bandonggarciajalandonisainz
SA 21 Group 2
Bandong Garcia Jalandoni Sainz
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“Kalalaking mo tao, takot ka dyan?”
Context
I grew up as a small, timid, shy kid. I had a lot of fears, both physically and socially. I was afraid of heights, bugs, and strangers. Because of this, my parents would always try to make me go out of my comfort zones. They would always say this quote to me. They say it to me when I tell them about a cockroach in the kitchen. They say it to me when I am shy to buy from the store owner. Even my siblings say it to me when I get scared of the 2nd floor in the mall. Sometimes it would lead to me crying and my family would chastise me. It made me think that I have to act brave all the time and show no fear.
Sometimes, they would take it further and ask me, “Bakla ka ba?” I would say no, but their questions conditioned my young mind to think negatively of gays. It did not help that my classmates would tease me about being gay since I was quiet and shy. All these things told to me as a kid affected the way I act until now.
Stereotypes in Traditional Sex Roles
This saying that my parents would verbalize to me every time I would be shy or scared is a manifestation of stereotypes in our society. Men are expected to be brave and dominant and should not be scared. They should never show emotion or weakness, much less crying. This might be a remnant of men being hunters in the past.
As a young shy kid with many fears, I was far from the stereotypical alpha male. This is why my parents would show disapproval when I would be scared of talking to people or of a mere cockroach. My mom used to say, “Ang laki-laki mo, ang liit-liit lang niyan.” I would be ashamed and try my best to face my fears but it was never easy. This led me to sometimes not even bothering with voicing out my fears to my family or friends since I was afraid they would be disappointed in me.
Gender and Socialization
The things my family would say to me are also examples of how society views genders and how they should interact. As aforementioned, men should be brave and dominant. If you fail to show these traits, you are viewed to be as “not a real man”. Sometimes people view these non-stereotypical males to be homosexual, hence the questions my siblings and peers would sometimes ask me about being gay.
As a child, these questions led me to a false assumption that homosexuals are cowards and very emotional. I thought that being gay was a very negative thing and that they cannot assert themselves or fight back. Of course, I was far from being right. I eventually learned that being has nothing to do with bravery or being emotional. I still, however, encounter people who use being gay as an insult and try to bring down people who do not show the stereotypical traits of a male.
Stages and Performances
My parents’ disapproval and sayings whenever I would be a scaredy-cat led me to learning how to hide my fears. I would have a different identity when it comes to my family compared to when I am with my friends. At home, I would rarely voice out my fears or inhibitions. With my friends, I do not have to be so shy because I trust them already. For example: Until now, I am still scared of cockroaches. My close friends know about this. They would sometimes do pranks on me by pretending there is a cockroach and we would all have a laugh. When I am at home, however, I try to relax every time I see a cockroach especially when someone is watching me. I try to walk away calmly and not run away as fast as I can as I would normally do.
These performances varied with the stage I was present in. With my friends, I have a back stage where I can be as scared as I want of my fears and I can be emotional whenever I want to. With my family, I have a front stage where I have to be brave and face my fears, otherwise they might show their disapproval like the did when I was a child.
Conclusion
As my parents would say, “Kalalaking mo tao, takot ka dyan?”, they showed an example of how stereotypes of sex roles are prevalent in society and how different genders are perceived. It also affected the way I grew up as I learned how to adapt and take on different identities and performances in order to receive approval.
Sources
Moore, S. & Rosenthal, D. (2007). Gender, sexuality and romance. In Sexuality in Adolescence: Current Trends (Ch. 6 pp. 132-155). New York, NY: Routledge.
By: Harvee Clarence B. Bandong 160211
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“O, bakit ka umiiyak? Lalaki ka pa naman.”
By: Andy Garcia
Back in 2nd grade, I was playing in a football tournament as part of being in the varsity team. I had control of the ball and was dribbling upfield when I was suddenly tackled hard by my opponent. He made no contact with the ball, and instead slid into my legs. I fell pretty hard and scraped one of my knees on the rough dirt surface. Before I knew it, my knee was covered in blood and I could do nothing but cry in agonizing pain. My dad approached me, surveying the wound, when he said “O, bakit ka umiiyak? Lalaki ka pa naman.” This wasn’t the first time I heard him say it. I’ve been in many situations where I would just cry from getting hurt to just being an overly sensitive kid who got his feelings hurt. Each time this happened, and my dad was there to witness it, he’d call me out and tell me to stop because apparently guys shouldn’t cry. I never understood why, but in the end I just believed him. As I grew older, I always tried to stop myself from crying whenever I felt like doing so. I didn’t want my dad to call me out again, so I did my best to suppress my feelings so I wouldn’t end up crying. Because of this, I could never really vent out my feelings to my parents. I ended up keeping these feelings to myself, and became less open to talking to them whenever I felt unhappy or despondent.
Hearing this repeatedly as I grew up made a huge impact in who I am today. I’m not as open about my feelings to other people unless I’m sure that they’re okay with it. I rarely get to share things about myself to my parents because I was always scared of what they might think. I also learned that even as a guy, it was okay to cry and release these emotions that I felt and that it should be normal for everyone regardless of their gender.
Through these experiences, I realized quite a few things about myself and the people around me. First of all, my dad is one of the people who served as an identity agent. Identity agents, according to Schachter and Ventura’s research on identity agents, are people who actively interact with younger people to help shape their identity. Our development is due to the “bi-directional interactions between child and socializers.” My dad, being a parent, was crucial in shaping my behavior because he was a big influence even in my childhood identification, and affected the way I understood things such as crying being unacceptable as a guy.
Gender and Inequality was also evident in my growth. Gender and Inequality pertains to personal traits and social positions that members of a society attach to being male and female. According to the United Nations Development Programme, these gender norms and stereotypes reinforce gendered identities and constrains us in terms of how we behave which can lead to inequality. The culture of our environment also heavily influences how men and women should be. Through my dad’s influence, what I learned as a kid was that there were only certain traits that could be associated with being a man. Being tough and unafraid of anything, and not being emotional or sensitive were just some of the stereotypical characteristics I picked up as a kid. I guess these were just some of the things he learned from his own dad and from where he lived as he grew up. These pertain to his own experience with his identity agents and the culture that surrounded him during his childhood. I remember he’d mention that back then, guys who were scared or afraid were made fun of, and because that’s something he learned from his own environment as a kid, it’s something that he passed on to me since he serves as my identity agent. Although he always told me not to cry about everything, it did make me understand that I can’t cry about everything. I do cry about some things that I shouldn’t be crying about, and sometimes there’s no real reason to do so. Crying is definitely okay and normal but shouldn’t be done just to grab attention or overreact.
What I learned can also be related to Gender Convergence. While Gender Convergence, according to Claudia Goldin, pertains to a narrowing between men and women in terms of occupation and labor force participation, it also represents a form of balance between men and women in terms of their capabilities and identities. This means that women and men can act in ways that are normally not associated with their genders as a way of breaking away from norms and stereotypes. Being able to cry and express emotions should not be limited to women just because it doesn’t seem “manly”. Anyone and everyone can express themselves freely, and I learned that I don’t need to restrict myself from being able to act like who I want to be regardless of my gender.
These three concepts that I experienced in my life have shaped and formed me into who I am today. Being able to realize things like gender equality and gender stereotypes gave me a better understanding on how I act and how everyone else judges our traits and actions. Being free from the norm and realizing that we are not limited by our gender is something that I truly appreciate learning as I grew up.
Sources:
Schacter, E., & Ventura, J. (2008). Identity agents: Parents as active and reflective participants in their children’s identity formation. Journal of Research on Adolescence, 18(3), 449-476
Gender Inequality. (n.d.). In Humanity Divided(pp. 162-193). United Nations Development Programme.
Goldin, C. (n.d.). A Grand Gender Convergence: Its Last Chapter. In The American Economic Review(4th ed., Vol. 104, pp. 1092-1119).
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“Bayot ka ba?”
By: Joseph Jaime Sainz
During the 4th grade when I transferred back to Cebu, I found myself in a similar environment in an all-boys school but with new classmates and different personalities. I went to school in PAREF Springdale which was managed by Opus Dei. The teaching style was more on the conservative aspect. All the teachers and staff are all males. They do not hire gay teachers nor do they accept gay students. From that environment, it made me think that being gay is wrong like it was not normal for a guy to want to be a girl. Despite that, I did believe that everyone deserved respect and from there, I knew that I would accept my classmate or schoolmate if ever he decides to come out of the closet. However, the thought of being gay has never really occurred to me until I moved back to Cebu. Cebuanos have common expressions that include using the word ‘bayot’ which is Bisaya for gay. It is commonly used to insult others intentionally or in a joking manner. It is more commonly used to attack someone else. Being called ‘bayot’ meant being insulted.
In the latter half of my 4th grade school year, I was invited to go to the food fair of the sister school of Springdale, PAREF Southcrest. The school was like any other PAREF school with the same principles, but it was only for girls. I spent the day with my friends and meeting my batch mates from Southcrest. When the day ended, my dad picked me up. As I entered the car, my dad asked me, “Unya, nakita ka og gwapa dinha? Did you find anyone pretty?” I replied with a defensive tone, “No.” “Bisag usa,” he asked in disbelief. He asked if I found at least one girl pretty. I told him no again but I could see that he was irritated. “Bayot ka ba (Are you gay?),” he asked rhetorically with an angry tone. I only answered no again as I felt that I was being scolded or taught a lesson for not liking a girl at the time. From there, it became a really awkward ride back home. I thought that liking someone was not expected of a 4th grader. All I thought about was playing with friends and watching cartoons. I felt that he was insulting my masculinity. Being gay was not even on my mind. When I reached the adolescent stage of my life, I knew that I liked girls but I would just deny every time someone asked me if I liked somebody. The same thing would usually happen if my dad asks me if I liked anyone. He would occasionally follow up and ask, “Bayot ka ba?” After occasionally giving the same remark, I learned to grow up to become the opposite of what he asked by usually doing things that are thought to be masculine like playing a lot of contact sports and playing video games that are usually thought of being for boys.
My dad became one of the identity agents that have influenced who I am today. I learned a lot of Cebuano from him and the manner in which a number of phrases are said and meant. He served as a role model for me, connecting me to the macro-social influences of society. He guided me in the decisions I made and how I expressed myself. My cultural ideals have partly come from what he has told me and what I have observed and experienced with him around. I considered him infallible when I was younger. I personally did not know any better. Whatever he said became my basis for a majority of my actions. Not being gay and knowing about it became part of my identity.
I had not only my dad but also my friends and peers to influence me as well. It became very apparent and frequent to see them use the word ‘bayot’ in an unpleasant manner. They too would sometimes ask, “Bayot ka ba?” We got close because we were a small batch of twenty-nine students. We also played the same sports and played the same types of video games. We had similar interests. As far as I know, all of us are straight guys. Being gay meant that you were different and somewhat did not belong. There was a form of bullying and teasing that came with it. They made fun of it because it was out of the norm that they are used to see in their respective families. It became a form of ‘trash talking’ to call someone gay. My relationship with my peers gave me a new awareness of who I was with and what values they have. This became the role of socialization as it made me present myself in a way that met up to their expectations and impressions. Their words and my father’s words have consequently constructed my sexual identity.
Today, I currently have a girlfriend who happens to be my first girlfriend that I met only in college. I also still continue to play a lot of contact sports. I would like to believe that my experiences from my dad and peers have led to who I am today and some of that reflect on being able to have a girlfriend while growing up. The construction of my sexual identity while growing up and going to high school has led me to think of the question of how sexuality has become an important aspect of my identity. Particularly, it has shaped my sexual orientation and how I perceive gender. I have learned that the difference between sex and gender is that sex is mainly based on one’s reproductive organs. Gender, on the other hand is based on a social construct. As I grew older, I became more aware of this and the gender inequality in the world. I learned that some of the religious views of some of my peers were disrespectful and hurtful. I learned to avoid the topic of sex as much as I could due to its sensitivity. Sex and gender has ultimately shaped the way I acted. Since I did not want to be gay, I had to show off my masculinity by being strong, confident, and macho at times.
Part of my identity has become what my dad and my peers believe sexuality to be. My dad and peers both play as identity agents in my life, shaping me since my youth. Socialization may have caused them to follow the social norms of today that men are more drawn to pleasure while women act more on the emotional side. Their actions toward sexuality has also affected how I perceive it to be. It has led me to believe that their use of the word ‘bayot’ may have also come from their family and peers as well. Moreover, the interaction with people, especially with close family and friends, can help form one’s sexual identity and the traits that come along with it.
To summarize, the rhetorical question, “Bayot ka ba,” has impacted on the way I behave and act in the everyday. Having it come from my dad and peers has made me rework my personal and cultural ideals to that in line of theirs. Their words made me not want to be like a ‘bayot,’ and it has changed the context of the word’s meaning to that of an insult. Ultimately, it has formed me to be someone that is socially acceptable to them.
Sources:
Goffman, E. (1991). The presentation of self in everyday life. In J. Henslin (Ed.), Down to Earth Sociology (pp. 98-108). New York, NY: The Free Press.
Grotevant, H., & Cooper, C. (1985). Patterns of interaction in family relationships and the development of identity exploration in adolescence. Child Development, 56, 415-428.
Moore, S. & Rosenthal, D. (2007). Gender, sexuality and romance. In Sexuality in Adolescence: Current Trends (Ch. 6 pp. 132-155). New York, NY: Routledge.
Schacter, E., & Ventura, J. (2008). Identity agents: Parents as active and reflective participants in their children’s identity formation. Journal of Research on Adolescence, 18(3), 449-476.
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“Napakalaki mong tao tapos ganyan ka kumilos?”
Context
I was walking towards my desk during lunch back at high school, talking to one of my friends, when one of my classmates went up to me and told me that. Though it was a message I was sort of used to hearing in one way or another, it was the first time someone ever said it explicitly, straight to my face. He was clearly mocking me, but I also sensed a bit of confusion in the tone of his voice – as if to say that because of my height, I should assert myself in a certain way.
A sudden growth spurt in first-year high school made me the tallest in class. I was quite chubby back in grade school, so my weight was balanced out by the sudden increase of my height. In a classroom filled with 15-year-olds under six feet, I was a very large human. But I was also a shy and introverted individual. I didn’t have the larger-than-life personality that some might expect from my stature.
I’ve heard this phrase (in one form or another) countless times. As a soft-spoken person, my subdued voice can sometimes coax this remark. When I play basketball and make a mistake on the court, people comment “sayang height mo”. My friend once told me that the way I act and move around, with a hunched posture and carefree attitude, is more apt for a person smaller in size. The term “gentle giant” is used to describe me a lot. Height is a dominant trait, so people expected me to have a dominant personality – which I just do not possess.
Significance of the Body
Albert Alejo illustrates the significance of the body in Loob ng Tao. He says that the self has a body and is therefore embodied (ang katawaan ay pangagatawan). The self has no other manifestation other than being embodied – when I feel tired for example, my body also physically is tired – as the body is the medium that interacts with time, space, and with others.
Cognitive Appraisal
Cognitive appraisal is the way thoughts and beliefs impact how one feels and behaves. What stimulates this appraisal is an event, which is followed by a near-simultaneous occurrence thoughts and behaviors based on how the individual interprets what he or she had just seen or heard.
Gender, Sex, and Globalization
Gender is the personal traits and social positions that members of a society attach to being female and male. Gender is not the same as sex, because the division between male and female based on sex is determined by their reproductive functions, while the division between male and female based on gender is a mere construction by societal norms. In terms of socialization, gender affects how we think of ourselves and how we behave.
These differences of gender are seen through the distinct perception of the sexual act by males and females. According to Susan Moore and Doreen Rosenthal in Gender, sexuality, and romance, men tend to value the pleasure aspect of sex while women feel that the emotional aspect is more important. Over think this perceptions is outdated but "the domain of sexuality, there has been less change than might be expected, especially for young people".
Globalization also affects the perception of the sexual act. The increasing interconnectedness of the world through the internet, TV, and films from the west, shapes how many individuals – especially the youth – view the act of sex.
Connection
The effect my size has had on the perception of myself is substantial, illustrating the significance of the body, as described Alejo. The immediacy of my body with regards to the self impacts the way people view me. Being the tallest person in the room instantly draws attention, so people assume that the way I act and speak should validate the initial attention drawn from by height. But Alejo justified that the body does not dictate all possibilities of oneself, explaining why my personality does not fall into the expectations laid upon by others. They think that for their attention to be warranted, I must be loud, confident, and assertive, but the opposite happens, leading some to comment that remark.
The remark then shaped the way I tried to behave growing up, which can be explained through to the concept of cognitive appraisal. When I hear this line, I immediately feel that there is something wrong with the way I act, even without empirical proof showing that it is in fact wrong. This leads me to try to behave on how I perceive tall people should by trying to “correct” the way I act.
Interestingly, the dominant traits expected from a tall male are those typically associated with being a man – strong, confident, and firm – but amped up to a higher degree. I ended up trying to emulate how strong men are perceived to act. I began to go out more, stay late at night to drink alcohol, and socialize with the opposite sex in order to show that I was truly “manly”. This perception is rooted in the idea that men are the initiators of sexual activity (Moore), also influenced how men are shown in western media – full of vices and women.
I quickly learned, however, that it did not affect how I acted on a day-to-day basis because it’s impossible to change my introverted personality to a dominant one overnight. I found out that this behavior do not make one a "man", since they are socially constructed -- like the perception of height and personality. In the end, I discovered that this norm will always be pervasive, while also realizing that it should not dictate how I act and that I am more than my height.
Summary
To summarize, my stature had a significant effect on how people expected me to act, which lead me to think that I was behaving in a wrong manner and stimulated me to change how I act. This led me to try to act more how men are perceived to act, influenced by how males view sex and the influence of western media.
Sources
Alejo, Albert. In Press. Ang Loob ng Tao. Social Transformations: Journal of the Global South.
Moore, S. & Rosenthal, D. (2007). Gender, sexuality and romance. In Sexuality in Adolescence: Current Trends (Ch. 6 pp. 132-155). New York, NY: Routledge.
- Kirby G. Jalandoni (161029)
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I always believed that well-being was about being comfortable, settled, and satisfied in a person’s current state. Well-being also meant that I was very confident in myself and having high-self efficacy. This was something I always sought out wherever I went and whatever I did. I never enjoyed the feeling of being uncomfortable, especially when I’m faced with new experiences and environments. One of the biggest changes in my life is going away to college. The feeling of a new environment was more intimidating than exciting for me, and the thought of having to meet and socialize with so many people frightened me. Unfortunately, this was a reality that I could not escape, and I know it was something I had to face head on. I embraced this new experience and was able to meet and learn about so many people, and I decided to celebrate this personal achievement with the people who were able to send me here. I was very interested in technology ever since I was little, and I loved taking pictures as a form of being able to express myself. I put a lot of importance in the pictures I took in the past, because the photos I had contained the different events in my life that I spent with my family. Being able to look back at family photos also gave me that sense of happiness, because behind every photo was a recall of what made me truly happy. In only my first few weeks of college, I had plenty of pictures with the new friends I’ve made, the different events that I attended, and the environment that I surrounded myself in. In a way, this was how I was able to control or take over my emotions. In Williams’ Mind, Body and Emotion, he mentions that sometimes there can be a problem with our emotional reaction to our emotions. If I didn’t push myself to this new experience, I would have regressed into being somewhat antisocial and private instead of interacting with new people. However, changing my cognitive approach and my interpretation of this new experience helped me be more open-minded to this new opportunity, and coupled with my passion for photos and technology, I was able to adapt comfortably to my new environment. Because of this, I decided to send home a USB filled with all the photos that I took so far to show them that I was able to adjust well. It also shows them how I’ve kept that importance and meaning in photography no matter where I went. I knew going to college meant a lot of emphasis in social interaction, and being slightly more introverted leaves me wanting to be alone at times and to have this peace of mind amidst all the social involvement. I decided that the best object to bring to my new environment was my earphones. I love listening to my own music, and being able to do so while sealing out all outside noises really helps me be more comfortable. I realized that listening to music activates both my system 1 and system 2 mode of thinking in different ways. Sometimes I use music to drown out everything else around me. Being familiar with all the songs I listen to almost makes it feel like I’m not listening to anything at all because I’m used to what I listen, and the lyrics and melody are embedded into my mind, so recalling all of the songs I listen to is an automatic process. In other situations, I listen to certain songs because they can help me evoke certain emotions. If I feel nervous about a presentation or a test, I listen to certain songs that can help me get pumped in order to get through the day. There would also be days where I’d feel very unhappy or melancholic, and listening to certain songs that resonate with my feelings of sadness also helps me channel this inner peace and comfort that I desire. This activates my system 2 mode of thinking because I pay close attention to what the song’s message is, or the emotion the song is trying to portray. I make myself aware of every sound and tune because I want it to connect to my emotions. Both of these objects contribute to my well-being. On one hand, I can channel my passions into meaningful memories through photos, and on the other hand, I can always find time for my own privacy when the need arises. These two objects work hand-in-hand to make me feel comfortable and happy in my new environment and develop my well-being. Sources: Williams, M., Teasdale, J., Segal, Z., & Kabat-Zinn, J. (2007). Part I: Mind, Body, and Emotion. In The mindful way through depression: Freeing yourself from chronic unhappiness (pp. 11-49). New York: The Guilford Press. Kahneman, D. (2011). The characters of the story. In Thinking, fast and slow (Ch. 1, pp. 19-30. New York: Farrar, Straus, and Giroux. Posted by Andy Garcia
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Before college, I was both nervous and excited about the opportunity to meet new people and make new friends. Coming from an all-boys Catholic high school, having girls around alone was a huge change, which made me eager to get to know different people from distinctive backgrounds. I was a lot more nervous than excited, however. My pre-college anxiety was rooted at the possibility that I wouldn’t click with my new schoolmates, leaving me alone without people I could rely on – a necessity in a brand-new environment.
This was the primary reason why I brought my ukulele along with me, so that it would keep me company if I felt lonely, and remind me of home. My mom first bought me the lute instrument on my ninth birthday, and I immediately loved it. There was something about the soothing sound it made that comforted me whenever I felt down, like during the death of my rabbit for instance, or the time I was left by my field trip bus when during Grade 6. I also have treasured memories playing the ukulele with my schoolmates during my carefree high school days.
This is similar with what Daniel Kahneman said in Life as a Story. He explained (through experiments) how the remembering self’s perception of experiences is dictated by memorable slices of time. These memorable slices of time lead to what Kahneman calls as the “duration neglect”, which basically disregards the entire duration of an experience, choosing only to let singular moments define how a memory is perceived. I chose to bring my ukulele because it reminded me of these precious moments – experiences that shaped the sentimental value I hold for this instrument. I disregarded the troubles I had to go through trying to learn how to play it, instead letting the unforgettable memories attached to it mold the significance it has to myself.
Another reason why I chose to bring the ukulele was because it was a possible way for me to connect with new people in the brand new environment of college. Music is universal, and it being familiar across cultures and genders makes it a means to develop meaningful interactions with others. This gave my ukulele the potential to help form genuine relationships and interactions. Music can be used even as a way to communicate; two dissimilar people can “jam” together with instruments simply by listening to each sound one creates in their instruments, improvising and spurring creativity with the music that they cooperatively create.
This is connected with what Hubert Herman says in his piece, because this dialogue with others “enhances creativity at individual and societal levels”. Creating music and “jamming” with others has the potential to jumpstart meaningful relationships with others. Because of my fear of possibly not being able to click with others, the sentimental value I have towards my ukulele and its potential to help me make friends made it an easy decision to bring it along.
Fast-forward to the present, and I am well-adjusted to the college life. A lot has changed since my first year (including dozens of pounds gained), and I need to send something back home to update my family on how I’ve been. As I began to think of what to send back, various things begin to pop into mind. My first instinct was to send back something that has great value to me, and something that will aptly represent how my college life has been so far. I decide on sending back a copy of the school’s newspaper, because I was able to write a story that was featured in the front page. I hold this dearly to me because it’s my first ever headline story, and I’m certain that my family back home would want to read it.
The first reason why I decided on this is because writing is a passion of mine that I hold dearly. It first began back home when I was die-hard fan of the NBA. I was such a huge fan that I read every single article online that I could get a hold of, which lead to me falling in love with the nuances of sports writing and stories that these articles tell. Back in high school however, I was afraid to publish any of my writings because of a fear of people judging my work. When I got to college, I made sure to break this fear and jumpstart this passion of mine, but I didn’t expect for it to develop as much as it did in the short timeframe. All of a sudden, I was tasked to go out of my comfort zone and write about stuff beyond basketball. My editors told me to try to watch other sports, even beyond sports writing.
My passion was a product of globalisation and the internet. I was a Filipino kid deeply enamoured by a sports league thousands of miles away, largely due to the quick accessibility to basketball games and articles, as well as the ability to interact with like-minded people online (who hailed from different countries) through sports forums and social media. All of these stimulated my interest about sports writing. It was an example of internet-mediated education (Hermans) that I helped mold the person I am today.
When I entered the college newspaper however, it was a huge change because my co-staffers in the sports staff were interested in topics and sports beyond basketball. This homophilic environment of passionate writers like me helped me settle in college, but at the same time, the heterophilic environment of writers passionate on subjects beyond basketball pushed me to write about other topics – like the increasing number of Filipino-American Athletes that play for Ateneo and even obscure sports like Aikido. This is an example of striking a right balance between the two principles that Herman talked about in his piece. The similar but different environments helped me develop an appreciation for things beyond my circle of interest, while cultivating my true passion at the same time.
This is the reason why I want to bring this back home: to show them how my passion has grown ever since high school, a way to update them on how I've grown out of my comfort zone into the person I am now.
The reasoning behind the two objects make up my idea of well-being. These two objects have deep connections with building relationships and the people I have encountered throughout my life, leading me to conclude that my idea of well-being is connected with being surrounded by people with the right set of people.
For me, growth is seen through the relationships I have fostered with people dissimilar to myself. Since college is an example of a compressed social space (Hermans), interacting with people from different backgrounds is inevitable. But what I've learned is that these inevitable interactions can reveal things about myself (writing about other subjects and enjoying the company of strangers playing music) that I didn't know I possessed. These people have helped me and what I love doing grow, contributing to my well-being.
Most importantly, these interactions have placed me in an environment where everyone helps each other grow. The friends I've made in college come from different backgrounds -- some come from Chinese schools, different provinces, and even different countries. Each of our identities shaped by our origins have complemented the way we interact, the way we study: generally the way we all go through the rigors of college. Interacting, relating, and being with these people has been integral to my happiness and maintaining my well-being.
Sources:
Hermans, H. (2015). Human development in today’s globalizing world: Implications for self and identity. In L. Jensen (Ed.), The Oxford Handbook of Human Development and Culture: An Interdisciplinary Perspective (Ch. 3, pp. 28-42). New York, NY: Oxford University Press.
Kahneman, D. (2011). Life as a Story In Thinking, fast and slow. New York: Farrar, Straus, and Giroux.
Posted by Kirby Jalandoni
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SA 21: Module 1
Posted by: Jay Sainz
My understanding of well-being is a person’s mental stability, physical fitness, emotional security, and spiritual connection with what one has faith in. It is generally being healthy and positive in every aspect of life. Well-being is often what one answers when asked, “How are you?” Though it may come from a simple question, the answer can be quite complex. To further expound my idea of well-being given that my situation is being in a new environment on my own and the rest of my family and peers are far away, I will be presenting two objects that are unique to me and relate them to how I understand and practice well-being.
First, the reality is that I am really far away from my home, Cebu. It has been my situation ever since August 2016 when I came to Manila to study in the Ateneo de Manila University. Initially, I felt anxious entering college, being alone and that I was the only Cebuano in my block. I had thoughts that my blockmates might think that this ‘probinsyano’ lives on trees or something like that. To makes things worse for myself, I had a severe case of dengue shortly after arriving in Manila. I missed my OrSem and the first week of classes. I only got to meet my blockmates in our first Intact session, and I was nervous then. I was afraid of what their first impression of me might be. Based on the cultural construction of emotions, as I entered a new environment, my emotions were actively constructed to meet the demands of the respective cultural environment that being the unfamiliar culture of people in Manila. Through cognitive appraisal, I was quiet, shy, and merely observing everyone. It took a while for me to open up myself to everyone. Even after being more open, there still have been times of boredom, loneliness, and stress.
This brings me to my first object, the image of the Child Jesus, the Santo Niño. I brought it with me because it represents a part of my Cebuano culture, and it played a significant role in my life as I grew up. As early in my childhood years, I would attend the week-long Sinulog fiesta honoring the Santo Niño. I would join the fluvial parade where hundreds of boats full of people would follow the image displayed in one of the boats. This was done very early in the morning so you could see the sunrise and the Santo Niño perfectly align in the most picturesque moment. Then I would attend the procession for the Santo Niño. Every year, more than a million people would attend and would wave their hands, sing, and shout, “Viva Pit Senyor,” as the Santo Niño passes by. It still gives me goosebumps every time. I grew up seeing a Santo Niño in every home. I have a corner of the house dedicated the image of the Santo Niño with flowers beside it, a candle always lit, and a spotlight on top of it. This was the culture I grew up with so it was only fitting that I brought one to Manila and placed it in my mini altar.
Whenever I was mad as a kid, frustrated at my brother, or had a bad day, my mom would bring me to the corner of the house with a Santo Niño and tell me to sit down and just pray or talk to it. It felt good to talk to something that wouldn’t fight back, talk back or do anything to me. It felt very calming that you can talk to something about all your pain and problems. It gave me a sense of peace. Now my System 1 way of thinking associates the Santo Niño as a religious figure that helps me. Every time I see it, the Child Jesus also comes to my mind and I often relate it to the Sinulog festival. Deeper thoughts lie when I engage myself with the Santo Niño. This is when System 2 comes into play when I try to figure out my problems usually over stressful situations in colleges. I try to see possible scenarios and think of how to respond to them. The memories of my childhood are then triggered by the stressful mood. These memories of the past usually evoke my feeling of peace afterwards. As stated by Williams in “Mind, Body, and Emotion,” thoughts and memories related to whatever came to mind or in our life to make us happy will come back quite automatically. Thus, it became a mixture of both the systems that led to the overall promotion of my well-being. Peace comes to my mind when I see the Santo Niño, but it is only achieved when I engage in deeper thinking.
As I started to open myself more in college, I met someone who helped my well-being. This brings me to my second object, a polaroid of me and my girlfriend. I have always wanted to send this back to my family as much as I wanted to keep it. The reason being is that I want them to know that I am in good hands. Her name is Marga Antonio. She is from Davao and is currently taking up BS Health Sciences in the Ateneo. She can speak and understand Cebuano as well. We share the same ideas and passions. Meeting her helped me become more mindful, to become more aware of the thoughts and feelings of others. I paid more attention to not only my own well-being but also to her well-being. Sending this polaroid to my family will hopefully give them the affirmation that I am doing well, and more importantly, it will give them a sense that I am capable of taking care of someone else aside from myself. I found a new understanding of well-being as something we can all share if we help each other achieve it. Well-being deserves attention from everyone.
In my new environment, I have learned to balance homophilous and heterophilous interactions. Homophily with other Cebuanos and heterophily with Tagalogs and Chinese Filipinos. As a Cebuano in Manila, my emotions continue to be updated as cultural construction happens throughout life and everyday interactions, thus guiding me on how to act and conduct myself in new and current situations. As interactions continue to take place in this environment, I can practice well-being by receiving help from others while giving attention to myself as well. This is the task mentioned in Michel Foucault’s chapter, ‘The Cultivation of the Self,’ in the book “The Care of the Self,” known as to di’ allēlōn sōzesthai. It can be done by having a constant support system found in the family and sharing a hug every now and then. Furthermore, well-being can be improved by having a “retreat of oneself” as stated by Marcus Aurelius. With the help of my first object and what it symbolizes for, I occasionally have morning and evening meditations on how I plan to go about my day and reflecting on what actually happened. Through praying, reflecting, meditating, breathing, sleeping, and enjoying the Filipino fiestas, I continue to practice well-being through personal and social activities.
References:
Batja Mesquita, Michael Boiger, Jozefien De Leersnyder. (2016). The cultural construction of emotions, Current Opinion in Psychology, 8: Pages 31-36, ISSN 2352-250X, http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2015.09.015.
Foucault, M. (1986). The cultivation of the self. In The Care of the Self (Vol. 3 of the History of Sexuality, pp. 37-69). NY: Pantheon Books.
Gross, J.J. (2008). Emotion regulation. In M. Lewis, J.M. Haviland-Jones, and L.F. Barrett (eds.), Handbook of emotions (pp. 497-512). New York: The Guilford Press.
Hermans, H. (2015). Human development in today’s globalizing world: Implications for self and identity. In L. Jensen (Ed.), The Oxford Handbook of Human Development and Culture: An Interdisciplinary Perspective (Ch. 3, pp. 28-42). New York, NY: Oxford University Press.
Kahneman, D. (2011). The characters of the story. In Thinking, fast and slow (Ch. 1, pp. 19-30. New York: Farrar, Straus, and Giroux.
Williams, M., Teasdale, J., Segal, Z., & Kabat-Zinn, J. (2007). Part I: Mind, Body, and Emotion. In The mindful way through depression: Freeing yourself from chronic unhappiness (pp. 11-49). New York: The Guilford Press.
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Well-being for me is how close an individual is to his/her ideal state and how close they are to achieving self-actualization. This may involve how an individual views their ideal self emotionally, physically, economically, or socially. Everyone wants to become their ideal self and achieve self-actualization. If one is suddenly placed into a new environment, one’s sense of self is influenced by a number of things. If I were suddenly placed into a new setting such as college, what things would affect my sense of self?
A way of knowing what things have affected my sense of self is by thinking of what object to give to my family back home to update them on my life. It would reflect how my life in college has been and which have been the biggest influences. In thinking about my object, I realized that I am using the System 2 of thinking. According to Kahneman, the System 2 is used for situations that require our close attention. In this case, reflecting on what changes my new environment has brought upon me requires my close attention.
I decided on sending home to my parents a mini bottle of Jose Cuervo. I decided on this object because one of the biggest influences in the college environment for me is the drinking culture. I have met some of my closest friends through a couple of drinks. I have listened to stories, shared my life, and experienced joy and pain through drinking. Some of my best memories in college happened while drinking. It is both a personal and social thing to me. I got closer to my ideal self by being more outgoing and sociable. Participating in social drinking also made me realize that I am a homophilic person as I tend to drink more with people that I share a lot of traits with.
What makes this object more unique and personal to me is the fact that Jose Cuervo is the first shot I took with my family. In our household, drinking and hosting parties is our favourite past time. Sending this object to them would also be reminder to them of the memories we shared as a family, drinking together and enjoying the company. It would also tell them that I am enjoying myself and having a great time as they would want me to.
As much as I am trying to achieve my ideal self and improve my well-being, there still some things that I have not yet reached. There are some aspects of me that I still wish to improve on. These aspects are what helped me decide on what object to bring to my new environment.
I decided to bring a watch to my new college setting. It was given to me by my dad a few years back. I have always relied on it to give me the time. I decided to bring it with me because personally, it reminds me to manage my time well. Time management has always been one of my weaknesses and this reminds me to always use my time wisely. I hope to be more punctual and do my requirements much earlier. I also wish to organize my time much more efficiently and plan things well. The fact that my father gave me this watch also reminds me of home and of their hopes for me. It reminds me of the effort and love they put in raising me and the support they have for whatever endeavour I undertake in.
Tying it all back to well-being, these two objects are what I believe will help me assess and develop my well-being. The mini bottle of Jose Cuervo I am sending back shows me and my family how far I have gone and the watch will help me remember what I need to do to improve my well-being.
Sources:
Kahneman, D. (2011). The characters of the story. In Thinking, fast and slow (Ch. 1, pp. 19-30. New York: Farrar, Straus, and Giroux.
Posted by: Harvee Bandong
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