backintothewoods - Tumblr blog

[backintothewoods]

you cant ever let yourself forget what it felt like to be 15. how adults treated you. being treated without a shred of respect because people think youre too young to have thoughts and feelings of your own. the lack of autonomy. you cant ever forget that because if you do you might become the kind of adult who treats kids like theyre not people

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no no no, it’s totally fine—will you excuse me for a moment? (steps outside to shriek and sob)

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IF THE ROUTINE NO LONGER SERVES, YOU MUST ALTER THE PATTERN, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?? YOUR LIFE STARTS WITH YOU

[backintothewoods]

I NEED TO KILL MY SELFFFFF i’m fine im fine it is a beautiful day to be alive on this beautiful earth it’s fine I NEED TO KILL MY SELF I NEED TO KILL MY SELF I i’m so fine being alive is so lovely AAAAAAAAAAAAAA

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Being asexual is like yeah I’m ace. Except for my one intense kink that my asexuality doesn’t apply to.

[backintothewoods]

I realized growing up alone caused me to never give other people any roles in my life. I don’t allow myself to need anyone, because I still know how bad it hurt to need my parents, and how badly I was punished for it. Needing people is scary. I get attached to things instead. When I was a kid, some of my clothes had actual names. I had a favourite pillow, favourite blanket, favourite pajama. I was attached to every poster on my wall, and some of my things felt like extensions of me, if someone hurt them, it felt equal to hurting me. I gave things a role in my life one would usually give to humans, because I needed connection and interacting with humans was so unsafe.

Forms of communication that didn’t include direct interaction felt like the pinnacle of bonding to me. Reading a book felt like talking, listening and understanding. Watching a show felt like having friends. Listening to audio books felt like being read bedtime stories. Playing a game felt like being played with. Identifying with a fictional character felt like being seen, that character finding happiness felt like being fulfilled. Reading a blog felt like intimate connecting with someone’s soul.

I was out there absorbing and feeling like that was it, this is how you feel like a part of humanity. Only problem with it was, I was still invisible to all these creators, existing only in my own mind, nobody affirming I was a part of the bond. And it was safe. So I keep doing it with people too. I absorb what they say, without making myself a part of their world, and without giving them a role in mine. That kind of a role is reserved specifically for my socks.

[backintothewoods]

so judging by how astonished people are by it every time we explain it to anybody, it seems like my wife and I might really be onto something here

during the pandemic, we invented something we call "astronaut time."

when it's astronaut time, it's like we are two astronauts wearing the big helmets, moving around the station on totally separate tasks. one of us is outside the space station and one of us is inside the space station. our radios do not work and we have no way of communicating with each other. we might see each other through the lil porthole windows, but we ignore each other because we both have different things to do.

"astronaut time" is how we get total privacy when we live in the same apartment. I will pretend you don't exist. You will pretend I don't exist. we have a nonverbal, zero-contact signal for when astronaut time is over (usually "I'll draw a smiley-face on the whiteboard in the kitchen when I'm done"). No talking, stay out of each other's line of sight, we are actively avoiding each other, unless you are currently experiencing a medical emergency goodbye.

it has been. a godsend. imagine living with your partner and being able to close every single tab in your brain related to social interaction. no fear of being interrupted by a "hey, quick question--" or "sorry to bother you, but do you know where the scissors are?" or "did you want something to eat, too?" Once or twice a month, we look at each other lovingly, hold hands, and say "baby I think I need some astronaut time tonight," and the other person goes "okay cool. bye! have a nice night!" and nobody's feelings are hurt and we both go and have a lovely evening completely by ourselves.

like idk it's a small thing but it's made our lives so much nicer, so if you and your partner/roommate are both people who sometimes need total privacy in order to recharge, maybe try it

[backintothewoods]

I leave little crumbles of myself for the future me to be able to read

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“Look at you, little one. If you are the monster they imagined you to be… you are also glorious.”

— The Stone Sky by N.K. Jemisin

[backintothewoods]

David Bailey - Lancaster Ad (Vogue Italia 1978)

[backintothewoods]

10/11/2023

my dad sent me a vague text about finding a box with Beyonce on it and I had no idea what he was talking about it but he offered to get it for me

he found an unopened box set of BEYONCE 2013 Deluxe edition with the CD, DVD, audio visual and more photo booklets

I got to tell him how perfect of a gift it is and he was so happy!

I had him and sean over for pizza tonight

we watched the muppet show and it was delightfult

sean just moved into the neighbohood and I hope to see hom a lot more! Dad even just rode his bike over which was great

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Soooooo anxious about my dad’s lifespan

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One of the people that Was an apprentice at actors theater when I was working there my second year is a very affluent young woman from New York. She is currently on her birthday vacation at shelter Island. It makes me so angry that she gets to go there and I don’t

[backintothewoods]

Post rage regret. 🥺

[backintothewoods]