babylove - Tumblr blog

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Like Crazy (2011) dir. Drake Doremus

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Restart

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The incident

Hello, I have never felt comfortable speaking about something as painful as this, especially on such a platform. Please excuse all the messiness and possible weird wording. 

At the early age of 12, I engaged in a relationship with a boy 2 years older than me, a close friend of the family. I was naive and did not know much about the concept of intimacy or how/when to say no. We dated nearly a year when he left me to explore other options of women, considering he had only one thing on his mind. At his grand dismay, no young women were giving in to his mediocre suave lines, so he chased after me on and off for the next 3 years, meanwhile, I was being loved by someone even closer to my heart. 

At the end of this relationship, the original boy knew I was vulnerable and ready for the taking. To be back together with him? You would think so, but no. To be under his control one last time. To be overpowered by his now muscular grip. Being bent over I said, “I DON’T want to have sex with you.” At his betraying, “okay” my life would be changed at 15 years old. 

I was supposed to go into my sophomore year happy, full of pep and vinegar. Yet instead, I was haunted by this moment. I was angry, but I was quiet. So quiet to the point that I genuinely went insane. 

My parents, my teachers, my friends tried to blame my behavior on a multitude of things, but little did they and I know that this traumatizing moment was the root of it. 

I sit here in college at 18 years old, away from all of it, and I find that it still affects me to this day. 

So please, if something like this happens or has happened to you, find someone empathetic and trusting enough to talk to them. If you do not let out your internal conflict, it will turn around to bite you. Do not lose hope in the power you have within yourself, even if it feels like it was stripped from you almost entirely. 

- blooming

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show curtains

legally blonde // lion king // hello, dolly // sweeney todd // matilda // wicked // something rotten // sunset boulevard // book of mormon // gentelman’s guide

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 old stuff

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I am not your ordinary doodle.

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Monet’s Pond, Seki City, Gifu Prefecture, Japan. Credit: Hidenobu Suzuki

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Julie Gautier, French deep-sea diver, dancer, and filmmaker, performs an underwater dance in the world’s most deepest pool in Venice, Italy.

Julie Gautier: Website | Facebook | Instagram | Vimeo 

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