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*Dr Doofenshmietz gestures at an empty area*

“BEHOLD THE PROCRASTINATOR!”

*empty area*

“I haven’t built it yet”

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internet politics and real-world politics have gotten so separated, and pretty soon all this internet weirdness is gonna come crashing into real life and politicians are gonna start throwing around words like “SJW” and “anime communist” and “dark enlightenment” and it’s just gonna be the most ridiculous fucking thing

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This is probably a hot take but I don't think anybody actually cares who Batman is outside of the GCPD and conspiracy theorists.

When Batman first shows up he's a friggen poltergeist. He's a cryptid. For a second there maybe people thought he was just a creepypasta.

Then when people start to think… actually it kinda seems like he's a guy…? Like, he's a real…? Person…???

Then the GCPD is like, 'Okay, well, then he's breaking laws.'

But your average schmo is like, 'And? Yeah he's a guy; he gave me fifty bucks to get home last night. Right after he saved me from an acid piranha pit.'

But the thing is, Bats has his own personality. He's a whole person as the mask. People don't ask who Superman's secret identity is because, as far as they're concerned, Superman is just Superman, and when they can't see him, it's because he went home. It would be the same with Batman. They probably think he sleeps or hangs upside-down all day.

I think Gothamites like him as Just Batman; he's the city's pet monster, and they like it that way.

I think we get super caught up in the, "Batman's secret identity might be revealed! 😱" because Batman's secret identity is famous. But if someone unmasked Clark or Barry or Hal it would be like

"…I have no idea who this is."

And they expect the same of Batman.

GCPD wants to know so they can arrest him, conspiracy theorists want to know because they wanna know where he fits into the machine, gossip columnists want to know so they can get catch some drama, and real-person fanfic authors wanna know so they can accurately describe him when he takes his mask off to kiss Bruce Wayne.

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no animal was harmed during the making of this video. not one. for the few minutes that we were shooting film, the guns of each hunter fell silent. the industrial bolt throwers observed a moment's peace and the jaws of every predator hung softly open. no fish bit any hook and the bait worms held off on drowning only until the cameras stopped. the tails of ruminants ceased to flick just as their attendant flies, in unison, landed on their flanks to catch their tiny breaths. a spider instantly stopped winding silk around a wasp, patiently waiting for the caesura to end. a young veterinarian paused with the syringe in their hand. somewhere, a colicky baby stopped biting its mother's nipple and nursed happily for the very first time. we're sorry. we're sorry it couldn't have been longer. we didn't know this would happen.

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snufkin in the city

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Hey guys it's summer solstice today so the days are only going to get shorter from now on, enjoy the sun while it last!

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˙spɹɐʇsɐq ʇᴉ ʇɐ dǝǝʞ ¿ʎǝ 'ɹǝƃuol ʇǝƃ ɐuuoƃ ʎllɐuᴉɟ ǝɹɐ sʎɐp oS ˙ʇunɔ ǝɥʇ 'ǝɔᴉʇslos ɹǝʇuᴉʍ s,ʇᴉ 'sǝʇɐɯ ʎO

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a horrible unicorn wine holder that took me a second to parse, bumpa's rack, and (my new son) piplop (i took home bumpa's rack and piplop)

I love Piplop

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Okay you guys.

IF YOU PRIMARILY DO NOT SPEAK ENGLISH reply with what you mentally call it, if you have a nickname for it or something

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compilation

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I DONT CARE ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *throws up and dies from caring*

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your humorous post has delighted me. i will now absorb it into my dark crystal

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Social anxiety Is so funny you'll really be wondering "is it normal to get your clothes dry cleaned?" Yeah brother they built a whole business around it called "dry cleaning"

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The other night husband and I were watching a documentary about the yeti where they were doing DNA analysis of samples of supposed yeti fur, and every one of them came back as bears.

Anyway, the next night we watched a thing about some pig man who is supposed to live in Vermont. People said it had claws and a pig nose but walked upright like a man. Now, I happen to know that sideshows used to shave bears and present them as pig men. So every piece of evidence they gave of this monster sounds to me like a bear with mange.

So now the running joke in our house is that everything is bears. Aliens? Bears. Loch Ness monster? Bear. Every cryptozoological mystery is just a very crafty bear.

Bears. They’re everywhere. Be wary. Anyone or anything could be a bear.