ballsandsocioeconomics - Tumblr blog

[ballsandsocioeconomics]

You love someone so much you make them your whole life.

You love someone so much they ruin your whole life.

You love someone so much you let them ruin your whole life.

[ballsandsocioeconomics]

You love someone so much you make them your whole life.

You love someone so much they ruin your whole life.

You love someone so much you let them ruin your whole life.

[ballsandsocioeconomics]

does this greed to be loved ever end?

please love me please please please just once only for a moment please just just come back home

for i have none without you

[ballsandsocioeconomics]

For Youth by BTS

Translation credit: doolsetbangtan

i'm so thankful for my friends who never made me regret opening up my heart, who never hurt me, who always made me feel safe. you made me realize that loving can be safe, unconditional, and can also lead to finding home.

among everyone who comes and goes, they'll stay, and i promise you, you'll find them.

[ballsandsocioeconomics]

in another universe, (i hope) everything went exactly the same. we’ll still be where we are now. in another universe, 2024 is approaching and, all the same, i will have not heard your voice in 5 years.

except — in another universe — (i hope) i told you i loved you, when i meant it.

i hope it wouldn’t have changed anything.

(please. please, i can’t bear to think that if i just said it, it could have gone better.

please tell me this is how it was always going to end so i can finally pull out the knife)

[ballsandsocioeconomics]

In another universe, (I hope) I never took you back. (I hope) I refused to take you back the first time all those 5 years ago. In another universe, (I hope) I didn't leave and hurt everybody who even as much as tried to love me, for you. In another universe, (I hope) I forgot you very very soon. In another universe, (I hope) knowing you or remembering you or even loving you doesn't feel like a curse. In another universe, (I hope) you didn't abandon me. In another universe, (I hope) you loved me back.

in another universe, (i hope) everything went exactly the same. we’ll still be where we are now. in another universe, 2024 is approaching and, all the same, i will have not heard your voice in 5 years.

except — in another universe — (i hope) i told you i loved you, when i meant it.

i hope it wouldn’t have changed anything.

(please. please, i can’t bear to think that if i just said it, it could have gone better.

please tell me this is how it was always going to end so i can finally pull out the knife)

[ballsandsocioeconomics]

It's Monday, he takes you to his brother's concert. He is so happy to see his baby brother perform. By the time the show ends he had tears of pride in his eyes. I love you. It's Tuesday, he doesn't wanna leave the bed so you both play video games all day long. You are bad at playing so you keep losing but he lets you win sometimes. He praises you when you do. I love you. It's Wednesday, you are working from home and he brings you snacks and water in between and keeps checking up on you. He makes you the most delicious meals and makes sure you take breaks in between too. I love you. It's Thursday, he teaches you a tiktok dance as you both giggle and laugh throughout the practice. He kisses your forehead out of adoration. I love you. It's Friday, you both go to the beach. You are walking down the shore. He never lets go of your hand. I love you. It's Saturday, you both are painting and he splashes some paint on you and you both paint fight. He then sits you down and makes beautiful purple flowers on your thighs. I love you. It's Sunday, he takes you for a ride on his motorbike. You see a tattoo parlour nearby. You both get each other's initials tattooed. I love you.

It's Monday, he is playing the piano. He misses a key and smiles cheekily. His dimples pop. I love you. It's Tuesday, he cooks the most delicious meal. He waits for me to take the first bite and is super happy when I tell him how tasty it is. I love you. It's Wednesday, he peels a tangerine for me without asking. He doesn't ask me to take it, he brings it to my mouth instead. I open my mouth and eat it. I love you. It's Thursday, he knows I'm tired after work and hugs me tight. He sends flowers at work the next day with a note saying he is proud of me. I love you. It's Friday, it's raining hard and he hands me a heating pack and an umbrella as I leave the house. "Don't catch a cold.", he says. I love you. It's Saturday, we are slow dancing to a jazz song in the kitchen light. I love you. It's Sunday, he has the happiest smile on his face while eating the chicken his brother sent. It's his favourite but he shares it with me despite knowing he doesn't need to. I love you.

[ballsandsocioeconomics]

How do you speak of a love that's the most tender thing in the planet but also leaves your throat burnt?

[ballsandsocioeconomics]

It's Monday, he is playing the piano. He misses a key and smiles cheekily. His dimples pop. I love you. It's Tuesday, he cooks the most delicious meal. He waits for me to take the first bite and is super happy when I tell him how tasty it is. I love you. It's Wednesday, he peels a tangerine for me without asking. He doesn't ask me to take it, he brings it to my mouth instead. I open my mouth and eat it. I love you. It's Thursday, he knows I'm tired after work and hugs me tight. He sends flowers at work the next day with a note saying he is proud of me. I love you. It's Friday, it's raining hard and he hands me a heating pack and an umbrella as I leave the house. "Don't catch a cold.", he says. I love you. It's Saturday, we are slow dancing to a jazz song in the kitchen light. I love you. It's Sunday, he has the happiest smile on his face while eating the chicken his brother sent. It's his favourite but he shares it with me despite knowing he doesn't need to. I love you.

[ballsandsocioeconomics]

You spend years building all those walls around you and making yourself strong. And then your angry father screams at you and all those walls and strength crumble down to bits and pieces. And you're that little girl in the corner of the room crying, barely breathing and hugging herself. All over again.

[ballsandsocioeconomics]

I turn 22 in a few hours. For the last 3 years i have no idea why I survived. I just did. Was surviving the best choice? What am I supposed to do now that i survived?

I have been so lost and lonely it feels like i should have died a long time back, but i didn't. But i didn't. I didn't and now I just go through everyday.

But is this what I survived for? Just to be breathing? And not to feel any breath taken? Is this why i held on to life? Just to hold on to life and not to live?

I don't know what's living like. I haven't known for such a long time that even if I found the way living feels I would not recognise it.

With every passing day I'm getting older. With every passing day life is passing by. And with every passing day I'm passing away a little too.

[ballsandsocioeconomics]

Suddenly reminded of the quote by Robert Brault that said "eventually soulmates meet, for they have the same hiding place" and it made me think so much of BTS and ARMY and like the relationship of both individually as well as one team like we were truly made to find each other. Like if you think about it, you were born in the same lifetime as them and they love us the most and like we aren't even BTS or ARMY. We are one, like true soulmates. And the seven were destined to be in the same group and we were destined to find them. And all of it was fate. Like how a lot of us say BTS found us without us knowing, or how it all felt like a coincidence and so natural and effortless. Most of us can't even explain what we felt and you really need to experience it to know it. And there's just so so so much mutual love and respect. <7

[ballsandsocioeconomics]

It's Monday, he is playing the piano. He misses a key and smiles cheekily. His dimples pop. I love you. It's Tuesday, he cooks the most delicious meal. He waits for me to take the first bite and is super happy when I tell him how tasty it is. I love you. It's Wednesday, he peels a tangerine for me without asking. He doesn't ask me to take it, he brings it to my mouth instead. I open my mouth and eat it. I love you. It's Thursday, he knows I'm tired after work and hugs me tight. He sends flowers at work the next day with a note saying he is proud of me. I love you. It's Friday, it's raining hard and he hands me a heating pack and an umbrella as I leave the house. "Don't catch a cold.", he says. I love you. It's Saturday, we are slow dancing to a jazz song in the kitchen light. I love you. It's Sunday, he has the happiest smile on his face while eating the chicken his brother sent. It's his favourite but he shares it with me despite knowing he doesn't need to. I love you.

[ballsandsocioeconomics]

It's Monday, he is playing the piano. He misses a key and smiles cheekily. His dimples pop. I love you. It's Tuesday, he cooks the most delicious meal. He waits for me to take the first bite and is super happy when I tell him how tasty it is. I love you. It's Wednesday, he peels a tangerine for me without asking. He doesn't ask me to take it, he brings it to my mouth instead. I open my mouth and eat it. I love you. It's Thursday, he knows I'm tired after work and hugs me tight. He sends flowers at work the next day with a note saying he is proud of me. I love you. It's Friday, it's raining hard and he hands me a heating pack and an umbrella as I leave the house. "Don't catch a cold.", he says. I love you. It's Saturday, we are slow dancing to a jazz song in the kitchen light. I love you. It's Sunday, he has the happiest smile on his face while eating the chicken his brother sent. It's his favourite but he shares it with me despite knowing he doesn't need to. I love you.

[ballsandsocioeconomics]

It's Monday, he is playing the piano. He misses a key and smiles cheekily. His dimples pop. I love you. It's Tuesday, he cooks the most delicious meal. He waits for me to take the first bite and is super happy when I tell him how tasty it is. I love you. It's Wednesday, he peels a tangerine for me without asking. He doesn't ask me to take it, he brings it to my mouth instead. I open my mouth and eat it. I love you. It's Thursday, he knows I'm tired after work and hugs me tight. He sends flowers at work the next day with a note saying he is proud of me. I love you. It's Friday, it's raining hard and he hands me a heating pack and an umbrella as I leave the house. "Don't catch a cold.", he says. I love you. It's Saturday, we are slow dancing to a jazz song in the kitchen light. I love you. It's Sunday, he has the happiest smile on his face while eating the chicken his brother sent. It's his favourite but he shares it with me despite knowing he doesn't need to. I love you.

[ballsandsocioeconomics]

It's Monday, he is playing the piano. He misses a key and smiles cheekily. His dimples pop. I love you. It's Tuesday, he cooks the most delicious meal. He waits for me to take the first bite and is super happy when I tell him how tasty it is. I love you. It's Wednesday, he peels a tangerine for me without asking. He doesn't ask me to take it, he brings it to my mouth instead. I open my mouth and eat it. I love you. It's Thursday, he knows I'm tired after work and hugs me tight. He sends flowers at work the next day with a note saying he is proud of me. I love you. It's Friday, it's raining hard and he hands me a heating pack and an umbrella as I leave the house. "Don't catch a cold.", he says. I love you. It's Saturday, we are slow dancing to a jazz song in the kitchen light. I love you. It's Sunday, he has the happiest smile on his face while eating the chicken his brother sent. It's his favourite but he shares it with me despite knowing he doesn't need to. I love you.

[ballsandsocioeconomics]

A woman's first blood doesn't come from between her legs but from biting her tongue.

— Meggie C. Royer, The No You Never Listened To

what is with men being mad any time a woman raises her voice where did that even come from. someone posted a video of a small electrical explosion, and the top comment was of course the woman screams. the second comment is women try not to scream challenge, level impossible. i had to go back and watch the video again. there is, somewhat fainty, a little gasp emitted off-camera, more of a yelp than a scream. it is mostly lost in the crack of the explosion. afterwards, you hear her voice, shaken, say, are you okay?

i am helping one of my friends train her voice pitch lower, because she wants to be taken seriously at work. she and i do each other's nails and talk about gender roles; and how - due to our appearance - neither of us have ever been able to be "hysterical" in public. we both appear young and sweet and feminine. she is cisgender, and cannot use her natural voice in her profession because people keep saying she appears to be "vapid". we both try to figure out if our purposeful voice lowering is technically sexist. is it promoting something when you are a victim to it?

a storm almost sends a pole through a car window. in the dashcam, you can hear the woman passenger say her partner's name twice, crying out in alarm. she sounds terrified. in the comments, she is lambasted for her lack of calm. how is that even fucking helping?

in high school, i taught myself to have a lower voice. i had been recorded when i was genuinely (and righteously) upset; and i hated how my voice sounded on the phone speakers when it was played back. i was defending my mom, and my voice cracked with emotion. it meant i was no longer winning the argument: i was just shrieking about it.

girls meet each other after a long summer and let out a little joyful scream. this usually stops around 12-14, because people will not tolerate this display of affection (as it has the effect of being passingly annoying). something about the fact that little girls can't ever even be annoying. we are trained to examine each part of our lives (even joy) for anything that could make us upsetting and disgusting. they act like teenage girls are breaking into houses and shrieking you awake at 3 in the morning. speaking as a public school educator: trust me, it's not that bad, you can just roll your eyes and move on. it does not compare to the ways boys end up being annoying: slurs in graffiti, purposefully mocking your body, following you after you said no. you know, just boy things.

there's another video of a man who is not allowed to yell in the house, so he snaps his fingers when he's excited about soccer. the comments are full of angry men, talking about how their brother is unfairly caged. let him express himself and this is terrible to do to someone. eventually the couple has to address it in a second video: they are married with a newborn baby. he was trying not to wake the infant up. there is no comment on the fact women are not allowed to yell indoors. or the fact that it could have been really alarming or triggering for his wife. sometimes i wonder if straight men even like women, if they even enjoy being in relationships with them.

for the longest time, i hated roller coasters because it always felt inappropriate and uncomfortable for me to scream. one of my friends called me on it, said it was unusual i'm so unwilling. i had to go to my therapist about it. i don't like to scream because i was not raised in a safe situation, and raising my voice would have brought unsafe attention towards me. even when i am supposed to scream, it feels shameful, guilty. i was not treated kindly, so i lack a basic form of self-protection. this is not a natural response. it is not good that in a situation of high adrenaline - i shut up about it.

something very bad is happening, i think. in between all the beauty standards and the stuff i've already discussed - this one feels new and cruel in a way i can't quite express. yes, it's scary and silencing. but there's something about how direct it is - that so many men agree with the sentiment that women should never yell, even in an emergency - it feels different.

is the word shriek gendered automatically? how about shrill or screech? in self defense class, one of the first things they tell you is to yell, as loud and as shrilly as you can. they say it will feel rude. most women will not do this. you need to practice overcoming the social pressure and just scream.

most women do not cry out, even when it's bad. we do not report it. we walk faster. we do not make a scene. what would be the point of doing anything else? no matter what we do, we don't get taken seriously. it is a joke to them. an instagram caption punchline. we have to present ourselves as silent, beautiful, captivating - "valuable."

a woman is outside watching her kids when someone throws a firecracker at them. she screams and runs towards her children. in the comments, grown men flock together in the thousands: god. women are so annoying.