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I do it for dad
Right after my CMLIT final at 10:45AM, I went straight to the school library and studied for my computer science final. I've been at it since Friday, and I'd only made little progress.
I was already exhausted from not getting enough sleep the night before, so I took a nap for an hour at the library computer. But I couldn't sleep because the position was awkward. I ended up just going into the first stage of REM, I guess. I remained tired and really, really hungry until 4PM.
I haven't been eating as much lately, because I'd packed a few pounds during Thanksgiving break, and I need to fast a little to shed that weight. I've already reverted to my old weight, but even so, it's difficult to find time to eat food because I need to dedicate my time to studying.
Fortunately, I went with my friend to get boba and Subway. It was a nice little break, but I definitely felt the food coma creeping up after I finished my sandwich.
I didn't realize the library had such poor reception, because I tried calling dad to ask if he could pick me up tonight but my phone was being difficult.
I'd spent 14 hours away from home, and it worried dad. I decided to call it a night at 9:30, and that's when I checked my phone again.
I had already called Dad to pick me up and was waiting at the bus stop. I was crying in the rain because:
1. It was so exhausting studying literally all day and over the weekend.
2. The subject matter was difficult and I wasn't getting any better at it.
3. I never ever want to worry dad, I always want him to know I'm safe and happy.
4. Knowing that he sees me as a good daughter was so validating.
All this studying and all this hardship is to repay him. He made sacrifices when he came to America, and he's still making sacrifices to support me and the family. I feel obligated to repay him, but I definitely would be happy to. It's the least I could do, because I love him. Although he's said and done some things that aren't exactly fatherly, he's my dad nonetheless and I love him no matter what.
Relationships are allowed to be complicated, and that's how it is with my dad. But I am 200% sure that I love him, and my struggle right now is only temporary.
I keep telling myself that my physical and mental stress will pay off in the end, and it will. I am definitely allowed to feel the pain now to experience the good later on.
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Rose's saying
'The Japanese are messed up. They've done a lot of things for the world, but they've also done a lot of things to the world'
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I could've seen seventeen
I just caught up a little with Going Seventeen 2019 and wtf yo the episode where they're in NYC for Kcon, I-
Joshua, coups, wonwoo, minghao were AT ROCKEfeller CENTER. I DON'T KNOW WHICH DAY THEY VISITED, BUT I COULD'VE BEEN WORKING INSIDE AT THAT TIME. THEY DIDN'T EVEN STEP INTO THE BUILDING, THEY JUST MARVELED AT THE SKATE RINK.
And fucking Jun, Mingyu, Hosh, and Dino went to CHINATOWN FOR FOOD. I COULD'VE BEEN IN CHINATOWN THAT TIME.
It's like god wanted to test my patience before I could even get their north American tour announcement or something 😤
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