taking the right turn into your apartment complex.

Bolting towards the lobby, you catch Changbin pulling his hood over his head, holding the same yellow umbrella in his left hand. You thank your lucky stars you had no gate troubles.

“Changbin!” Hearing his name, he looks through squinted eyes to find the direction of your voice. “Changbin! Please, don’t leave.” You reach his position in front of the building, and you’re absolutely drenched from head to toe. He frowns, turning his gaze away from yours. You feel a panicked beating in your chest as your hands grab his face, pulling him down to connect your lips with his.

He’s stiff. You kiss his closed lips anxiously, hoping you’d get some sort of reaction, anything. Even a shove would be appreciated.

And he gently pulls you off him, hands holding your wrists, umbrella on the floor.

“You’re unbelievable. You know that? You get soaked in the rain, you’re never fucking home when I ask you to be, you eat my left overs. You invite my friends over when I’m not home to just spend time with someone, Y/N? I’m right fucking here. I’ve never wanted to leave but I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t keep...I can’t keep pulling at your heartstrings like you’re a guitar.” You feel a sad smile on your face as he talks, his eyes welling up slowly.

You can’t feel the cold of the rain in your fingertips anymore as you wipe his cheeks.

“You’re unbelievable, Seo Changbin. You know that? You text me to take an umbrella and scold me when I’m not home by the streetlights, and you leave my favorite foods in the fridge and I happen to get tipsy sometimes. You have friends over to make music that I love and I bond with them because they have helped me see you differently. I’m right here, Changbin. I don’t want you to leave, but if you do I can’t stop you. I just hope you’re willing to take one last strum at my heartstrings to see if you like my melody.” You peer into his dark eyes, the ones you’ve seen light up on numerous occasions. The ones that were glassy in high school when you both snuck to college parties for alcohol. The eyes that held his world in them — the sole reflection of you.

“I love you, Seo Changbin.” You whisper, his hands tightening around your wrists as he shuts his eyes, and he feels his heart shake in its very boots. “You love me? Or you’re in love with me?” He needs the reassurance...and who are you to deny him? Twisting your wrists out of his hands, you wrap them around his waist (that you’d always been jealous of) and stare deep into his handsome face.

“I’m in love with you. I’m in love with your passion, with your form of self expression. I’m in love with your humor and the fact that you nag me for my own safety. I’m in love with the fact that you dust my snowglobes and that you are so kind to everyone. I’m in love with your mind, and your handsome face and snatched waist. I am in love with a certain boy with blue hair that is standing in the rain with some girl he’s been friends with since primary because she pushed him out of a chair. I am in love, in deep love, with you, Seo Changbin.”

You can’t breathe as he presses his lips to yours, feeling your heart swell as he holds onto you for dear life. The rain is soaking both of you, but he doesn’t care as he tangles his hand into your hair, tugging lightly as he kisses you messily. Your body is flush with his, and you can’t help but let your cheeks heat as you hear the lobby employees cheering from inside the building. Pulling away, he kisses your forehead softly.

“I’m in love with you. I’m in love with your stubborn brain, with your honesty. I’m in love with your habit of waking me up by shoving my toothbrush in my mouth, and the fact that you still put up with me nagging you as if I’m your significant other or something. I’m in love with the fact that you record movies you think I’d like on the DVR and that you’re an awful cook. I’m in love with your heart and soul, your beautiful face and the lips that I will kiss any chance you let me. I am in love with a certain girl that is standing in the rain with some guy she’s been friends with since primary because his aunt made her sticky rice cakes with red bean paste after she pushed him out of a chair. I am in love, in deep love, with you, Y/L/N Y/N.”

You smile widely as he bends to pick up the umbrella, and you notice he doesn’t have any luggage or boxes with him. Seemingly reading your mind, he chuckles. “I figured you would be too frantic to notice. So gullible, Miss Y/N.”

“I should force-feed you my awful cooking for that.” Changbin nuzzles your nose with his own, softly kissing your pout as you walk back into the lobby, suddenly shy at the amount of explosive attention the employees are giving you. You weren’t used to it but you scurried into the elevator with resounding thank you’s.

“So...what are we now?” Changbin stares at his hand enlaced with yours, not really recollecting how you wound up holding it. “You’re my boyfriend, Seo. Now open our apartment door.”

Smiling inwardly, he felt his cheeks flush as he opened the door for you, kicking his shoes off as you did the same.

“Well, well, well. Who wants to screw their best friend, now?” Jisung’s obnoxiously loud voice is heard from your couch, and Changbin stops you from launching a wet shoe at him. “Get your head out of your ass, Jisung. Don’t think I haven’t heard of you sucking up to Seungmin,” Cheeks going red and eyes growing wide, Jisung’s mouth drops open as he points an accusatory finger.

“Listen, what Seungmin and I do in our alone time is none of your business!”

“Yeah? Is that why you hooked up with him and fell in love? If you’re a simp, just say that.” You scoffed, and Jisung gasped. “You take that back!”

“Hey, gotta go. Feli- I mean, I have to help someone with their Bio project. Congrats, guys. Proud you got this out of the way.” Chan scurries out your front door, and Jisung shakes his head . “Man, Felix has his ass whipped in a way I’ve never seen before.”

“Chan is dating Felix?? Felix Lee?” You peel your cardigan off, and Jisung feels guilt spread in his chest as he nods. He forgot it was a secret. “How cute! Bin, we should go on double dates with them.”

“Hey! What about me and Seungmin!? We’re cute, yanno!” Jisung feels defensive as your boyfriend plants a kiss on your temple. “Sounds like a plan. Don’t worry, Sungie. After Minho-hyung and Hyunjin, you guys can have a turn.”

“I suddenly hate that you guys are a couple. You suck.”

“I’m sure Seungmin lets you suck too.” You snicker as Changbin wacks your arm, pushing you towards the shower. “Feel free to stay, Sungie. But I can’t promise we’ll be too nice.”

“Ew! Bye!”

— three months later.

“Hey, babe?” Changbin is walking towards the room with a snowglobe. You’d since let Jisung move into Changbin’s old bedroom, and Chan into the guest room. Of course, you’d allowed this before knowing absolutely how loud they were, how often Jisung would throw a fit about dinner and how much more often you’d be seeing Felix and Seungmin. Sure, you loved the boys, but it was different when they came to your apartment to suck face with their boyfriends instead of to hang out or a study session.

“Yeah?” You’re not looking up from your books. Your final was in two hours and you were cramming instead of having studied last night — as Jisung would say, you were too busy getting ‘freaky deaky’ with Changbin in the kitchen. “I have good news and I have some bad news.” He’s toying with the snowglobe, that his mother gifted you and after so long, she finally knows what you like.

“Bad news first, Bin.” Flipping the page of your notebook, you look up to see your boyfriend holding a different snow globe — only this one is broken. Gasping, you grab the figurine out of his hand and examine the damage. “Who did this? You better not lie to me, Seo Changbin.” Eyes narrowed, Changbin squirmed under your gaze as he looked around.

“Good news is, I got you exempt from your last final! Isn’t that great, babe?” He’s somewhat panicky, and you realize the harsh truth — he broke the snowglobe. “Yah! Seo Changbin, your dad gave me this snowglobe! How could you?!” You’re looking at the shards of glass that remained, and your boyfriend fidgets before you as he tries to come up with a suitable response. He’d realized about a week into your relationship that your disappointment was much more different when you were just friends.

“If it makes you feel any better, I didn’t really like the color of the little house anyway,” Sighing, you slide the globe onto the wooden nightstand, glancing at your tattered textbook. It was free, you’d reminded yourself the moment your friend Namjoon slipped it to you weeks after his graduation.

“I’m sorryyyy,” Changbin pouted, sticking his finger in your face, making you grimace as you shove his hand away. He sits on the bed, holding his hand out for you to take as he starts talking about going to dinner. You’re not paying attention — but admiring him, his beauty. The strong bridge of his nose, thick brows, the lips of an angel.

“...And then, we can go to that boba place you like? You know, with the really good custard?” You feel your face heat when you realize you have no idea what he’s talking about, but nod anyway. “Yeah, Bin, that sounds great.”

“You weren’t even listening, creep. Maybe if you quit staring at me you’d know you’re paying.” He scoots away from your hand, that reaches to smack his arm. “Yah! That’s what you get for not listening to me!”

“Listen up, love birds! We’re going to get takeout tonight with Jeongin, you guys want in?” Jisung and Seungmin pop their heads into your room, resulting in Seungmin slapping a hand over his eyes. “Sorry, we didn’t know you were busy, noona.”

“We’re not, takeout sounds lit.” Changbin rolls off your bed, and you huff at the two youngsters as you follow suit. “Might as well go out and get it, since Bin is in a piss-Y/N-off mood.”

“Can you guys lower your voices? Felix is sleeping,” Chan is creeping out of his room, shutting the door quietly as you and Changbin mimic him. “Simp, it’s past two o’clock.” You mutter as he shoves you both towards the living room.

“I’ll pay for takeout if you shut up,” He offers, and you gladly take his offer. “Let me get Hyunjin and Minho over here, it’s not everyday Bang Christopher Chan buys the food.” You snicker as Chan groans in the kitchen, the sink running as you text your friends.

While you allow your mischievous mind to voice itself, you miss Changbin looking at you with adoration in his eyes. After all, you were the girl who shoved him out of his seat when you were both eleven. You were the girl his mom often gushed about to his relatives, saying that if her little Binnie didn’t marry soon, she’d rope you in. The one who always pestered him on school nights to hang out or talk on the phone, and the girl who mended him together after every let down he’d ever lived.

You were the girl that was always home as soon as the street lights turned on, and kept his heart and herself safe.

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babybinnyboy · 3 years

Text

— corre, amor ; hhj (m)

tú que eres fogata y el tan frío..

— genre: established relationship au ; break-up au; smut ; angst ; fluff

— word count: 8.7k (on the dot!)

— rating: 18+. nsfw.

— summary: x fem!reader ; hwang hyunjin is like a burning fire — dangerous, passionate, and at times, hard to dissipate. but when you are his polar opposite, shouldn’t it be easy to have to melt in his fingertips?

— warning(s): swearing ; one-sided pining ; heavy petting ; heavy make-out session ; handjob / semi-oral (m. receiving) ; nipple play ; cum eating ; hyunjin has nipple piercings & belly piercing (i had to, you know i did) ; that’s it i think lol

— listen to: eres mía - romeo santos ; do it for love - thama, george ; play with fire - sam tinnesz, yacht money ; know me - dpr live, dean ; different - woodz

— a/n: welcome back to our lovely lovestay boy, we have missed you dearly, baby. also this is my first fic in a fat minute so i know i’m lookin a lil rusty — mind ur p’s and q’s LOL.

Everyone was convinced that your relationship with Hyunjin was one-sided. From the outside looking in, you could understand why. Oftentimes, it was him scouring the University in search of you, and yes, he had a photo of you in his phone case and his car dashboard. The boy you’d come to adore was nearly six feet of pure love for you — he even dedicated his showcase stages to you, choosing only the most sensual of love songs to show the student body that he was a burning fire.

And yet, as much as you loved Hwang Hyunjin, you remained solid. Unmelted was your icy form, and as the time went on, people had begun to notice. Slipping away from crowds after his showcases and losing Hyunjin in them became a regular thing, and the apartment was often empty because neither of you were ever really home. Much like your eyes when you looked at him these days, what used to be the world to you now reflected a beautiful blonde man with the prettiest lips this side of the Han River. You still loved him, you’d convinced yourself of such. The only question left was, was it in the way he did?

Once upon a time, all your poems screamed his name. From long winded monologues to neat, tight haikus, your words were stringed together to recreate the man you woke up next to every day for the past three years. Exasperated sighs during your poetry slams showed the way your feelings for this man ate you up inside and God, you just couldn’t believe you’d finally found a good guy. A man that was the healing of the past and the brightening of the future, the man who truly made your days enjoyable.

“Good morning,” Hyunjin was stretching in the living room as you allowed your sleep-deprived body to practically float through the apartment. Lack of sleep due to the endless thinking and stress over school made you a zombie — one who didn’t have much of a knack for social interaction. Nonetheless, you returned the sarcastic greeting, seeing as it was two in the afternoon on a nice Sunday. The coffee in the pot was cold as you poured it, and you scowled as you grabbed some ice cubes but you couldn’t complain. Had you been up on time, it would’ve been hot, you can hear Hyunjin now.

“Mm, you look nice,” You murmur as you slide onto the couch, watching your boyfriend’s shirt ride up slightly on his waist, exposing the sliver of skin you ran your fingers down before bed. He simply chuckled at your comment, a faint blush dancing across his cheeks as he continued his hip warm ups. “You’ve got rehearsal tomorrow after class, right?” Sipping your coffee quietly, you saw Hyunjin nod softly as he laid down on his mat. “Yeah, unfortunately. I have to rain check our dinner tomorrow night, m’sorry doll.” He closes his eyes as he rests his arms on his torso, and you slip off the couch to run your fingers through his soft hair. Admiring him, you stroke his cheek gently as he opens his eyes, placing his hand above yours.

“Your big showcase is coming up. Dinner can wait, I’m always by your side.” You assured him of things you weren’t so sure of yourself, but what he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him. His eyes changed as you said that, but he nodded reluctantly as you placed a soft kiss on his forehead. “Don’t practice too hard, my love. You know it worries me. I’ll be in the office if you need me.”

“‘Course, honey. Don’t type your fingers off,” He’s muttering to himself, and he knows how much it bothers you but even the people who are supposedly perfect have bad days. A nice guy, really. “I heard that, pipsqueak.” You call back, placing your coffee cup on your desk, leaving the door slightly ajar to hear his recital music. As soon as you hear the first notes of the remix Changbin made for him, Minho and Felix, you ease into your desk chair. Closing your own eyes, you can see his movements in your mind from hours of watching them practice this routine, specifically two years ago when the dance team uploaded it to YouTube. They planned on recreating it to see where it could take them, as a trio — seeing as the fluidity of the boys raked in millions of views, and thousands of dollars in donations to the school and the dance team.

None of which hit the creative writing and poetry department, but hey, the poetry slam videos didn’t do as well. To be fair, the Poetry Slam Club didn’t do much to raise money but turned around to ask mommy and daddy — whereas, you worked for your fifty cents. Unfortunately, your major had a huge influx of people who didn’t quite really appreciate the time and effort that it took to make your art — and a lot of them were actually there to please their parents, to say they went to college. As sad as it was, you realized your freshman year that you were surrounded by maybe a third of your class with an actual passion for writing, and even then, you would hear them mouth off about your classes being an easy A.

It sometimes made you wish to have picked a different field, at a different university. Maybe even if you had pursued journalism like you had intended..maybe things would be different. You often notice your mind wandering off to these places, and you remind yourself you wouldn’t have met Hyunjin. So, maybe things worked out in the end — even if you did watch your old friends travel out of the country on externship to major news companies and even land jobs before graduation. Jobs you couldn’t pay to get, and so, you worked part-time at the Italian restaurant down the street and hid from any possible peers that may come your way.

Maybe things wouldn’t have been so bad if you had kept your promise.

—

“Y/N-ah, you promised me I’d score some free breadsticks if I brought you the coffee!” Jisung was whining as you bagged up his order, missing the way you shot your coworker a knowing glance, chuckling to yourself. “Yah, Han Jisung! Did your mother not teach you manners? I said I would throw in some free breadsticks, now keep quiet while Minho gets them.” You give him a pointed look, and he scowls as you take the warm bread bag and slip it into his bag. “Love you, bud. Take it easy, I know that ankle is killing you.” You pat his shoulder, and he smiles inwardly as he takes the bag shyly, whirling out of the shop with a soft call of goodbye.

“How’s Hyunjin?” Minho inquires, pouring some olive oil into his calzone dough mix. You watch as he turns the mixer on, leaning your cheek on the heel of your hand. You gave your friend a sad look, and he sighed as he took in the atmosphere. “I take it you’re feeling detached?”

“And I hate it. Hyunjin is literally my best friend, he is the absolute love of my life! I don’t know what’s going on anymore.” You bury your face in your hands, letting out a groan of frustration. Only Minho knew of your inner turmoil, and that was because you knew he’d understand. He too, was in the same situation. The only difference was that he could give you a Hyunjin perspective — because it was Jisung that felt the way you did. But if you told Jisung, there was a small possibility he would spill the beans — not on purpose, but it would happen eventually. Minho was like a steel safe enclosed in another one that was bolted into the ground.

“You need to talk to him before he starts prying. Why do you think Jisung left without a word to me?” He’s kneading the dough angrily, and you wince at every harsh smack that lands. “Do you think I enjoy coming home to an empty bed, while Jisung is out late with Chan-hyung and Changbin? Do you think I like opening my Hulu account to see he’s watched seven episodes of How I Met Your Mother without me? This is fucking ridiculous,” He was now rolling out the dough, the warm container of fresh marinara sauce nearly being split with the vigor in which the table was shaking.

“You seriously need to talk to him, babe.” You turn as the doorbell dings, and you’re met by the prettiest soul this side of the Han River — Hyunjin. Feeling a small smile slip onto your face, you return to the register to see him smiling back at you. “Why hello, how may I help you?”

“Actually, yes you can! I’m looking for a certain Y/N, I’ve come to whisk her away for supper.” He’s holding a brown bag, and you just know there’s a steamy bowl of soft tofu stew waiting to be devoured. “I adore you, Hwang Hyunjin.” You skirt around the counter to kiss his lips softly, hands resting on his cheeks as one of his own comes to your wrist.

“Minnie, I’ll be back in thirty!” You call out, and the boy waves you off with a chuckle. Despite the obvious problems that you were skirting around, Minho knew that you would always adore Hyunjin, boyfriend or not.

Physical attraction was also not an issue — he was gorgeous, but you hated reducing him to that, and anyone who did was immediately on your hit-list. Hyunjin had talent, skill, and one of the kindest hearts you’d ever had the pleasure of meeting. Hyunjin was what you could call an all-rounder — he was efficient in every area of his life, including his relationship. Which made you realize that perhaps, it was your lack of experience in relationships, in being treated nicely.

“I love those jeans on you,” Hyunjin says as you walk hand-in-hands towards the back parking lot. “You say that because you bought them for me, even after I said I didn’t need them.” You roll your eyes as Hyunjin lets go of your hand, instead using it to open the backseat door for you. This was routine, on days that Hyunjin didn’t have practice or managed to leave early — he would buy something you both loved, drive to your workplace, steal you from Minho for a bit to grub, and then wait at home for you until you called to be picked up. Sometimes you even drove Minho home. However, Hyunjin’s hand on your knee as he slid in after you gave you a warm sensation throughout your chest.

You sighed contentedly, letting Hyunjin get everything out of the bag. You began slipping your white jumper off, seeing as if any of the stew got on it, you’d regret blowing fifty dollars on it. You soon realized that the jumper was exactly why Hyunjin offered to manage your finances. “Spoon, napkin,” he was handing you things and you quietly took them, waiting as he began to lower the cup holder to place the stew between you.

“Hyunjin, do you remember our first date?” You looked at the sun, hanging low in the sky as the nighttime approached. You had been sitting in this very backseat, your hands tangled in his hair as he showed you a song he loved at the time — and continued to, to this day it blasted through your speakers at home. It’d sort of become your song — but you shared many things with him that night. “You mean how you kissed me after you had texted me earlier that day that there would be no kissing? Not saying I didn’t enjoy it,” He snorts as you wack his arm lightly.

“Yah, it was a moment of weakness. The timing was perfect, you were perfect.” You lean against the door, leg propped up on the seat as your fingertips tracing the spoon in your hand. You feel a bit of emotion hit your eyes, but Hyunjin softly pats your leg. “Hwang Hyunjin, how did I manage to find a man like you?”

“You didn’t, there’s nothing all that special about me,” You’ve both seemed to forget about the early supper as Hyunjin lifts the cup holder up, and scoots closer to you, resting your legs atop his thighs. Drumming his fingers along your shins, he smiled at the fond memory of the date. “If anything, I think it was a moment of rose-colored glasses. All I did was slide you a book from the top shelf.” It was true, you’d met Hyunjin at the campus library. Granted, it was your first time in there, and Hyunjin had been a bit of an overachiever his first year — so he was in the right place at the right time as you groaned about the library stacking ten shelves high.

“I still can’t believe we had sex in that bathroom,” You shudder playfully, letting out a laugh as Hyunjin gasped. “You suggested it! I just granted your wish!” Laughing harder, you notice Hyunjin admiring you softly. “Yah, you’re making me shy.”

“You’re beautiful,” His thumb caresses your cheek, and you glance at his lips before he slowly closes in. The softness of them, something you often envied, had always been enough to make you feel hot. The technique, his hand placement as he kissed you sweetly, always made you feel giddy. Hyunjin was like a really good amusement park — you wanted to go on all the rides. Without breaking the kiss, you adjusted yourself to sit on his lap, relishing the way his hands snaked to your belt loops to pull you closer. His tongue expertly slides into your mouth, a small gasp escaping your lips as his thumbs rub circles over your covered breasts, the flimsy tank top hiding your sensitive nipples but heightening the sensation.

Subconsciously pushing your chest into him, your own hands struggle to find home as you slide them beneath his own shirt, feeling his softly chiseled muscles under your fingertips. The soft whine that emits from his lips as you brush his nipple accidentally, a gentle reminder of the small metal bar that he pierced in on a drunken night. If there was anything you and Hyunjin shared, it was sensitivity.

His hands immediately pulled down the straps of your shirt, the material sliding off your breasts as he broke the kiss — lips dragging all over your chest, nipping and biting in all places. “Wait, wait. Take this off,” You pulled on his own shirt, and he obliged almost furiously, tugging his cardigan and shirt off in one go — pierced nipples and belly button on display. God, he was fucking gorgeous.

“Mm, I like these.” Your voice was low as you gently stroked them, adoring the soft rutting of Hyunjin’s hips against your own. “Be nice to me tonight, baby. I’m sore from practice.” He tucks a strand of his hair behind his ear, and you look at his swollen lips. A shy blush coats his cheeks as he looks away, your hand grabbing for his jaw to make him look at you, your eyes boring into his own. “Fuck, you’re beautiful. You’ve always been so beautiful.” He whines, his hand at the nape of your neck and pulling you in for another kiss, rougher this time. His free hand circles around your waist, holding you in place as your lips connect again, but briefly because you begin to kiss down his jaw, stopping to nibble at his earlobe. Adding to the sensation, you grind your hips down, and you take a small nip near his jugular, a whine of your name leaving his mouth.

“You sound so pretty, so, so pretty baby. Do it again.” You suck on the skin softly, and with your hands pressed against his chest, he allows another murmured whine to ring in your ears, his skin hot to the touch. “Fuck, Y/N.”

You find yourself tracing his stomach and waist, trailing kisses down his chest — and a welcomed sensation to him when you teasingly flicked your tongue on his hardened nipple. His hips bucked up and you chuckled, his fingers carding through his hair as you swirl your tongue around his nipple, heart beating against his chest insanely fast. “Your heart is beating so fast.” Whispering, you place a chaste kiss right above it, before trailing down slowly, maneuvering your back and legs to kneel before him, carefully so you’d fit nicely. Hyunjin looked at you as you did so, following your every move with glassy eyes.

“Take off your pants.” Slightly hoarse, but he slipped his hands under the band of his sweats, shoving them down as you’d instructed. You watched like a hawk, the way his thigh muscles flexed deliciously as he shoved them down carefully. Springing free, his cock was beautiful — not too thick, maybe two inches above average, leaking precum any time he let you get your hands on him. Glancing up at him, you notice the soft love bites blooming across his chest and neck, smiling to yourself as you hover above his cock. Running your forefinger along the underside, you relished in the power as Hyunjin shivered under your touch. Leaning down slightly, you give his tip a kitten lick, gathering a bit of his precum on your tongue — and you rest your hands on his thighs to hoist yourself up towards his lips.

Taking your tongue in first, Hyunjin kisses you slowly, allowing the taste of himself to marinate in your mouths. You gently drag your nails on his inner thighs, noticing the goosebumps trail along your boyfriend’s skin before you grab his shaft snugly. A surprised gasp disconnects your lips, and you take the opportunity to spit directly on his swollen tip, taking it into your mouth shallowly as you softly spread your saliva with his precum. All is calm as you begin sucking towards the underside of his tip, your tongue running along the thick vein of his length.

Practically drooling a river, you push yourself to sink down a bit more, allowing his tip to barely brush the back of your throat — his dull nails are digging into your shoulder as you swallow around him, the pace of your movements excruciatingly slow as you pull off with a pop. A string of spit connected you to him as you pulled away, your lips swollen lightly as you took hold of his thigh, pumping his erection in one hand, kissing his lips chastely as you whispered sweet nothings. “I want you, so bad, baby.” He whines against your lips, and you almost feel bad as you sadistically smirk. “You always do, don’t you?”

You can feel his thigh quivering as he tries to hold back, but the overwhelming feeling of your lips dragging over his upper body and the tight, rhythmic stroking of his cock in your hand was all too much. You can tell because he’s beginning to look away, his eyes fluttering as you continue to murmur filthy words in his ear, his hips swiveling in light circles into your hand. “Does the little slut want to cum?” And without warning, Hyunjin was orgasming, his cum shooting out in warm spurts all over your chest. His eyes screwed shut as he trembled under your touch, and you simply smiled as he exhaled a breath you were sure he wasn’t aware he was holding in.

“Found a new word for you, baby. You did so well for me, my love.” You laugh softly as you begin to wipe your breasts off with your finger, not noticing the way Hyunjin’s tired eyes still held a bit of lust in them. Taking hold of your hips, Hyunjin pulled you up into his lap once more, leveling your chest with his mouth. He slowly dragged his lips over every open part, collecting his cum as he swirled his tongue over your breasts, nipping softly. Appalled, you watched him through hooded eyes, an absentminded hand tangled in his hair leading him to your nipples every now and again. “Kiss me, baby.”

His hand quickly finds home on your jaw, guiding the slippery kiss full of passion..when you hear a knock on the window. The sudden sound causes you to hit your head on the roof of the car, in turn making you bite down on Hyunjin’s lower lip. Not that he cared, it was hot.

“What the fuck!” Hyunjin throws his shirt over you before tucking himself back into his sweatpants, and you panic-wipe your face and his, realizing just how foggy the windows had gotten. He takes a shaky breath before rolling down the window, only to see Minho standing there with his arms crossed. “Y/N-ah, you said thirty minutes.” He’s not happy, but hey, it could’ve been worse. You sigh in relief, dropping Hyunjin’s shirt, not caring that Minho has now seen your boobs as you tug your straps back up. Hyunjin’s stomach felt like it fell out of his ass, but Minho grimaces as he watches his younger friend wipe his face once more. “In the parking lot? Really?”

“Listen, sometimes you gotta make do.” You smile, kissing your boyfriend’s cheek apologetically. “I’ll see you at home, baby. Promise.” Kissing his lips gently one more time, you wave to him as he tries to catch his breath. Slipping away with Minho, you try to hide the sweat on your face from riling yourself up in a hot ass car just to get your boyfriend off.

“I expected more from you, Y/N. You were gone for forty minutes,” Minho scoffs as he wipes a tissue across your chest, and you feel your face heat something awful when you realize you still had some of Hyunjin’s residue on you. How embarrassing. Nonetheless, you scowl at your friend. “That’s barely ten minutes over!” You want to be mad at Minho, but your mind can only drift to Hyunjin as your empty stomach growls for the last twenty minutes of your shift.

—

“Yah, Hyunjin-ah. I’m home!” You call out as you slide your backpack off, noticing his favorite boots abandoned by the door. Rolling your eyes, you pick them up to place on the somewhat empty rack (it was usually full of shoes stacked upon each other), and it is only then you hear the lo-fi beats coming from your bedroom that you realize he may have fallen asleep. Smiling to yourself, you tiptoe into the kitchen, finding the soft tofu stew in the microwave and you grant yourself permission to heat it up while you get ready for bed. Popping the lid off, you slide it back in and quietly walk towards your bedroom, seeing your boyfriend bundled in the duvet like a burrito. His eyes were shut, lips parted softly and he was beautiful.

Leaning against the doorframe, you admire him quietly, his light breathing drowned out by the music coming from your television. You take in the purple-tinted atmosphere, ignoring the backpack and duffle bag hidden in the corner of the room.

“Stop staring at me,” You hear him mumble, and you let out a laugh. “I thought Hwang Hyunjin was sleeping, sorry Hwang Hyunjin.” You chuckle, moving to turn on the desk lamp to remove your makeup. He grunts in response, before sitting up and leaning back onto the bed frame. “Yah, Y/N. I need my beauty rest.”

“Yeah? Do you? You also need to study, you’ve got a fat ass final coming up in that anthropology class.” You tap your shared calendar, and sure enough, he had a test in two weeks. “Honey, I deserve a break.” He groans, and you simply shake your head as you wipe off your lipstick, that had somehow managed to stay intact during your...earlier endeavors.

“Yeah, baby. You do.” You smile at him through the mirror, noticing the way he seemed a bit...drained. “Ah, I don’t like it when you look like that, Hyunnie. What’s nagging you?” You say, slipping off your jumper and tank top, rustling in his drawer for a shirt, which felt surprisingly less full. His silence makes you rush, grabbing a random shirt you were sure belonged to Changbin at some point but you shoved your head in anyway.

“I just...I’m feeling a bit cold.” He says quietly, and you freeze. “Cold...cold meaning sick, cold meaning temperature, cold meaning—”

“You feel far away, Y/N. I feel cold.” He reluctantly turns to face you, his hands in his lap. Frowning, you tug off your jeans, grabbing a pair of his shorts to slide on. “Baby, I—”

“No, Y/N. Don’t ‘baby’ me, you always do this. Anytime I want to be closer to you and I want to show you off the world, you hide from me. Every time I want to go do cliché couple things, like matching sweaters or something, you brush me off. Am I a joke, Y/N? Is this funny to you? Do you get off on being cruel to someone who loves you more than anything?”

The outburst is unexpected. You feel your chest heat with embarrassment, and you back away from the bedside where you had been standing. You feel your eyes well up with tears but you know there is no excuse for the way you’d been acting, and that he wasn’t wrong — and you couldn’t brush it off this time. Looking down, you fiddle with your rings as you let his words sink in.

“I’m sorry, Hyunjin. I wasn’t aware you felt this way,” You feel a lump in your throat and you wonder why — maybe after so long of hoping he would mess up in order to break up, you realized you didn’t want that. You look at him through blurred vision, the purple love bites you left now fully bloomed and an eyesore. “I know you weren’t, Y/N. You never ask me how I’m feeling any more, much less have you ever. I understand we get caught up in our lives and I know that all this ‘other half’ stuff is bullshit, but you would make time for me, Y/N. You were melting, and now you’re just back in the freezer.” He sighed, throwing the comforter off his legs and standing before you. Wiping tears off your cheeks, Hyunjin pulls you into a tight hug.

“I just want to know what I’m doing wrong.” And you break. “You’re not doing anything wrong, Hyunjin. It’s me, it’s always been me. I’m just this broken piece of ice that’s been floating over the ocean for decades, hoping someday the sun will melt me down and I’ll become one with the water. I’m tired of not being able to give you the benefit of the doubt and realize that you won’t hurt me like everyone else has. It’s been three damn years, Hyunjin. What am I doing wrong?”

“Maybe you’re not ready for a relationship, Y/N.” His voice is calm as he strokes your back, and you feel your heart start racing at the thought of losing him. Regardless of what you’d thought before, the panic of being alone has now set in and you can’t imagine your life without him — and that in itself is a toxic mentality. You were not incomplete before you met Hyunjin, and you would be fine if and when he ever decided to step out of your life.

“No, no. I am, I am ready. That’s why I’m here, I swear I’ll fix it—” Your panicked hands stroked Hyunjin’s face shakily, and you noticed tears in his eyes as he grabbed your wrists, cupping your hands in his own as he stood. “Y/N, you’re not ready. For the past three years, I’ve felt alone in this apartment, no matter how many times you walked through that door. I felt you try to warm up, I felt your effort but slowly, you just kept pushing me back. Ice is meant to melt at some point, my love. Maybe you are something far more solid.”

And that is when you notice that he is fully dressed. His jewelry is still in, and he’s in a different jumper and sweatpants. His feet are covered with the cactus socks you snagged at Target for him, and you suddenly feel your stomach do a backflip. Suddenly, the less-crowded shoe rack, the organized drawer, the bags in the corner...they make sense.

“Are you...Are you leaving me?” Your trepidation is clawing at your throat, and you can feel your nails digging into your palms. “No, Y/N. You’re leaving me.” Hyunjin wipes a tear from his face, holding one of your poetry books in his hand. He must have hid it under the blankets, and he hands it to you. Opening it to the bookmarked page, you now see your world crumbling before you.

On this fine day,

Made of rhythm and grace

I watched Hyunjin dance

In the light of this April,

Or is it May?

May day, mayday

I watch him dance until I can watch no longer,

For I know that though my mind is stronger,

My heart cannot bear the sight of another day

Watching him dance the world away

His dreams become mine as the time goes on

But barely have mine, they’ve come and they’ve gone

Hyunjin is a sight for my sore, uneasy eyes

My soul is at peace with his sovereign-like mind

He is confident, intelligent and kind

He knows what is good for him, he knows that..

I may not be anymore

Hyunjin is the light he deserves,

And I feel like a rain cloud,

Because on this fine day, of April or May

I realized, I no longer see Hyunjin

I have lost myself in him.

“You read my work.” You let the book slip onto the floor, landing on the carpet with a soft thud. “It’s the only way I’ve even made it this far, Y/N.” You feel betrayal rip through you, and you hate that the only thing you ever asked him not to do had been done. You didn’t care about hiding anything besides this flimsy book of poems that you hid beneath your bed every single time you wrote something new.

“Get out.” You mumble, and Hyunjin opens his mouth, only to press it in a tight line. He grabs his bags quickly, and you’ve seen now that he even cleared his own cosmetics off your vanity. You would miss dolling him up for his showcases. “I’ll see you at my showcase. I hope you’re still coming.” He said quietly, before padding silently into the living room, and eventually, you heard the jingle of his keys and the slam of the front door. Hearing the lock turn, you felt the tears roll down your face uncontrollably.

And slowly, but surely, you’ve fallen asleep with your face buried in Hyunjin’s pillow, the soft tofu stew long forgotten.

—

Things had always been so neutral with Hyunjin. He didn’t like fighting but he was petty as hell, so that canceled out. He didn’t like cooking but he was great at it, which also canceled out. He didn’t particularly care for shower sex, but when you did indulge, it almost made you angry how well it went down.

Sex with Hyunjin was quite the opposite of neutral — it was filthy, wet, slippery even. It was hot and heated and you loved every moment of whatever was happening — whether he had been pounding you into your mattress, or his face was buried between your thighs, everything was euphoric. And what made you furious was that whilst you had let yourself wallow in your sudden heartbreak, you didn’t realize that you craved the skinship you shoved away.

You missed waking up to his hand literally dangling in your face, his leg thrown over your hip, or his cold ass feet tucked onto the back of your thighs. You missed holding someone’s hand as you walked around campus, being kissed goodbye as he dropped you off for class while he was headed to practice. You hated seeing Hyunjin across campus and not being able to call out his name and hand him the milk tea that you’d mistakenly bought for him ten minutes ago, having completely forgotten that you were broken up.

So you felt like an idiot holding two medium wintermelon milk teas as your ex-boyfriend walked closer with his entourage. You looked at Minho, and as if sensing your eyes, he glanced up. Meeting your gaze, Minho’s jaw dropped as you trashed the drink, tossing it in the nearest garbage can — an action not missed by Felix and Hyunjin. “Hey, Y/N.” Minho tried, and you glared at him as you walked past, nearly slamming into Changbin and Jeongin as you did so.

“Woah, woah. Little lady, what’s going on?” Chan asked as you stormed into the study room you’d rented out for finals week, which was unfortunately, this week. You throw your bag on the table, angrily uncapping a dry-erase marker with your teeth. When you step back, Chan raises his eyebrows at what you’ve written.

“‘Pros and Cons of Dating Y/L/N Y/N?’” Chan leaned back in his chair, crossing his muscled arms across his chest. “Did you guys fight or something?” You nod, rubbing your eyes roughly. You feel the burn of tears but you can’t let Chan see you cry — he was like your rock, he was the one who motivated you to do anything, honestly. Without him, you’d be a little lost roaming this great, big world of confusion.

Following your silence, Chan seemed to understand as he stood, enveloping your limp form in a hug as you broke down for the third time that week. Trying to hide your emotions from your friends was always easy, but you’d never felt defeat like this. You’d never allowed someone to see your heart and learn its ways, so knowing now that you had seen Hyunjin’s and ignored it simply showed that you had taken him for granted.

“Haven’t you got any faith in yourself, Y/N?” He mumbles as he wipes the board off, taking the uncapped marker from your hand. “Being single is the least of your worries, baby girl. Let’s just cool off a bit and focus on this dumbass final that we’ve got to ace tomorrow.” Chan began writing up practice equations that your professor had assigned earlier that week, and though you wiped your tears and whipped out your calculator — you regretted renting the study room across the very library you met Hyunjin in.

—

The boys had wound up dragging you out of the apartment on the night of Hyunjin’s showcase, making the coping process much harder — but you looked fabulous. A wine red, long-sleeve, backless dress that showed off the girls, covered in small glitter and paired with a nice pair of black heels that Hyunjin’s mom had gifted you for Christmas last year. Thanks to Seungmin, you would be strutting your stuff at this stupid showcase. And no, you would not stop being petty.

Yes, your eyes shot daggers at the dancers in your group that would be performing with him, but you also knew deep down that you couldn’t pin everything Hyunjin had a passion for on a negative base.

However, the carpool was just a bit more suffocating as you turned into an unfamiliar neighborhood to pick up the soloist for the night, Hwang Hyunjin. You looked at the houses on the street as Chan cruised forward, only to stop in front of an old townhouse with a nice vegetable garden. You quietly looked out the window to see your ex-boyfriend kissing someone’s cheek goodbye, and by the sound of Minho’s low whistle, you knew it would hurt you to pry.

“Hey, scoot.” He opened the door and you reluctantly scooted over, realizing now why the boys asked if you wanted the passenger seat. Hyunjin’s freshly dyed black hair would definitely be a show-stopper, and paired with the dance he’d prepared, you knew he’d steal some hearts. “Nice hair.” You mutter, and you feel Hyunjin sigh softly, pulling out his phone.

A minute later, you feel your phone vibrate in your clutch. A small lump in your throat forms as you see you’ve forgotten to change his contact name.

[4:54P] baby ♥︎🩰: would you be willing to do my makeup for the showcase..?

Glancing up, you grimace as you see Hyunjin staring out the window with flaming red cheeks. Scowling, you type back a short ‘yes’ and stare at the bouquet in your lap for the rest of the drive.

—

Backstage was crawling with dancers and makeup artists, but Hyunjin had managed to convince the stage manager to get him and the boys off in a green room in the concert hall. Seeing as the stage manager apparently owed Hyunjin for some favor years ago, he’d snuck Hyunjin the key as you strolled quietly backstage with the boys. Minho and Felix just needed to get dressed, they would be waiting in the audience for their turn on stage for the group performances. You feel set up, somehow.

You waited quietly on the sofa, scrolling mindlessly through Twitter as you let the boys rustle around getting into their outfits. Seeing as Hyunjin had a solo and a group dance, his bag was twice as heavy. “Yah, I’m going out. We’ll be up third.” Minho was buttoning his shirt as he started walking out, Felix trailing behind him as he smoothed on some chapstick. The room felt thick with tension, yet you pushed past it to set up Hyunjin’s makeup on the vanity table. Concealer..powder...a bit of blush..lip tint…eyeshadow..

“These are for you,” You set the bouquet down on the vanity as you allow him to finish getting dressed. A bouquet of mixed flowers, bold and colorful — daisies, cornflowers, honeysuckles, red tulips and carnations. An eyesore that you adored. You knew you wouldn’t be around after the performance, so you simply slipped your note into the bouquet when he silently clipped in his jewelry.

“Why are you being so quiet?” Hyunjin asked as he came up behind you, buttoning his shirt quickly. “Yah, I’m not being quiet. I feel awkward, I want to get this done and over with, Hyunjin.” You say, moving out of the way so he can sit down, and you sweep his hair off his face, ignoring the temptation to kiss his forehead like you usually would. You know, for someone who had had a hard time melting to form into what Hyunjin ‘needed’, you sure had no trouble being what Hyunjin craved. He hadn't realized that until his first actual night without you.

He was freezing.

“Be gentle with me.” He said as you patted moisturizer under his eyes, listening out for the start of the first performance. “I always am.” You whisper, not allowing the tears building up to escape as you blink them back. Hyunjin’s gaze on your face was intensely intimidating as you carefully blended a muted terracotta shade on his eyelid, and you think you imagine the pout on his lips until you go back in with a brown pencil liner. “Yah, Hwang Hyunjin! Why are you pouting?”

He looks down at his hands, toying with the loose strands on the holes of his jeans. You frown, dusting on an easy amount of blush before grabbing his lip tint. “Give me a kiss,” You mumble, and his eyes widen, but you shake your head. “Do the face, dumbass.”

“You’ve gotten so mean,” He mutters as he puckers his lips, and you feel a smile sneak onto your face as you dab the tint on lightly. “You’ve always liked it.” You almost kiss him, out of routine, but the cold air in the room reminds you of what can no longer be. A sad feeling washes over you as you spray his face lightly with a setting spray, and wave your hands around him to dry it.

“You’re going to do great out there, Hyunjin. I know it.” Holding his arms, you rub them gently one last time before hearing the second song start for the next group, starting your brisk walk out of the room. “Wait.” Stopping in place, you don’t turn as you hear his feet patter behind you, and you feel his presence on your back as his hand takes hold of your wrist. Slowly, he turns you around and your eyes are closed, not wanting to know what the next two minutes may hold. You don’t realize you’re backing up against the door until you’ve hit it, and your eyes open to see his face ghosting over yours. His breathing is shaky, and you can’t help but feel tears fill your eyes as you brush your lips against his.

Kissing you back softly, his hand finds home on your waist — and you feel a tear roll down as you wrap your arms around his neck. Your lips are burning his skin but he relishes in the warmth he’d been missing for the past two weeks. Your skin is hot to the touch and he realizes…

Maybe it was him that needed melting.

“Good luck, Hyunjin. You’re gonna be fine.” You sniff as you push him away, exiting the green room as quickly as you could, hearing the second song coming to an end. You’re sprinting towards the auditorium at this point, nearly crashing into Minho as he and Felix are rushing towards backstage to set up in the thirty seconds they have. “First row, fourth seat!” Felix yells as you open the auditorium door, and you nearly bust a lung trying to catch your breath while sliding into the seat next to Jisung.

“Hey, Sungie.” You take a deep breath and Han Jisung simply shakes his head — his hand taking hold of yours as the curtain rises with the boys in position. Of course, Hyunjin is front and center as the spotlight catches him directly, his hands crossed across his face in a gesture you’d memorized from his practices. The music begins, and once more you’re drawn in by the fluid movements of his body, the body control he carried on himself was something many dancers would die for. Suddenly, it’s like there’s no one else in the room but you and him. You’re locked on his swiveling hips, the flow of his arms as he melted into the music.

And you fall in love all over again.

—

“Our last soloist for the night has been well anticipated in many ways. The star of the show, the one and only man of the hour — let’s hear it for our very own Hwang Hyunjin!” The announcer is far too excited in your opinion, and you roll your eyes as the entire auditorium goes up in screams, joining them in their clapping. The crowd dies down as the curtain rises, and you hold your breath as Hyunjin steps into view, a familiar piece of white ribbon in between his teeth as he looks into a gold-framed mirror. He ties his hair back carefully as he stares into the mirror, and as the beat drops in, your jaw locks. His hand wraps around his neck lightly, before looking back with a finger in his mouth.

He rips off the veil-like cape and before you know it, he’s on the ground and you understand now why the entire crowd is entranced as his knees alternate, the way his hand covers his Joker-like grin and the way he’s sliding around the floor is simply delicious. Fan service, you think reluctantly as you hear a group of individuals screaming in lust-filled dreams.

The silver details make him glimmer as he releases all his emotions on the stage, and you feel your thighs clench as you catch a glimpse of the belly piercing you adored. Your nails are digging into your palms as you realize how high the shirt has come undone, and it is only now that you recognize the song playing in your ears as Hyunjin’s performance comes to an end with his hand around his neck once more, the lights dimming as the last line rings in your mind.

I’ve always liked to play with fire.

You feel your heart stop in your chest as Hyunjin throws the rose he’d held in his mouth in your general direction, and the crowd screams once more as he leaves the stage, pulling the ribbon out of his hair as he exited. You ignore all the screams as you feel the urge to get up and leave the premises like you have every single time Hyunjin had a showcase. You want to run out the doors and run home to a pillow that doesn’t smell like him anymore but you pretend it does in hopes of some sort of manifestation that he’d show up in your dreams again.

You can’t help but slip your heels off and bolt for the exit as the dancers come back on stage for their final bow. You see Hyunjin in your peripheral view and like always, you ignore it. You ignore the beet red blush on his face as people throw flowers at him and scream his name, and you ignore the way he pushes through the crowd to find you in the parking lot. You ignore the cold on your back as you manage to hail a taxi and slip in, giving the driver your address in a hurried sob as you see Hyunjin exit the building behind you. You ask her to step on it as you feel the lump in your throat grow, and she gives you a pitiful look as she steps on the gas. You feel bad. You always do when you run away from what is best for you.

“Trouble in paradise, honey?” She asks quietly, and you nod as your phone vibrates repeatedly, surely spam calls from the boys. “He loves me far more than I could have imagined. It is sad that I am simply not enough for him in my own eyes.”

“Oh my, dear. You will always be enough. Look at you, you’re young! You’re full of life even when you look like you’re having a rough time, you look like what I wish I looked like twenty years ago! You’re the It Girl, baby. Cherish it.” She sighs as she stops in front of your apartment, and you dig through your clutch for some cash. “Don’t worry. This one’s on me, but I think you could make it work.” She looks into your eyes and you feel your soul ache as you nod.

“I will, Auntie. Thank you.” You exit her cab, scurrying up the stairs to your apartment quietly. You feel winded as you unlock your door, and you throw your heels onto the empty rack. You wander mindlessly about your apartment, standing in front of what once held photos upon photos of you, Hyunjin and all your friends. Memories that were once stuck to the wall were now stacked up on the dining room table, and you sighed as your fingers touched the thumbtack holes.

“In this maze of memories, where did I lose you?” You whisper to yourself, sighing as you trail towards your bedroom, plopping face first onto your bed, ignoring the sudden whiff of Hyunjin’s scent coming off your pillow. “How cruel it is to live in a world where you’re not even in my photo albums anymore.”

—

Hyunjin had started to distance himself more, and last you’d heard, he was offered to study a year abroad in France with Minho and Felix. Good for him, I wish him well, you’d told Jisung when he shared the good news. Minho and Jisung managed to work it out, with Jisung having been offered a year abroad as well for music production with the dance team, they realized it was time to figure out who they were to each other. You find out the person Hyunjin kissed a few months back before the showcase was an old friend, meaning his grandmother — she’d recently moved into that old townhouse

You couldn’t really swallow down the pill that Hyunjin wasn’t yours anymore, but the universe didn’t give you much of a choice as it kept turning. You’d lost your passion for poetry, and the dream to be a huge name in journalism in the months after. You’d given your poems to be displayed in the Creative Writing hall at your University, and you realized that nothing you wrote was ever about anything besides Hyunjin. Everything was connected back to him, and it seemed the world knew that as you dropped your major entirely, and when your advisor questioned what you would be changing it to, you simply shrugged and told her you didn’t know. I want to see the world, you said. University is tying me down.

Seeing as you had officially finished the year, you had no loose strands to burn besides packing up and moving out of your student apartment. You’d sent Hyunjin his things via Seungmin and Jeongin, who were kind enough to help you move out and get a moving van back to Seoul. You were going to spend the summer with them, seeing as they simply planned to go all around Seoul auditioning for companies.

You were taping the last box when you heard a soft knock at the door.

Looking up, you see Hyunjin. Back to his blonde hair, glowing in all his glory. You give him a tight lipped smile, and stand up to greet him quietly. “Hello. I heard you got offered a year in France. Congratulations.” You mumble as you stand in front of him, and he nods silently. The tension is thick as he shifts from side to side, before clearing his throat.

“I saw your poems in the hall.” He whispered, and you scoff, scratching your neck shyly. “Yeah, I decided to say goodbye. Sort of lost touch with that dream.” He doesn’t say anything, but you look to see his eyes screwed shut as he leans against your doorframe. “I didn’t know you wrote so much about me, Y/N.”

“Everything I’ve ever written has been about you, Hyunjin. You were my lucky star, the one I talked to every night. You hold all my creativity, because you are my only inspiration.” You shrug, and Hyunjin simply stretches his arms out. “Come, let me hold you.”

And for a moment, this is okay. You’re okay, feeling the warmth of his body against your own and hearing his soft heartbeat. You’re okay, realizing that you will never stop loving Hwang Hyunjin, no matter how far he is. You’re okay, knowing that he also loves you, and you’re okay with the soft kiss he plants on your scalp.

“I turned it down. I got into a company,” He murmurs, and you gasp. “And even though I’d be under a dating ban, I figured I’d let you know that I miss you and that I’d override that dating ban for you. I miss waking up with you and I miss walking to class together. I miss you, and I love you. I hope that we can be together someday, again. Whether it’s tomorrow or in ten years, just know my heart belongs to you.”

You can’t begin to explain why he should run. So you won’t. You won’t crush him with your fears, or your doubts of what’s to come — because in the end, the love you fear you don’t deserve has already begun.

You deserve to be loved. You are worthy of love and happiness.

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