bandaddictaf

[bandaddictaf]

current state of mind

[bandaddictaf]

life moves on and so must you

[bandaddictaf]

befuddled

via weheartit

[bandaddictaf]

I burn and I burn and I burn

[bandaddictaf]

Parallax IV: Vulnerability

I was the architect, So strong in his conviction and design, That he allowed it to consume all else. I was the barbarian, Dedicated to protecting the homeland, Over himself.

Until one day, I realized who you were, A crony in suffering the fault of their mind, But you angled your eyes away from mine, Realizing you needed work and you weren’t fine.

That day you and I both held a deck of cards, And we danced around each others’ pain, Wondering who would play the highest card next, Who’s misery was best?

The queen of hearts was now of spades, The king of clovers became suitless and began to fade Into the darkness of his own mind Until self-love he would find.

I was the king, the architect, the barbarian, And you were a simple, kind, and intelligent contrarian I saw my flaws unfold after I broke your heart, Hoping every day apart we could restart.

When I saw you on that day you were not the same, A coldness and rigidity now defined your frame, But it was strength I could see and not your past fragility, I made no attempt to hide my deepest vulnerability.

A deck of cards, Each of us had.

I played all my cards right at the beginning, Showed you all my suits and my deepest shortcomings, Poured it quickly into your eyes and showed you, my truest love, What this time apart had made me realize, What I thought I was made of.

With all the cards in your hands you looked back at me, Lightly pulsating and sharply staring through my anxiety, While somehow you kept yours so strongly at bay, The cards remained in your hands, You didn’t want to play.

I told you this was no time to fold, But you said that the cards were yours to hold, While all of mine laid a desheveled mess across the table, My mind spiraling down into this macabre fable.

You are not mine, And maybe, I won’t be fine, As much as I tell you I will be This lie was built for you, Not for me.

But

My vulnerability shined through my eyes weeks after I saw you, The golden light slowly embossed me and made my promises true, I became a better man teeming with greatness in his soul, The rays burst out of my mouth, Gave me purpose and gave me goals.

I forgot who I was before I met you quite some time ago, The man was found and improved more than you could ever know, You don’t deserve me now with my chin held high, Once again it is I who commands the sky.

Cards are games for children, And I’m not here to play games with a girl, I wanted you to open your heart like a woman, You didn’t let your hair unfurl.

You never saw me for who I was, A crony in suffering the fault of their mind, My eyes stayed locked in your direction, Waiting for you to grow and show me your affection, and realize we both. weren’t. fine.

[bandaddictaf]

take me back take me back take me back take me back take me back take me back take me back take me back take me back take me back.

[bandaddictaf]

my god, do I miss you so

[bandaddictaf]

[bandaddictaf]

worth it indeed

[bandaddictaf]

don’t go. stay and see the face behind the façade. see the face hiding behind the mask. behind these walls I’ve built to keep myself in but have gloriously let you explore. please stay.

[bandaddictaf]

why'd you let me fall like that if you weren't going to catch me??

[bandaddictaf]

I'd give you my heart over and over again if it meant I could be with you

[bandaddictaf]

you don't have to ruin him when you've already ruined me

[bandaddictaf]

you'll never know how much I care about you because to me caring for someone that much has to mean I love them and oh do I love you

[bandaddictaf]

nunca lo entenderé

[bandaddictaf]

y perdón si  a veces desaparezco sin dar explicaciones, es lo único que me sale bien 

[bandaddictaf]

Exhausted