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So I downloaded this app that tells me what phase the moon is in and apparently it speaks in the first person
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waking up and realizing you slept through your alarm
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share the toolman and the next 20 seconds of your life will be pretty decent
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Human Instincts: Fight or Flight, infant suckling, jerking during the sensation of falling, etc.
Not Human Instincts: Following a woman for 7 blocks because you like the size of her body parts.
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How wars are started
Someone: Blue Team is the best team.
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How wars are started
Someone: Red Team is the best team.
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Snapchatting with the bae while im listening to some good music <3 :)
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at a mutual’s house
me: hey can i use your bathroom?
them: sure!! it’s down the hall first door on the right
me:
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hey mobile users look at these SICK emojis 🚀✈️🌚🐳🚙👳😺💥💩👽🏃💃 computer users FUCK u
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