babybunnybushride - Tumblr blog

[babybunnybushride]

microwave

[babybunnybushride]

Hot Gay Vampire Orgy: A Play

[An archaeologist is fucking around in a vampire castle.]

Archaeologist [sarcastically]: O no, I sure hope a vampire doesn't randomly pop out of nowhere and jumpscare me causing me to shit my pants...

[A vampire appears.]

Vampire: Bleh bleh! I am ze vampire of zees castle! I vant to suck your blood!

A: Wait a fucking minute, how the fuck do you know English? According to every historical record ever: at no point have you left this castle.

V [in a posh accent now]: Well, you see, I use Skillshare. Skillshare is an online learning community to help you learn the skills you need but don't normally have the time to acquire. Being locked up in a castle for centuries gives one time to reflect on the time they wasted laying in a coffin all day. Skillshare helped me learn English, finally install toilets in this filthy hellhole, and cook up a frankly bitchin' grilled cheese sandwich! Use the code "UwUSuckMyBloodHarderDaddy" and get a grand total of 69 days of Skillshare Premium for free today! It's the deal of the century!"

A: What the fuck was that about?

V: I got a hefty sponsorship from them.

A: Pog. Anyways, can I just steal all your shit?

V: Hell no! That's my shit! That's like me coming into your house and stealing your Nintendo and banging your wife!

A: I use Reddit.

V: Ah, I see. That's like me coming into your house and stealing your Nintendo! Just for that I'm going to suck your blood!

A: There's something else you could suck.

V: O yeah? And just what might that be?

A: My dick.

V: I'm sorry, what?

A: I'm just saying, I had to walk here because the train was stolen as soon as I crossed the Romanian border. I haven't jacked off in ages and am horny as hell. Some hot gay vampire sex would be nice.

V: I see what your saying, but my penis is withered from centuries of lying dormant.

A: Well, you could suck mine.

V: I would, but...

A: But what?

V: I'm really in the mood for an orgy right now.

A: I understand. An orgy wouldn't be too bad right now.

V: But how are we going to get enough people for an orgy?

A: Two words: Face, Book

V: Capital idea! Right this way to the computer, sir!

[They walk to the computer in the adjacent room]

A: Now all I have to post is this: "Hot vampire orgy happening at that one castle with the vampire. RSVP if interested. Serious inquiries only."

V: Perfect, now post it!

A [posting it]: Done! Now to let the RSVPs roll in!

SpongeBob timecard guy: 69 hours later...

V: God damn, why aren't people interested?

[There is a ping at the computer.]

A: Hey, someone's interested!

V: Groovy! Who is it?

A: Their profile says they're a stingray.

V: What the fuck is a stingray?

A: It's a weird, flat fish that sting you.

V: Oof.

Stingray [on computer]: hey

A [on computer]: hey

Stingray: u said vampire orgy right?

A: yes

S: vampires can bring people back from the ded right?

A: no

S: fuck i wanted steve irwin to be there

A: y?

S: i tried raping him but i got my dick and tail mixed up

A: what? you stabbed him in the chest

S: i got his vagina and chest mixed up

A: he didn't have a vagina

S: i got his vagina and asshole mixed up

A: pls stop

S: as if i wanted to come to your f***y orgy anyway! keep trying asswipes!

V [irl]: That went well.

A: Shut the fuck up, bitch. How the hell are we supposed to have an orgy now?

[There's a knock on the door.]

A & V: A GUY TO FUCK!?

[They run to the door and open it. Outside is a policeman.]

Policeman: Hi, I'm just letting you know that orgies are illegal here.

A: O.

V: But are threesomes?

P: Technically not, no.

V: Would you like to have a threesome with us?

P: O HELL YEAH!

A: O right, threesomes are just mini orgies! How could I forget?