banman030 - Tumblr blog

[banman030]

Man, I don't know what to do anymore

[banman030]

[banman030]

[banman030]

[banman030]

[banman030]

How do I show I'm sorry a million times over? How do I explain I wasn't myself? How do I face this regret each and every single day? I can't do it anymore...

[banman030]

Fuck I hate myself...

[banman030]

[banman030]

Fuck it

You don't value me anymore, you choose to demonize me and believe that I have the worst of intentions for you. I don't, I honestly don't but if that's how you value the people around you, then I can't be bothered anymore...

[banman030]

Is it wrong of me to not want to give my parents anymore chances? They love me but they've never really shown it, they drove me to leave home, they refuse to take a proper look at themselves & change, instead they ignore the real issues & trick me into going to see them & pretend they changed, they blame my boyfriend & teachers for 'manipulating' me as though I can't possibly make my own choices there's so much more & I'm sick of it, am I a bad daughter for not wanting to talk to them anymore?

We don’t get to choose who are parents, and respectively to that, we don’t get to choose where we are born. However, despite who our parents might be and how horribly they might treat us, there will always be a part of us that will want to forgive them, long for their never before felt love, and long for them to be better. There are a lot of parents out there who have no business actually parenting their children, but rather only provide for them - there is a great difference. We cannot teach our parents to be better towards us because they think they’re already doing a good job at it. Parents can be wrong, yes, they can also be very malicious and harmful for us, but they still remain our family - the only people that we can go back to no matter what. Perhaps not now, but eventually, they will notice the mistakes they had made and wish to apologize to you. That day may not come any time soon, but it will. It usually does. You’re not a bad daughter for wanting better parents. You’re not bad for recognizing their mistakes and not wanting to allow them anymore chances. However, there’s no need to rid yourself of family. You can make your own rational and responsible choices and you shouldn’t allow them to manipulate you into taking them back in when they clearly don’t have intentions of fixing anything. But, as I said, don’t rule them out of your life. Not everyone can be a good parent, but I also like to say that there is good in everything. In the future, perhaps, you won’t make the same mistakes with your own children.

[banman030]

Fuck, hey. Maybe I'm not worth it

[banman030]

“So why don’t you talk to each other anymore?” …. “Because,” he paused giving a soft smile. “Strangers can not start  a conversation with I’ve missed you even if it’s all there is to say.”

kfroy (via wnq-writers)

[banman030]

When you can’t even sit around and cry anymore because you knew better and you just have to real talk yourself

Snapchat: guppyjam

[banman030]

Man eating rice, China, 1901-1904

[banman030]

[banman030]

what she says: no

what she really means: no

[banman030]

Was I really that bad of a person that you just gave up on me when you had enough? Did you not understand what I was going through personally? Did you not believe me when I wasn't blaming you for anything? When I was blaming myself for everything...