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This War
This war i face, Is one ive never had faced before. I battle my own demons . some i shouldnt of had to face. Loving you is what helped me face them, Now i feel you slowly drifting away , I want to fight for you. But in the end, I have to wonder, Is it worth the war? Or is our love strong enough to out beat the odds? I have to ask myself , does he love me? or is it talk? should i stay? or should i go? am i as important to him as he is to me? All things i have to wonder! I wonder if shes better than me? will things ever change? or will they remain the same? will i be #1? Or will i remain at the bottom?? Am i just one big joke? some of these i honestly will probably never have answers to. some of them i honestly may already have the answers but just do not want to believe them. Do i continue to stick around and look like a fool? or do i pick up whats left of my heart & walk away? How do you walk away from love though? I love him, I do not want to just up and leave.. Hes the one person I honestly feel like I have in this world. Hes my go to for everything. I honestly sit here wondering why i cant go without talking to him but he can seem to go without me. I look back on how all this honestly started . It was not the best way to start things, and it probably should not of happend. But it did. It may sound wrong to anyone reading this. but to me .its my life. It happend the way it happend, I remember it like it was yesterday. Sitting on my bed. Waiting for my ex to get back to my house. He comes with this friend! we sit around and we all decided to watch a movie. So we watched Ted 2. , I truthfully believe that is the day it all began., We became like bffs. We talked about everything, while my ex was out doing god knows what with god knows who.
After a bit my ex finally got caught doing dumb stuff and was then put behind bars. Me and this friend continued to speak. Because why not? we were friends. As time went on we just became closer and closer.. He made me realize I did not to be treated the way I was being treated in the relationship That I was in. He use to tell me that every single day until i started to believe him. We grew a bit closer one night when i was having a few drinks with a few friends. He had then learned how i felt and he had told me how he had felt about me. We would talk about picking up, running away. Starting who new lives for ourselves. But that idea always seemed more like a Dream, kind of like a fairy tail. Hes been there for me through thick, through thin. Hes my rock. if anyone is actually reading this , they are probably saying. well why arent yall together? the answer to that, is very complicated and I honestly do not feel all that great about it. Love is Blind, Love is complicated , always comes at the worst times. When you least expect it. Will we ever end up together? Honestly I wish we could give it a shot, but in reality I currently Do not see that happening. I love him with all i have in ,me and want nothing but pure happiness for him. whether we end up together , or we live our lives seperate . But i can tell you one thing! He will always have a special place in my heart. I truly believe he belongs there. whether he realizes it or not. Half the time I do not think he takes me seriously. maybe one day he will see how much I love him. I do not say it to just say it. I say it because It is how I feel. . One day im sure the truth with surface. He knows can he always come to me when and If he needs me.
Well y’all. Like i Said Love is def a war!
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