baerrito-and-kso - Tumblr blog

[baerrito-and-kso]

I’ve spent 90% of 2017 being naked.

[baerrito-and-kso]

[baerrito-and-kso]

just gonna say this: if someone has social anxiety and they ask you something akin to ‘are you mad at me’ or ‘do you hate me’, it isn’t because they don’t trust you, it’s because their brain literally tells them that all the time

it’s not a personal slight, it’s insecurity caused by mental illness

thanks

[baerrito-and-kso]

I had sex in a graveyard and was walking around nude cause it was like 80 degrees and I was all sweaty and it was like midnight or whatever. So this car rolls up out of nowhere and I’m stark fucken naked. I’m also white as fuck. I glow in the dark. I make eye contact with the dude driving. I don’t make a move to cover up or anything because idgaf about being naked. I see his eyes widen….

With fear.

He fucken books it out of there like a bat out of hell.

And that’s the story about how I became a ghost sighting in a small town in New England.

[baerrito-and-kso]

If santa keeps track of “naughty” kids every “year”, and the year doesn’t start until January 1st, that leaves 6 days after Christmas and New Years left undocumented, so nothing you do can be held against you.

[baerrito-and-kso]

[baerrito-and-kso]

i love parenting, i just yelled CAPITALISM and my son did a dinosaur screech in response

[baerrito-and-kso]

*blows out birthday candles and wishes to get penetrated by the next door neighbor*

family: so what did you wish for? me: uhm, world peace 😊✌️

[baerrito-and-kso]

lgbt was coined by the beatles as an acronym for their names

Lennom George harrison ford Ball “is life” mccartney The drummer

[baerrito-and-kso]

I watch porn for the storyline

[baerrito-and-kso]

please just read the whole thing

[baerrito-and-kso]

lets fuck in an art gallery 

i mean you deserve to be pinned up against a wall 

you are a masterpiece 

[baerrito-and-kso]

*squats directly onto a dick* *knees crack* hrghgahghg *gets up*

[baerrito-and-kso]

hey buddy

let’s talk about some viddy games 

[baerrito-and-kso]

[baerrito-and-kso]

once our chemistry class got a sub so angry she left in the middle of the lesson to go to church and pray

[baerrito-and-kso]

Put a pancake on a girl’s head when she’s asleep to keep her warm and safe.