barcenal999

[barcenal999]

[barcenal999]

the bird | a.putellas x reader

You’re a model student at a religious boarding school, expected to uphold tradition, and never question the path laid out for you. But when Alexia Putellas moves to your boarding school for reasons unknown, you struggle to reconcile your religious devotion with the new, unfamiliar feelings you have for Alexia.

tags: troublestudent!Alexia, modelstudent!reader, angst, fluff, religious guilt, religious trauma, forbidden love, friends-to-lovers, slight slow burn, tension, school setting, eventual smut in preceding parts (will tag those parts) warnings / notes: will contain homophobic sentiments from other characters, religious themes that may be sensitive to some people (including questioning religious beliefs), alexia and reader are both around 19 years old

partially inspired by this request and also beyond salvage by @angelsforthenight (and my own religious experience lol)

‎ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤchapter one 🕊 other chapters

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤPROLOGUE.  The Bird.

“We have high expectations of you,” Sister Superior Philomena said, her voice measured and steady as she adjusted her glasses. She looked up briefly from the papers she was meticulously arranging. “And time and time again, you have not only met but surpassed those expectations.”

“Yes, sister,” you replied softly, your tone respectful and subdued. The nun offered a small, approving smile before neatly assembling a set of documents. You stood attentively, your posture impeccable—back straight, shoulders poised with quiet confidence. 

Having been a student at Instituto Santa Eulalia Mártir since you were 8 years old, you had long since absorbed the institution's unspoken code of conduct. The perfect student carried themselves with pride but never arrogance. They spoke with clarity and conviction, yet knew the value of restraint. They displayed individuality and a strong sense of self but never had an overpowering, flamboyant personality. In just over a decade, you have become the embodiment of these ideals—a model student who was silent but not shy, strong but humble to a fault. You were practically a nun-in-the-making, as your peers have joked.

“These are the profiles of the new arrivals,” Sister Philomena said, sliding a slim file across the desk with deliberate care. “Five freshmen, a few sophomores, and one senior.”

You paused, eyebrows lifting slightly. “A senior?”

She inclined her head in confirmation. “Alexia Putellas Segura,” she said, tapping the topmost profile with her pen. “We rarely admit students at such a late stage, but this is an exception. She has transferred from one of our sister academies.”

Your gaze dropped to the profile. The photograph was of a brunette girl with striking features and soft hazel eyes, her expression neutral, almost guarded. As you scanned the page, nothing immediately stood out to you. “Sister, if I may ask—why has she transferred?”

Sister Philomena sighed, her hands folding neatly over the desk. “The reason, I’m afraid, is all too familiar. A troubled soul.” Her voice softened with a trace of pity. “As she is in your year, I have decided she will share a dormitory with you. I entrust you with the responsibility of guiding her, molding her into a student who reflects the values of this institution. Can I count on you for this?”

You nodded solemnly. “Yes, Sister.”

Your gaze returned to the photograph attached to the profile. You traced your fingers over the typed name – Alexia Putellas Segura.

You looked through her profile which had not much information about the girl aside from her age, address, and other basic data. Her grades seemed good and she seemed to be active in her extracurriculars. So, why is she here? What trouble did she get into?

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤACT I. The Arrow.

Alexia Putellas was more beautiful and captivating than you expected.

She stood taller than most of your peers which was made more intimidating since it was paired with some kind of silent confidence – tall, composed, self-assured. She was quiet but not shy. There was nothing hesitant about her; she was reserved but not shy. Her eyes, sharp and attentive, seemed to notice everything.  And those eyes… you just could not get over how beautiful they were. A stunningly warm hazel with golden specks.

It would be an understatement to say that you were completely captivated by the sight of her.

“Okay, girls, let’s introduce ourselves by saying our names, nicknames, and favorite things to do in your free time.” The overenthusiastic novice Sister Catherine chirped in the new student orientation where you were present together with a couple of other seniors. “Let’s start with our current students!” Sister Catherine nodded at you. You smiled, trying to make eye contact with every new student but your eyes just kept drifting  back to Alexia whose gaze felt too intense for your liking. You kept your hands clasped behind your back. “Good afternoon, new students.” You said before introducing your name. “I’m a senior. I serve as praepostor of the Dorm de Santa Rosa on the first level of this building. In my free time, I enjoy reading the Bible, embroidery, and volunteering in the library.”

Your words were met with polite nods, but as your gaze briefly flicked to Alexia, you noticed a faint smile curve her lips before she glanced down at her shoes. There was an entertained look in her eyes. You bit your lip, feeling suddenly conscious which you never felt before. 

The introductions continued, but your attention was frustratingly divided. You could barely focus, your mind circling back to Alexia. The way she carried herself, the unreadable expressions on her face, even the firm, athletic build she possessed—it was all distracting in a way you didn’t know how to name.

When it was finally her turn, her voice was calm, low, and self-assured. “I’m Alexia Putellas. Senior,” she said, her gaze locking onto yours with unnerving directness. Something about the intensity of her eyes sent a shiver through you. “I, uh… like football.”

You nodded politely, managing a small smile. Football. That explained her build, her quiet confidence… the biceps that showed whenever she crossed her arms. But as your thoughts began to drift into admiration—or something more troubling—you caught yourself. I don’t think I should be looking at her like this. But… she’s just another girl. And I’m a girl too. Is it wrong to notice her this much?

Your internal scolding fizzled the moment she smiled at you again. It wasn’t much, just a fleeting expression, but it left you warm and inexplicably flustered. Whatever it was you were feeling, it unsettled you more than you cared to admit.

The other praepostors of the dorms had come to a unanimous decision: a pajama party would be the perfect way to introduce the new girls to life at Santa Eulalia. The event was meant to be lighthearted, a blend of camaraderie and tradition, designed to ease the newcomers into their new environment while showcasing the values of the institution.

You took the task of preparation seriously. Each welcome basket was carefully assembled with thought and precision, a reflection of the standards you upheld as a praepostor. Inside each basket, you included a neatly folded school shirt embroidered with the Instituto’s emblem, a new rosary with polished beads, a selection of prayer cards featuring saints and scripture verses, and a modest set of toiletries—simple but elegant. You even tied each basket with a satin ribbon in the school colors, a final touch of warmth and care.

The other dorm heads welcomed their respective new students, handing them their baskets and chatting enthusiastically. While you might have been the nun’s favorite student, you didn’t find it easy to relate and interact with fellow students. They all felt you were too cold, too uptight and rigid, even if you didn’t intend to. This just made it difficult for you to seem warm and open to the new student Alexia. 

Usually, you could draw energy from the excitement of a group of new students but now, it was just you and Alexia. And, Alexia was more quiet than you expected. It wasn’t exactly easy to bounce your energy off of someone as guarded and calculated as you were.

You led her to the farthest room at the end of the hallway, where the two of you would be sharing the space. The room was meant to house four students, but over the past year, many had transferred to more secular academies, leaving several beds vacant. Alexia set her bag down with a deliberate air, and you handed her the welcome basket, trying to gauge her reaction.

She sat on the edge of the bed and began sifting through the contents with slow, deliberate movements. Her expression was unreadable as she picked up the prayer cards, flipping through them one by one. You noticed the faintest curve of her lips as she did so—a smile, but one you couldn’t quite decipher. Was she genuinely touched by the gesture? Or was it amusement at the pious simplicity of it all?

“Thanks,” she said at last, her voice low and restrained, yet not unkind.

You nodded, hesitating for a moment before sitting on the edge of your pristinely made bed across from hers “You’re welcome, Alexia.” You replied, carefully. Then, after a brief pause, you ventured.  “So… you like football?”

She glanced up at you then, her hazel eyes momentarily meeting yours before she returned her attention to the basket. Something about the way she looked at you unsettled you, not in a bad way, but in a way that made you feel hyper aware of yourself. Alexia hummed. “Yeah, I do. I used to play as a midfielder in my old academy.”

You nodded, unsure of how to continue the conversation, knowing fully well it was off limits to ask “trouble students” why they ended up in the Institute. Alexia smiled, noticing your hesitation and. “And you? You like football?”

You nodded quickly. “If watching the girls play during sports week counts.”

She chuckled, a warm sound that made you relax slightly. “Of course, it counts.”

Silence followed, and you felt an awkward pressure to keep the conversation going. You’d already shared everything important on the walk to the dorm—school history, the names of the sisters she would encounter, and a rundown of the cafeteria food. What else was there to say? Ask her about her favorite Bible verse? That seemed…awkward.

“So, Alexia,” you said finally, grasping for a neutral topic, “do you like to read?”

 She tilted her head thoughtfully. “I do, but probably not the same things you read.” “How do you know what I read?” You immediately worried it sounded defensive, so you glanced down, hoping it didn’t come across as rude.

She smiled, noticing your reaction. “Hmm, you mentioned you liked reading the Bible just a while ago so I assumed you mostly read that.”

“Oh,” You said softly. “Yes, I do…of course.”

Alexia’s smile lingered, but her gaze grew a touch more curious. “Are you, like, the president of our year level?”

You shook your head, grateful for the change in topic. “Oh no, there aren’t any presidents here. Just dormheads like me. We take care of dorm activities and…” You hesitated. “Yeah.. mostly that.”

Her lips quirked into a small, knowing smile. “And watch over troublemakers like me?”

You felt your cheeks warm. “Well, not exactly. We just remind everyone of the virtues we uphold in this academy.”

Her smile turned into a soft chuckle. “Don’t worry, monjita,” she said, her voice dropping into a playful tone as her lips curved into the faintest smirk. “I wouldn’t dare ruffle your feathers.” (trans. monjita – little nun)

You weren’t particularly close to other students. They always found you too uptight, too rigid, a perception that left you feeling isolated despite your good intentions. However, Ingrid was one of the few exceptions—a rare friend with whom you could talk easily. She was a year younger than you, yet she carried herself with a confidence and ease that often surpassed your own.

Having transferred from a sister school in Norway, Ingrid had quickly adapted to life at Santa Eulalia despite her initial struggles with Spanish and Catalan. Her cheerful demeanor and genuine kindness had endeared her to both students and staff, earning her the role of dorm head almost immediately after her arrival.

“Darling, have you tasted the cookies I baked with Maria?” Ingrid’s voice was as warm as the smile she wore, and she presented you with a basket of sugar cookies. “They’re actually decent, considering we had no idea what we were doing. Sister Cathy had to step in and save us.”

You winced slightly at the use of the nickname for the junior nun, knowing the more senior nuns would never approve of shortening their chosen names—it was far too casual for their liking. But you let it slide, worried that if you corrected her, you might come across as overly strict and risk alienating your one true friend.

“Ingrid, you should meet Alexia.” You said, stepping aside as you introduced the new student who was trailing behind you. Alexia politely smiled at the taller Norwegian, before offering her hand. 

Ingrid’s expression immediately brightened as she extended her hand. “Alexia! You must be the girl from our other sister school. I came from a sister school as well… but from Norway.” She beamed warmly. “You’re lucky to be sharing the same room as the best dorm head this school has to offer.”

Your cheeks warmed at Ingrid’s exaggerated praise, and you offered her a shy, almost embarrassed smile.

Alexia smiled at Ingrid before carefully looking at you. “Seems like it.”

Something about the way Alexia looked at you made you feel exposed, and you quickly tried to shake off the awkwardness her gaze stirred in you. “Uh, Ingrid,” you began, trying to redirect the conversation. “Alexia plays football, too.”

Ingrid’s eyes lit up. “Does she? That’s fantastic! What position?”

You stepped back slightly, letting the two of them ease into the conversation. Alexia answered Ingrid’s questions with quiet confidence, and though her initial replies were short, you could see her slowly starting to open up. As you observed, you began to notice nuances about Alexia that hadn’t been apparent before.

She wasn’t just reserved—she was thoughtful, deliberate in the way she spoke and carried herself. When Ingrid asked a question, Alexia listened intently before replying, her answers polite and measured. Despite her firm demeanor, there was a gentleness in the way she engaged with Ingrid, an unspoken respect that made the interaction feel natural and unforced.

Watching them talk, you realized that Alexia wasn’t difficult to connect with because she was closed off, but because she paid attention—careful, almost wary attention—to the people around her. You couldn’t help but wonder how you exactly felt about being subject to her perception. What does she think when she looks at me?

The pajama party started getting rowdy as the night passed and the nuns retired to their quarters

And by rowdy, that just meant as rowdy as a Catholic, all-girls school sleepover could be. That just meant a bunch of girls laughing, eating sweets, and giggling over magazines or board games. Somewhere amidst the muted chatter, Ingrid, Alexia and you were somehow roped into a circle with the new students.

You noticed that most of the old students sitting with you in a circle were also the ones who transferred due to being “trouble students.” You, on the other hand, were the complete opposite; you were always made to be the example for the troubled students. It made you feel out of place, unsure of what stories you could share that wouldn’t sound out of step.

Anna, a sophomore with braces and a nervous smile, shifted in her seat before speaking. “My mom was done with me after I got caught skipping class to hang out at the arcade. I just… I didn’t want to say no to my friend, you know? But I guess it didn’t matter because we’re not even friends anymore now that I’m here.” Her words slowed as she reached the end, a flicker of sadness crossing her face. But then she perked up slightly, like she was willing herself to be optimistic. “Still, I don’t mind too much. It’s kinda nice, being away and meeting new people.”

The group cooed and broke into a silent chorus of murmured affirmation. As the circle’s de facto senior—and someone the younger students clearly looked up to—you felt compelled to step in.

“Anna,” You chimed in respectfully, your tone firm yet kind.“Just remember that the people you surround yourself with can really shape who you are.” You paused to let the words settle. You weren’t the most social person but you did give good advice. “Just remember Proverbs 13:30 – ‘walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harms.’”

The group collectively nodded. You continued. “The right friends will lift you up and the wrong ones will pull you down. I know it’s tough starting fresh, but you’re in the right place to find people who will bring out the best in you.” You smiled at Anna whose eyes had softened.

Anna’s eyes softened, and for a moment, the circle felt lighter. The tension had dissipated, and even Ingrid offered a small, approving smile. But as you glanced at Alexia, you caught something else entirely — a faint, knowing smirk.

It was the kind of look that made you second-guess yourself, that made your pulse quicken in a way you couldn’t quite explain. Was she amused? Impressed? Mocking you? Her expressions always left you grasping for answers, and the more you tried to ignore them, the harder it became.

Before you could unravel it, Anna turned to Alexia, her curiosity unguarded. “So, Alexia… why are you here?” The question hung in the air. Alexia’s smirk faded, replaced by a flicker of hesitation.

You jumped in before she could respond. “Anna,” you said, careful to keep your tone even, “the sisters discourage us from asking about someone’s past unless they choose to share it. Alexia’s reasons are her own.”

Anna blinked, realizing her mistake. “Oh… I’m sorry,” she murmured.

You nodded, offering her a reassuring smile. “What’s more important is how we grow and learn from the past, and not fixate on the mistakes themselves.”

The circle seemed to accept this, returning to their quiet hum of chatter. Yet, deep down, you felt a pang of regret. You wanted to know why Alexia was here, too. It was the right thing to do, you told yourself—the sisters had made that clear. Still, the question lingered in your mind, refusing to be silenced.

What had brought her here? And why did it feel like the answer mattered more to you than it should?

As the chatter and laughter continued in the background, you found yourself retreating to the corner of the common room, more concerned with tidying up the scattered plates and cups than joining the conversation. Besides, as soon as the chatter turned into crushes and past boyfriends, you knew your presence was neither wanted nor important to the group. Growing up in the institute, relationships were foreign to you, a concept you understood but never experienced. Even if you were around the age other people got boyfriends or even crushes, you never really had anything remotely close to a relationship. 

Even in the rare interactions with boys from the brother academy, no one had ever sparked that fluttering, heart-racing feeling you’d seen in movies or heard about in whispered gossip. It wasn’t for a lack of trying from the boys’ end. A lot of boys liked you; you’ve always caught the eyes of several peers from the brother academy. However, you were convinced that that was just because you were their mother’s dream daughter-in-law and they’ve hyped you up to their sons. Regardless of all the interest and attempts, no one piqued your interest. No one has even close to making you blush.

Suddenly, you felt a hand on the small of your back. The sensation sent a jolt through your body. “Not interested in girl talk, I see?”

The voice was low, smooth. You turned, and Alexia stood closer than expected. Her hazel eyes locked onto yours, her expression unreadable yet undeniably captivating. You froze for a moment, caught off guard by the nearness of her and the intensity of her gaze.

“Oh—Alexia,” you stammered, fumbling with a stack of plastic cups in your hands. “I didn’t see you there.”

Her lips quirked into a small smile. “You were pretty focused. What are you up to?”

“Just cleaning up,” you replied quickly, avoiding her eyes. “I can’t stand a mess, and I know everyone will be too tired to deal with it later.”

Alexia hummed thoughtfully. “Mind if I help?”

“Oh, no, it’s fine.” You shook your head, feeling your cheeks warm under her steady gaze. “I’m sure the others would appreciate your company more. Talking about crushes has to be more interesting than… this.”

She chuckled softly, her voice like a low ripple of amusement. “Honestly, cleaning up sounds better than hearing another story about some guy from one of the brother schools. It’s all the same anyway.”

You smiled. “Well, we make sure to recycle here. Same rules in our room apply here, which I already told you about.” You nodded. “But if you need assistance, just let me know.”

“Responsible and hands-on,” Alexia observed, picking up a pile of paper plates. Her tone was casual, but her eyes lingered on you, as if she were studying you. “No lucky guy’s noticed that about you yet?”

You sighed. “I’m not interested in relationships.” Your voice was quieter than intended.

“Ah, I see.” Alexia’s smirk turned playful. “So, you’re planning to actually become a nun, Monjita?” She leaned closer, her teasing tone wrapping around the pet name. “I bet you’d look cute in those headscarves, robes, and cross necklaces.”

Suddenly, you were getting flustered, blushing, and out of words. You opened your mouth to correct her — that they were called habits, not headscarves — but nothing coherent came out. You were way too flustered. Alexia’s smirk widened, clearly pleased by your reaction. 

She chuckled. “So, you’ve really never had a crush?”

You paused then shook your head, barely meeting her eyes. “No, I don’t think so.” You peeked a look at the taller girl, seeing her put all the paper plates in the bin. “Probably wouldn’t like the feeling of having a crush, honestly.”

She arched an eyebrow, her gaze still fixed on you. “Interesting.” She continued stacking plates as if the conversation were the most natural thing in the world. “But if you’ve never had a crush, how would you even know what it feels like?”

The question lingered, heavier than you expected. You glanced at her, unsure of how to answer. “I don’t know, blushing and flustered whenever they look at you… intimidated and nervous around them? It just doesn’t seem appealing to me.” you admitted. “Maybe I just… haven’t met the right person.”

Alexia’s lips curved into a knowing smile, her eyes never leaving yours. “Maybe,” she said simply. “Or maybe you’re just not looking.”

Her words settled in the air between you. You gazed again at Alexia whose expression was unreadable. Before you could muster a response, she reached for the cups in your hands, her fingers brushing yours briefly. 

“But enough about that,” she said lightly, breaking the tension. “I’m more interested in recycling than rehashing crushes.”

You exhaled a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding and nodded. Together, the two of you worked in silence, the background noise fading as the common room gradually emptied.

When the last of the mess was cleared and the others had gone to bed, you found yourself sitting beside Alexia on the worn-out couch. The quiet felt comfortable, though charged with something you couldn’t quite name.

After a moment, Alexia turned her head to look at you. “So…” She began, her voice softer now. “You didn’t answer my question earlier.”

You frowned, trying to recall. “What question?”

Her smirk returned, subtle and teasing. “Do you want to be a nun?”

You paused, deep in contemplation. You looked around, checking if anyone was within earshot. You hummed. “I used to,” You paused, fiddling with your thumbs. “But now… I don’t know. I’ve always loved God. I love the Church. I have always devoted my life to it…”

Alexia leaned forward, her gaze unwavering. “But…” Alexia asked gently, her tone coaxing yet patient.

You didn’t know why you felt so comfortable with someone you just met but it all felt so natural with Alexia. You’ve always been so guarded with other people, especially when it comes to your faith. But something about her… you just felt at peace. You couldn’t help but open up.

“I feel like there’s something missing in my life.” You said under your breath. “I pray to God, ask Him to tell me what’s missing in my life or why I haven’t felt fulfilled despite devoting and pouring my all to the Church…” 

You trailed off, your voice faltering under the weight of your own vulnerability. When you dared to glance at her, you were met with a concerned expression that made your heart tighten.

“Alexia, I know it’s wrong to feel this way,” you said quickly as if trying to justify yourself. “I know I shouldn’t expect anything in return for my devotion, but sometimes — sometimes I just feel incomplete.”

The silence that followed was deafening, each second stretching longer than the last. You regretted speaking, regretted opening up. Maybe you had said too much. Maybe Alexia would think you were ungrateful, or worse, weak in your faith.

But then she spoke, her voice steady and kind. “Monjita,” she said softly, using the nickname again, but this time without the teasing edge. “You don’t have to defend yourself. I get it.”

Your eyes snapped to hers, and you were struck by the warmth in her gaze. In the dim light of the room, her hazel eyes seemed to glow, and the intensity of her soft expression sent a ripple of heat through you.

You bit your lip, trying to steady yourself. “You do?” you whispered, almost afraid to believe her.

She nodded, her lips curling into a faint, reassuring smile. “Sometimes… even when you give everything to something, it still doesn’t feel like enough. It doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. It just means you’re human.”

Her words settled over you like a blanket, comforting but unfamiliar. You weren’t used to being seen like this, to someone understanding parts of you you hadn’t fully understood yourself.

The way Alexia looked at you then — steady, unblinking, as if you were the only thing that mattered in the room — made your breath hitch. Her gaze was different now, more intense, and it sent a rush of warmth through your chest.

You swallowed hard, trying to ignore the way your face was heating up. You tore your eyes away, focusing on the floor to compose yourself, but when you glanced back at her, she was still watching you with that same expression… but somehow, more intense. You swore that, for a moment, her eyes fluttered to her lips.

Your heart raced, and suddenly, you felt flustered all over again, the warmth in her gaze threatening to undo you completely. Uh oh.

As the weeks passed, you and Alexia found yourselves spending more and more time together — breakfasts, walking to class, hanging out between lectures, and even doing homework side by side. Alexia had a habit of accompanying you to the chapel during your daily rosary. She never prayed aloud, but she’d sit quietly beside you, her presence steady and unwavering.

Even if you spent so much time together, you still felt uneasy around Alexia. It wasn’t discomfort with Alexia herself, but with how she made you feel. You didn’t know what to make with the intensity of her gaze or the way she smiled at you. Mostly, you didn’t know what to make of the way she made you feel – heart racing, palms clammy, feeling overwhelmed by her presence. 

You loved being around Alexia. She was kind and attentive in ways you’d never experienced before. She noticed the little things: how you tried to be modest with your breakfast portions and would slyly slide extra pancakes onto your plate when you finished. She’d reach for the high shelves in the library without you even asking, or patiently guide you through Spanish essays, her explanations both thorough and encouraging. You truly loved being with her.

But at the same time, you began to think that perhaps some distance would help. You needed clarity—time to pray, reflect, and ask God for guidance about the novel emotions that had taken root within you.

Luckily, Ingrid came in the clutch and invited Alexia to train with the school’s football team just to see how she would like it. Of course, Alexia agreed under the condition that you would watch her during her first time.

You acquiesced. This was supposed to be our time apart, you thought. But the idea of supporting Alexia made your resolve falter. After all, she had sat through countless rosary sessions just to be near you. Watching her play for a little while wouldn’t hurt, right? What could possibly go wrong?

But you were wrong.

Seeing Alexia on the field was something else entirely. The way she moved, so fluid and confident, was mesmerizing. The ball seemed like an extension of her, every pass, every run executed with effortless grace. Your cheeks warmed, even in the brisk wind, and your heart pounded despite sitting still on the cool grass. The feelings stirring within you didn’t just linger; they intensified.

Things got worse on your walk to the showers. Alexia was still radiating the heat of the match, her hair damp and her skin glowing from exertion. She walked close — too close — and the warmth of her presence made your head spin. You tried to create space, stepping slightly farther away, but Alexia noticed.

Alexia chuckled softly before linking her arms with yours, forcing you to be closer to her. “Why are you so far, monjita? Do I smell?” She teased.

No, you smell too good, actually…

“N-nothing,” You stumbled, voice barely above a whisper.

It was becoming apparent to Alexia just how flustered you got around her. She didn’t want to scare you off but she also found it so cute how you reacted and just how clueless you seemed to be about your own emotions.

It was just so endearing to her. She already thought you were beautiful from the moment she met you but it wasn’t just your appearance. It was your quiet kindness, your humility, and the way you so easily became flustered in her presence. It was utterly charming. And, to her surprise, she was beginning to develop a huge crush on you.

Of course, given the circumstances, she wasn’t entirely sure how to navigate those feelings. So, she figured the best approach was to tease you just enough to see if you’d slip up first. Which is why, as soon as the two of you entered the shower room, she decided to remove her shirt without a second thought.

Your eyes widened at the sight of your roommate’s uncovered torso. You quickly spun around, quietly gasping. Alexia smirked. “Alexia,” You croaked out, unable to keep the nervousness from your voice.

Alexia chuckled as she smirked. “What? You act like you’ve just seen a ghost…”

You stammered, your voice coming out in an embarrassed truth. “Uh, Alexia, you shouldn’t be removing your clothes in front of people like that.”

Alexia smiled, clearly enjoying the fact that you were flustered. “Monjita, I don’t see anything in the Bible that says anything bad about sports bras.” She teased with a light tone. “Though, didn’t Jesus say something about plucking out your eyes if you feel tempted?”

You drew in a shaky breath, desperately trying to compose yourself. “I… I just think it’s better if we keep a little more modesty,” you muttered, still not daring to turn around. You and Alexia often changed in your showers after bathing so this was the first time that you were seeing her so exposed.

Alexia took a step closer, and you could feel her presence behind you, the heat radiating from her still-warm skin. “If I’m making you uncomfortable, all you have to do is say so,” she said, her voice low and playful.

“It’s not that, I just—” you started but trailed off, heart hammering in your chest. Before you could finish, Alexia laughed softly and stepped into her shower stall, leaving you standing there, unsure whether you were relieved or even more nervous.

As the sound of water began to fill the room, she called out casually, “So… how’d I do out there? Be honest.”

You swallowed hard, trying to focus on her words rather than the strange, jittery feeling in your chest. “You did great,” you said, voice barely above a whisper. You cleared your throat to sound less meek.  “You had such great control of the ball. I haven’t seen anyone play that good since Ingrid and Maria.”

She hummed, pleased with your response. “Gracias, monjita. That means a lot coming from you.” She said, her voice echoing.

Your light conversation soon fell silent as Alexia cleaned herself. You awkwardly lingered by the sinks, unable to get over the overwhelming awareness of her just a few feet away. Even if you two had showered at the same time, there were usually a bunch of other girls too. Now, it was silent – just you, Alexia, the sound of rippling water and the loudness of your thoughts. No chitter-chatter to distract you from the thought of Alexia…

You jumped as Alexia’s voice cut through the sound of water. “Uh..I forgot my towel outside,” she called out. “Mind handing it to me?”

You hesitated for a moment, silently willing your pulse to slow down. “Uh, sure,” you finally replied, moving to grab the towel.

When you turned to hand it to her, you kept your gaze averted. Her fingers brushed yours as she took the towel, and you swore your heart skipped a beat.

“Thank you,” Alexia said softly, her voice carrying an almost imperceptible edge of playfulness.

You nodded stiffly, retreating to your side of the room. Your mind was a blur of confusion, and for a brief moment, you thought about praying. But the truth was, you weren’t even sure what you were praying for anymore — clarity, calmness, or for these strange feelings to go away. One thing was certain, though: Alexia quickly became the center of your thoughts, no matter how hard you tried to focus elsewhere.

Even if Alexia loved your presence and loved your companionship, the experience at the boarding school was sometimes too much for her to handle. 

When she first moved in with her grandparents, she never anticipated that her stay would eventually lead to being sent to a boarding school after an unpleasant experience. The thought of living away from her friends, her home, and access to decent football training had been unbearable at first. But then, she met you—a sweet, devout girl whose head seemed so deeply buried in the Bible that you didn’t even realize you were still in the closet.

Despite loving your presence, Alexia still felt like the school could be too much at times – the lackluster football program, the seemingly endless Bible lessons, the preachy talks, the relentless schedule, and the constant pressure to be a proper Catholic girl all the time. It was a big shift from being in a more liberal school. 

In addition to all that, she just couldn’t reconcile the growing feelings she had for you with the way the nuns always seemed to lecture against those very feelings. It got too much.

So, when the weight of it all bore down on her, Alexia would sneak out in the dead of night while you were fast asleep. Wandering aimlessly around the campus grounds, she often ended up at the prayer garden nestled in the small forest near the school.

The quiet solace of the garden, with its canopy of stars and the hum of nature, offered her a much-needed escape from the pious expectations of her daily life. It was the one place where she could breathe without feeling judged, without having to be so guarded.

After a few successful midnight escapes, Alexia had grown more confident in her routine. Perhaps a little too confident. As she carefully climbed out of the window one night, the sound of her movements stirred you from your sleep.

“Alexia?” you murmured groggily, blinking at the shadowy figure moving by the window. You rubbed the sleepiness from your eyes as you saw your roommate with a cardigan thrown over her pajamas, practically half out of the window. “W-what are you doing?”

Alexia froze for a moment before turning to face you. “Monjita… hey,” she said softly, using the nickname that had inexplicably grown on you. “I was just going to the prayer garden…to destress.”

Rubbing your eyes, you sat up, still half-asleep. “The nuns will catch you,” you muttered, voice laced with drowsy concern. A yawn escaped her mouth. “They might punish you if they catch you.”

Alexia hesitated for a moment before offering you a small smile. “Maybe,” she admitted, “but I’m going anyway. And… if you’re worried, you could come with me.”

You blinked at her in confusion. “What?”

“Come with me,” she said, her hazel eyes sparkling “You’re in better standing with the nuns. If we get caught, they’ll go easier on us if you’re there. Besides, I could use the company.”

You bit your lip, torn between your better judgment and the strange pull of Alexia’s request. Alexia hummed before proceeding to step both feet out of the window, baiting you. After a moment of internal debate, you sighed and climbed out of bed. “Fine. But we need to be back before anyone notices, okay?”

Alexia’s grin was radiant as she reached for your hand. “Of course, monjita.” she whispered. “Now, come on.”

Your heart was beating so fast as you slipped out the window and into the dark of the night. If anyone heard your heart now, they would have thought you were robbing a bank by the way it thumped and thrashed in your chest. On the other hand, Alexia moved with confidence and no worries.

“Alexia, aren’t you afraid of night creatures… owls… foxes?” You asked as you and the other girl weaved your way through trees to make it to the prayer garden.

Alexia, who was leading the way, turned her head and flashed you a smile. “All God’s creations, right?” She teased. “Don’t worry, we’re not too far away, angel.”

That was another nickname Alexia liked to call you, which always got you flustered as well. Even now that you were fearing for your safety, you still felt your cheeks warm.

It wasn’t long before you both found yourself in the prayer garden, seated on makeshift benches crafted from large slabs of rocks. You always loved the prayer garden but at night, it transformed into something almost magical. The stars scattered across the sky like shimmering jewels, and the moon bathed everything below in its soft, silver glow.

As you gazed at Alexia, you couldn’t help but feel a little breathless. Under the moonlight, she looked ethereal—her skin glowing like porcelain, her dark eyes shadowed yet undeniably captivating. You quickly turned your gaze upward, trying to ground yourself.

“I come here at night when I feel overwhelmed,” Alexia said, her voice breaking the stillness. Her tone was unusually soft, vulnerable. Despite knowing Alexia for a while, she rarely talked too much about her emotions. She was rarely so open like this, which just made this experience more special. 

“I just need to sit in silence,” she continued, her eyes fixed on the stars. “To look at the sky, the moon, hear the trees rustling. It’s… healing.”

You nodded silently, sensing there was more she wanted to say.

She sighed deeply, her words weighed down by emotion. “When I feel like the guilt is too much... like it’s drowning me, I come here. And for a moment, I can breathe again.”

The silence that followed was heavy but not uncomfortable. You looked up at the sky, your shoulder brushing lightly against hers. Normally, being so close to Alexia made you nervous, but tonight, in this shared stillness, you felt oddly at peace. The heart that was previously violently thrashing in your chest was now a consistent, steady beat.

After a moment of silence – just gazing at the stars and listening to the rustle of the trees, you broke the silence. “Can you believe our Creator? He made all of this — so vast, so beautiful. The stars, the trees, the world… it’s like proof of His greatness.” You gushed, feeling yourself grow appreciative of the world around you. You figured sneaking out was just a way for you to appreciate God’s creation in a different light.

Unbeknownst to you, Alexia wasn’t sharing the same train of thought. She sat quietly beside you, her gaze distant as she absorbed your words. After a moment, she spoke, her voice soft yet tinged with sadness. “Yes… but who created all the pain?”

Her question caught you off guard, and you turned to look at her, unsure how to respond. “What do you mean?”

Alexia met your gaze, her eyes glimmering with an unspoken ache. “If there’s a creator who made all this beauty, then who made all the suffering?”

The weight of her words settled heavily between you. You hesitated, your mind racing for an answer. “Maybe… maybe it’s not Him,” you said cautiously. “Maybe it’s humans, not him."

Alexia’s eyes didn’t leave yours, her expression unreadable. “Then why doesn’t he stop it?”

You faltered, unsure how to respond. You looked down, feeling the gravity of her question but unable to offer a clear answer. “Maybe… maybe it’s because we have free will. We have to face the consequences of what we do."

Her voice dropped to almost a whisper, the next words barely audible. “But… what if the way I was born is a sin? Does that mean I’m damned from the start?” she whispered. "What can I do then?"

Your heart stuttered, her words hitting you like a sudden blow. You didn’t fully understand what she meant, but you could feel the weight of her confession. It meant something to her — something big, something raw.

Your mouth opened, but no words came out. What did she mean? You searched her expression for clarity, for reassurance, but found only a vulnerability that left you speechless.

The silence that followed was heavy, almost suffocating. It wasn’t the first time that someone came to you with religious doubts and apprehensions. Typically, you handled it well but now, all you could do was keep your eyes glued on to Alexia’s hazel eyes. 

She smiled weakly, her eyes glazed a bit, before looking up again at the stars. You paused, taking her presence in before mimicking her and looking up at the stars again. 

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ACT II. First All at Once, Then All Together.

After that night with Alexia at the prayer garden, you’ve grown more and more comfortable with her, spending practically every single waking moment with the girl. You became even more inseparable.

Sneaking out at night became a ritual, talking about everything and nothing. Sometimes, you’d open up about your religious upbringing. Sometimes, Alexia would share about her life outside the boarding school – telling you about all the shenanigans she got into. Other times, Alexia would be telling you about football rules and gameplay. (She practically spent an entire night explaining to you what offside was and you still were confused, unable to visualize it even after she explained using rocks and twigs.) 

These days, you laughed a lot, more than you ever had in all your years combined inside the institute. It felt so freeing being with Alexia, opening up and just getting to laugh boisterously without being scolded. 

Alexia loved seeing this side of you, growing more and more comfortable with her. She loved making you laugh, loved the way you made her laugh. But it wasn’t just the lighthearted moments she treasured—it was the quiet, vulnerable ones, too. Sometimes, she wanted to tell you everything about how she ended up at the school, but she always hesitated. A part of her wasn’t ready, unsure of how you’d react.

The downside of spending so much time with Alexia was that you were starting to fall behind on your dorm head duties. You managed the basics—leading morning prayers, fairly assigning chores, and organizing Bible study sessions every couple of weeks—but some responsibilities slipped through the cracks.

It wasn’t a big deal until you forgot to monitor the weather, failing to inform the nuns of an incoming storm. So, when a storm hit and the dorm lost power, all the batteries in the lamps and the flashlights had corroded and you were all forced to use candles. 

Alexia, as always, was quick to help. She volunteered to search the storage closets for any working battery-powered lamps. While you rummaged under your bed for spare supplies, Alexia explored the rest of the room.

“Hmm…” Alexia hummed, cutting through the silence as you searched for the lights in your room which you were sure you stored under the bed. You turned around and could barely make out her figure in the dark. 

“What is it?” You asked, still rummaging through the box under your bed. 

“Jewelry and birds?” she said, her tone curious.

Confused, you turned to find Alexia sitting on the floor, flipping through your old sketchbook. Your eyes widened in horror. “Wait – Alexia!” You yelped.

Back when you were a freshman, an alumni visited the school to share her life as a jewelry designer. After which, for a year, you were convinced that jewelry designing was your passion, making several sketches of rings, necklaces, and other pieces. After filling an entire sketchbook of drawings, you figured that it was a ridiculous dream to have and quit your jewelry-making aspirations

The obsession with drawing birds… well, there wasn’t an explanation for that. You just liked birds somehow.

You tried to snatch the sketchbook from Alexia who held it away from you, a teasing grin on her face. “Relax, angel,” she said, thumbing through the pages. “You’re really talented. Did you design all these?”

You bit your lip, cheeks warming. “Well… yeah. But it’s not that creative. It’s just… birds and jewelry.”

Alexia frowned, shaking her head. “Don’t be ridiculous. This is amazing.” She stopped on a page depicting a necklace of a bird inside a cage. “This one especially. It’s beautiful.”

You tried to snatch the book again, but she pulled it away, her expression softening as she flipped through more pages. Her gaze lingered on darker drawings that littered the last few pages — birds with arrows through their hearts, birds lying lifeless, and cages that seemed impossibly small. 

She finally closed the sketchbook, her expression unreadable. Without a word, she reached out and wrapped her arms around you, pulling you into her lap. You froze for a moment but eventually relaxed, adjusting yourself to sit more comfortably. Alexia held you like that, her warmth radiating through you. Her voice was soft, barely above a whisper, as she spoke into your ear. “You don’t have to stay in the birdcage.”

You didn’t reply, but your arms tightened around her. Somehow, in that quiet moment, the message was clear. Yet, you said nothing.

After that night, Alexia had grown fond of hugging you. 

Well, not just hugging, but holding your hand and brushing your hair with her fingertips. You never talked about what she said even if you felt like you wanted to, but you just knew you had some sort of silent and deeper understanding of each other since then.

The lingering fluttered feeling remained with Alexia but it soon dissipated into comfort. You’d let her hold your hand under the table during lunch. You’d let her hug you from behind and rest her head on your shoulder when you washed the dishes. On your end, you just loved being close to her, often offering to brush her hair and sort it into braids or other silly hairstyles. 

The weather got colder and colder, making your nightly sneaking-out sessions impossible. Unfortunately, this meant that you were suddenly having a hard time sleeping. The walks and nights out talking provided you with a peace of mind that allowed you to sleep soundly after. Now, you felt like life was incomplete without it.

It was past midnight and you still couldn’t sleep, feeling anxious considering that you had to wake up earlier to prepare for First Friday mass. You already tried praying, counting sheep, and reciting Bible verses in your head but to no avail.

You sighed and turned again in your bed. The Catalan took notice of your restlessness and sat up slightly to glance over to your bed. The nightlight barely illuminated the room but it was obvious to her that you were still up.

“Angel,” she whispered, her voice soft but distinct in the quiet dormitory room. You turned around to see Alexia propping herself up in her bed. She smiled warmly at you. “Can’t sleep?”

You shook your head. “I’m having trouble,” you whispered back. “But, I’m sure I’ll drift off sooner or later.”

Alexia hummed and tilted her head thoughtfully, then lifted the edge of her blanket in a silent invitation. “You know,” she said lightly. “Sleeping next to someone is supposed to help. Something about oxytocin or whatever. It’s supposed to calm you down.”

You chuckled. “Suddenly, you’re a biologist?”

“Nah, just a cuddle scientist.” Alexia teased, her grin widening. “Come here. If it doesn’t work out, you can always just go back to your bed.”

You hesitated, your heart skipping for reasons you couldn’t quite place. The idea was harmless — just two friends sharing a bed — but something about the offer felt different, like stepping over an invisible line. Still, the way Alexia looked at you, patient and almost knowing, made it hard to say no.

Biting your lip, you slid out from under your covers. The cold floor sent a shiver up your feet as you tiptoed toward Alexia’s bed. She scooted back slightly to make room, her blanket still held open. You slid in carefully, the scent of her shampoo immediately enveloping you. The bed was as tiny as yours, forcing your bodies closer than you’d planned.

You laid stiffly, your back almost to the edge of the bed, careful not to be too close to her. You were too afraid that moving closer to her might just… be too intimate.  

Just as you started to relax, Alexia’s hand slid over — tentative but deliberate — resting lightly on your waist, before settling flatly on the small of your back.

You jumped slightly at the sensation, but she didn’t let go. Instead, her fingers curled gently, tugging you closer until your body was flush against hers. 

“You were about to fall off,” she murmured, her voice low but teasing. “Relax, Monjita. I won’t bite.”

Your cheeks burned, but you couldn’t find the words to protest. Alexia adjusted, slipping an arm under your neck and pulling you into her chest like it was the most natural thing in the world. Her steady heartbeat thrummed against your ear, and though it should’ve calmed you, it only made your own race faster.

Even if you and Alexia had become close, there was a newness, a different feeling to this interaction. It felt intimate and almost like crossing friendship boundaries. 

“You’re so stiff,” she said after a moment, her tone light but edged with amusement. “What’s the big deal? Haven’t you ever hugged a friend before?”

You swallowed. “Not like this,” you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper.

Alexia hummed softly in response, her breath warm against your hair. “Well,” she said, her voice dropping just slightly, “there’s a first time for everything.”

You paused, contemplating, before softly whispering again. “Alexia,” You started cautiously. “I never really had a best friend.”

She hummed, her free hand gently brushing through your hair in slow, comforting strokes. “Yeah?” she prompted, her tone curious but tender. “What about Ingrid?”

You shook your head. “I like Ingrid, but she’s not my best friend and I can’t completely open up to her,” you admitted, your voice trembling slightly. “Actually, I don’t think I’ve ever opened up to anyone. I’m always so scared… scared that they’ll hate me or judge me once they really know me. You're the only one I feel like I can open up to.”

Alexia scoffed softly, almost incredulously. “I don’t see how anyone could hate you, monjita,” she said, her voice laced with quiet affection.

You swallowed, your chest tightening. “I think some of them already do,” you murmured, the words tasting bitter as you let them out. 

“I’ve always been so devoted to the Church, and sometimes… I think they see me as too pious, too preachy. I don’t think it’s a bad thing,” you added quickly, almost defensively. “But it’s made me someone they can’t trust. Like I’m just an extension of the nuns — someone they’ll never see as a real friend.”

Alexia chuckled warmly. “An extension of the nuns?”

You nodded. “Even you call me monjita.”

Alexia shook her head. “Well, yes,” she explained. “But not because I see you as an extension of the nuns. I just think you’d look so cute and adorable in those gigantic nun costumes they wear, and well, you’re as nice as a nun.”

You chuckled a bit but shook your head. “Still, people don’t see me beyond being the good girl, the praepostor… the person the nuns send them to whenever they have doubts about their faith.” You whispered. “Sometimes, I even forget who I am beyond that. Sometimes, I just let myself be who they think I am.”

Alexia’s hand didn’t falter as she hummed thoughtfully, her touch steady and grounding. “You shouldn’t do that to yourself,” she said simply, but there was something fierce in her voice, a quiet insistence that you weren’t sure how to process. “They can perceive you and they can judge you from just that but you shouldn’t let their perception define you.”

You hummed in thought, as you rested your hand on her chest, feeling her steady heartbeat. “It’s not just that,” you continued, the words spilling out now as though Alexia’s warmth had unlocked something deep inside you. “Even if they could see past that, I don’t think they’d like me once they really knew me, once they knew who I am beyond being the praepostor or the nun’s favorite.”

Her hand paused briefly, and when she spoke again, her voice was softer, more cautious. “What do you mean?”

You stared blankly at the wall, the weight of her question pressing on you. “I mean that I have my own doubts,” you admitted, your voice barely more than a whisper. “That I give advice, telling people to trust God and follow His word, that all your problems will wash away when you believe and pray but deep down, I… I’m not sure I believe it myself. Sometimes, I feel so trapped… like I’m living this life for everyone else, not for me.”

“Hmm?” Alexia said as if to signal for you to continue.

You bit your lip, hesitant to share your own feelings with Alexia. “I’ve lived my whole life here in the Institute. This is all I’ve known and I know a lot of the sisters went through the same thing and learned to love it…” You trailed off.

Alexia prodded. “But?”

You felt tears form in your eyes but you tried to stop yourself from letting yourself get even more emotional. “I want to see what life is like… beyond this.” You shared softly, almost too soft for anyone to hear. “Just see what I’m missing out on.”

You continued, “I want to laugh freely. I want to watch movies that just make me laugh or make me cry — movies not necessarily made to have a moral or a lesson or be about a biblical character. I want to eat junk food and indulge in sweets without feeling like I’ve turned into a massive glutton. I don’t want to feel guilty for wanting a third pancake.”

Alexia chuckled softly at that, her mind flashing back to mornings in the dining hall when she’d see you dutifully pick at bland green beans, leaving the pancakes untouched for the younger girls.

“I want to do things other normal people our age do,” You continued. “I want to go drink recreationally and dance with people I don’t know. I wanna know what I’d look like with lots of makeup and those big lashes. I want to swim in a tiny swimsuit, even if it feels weird riding up your—”

Alexia laughed out loud at that, the sound warm and unguarded, and you couldn’t help but smile. Her amusement encouraged you, made you feel safe enough to keep going.

Taking a deep breath, you continued, “I want to fall in love,” you said, the words trembling on your lips. “Really fall in love. I want to go on a date, get flowers, share drinks. I want to kiss someone… not a polite little peck on the cheek. I mean really kiss, feel something. I want to know what it’s like to be loved and love beyond… beyond religious devotion.”

Suddenly, you fell silent, gulping as you allowed yourself to calm down again. Alexia hummed lowly as she continued to brush your hair. You stayed silent, waiting for Alexia to speak but she didn't, simply continuing to brush the pads of her fingers against you.

When she finally spoke, her voice was soft but steady. “You must think I’m a hypocrite,” you said, preempting her, your voice brittle with doubt.

“No, no, of course not, cariño.” She said immediately with a tender but firm voice. “I think what you’re feeling is natural.”

Another pause. You nuzzled closer to her instinctively, seeking comfort in the steady warmth of her touch. Alexia sighed softly, her breath ruffling your hair. “Having doubts, wanting these things… it doesn’t make you bad,” she murmured. “It makes you human. We all want love. And that’s okay, monjita.”

Her words settled over you, comforting but unfamiliar, as though you weren’t sure you deserved to hear them. You turned your head slightly, meeting her gaze. There was no judgment in her beautiful, hazel eyes — just patience, warmth, and something else you couldn’t quite name.

“But what if it’s more than just doubts?” you whispered, your voice cracking under the weight of your fear. “What if… what if I can’t actually be what they expect me to be? What if I just break?”

Alexia’s free hand moved to your cheek, her thumb brushing softly against your skin. “Then maybe it’s time to stop living for their expectations,” she said, her voice firm yet impossibly gentle. “You don’t have to be what they want. You only have one life and you deserve to live for yourself, angel.”

Your eyes locked together and you started feeling the weight in your heart be replaced by something new. You felt the energy between you two shift into an unfamiliar feeling you couldn’t put a finger on. There was a warmth between you two — a growing comfort and familiarity — but there was also the feeling of something ominous unraveling. You couldn’t tell what it was; it was something you’ve never known before.

And as soon as you felt your eyes flicker to Alexia’s lips — pink and lush, parted slightly as she stuck her tongue out to wet them, how they were impossibly close — you knew.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ACT III. We Can’t Really Help Who We Are

After that night cuddling with Alexia, you lied and said you preferred sleeping in your own bed, even if truthfully you’ve never slept better than you had wrapped around in her arms.

You’ve also let her hands awkwardly hang between you, brushing against yours to signal for you to take them. Instead of locking hands like you usually did, you’d cross them across your chest and avert your gaze.

When she’d try to wrap you in a back hug from behind, you’d find some excuse to slip away. “I need to re-fold my clothes,” you’d mumble, or, “I should check with Sister Catherine about something in the dormitory,” leaving her standing there, arms left empty.

More recently, you’d taken to pretending to be asleep, tucked into bed as early as nine in the evening, just to avoid those late-night conversations with her — the ones where it felt like the world disappeared and it was just the two of you.

Ever since you realized that you might have a crush on Alexia, you have avoided spending alone time with her. You dodged all her physical affection and even moved seats in class, making an excuse that your eyesight has been faulty lately which made no sense because you simply moved horizontally as you two had already been sitting up front.

To anyone else, your sudden change in behavior would have been confusing, even hurtful. But Alexia wasn’t just anyone. She understood what you were going through, even if you hadn’t said a word. She saw through your avoidance, knew why you flinched away from her touch or made excuses to leave.

So she decided to give you space. She’d let you sort through your feelings, trusting that you’d come to terms with them when you were ready. There was no rush, no pressure — not from her. The least she could do was add to the pressure you were already feeling from everyone and yourself.

But to you, Alexia’s calm and unbothered demeanor meant something entirely different.

You convinced yourself that her behavior wasn’t born from understanding but indifference. You figured she hadn’t noticed your growing feelings at all, or worse, that she had — and didn’t feel the same.

Her casual way of brushing off your sudden distance only solidified the idea in your mind: Alexia only saw you as a friend.

Every hug, every handhold, every quiet moment together — it was nothing more than friendship to her. That realization made everything harder. It made every excuse you gave, every inch of space you put between you, feel more necessary.

Certainly, it wasn’t the truth but to you, it felt like it was and that didn’t make it hurt any less.

Every so often, some of the sisters that oversee dorm functions would gather everyone for some prayer activity, to exercise different manners of prayer. With the older sisters, they usually preferred teaching worship songs or learning prayers in different languages. The younger sisters were often more imaginative and fun. Sometimes, they’d make board games based on Biblical lessons or it would be a rosary-making session.

Today, Sister Catherine decided that a “Stretching with God” exercise would be fun. So, all the girls from your dorm building were gathered in your modest sweatpants and shirts as you attempted to follow Sister Catherine’s instructions. Some of the moves made sense like raising arms to reach towards the heavens or doing child’s pose to symbolize humility. But some of it… were questionable. 

She had everyone rolling their arms back to “emulate angel’s wings.” She had you lifting your legs back and forth in a swinging motion “to kick away all the evil that surrounds you.” After the “punching away demons” move, you looked around and noticed that everyone seemed to be enjoying it — some genuinely enjoying it and others just finding the silliness of it all amusing.

Though, you didn’t bother looking over to Alexia, who was standing beside you. You’ve been avoiding her gaze ever since she found it was so funny for her to lift her shirt up so slightly to wipe the imaginary beads of sweat from her forehead after every stretch.

To you, it seemed like an innocent gesture that your twisted brain was just corrupting but Alexia actually intended to do it ever since she’s caught you frequently glancing at her abdomen, especially after her football training.

“Okay, girls, to close off our Stretching With God session,” Sister Catherine instructed, a little bit winded from leading the session. “We’ll form a circle to have a small prayer.”

Sister Cathy turned off the radio that was playing instrumentals and soon, the dorm fell quiet except for the soft rustling of fabric and the occasional shuffle of feet as everyone gathered into a circle. 

You had carefully chosen your spot, slipping beside Ingrid and moving away from Alexia. It seemed like the safest option at the time — distant enough from Alexia to make avoiding her easier. But now, as you settled in, you realized the mistake.  

From where you stood, you had a clear line of sight to Alexia. You did move far away from her side but that landed you almost directly in front of her in the circle. You clenched your hands, trying to focus on the prayer circle instead of the way her hazel eyes lingered, even when they weren’t looking at you directly.  

The prayer exercise began. “Okay, girls, we’ll be doing the typical ACTS prayer structure.” Sister Catherine started. “Can anyone remind us of what the ACTS prayer is like?”

Instinctively, all eyes darted to you. You nodded and spoke up loud enough for everyone to hear. “A for Adoration — you give worship to God and adore him for who he is. Typically, you can say ‘Almighty God’ or just ‘God the Father’... or whatever you feel is fitting.”

“Next, C stands for asking for confession when you let God know of and apologize for all your sins and misgivings.” Suddenly, your eyes drifted to Alexia who had a small smile on her face. You stumbled with your words. “Uh, uhm…”

“Thanks,” Ingrid whispered surreptitiously to you, thinking you'd forgotten it. 

You nodded. “T for Thanksgiving wherein we thank Him for all He has done. Lastly, S for supplication.”

Sister Catherine nodded at you thankfully. “And supplication is just asking humbly for what you want,” She looked over to you again. “For what you desire in your heart.”

You nodded, trying to keep your eyes on the nun instead of letting it drift towards Alexia. Soon, the nun started instructing the group on the movements that accompanied each part of the prayer.

For the adoration part, you all raised your hands high, the weight of silence heavy as you thought of words to praise Him. "All-knowing and all-seeing God," you whispered suddenly. The phrase came unbidden. You bit your lip, feeling guilt rush over you suddenly as you reached your fingertips to the sky. 

When it was time to give thanks, everyone was instructed to place their right hand over their heart. You murmured a quiet prayer of gratitude, forcing the words past the lump in your throat. "Thank you for self-control," you said softly, though it felt like a lie. Every day you spent avoiding Alexia made you feel like a thread pulled too tight, ready to snap. 

Then came the moment for forgiveness. You were to put both hands over your heart now, one over the other as you closed your eyes and bowed your head to symbolize humility and regret for your actions. You could practically feel your heartbeat inside your hands as you struggled to even formulate a coherent thought.

You knew somehow that your feelings for Alexia were wrong but you couldn’t piece together a statement asking for forgiveness because you couldn’t reconcile with yourself what sin you committed exactly. You clutched your chest as you breathed heavily, settling with a different apology. “I’m sorry I cannot recognize my own sins.” You thought silently.

Finally, it was time to ask for your desires. 

“Everyone, keep your heads low. This is to show humility, that you are a mere human asking God for something. Not demanding or expecting already, but just asking kindly with all the humility in our heart.” The nun instructed as she lowered her own head. You followed suit.

“Next, hold your hands, let it serve as a reminder that you are not alone and that your peers have their own desires and aspirations. As we hold hands, this is our way of praying that they also attain all their aspirations.” You locked hands with Ingrid and Maria who were both beside you.

“Finally, tell God your desire.” Sister Catherine said. “You can whisper it, say it out, or keep it in your heart and heed for Him to hear.”

Heads bowed low, hands clasped tightly, the circle seemed to shrink in on itself as whispers of prayers filled the room. Girls murmured quietly, voices blending into a soft hum of hope and longing. You lowered your head like the rest, but your mind was blank.  

What did you desire most?  

Nothing came to mind at first, only the familiar wave of guilt and confusion. But then, as if pulled by a force you couldn’t resist, you lifted your head. And that’s when you saw her.  

Alexia was already staring at you. Her head was not lowered like everyone else, her hazel eyes locked on yours with an intensity that stole your breath. In the middle of all the whispered prayers, the bowed heads, and the holy reverence, it was just the two of you, caught in a moment that felt impossibly loud in its silence.  

You didn’t look away.  

And in her gaze, you saw it. 

The same thing that burned in your chest — the unspoken desire, the longing you’d tried to bury — reflected back at you. It was an understanding, a silent confession shared without words.  

Your breath hitched, and your hands trembled as you tried to remain composed. Around you, the prayer continued, a soft chorus of whispered hopes filling the air. But at that moment, nothing else mattered. Not the guilt, not the fear — just her.  

Alexia’s lips parted slightly, as though she wanted to say something, but the words didn’t come. Instead, her eyes softened, her expression shifting into something both tender and devastating.  

The prayer ended, the murmurs quieting as hands released and the circle broke apart. But you remained frozen, still locked in the echo of what had just passed between you.  

You hadn’t spoken a word, but somehow, you knew. You both desired the same thing.

You were violently shaken awake. You blinked your eyes open to see the familiar dark-haired Norwegian sitting on your bed, trying to get you to wake up. 

You blinked your eyes, drowsy and disoriented. Ingrid looked relieved to see you awake. She sighed. “Sister Superior is summoning you to her office. She says there’s a matter of your concern.” She said with a frantic but firm voice.

You sat up and instinctively looked over to Alexia’s bed which was empty. However, this time, it was undone and not fixed which was uncharacteristic of the Catalan who often did her bed as soon as she woke up.

Ingrid noticed. “Alexia’s there too.” She clarified. “You need to get dressed immediately. Sister superior does not seem happy.”

Suddenly, your heart pounded against your chest. No one in the school knows what you were feeling for Alexia and yet, that was the first thing that came into your mind. Could you have been figured out?

No, it couldn’t be. You thought. But… we have been affectionate a lot and have been holding hands prior. Could that be the reason? But girls here often hold hands.

Or… maybe it’s all those nights sneaking out? Were you caught? Did they hear you say all those things about your apprehensions and your conflicted feelings.

You gulped as your hands grew clammy. Ingrid sat back on the bed with you and clasped your hand in hers. “Hey, hey,” Her voice said in a comforting manner but there was a tone of doubt. “I’m sure it’s nothing. It might just be a dormitory concern.”

You nodded, doubting her words. “Yeah… maybe.” You whispered. “Do you know what it’s about?”

Ingrid shook her head. “No, but it seems… urgent.” She answered. “Just get dressed and I’ll take you there immediately to not anger the sister.”

You immediately threw on your clothes and joined Ingrid as you briskly walked to the office at the opposite building. You were both quiet at first, the tension heavy between the two of you until Ingrid spoke up.

“Do you have a clue what this meeting could be about?” She asked cautiously. “Did Alexia do something?”

You bit your lip and looked at your friend’s icy blue eyes, contemplating whether or not you wanted to even answer.  Ingrid lowered her voice to a whisper. “I promise to God I won’t tell if you know anything.”

You looked away briefly, assessing if anyone was within earshot. You linked arms with Ingrid to move closer to her as you walked. “I think… it might be because Alexia and I snuck out once or twice before.”

Ingrid’s eyes widened, shocked not by the act of sneaking out but that it was you who did it. She knew several girls who snuck out before but you were the last person she expected to do so. “W-what? To where? Were you the ones who took the bus?”

You blinked cluelessly. “Bus? No, no, we often went to the prayer garden at night.”

Ingrid let out a sigh of relief, realizing that you two had very different concepts of sneaking out. 

“I… I don’t think that’s a big deal honestly.” She cautiously said, not wanting you to find out some people were actually sneaking out. “I doubt the sisters would be that mad about that. Just say you two wanted to pray. They can’t get mad at that.”

You hesitated. You looked over to your friend who you’ve known all these years. There were times you’d chat about personal things, sad moments, and doubts but you never really discussed anything too personal. But Ingrid… she was the only other person here you could fully trust to open up to — well, aside from Alexia. 

“There’s something else.” You started.

“What is it?” Ingrid looked at you quizzically.

You hesitated. “I… I’m starting to get…” Your voice trailed off.

Ingrid squeezed your hand. “I won’t judge. I promise and I swear to God.”

You sighed deeply before whispering. “I think I have feeli—” 

“Ingrid! There you two are!” You both jumped at the sound of Sister Jude suddenly appearing from the end of the hallway. The plump sister waved her hands to summon you two. “Please make haste, we don’t have all day.” 

You looked at Ingrid who had a curious, wide-eye look on her face but you decided against continuing your statement. Instead, you just gently tugged at her to gesture for her to jog to the sister’s office.

Having not had enough exercise, you were a bit winded by the time you got to the office while Ingrid was breathing normally, the athlete that she was.

As soon as you opened the door, you were met by the sight of Alexia’s familiar back, turned and standing with her hands clasped behind her back to face the Sister Superior who was sitting behind her desk with a sour expression. 

When the heavy wooden door opened further, you saw an unfamiliar person.

A tall, dark-haired girl wearing a black shirt and pants was sitting on the side opposite Alexia. She turned around to look at you as you entered. She had a strained and frustrated expression but it was undeniable that she was pretty.

You looked behind to Ingrid who comfortably nodded at you, gesturing for you to go on as she waited outside the office.

As soon as the door shut behind you, the sister superior began talking again. You moved closer to stand by Alexia, who glanced up at you briefly before looking back down. You stood quietly, trying to figure out what was happening.

Alexia’s demeanor was noticeably different. The confidence and the aura that she typically exuded suddenly gone, replaced by a heavy energy. You turned your attention to the sister who seemed frustrated.

Sister Philomena’s voice broke the silence, her tone sharp. “Alexia was sent here to heal from her past and seek redemption,” she said, pointing a finger at the dark-haired girl. “You cannot just walk into our sacred institution and tempt her back into your sinful lifestyle.”

The unfamiliar girl rolled her eyes. “I don’t see the problem, sister.” She responded, voice dripping with animosity. “Is Alexia a prisoner? Hell, even prisoners have more rights. Why can’t her friends visit her?”

The nun slammed her hand flat on the table. “This is precisely the problem. You think Alexia is a prisoner when she is here to grow and learn.” Her voice rang through the office. “And you did not come here to visit her. You trespass into our premises, asking her to run away and leave. This is not a visitation.”

You flinched at the harshness of the nun’s words. Sister Philomena turned toward you. “Tell this girl how visitation works here, so she understands.”

You blinked, caught off guard, and repeated the rules as best as you could. “When friends or family want to visit, they fill out a visitation form—”

“Precisely,” Sister Philomena interrupted. “But you didn’t come here to visit. You came to seduce Alexia and drag her away from God.”

“Seduced?” you whispered, your mind reeling at the accusation. Alexia must have taken notice because she quickly shook her head. 

“I’m not some demonic temptress like you’re making me out to be,” The girl chided with a mocking laugh. “You are all acting like I’m some evil person for wanting to see Alexia after everyone took her away from me! God forbid I want to see my girlfriend after she’s disappeared for months.”

Your heart stopped beating. Girlfriend?

You glanced over at Alexia then to the girl. Even with the girl being sat down on the chair, you could tell she was perhaps as tall as Alexia. She exuded the same confident aura. Even if Alexia never opened up about crushes, you never would have thought she’d actually be in a relationship, which felt like betrayal. Why wouldn’t she tell me she had a girlfriend? And… why would she act like that with me if she had one?

Your train of thought was suddenly broken when the nun’s voice loudly echoed through the room. Sister Philomena’s voice grew louder, more forceful with every word. “Homosexuality is a sin, plain and simple,” she said, her eyes blazing with what she surely believed was righteous indignation. “It is an abomination in the eyes of the Lord, a corruption of His holy design. And you, girl, are no better than the serpent in the garden, seeking to lead Alexia down a path of damnation.”

You clutched your heart subconsciously, feeling affected and shaken by her words. You could feel your hands quiver as the scene unfolded. Sister Philomena had always been intimidating but you’ve never seen her this frustrated and intense. It was frightening. Not to mention what she was saying was starting to get to you, digging into your own guilt.

The sister stood up from her chair, still standing quite tall despite her seniority. “Her grandparents sent her here, to this sacred institution, to be healed, to be purified. They entrusted us with their beloved granddaughter, hoping that we could erase the darkness that had consumed her heart. This place is meant to protect her from the evil influences of the world, to bring her back to the fold, back to the love and grace of the Lord.”

Suddenly, Sister Philomen’s eyes darted to you. “We surround her with kind people, righteous people like her.” She pointed at you. The dark-haired girl’s glare shifted to you, making you feel even more nervous. “She is the type of company Alexia needs to heal and to repent. Her friends and peers in this institute have been working tirelessly to guide Alexia to the righteous path.”

You looked down on your shoes, unsure of what to feel with the Sister’s words. This wasn’t the first time that you had to stand in a room with the nun and another student being admonished. You quickly learned your role in all of this — the ideal student to be made an example to the wrongdoer. After this session, you were expected to confide in the students, pray with them, and tell them more gently how they can improve.

It was never easy for you, having to assume that role. But now, it felt less like a challenge and more like a heavy cross to bear on your back.

Turning her attention back to the dark-haired girl, Sister Philomena’s expression hardened, her voice dripping with venom. “Your very presence here, your words, your actions, are a poison to her soul. You are the temptation, the forbidden fruit. You are what lures her into the darkness, and she has no hope of finding salvation with you by her side. What kind of life is it that you offer her? A life of sin, of shame, of eternal separation from God. That is the future you are promising her.”

The nun put a hand on her temples, starting to feel nauseous from the anger. The younger nuns in the room urged her to sit back down, patting her back to calm her down. She took a deep breath, looking at some of the documents scattered on her desk, mindlessly organizing them to calm herself down.

Her voice softened only slightly as she looked up again at the girl. “You are not a savior. You are a predator, preying on a fragile soul, and you will not be allowed to continue poisoning Alexia’s spirit. We will not allow it. She will live a better life without you. We will make sure of it.”

The dark-haired, tattooed girl let out a smug chuckle. “What kind of life is it where you’re called a sinner for being who you are?” she spat, her voice not loud but firm. “She’s not living here. She’s suffering here. Clearly.”

Sister Philomena shook her head. “Enough.” She ordered. “If you don’t want us to call the police for trespassing and damaging personal property, you need to leave. Now.”

The girl clenched her jaw before shaking her head. As a last resort, she turned to Alexia who was still unmoving, head held down. “Alexia, please. You don’t belong here. Come with me. We can leave this place together.” She turned to the sisters. “You’re old enough to just leave this place and live your truth. Come on, you can decide for yourself.” 

Alexia stood still, her gaze fixed on the floor. She didn’t move, didn’t react. You watched in silent disbelief as the younger nuns approached the tall girl, putting hands on her shoulders. “Alexia, please.” She said as she tried to reach for Alexia’s hands. This time, the nuns firmly held her so that she couldn’t move towards Alexia. “Do you really want to stay here?”

Alexia stood, unmoving. The girl scoffed and shrugged the hands on her shoulders away. “I can go on my own.” She barked out. “Fine, if you wanna stay here and get converted into some bible thumper then live your life, Alexia.” 

She looked one last time at Alexia, then at you. “These people don’t actually love you, just remember that.”

It felt targeted somehow — the way she looked at you as she spat those words out. You knew she had no idea of what you meant to Alexia and what you felt for her but you still can’t help but feel it was a personal dig at you.

The door slammed behind the girl as she left, The weight of the revelation hit you like a ton of bricks, and you stood frozen, staring at the empty doorway. The silence hung for a moment before Sister Philomena cleared her throat. “Alexia,” She called out in a firm but not angry voice.

Finally, Alexia raised her head. That’s when you noticed that her face was tear-stained and her eyes bloodshot despite the firm, un-emoting look on her face. “Yes, sister?”

“Did you make any contact with Jennifer Hermoso prior to this?” She asked sternly.

“No, sister.” She responded firmly.

“Do you wish to continue your stay in this institute?” The sister asked quizzically. 

Alexia’s eyes flickered to you for a moment before quickly returning to the senior sister. “Y-yes, sister.”

The nun hummed, rubbing her temples. “And do you understand why you’re here? Why it is in your best interest to be her?” 

No hesitation came from Alexia. “Yes, sister.”

The nun seemed satisfied, nodding her head. “Okay, seeing this incident is not your fault,” She started. “Let it serve as a test of your faith and your strength. I will not admonish you but I will simply remind you to pray over your situation diligently.”

Alexia nodded. 

“I will have the junior sisters talk to you later but for now, you two return to your dorm room.” Sister Philomena ordered. She then pointed her pen at you. “I trust you two will have a fruitful conversation together as well. Hence, I’ll have you both excused for morning classes. Understood?”

You nodded at the nun, confirming with her that you got her silent instruction to do what you always did — force the troublemaker back into the rightful path. 

This time, though, you feel like you’ve also been led astray. Blind leading the blind.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ACT IV. Damned to the End From the Start

You and Alexia were joined by Ingrid as you made your way back to the dorm buildings. Ingrid kept glancing at you, her expression a mix of concern and silent questions, as if willing to speak up and explain what had happened. You raised a hand in a subtle gesture, signaling her to wait. The tension hung heavy between the three of you, amplified by Alexia’s silence. She walked alongside you, her arms folded, her gaze fixed ahead. Not once did she look at you or reach for your hand. The distance, both physical and emotional, was unsettling.

Once you got to your dorm, Alexia slipped inside without a word, leaving you in the hallway with Ingrid. Ingrid turned to you, her wide eyes filled with disbelief. “I can’t believe how harsh she was to Alexia,” she whispered, her voice tinged with anger and sadness.

You bit your lip, partially surprised by Ingrid’s sympathy. You had always assumed people defended the sisters’ stances without question — you certainly had in the past. But this time was different. This time, the weight of their words had hit too close to home, and Ingrid’s reaction was a small but meaningful relief.

Before you could think about your actions, you just pulled Ingrid into a hug, startling the taller girl. “Thank you for being with us, Ingrid.” You murmured, voice soft but sincere. “Really. Thank you.”

Ingrid blinked, clearly surprised by your affection. “I don’t know what I did to deserve this, darling,” she said with a gentle laugh, her tone warm despite her confusion. “But I’m glad my presence meant something to you.”

When you pulled back, she rested her hands on your shoulders, her touch steady and reassuring. “If you ever need to talk, you know where to find me.”

You sighed and nodded, thinking about whether or not you should open up to her at that moment. You still weren’t sure what to feel. For now, you just excused yourself. “Thank you,” you said again, offering her a small smile. “But I need to check on Alexia first. She needs me.”

Ingrid nodded, her expression understanding. “Of course,” she said, stepping back to give you space. “Take care of her. And yourself.”

With a final nod, you turned and entered your dorm room, closing the door softly behind you. You could immediately see Alexia curled up on her bed, facing the wall. The sight of an upset Alexia was something new. In the past months, you’ve seen all versions of Alexia – happy after you say something that made her laugh, sad over a movie, pissed off after a bad football training session, teasing almost all the time. But this devastated, silent Alexia… it was not a thing you’ve ever thought you’d encounter.

You stepped cautiously, sitting on the edge of her bed. “Alexia…” Your voice trailed off. “Look, what Sister said… I’m sure she… Well…” You kept losing confidence in what you were saying. Even you felt lost in the situation, deeply conflicted by the situation.

“Not in the mood for a sermon,” Alexia grunted out, burying her head in her pillow.

You felt a pang in your heart. “Alexia…” You started again cautiously. “I-I’m sorry that that happened. None of it was your fault. Sister Philomena just takes student safety seriously and y’know, a trespasser…”

“You know that’s not what I’m upset about,” Alexia interrupted, her voice sharper now, though it trembled with emotion.

You swallowed hard, nodding even though she couldn’t see you. “I know,” you admitted quietly, sighing as the words you wanted to say slipped further away. After a beat of silence, you asked gently, “Do you want to leave?”

At that, Alexia shifted slightly, her hand brushing against her cheek as she wiped her eyes. When she finally spoke, her voice was soft, fragile. “I don’t want to leave, monjita.” The words came out in a croak, and she sniffled as though holding back more tears.

Your hands itched to reach for her, to wipe away her tears and pull her into your arms. But something held you back — maybe fear of overstepping, maybe the invisible walls Alexia seemed to have built around herself at that moment. So you stayed where you were, your voice gentle as you replied, “I’m glad you’re staying. I… I like having you here, Alexia.”

A pause. “Even after you learned why I’m here?” 

“Yes, of course, Alexia.” You comforted her immediately. “Nothing changed for me. Your girlfriend… whatever happened between you two is in the past. It’s none of my business.”

“Ex,” She corrected. “Ex-girlfriend.”

You nodded, weirdly comforted by the way she corrected you. Silence befell the dorm room again, disturbed only by the sound of sniffling. You wanted to say so much but there was not a single coherent thought.

“Monjita,” Alexia whispered, her voice trembling and soft, breaking the heavy silence in the room. Your heart warmed at the use of her endearment with a gentle tone. She glanced at you carefully. “Do you think I’m… wrong for who I am? Do you hate me?”

Her words hit you like a blow to the chest. The mere thought that Alexia, who carried so much strength and warmth, could believe you might judge or reject her for something as intrinsic as her identity made your throat tighten. Your eyes began to sting, tears threatening to spill. Without a second thought, you leaned over to Alexia. You got a closer look of her reddened, tear-stained face. 

You used your hand to wipe her tears and the hair that stuck to her face. “Alexia, you’re not wrong for who you are.” You whispered. “And, I could never hate you.”

Her glassy eyes met yours, uncertainty flickering within them. “Yeah?” she asked hesitantly, as though daring to hope you truly meant it. Her hazel eyes flickered as tears threatened to spill again. “Then why haven’t you been talking to me?”

You gulped, looking away for a moment before looking back at her. “Alexia,” you started. “I promise you it was all on me. I was struggling with being close to someone. You know me… I haven’t had a best friend since I was a kid. It’s been hard for me to adjust… to being close to someone.” You paused, struggling to find the words.

Alexia lifted your head up by placing a hand on your chin. “Does it have to do with me being…” She trailed off.

“No, no,” You shook your head and gave her a small, reassuring smile. You hesitated for just a moment before leaning in, pressing a tender kiss to her moist cheek. “I promise, you haven’t done anything to drive me away.” You whispered, your voice filled with conviction.

Something in her expression softened, and then she shifted, turning fully to face you. Without warning, she sat up and pulled you into her arms, wrapping them tightly around you as though she was trying to hold herself together. You returned the hug, feeling the weight of her emotions as her face pressed into your shoulder. The world outside seemed to fade as the two of you sat there, wrapped in a moment that felt achingly fragile and impossibly intimate

When Alexia pulled back, her hands slid up to cradle your face. Her thumbs lightly brushed your cheeks, and you could feel the warmth of her palms against your skin. The intensity in her eyes made your breath hitch. Her gaze flickered between your own, and then down to your lips. She brushed over your cheek again with her thumb, gentle against your own skin. As Alexia moved closer, you felt your own eyes flutter nervously.

Just as Alexia was about to move closer, the door creaked open, the sound cutting through the tension like a blade. Both of you jumped, your hearts racing as though you’d been caught doing something forbidden. 

Ingrid popped in, standing in the doorway, equally surprised to see you both wide-eyed and surprised. “Oh, sorry, was I…” She trailed off.  “Was I… interrupting something?”

You quickly shook your head, your face burning. “No, it’s fine,” you managed, your voice higher than usual.

Ingrid lingered awkwardly for a moment before clearing her throat. “Sister Catherine sent me to call Alexia over,” she said, her tone careful, as if trying not to pry.

Alexia straightened, wiping her face hurriedly with the sleeve of her sweater. “Oh… uh… of course,” she muttered, her voice still thick with emotion. She glanced back at you as she stepped toward the door, her eyes apologetic and heavy with unspoken words. 

As the door clicked shut, the silence filled the room and the only sound you could hear was your heartbeat in your ears. You stared at the space Alexia had just vacated, your thoughts spinning.

Did we almost…

The guilt hit at the thought you were not even able to finish as the horrible feeling drowned you. You couldn’t shake the feeling that you’d done something wrong. You liked Alexia… you cared for her and not much changed for what you feel for her. But, the guilt you had already took root in your gut. It was something that you’ve lived with all your life. Even if you wanted to shake off the feeling, it felt incredibly difficult.

You laid on Alexia’s bed, staring at the ceiling as all the emotions filled you.

Alexia had to sit through multiple sessions with the sisters, which was tiring, to say the least. She hated being lectured by the older nuns the most; one can only listen to 'being gay is a sin' so many times. The more junior nuns were more tolerable but it still wasn’t any fun. They may not have condemned Alexia for being gay but they did say that she shouldn’t 'act on her homosexuality.'

It was just tiring and by the time they were done with Alexia, it was already dinner time.

She was too nervous to eat around the sisters so she hadn’t eaten all day, leaving her with a rumbling stomach. She trudged along to the cafeteria, heading to her usual table. However, this time, something seemed off.

Alexia set down her plate of potatoes and beef as she looked around. “Where’s monjita?” She asked, using your nickname which she used so often that others have already associated it with you.

“She said she wasn’t hungry,” Ingrid responded as she picked at her potatoes. “She’s skipping dinner.”

Maria chewed on her food, gesturing that she was about to say something. As soon as she swallowed her mouthful of undercooked potatoes, she added, “I think she might be praying though. She said something about it when I saw her in the hallway”

“Oh,” Alexia said before sitting down, wondering why you would skip dinner when you typically were not the type to miss meals. She absentmindedly ate her food, mind still fixated on her.

Ingrid must have noticed the vacant expression in the Catalan’s eyes. “You good?” She asked carefully.

Alexia shook out of her catatonic state. “Yeah, yeah, just tired.” She responded. “Uh… did she explain why she’s missing dinner?”

Ingrid exhaled. “No, but she kinda looked upset when I last saw her.” She said. “She didn’t even want to talk to me.”

Alexia hummed as she nodded in response. After taking a nibble out of her food, she decided that she couldn’t sit there without knowing what was going on with you. She took a big gulp of water before standing up from the table, food barely touched. “Uh, I gotta go.”

“Oh,” Her teammates looked at each other cautiously. Ingrid carefully asked, “Alexia, are you sure you’re okay?”

Alexia gave a tight-lipped smile before nodding. “Yeah, just… not hungry.”

Ingrid, who had heard Alexia’s stomach rumble a while ago, didn’t believe her one bit but figured it would be best for Alexia to go on and find you. “Oh okay,” She said. “If you need anything, you know where to find us.”

Alexia gave a thankful look before leaving the cafeteria. The hallways were quite empty save for a few students returning back to their dorms. Alexia figured the best place to find you was back in your dorm room but as soon as she opened the door to your room, it was dark and empty. 

She sighed, walking aimlessly through the dorm building and the common rooms. She grew even more weary once she got to the library and found no trace of you. 

Fuck, where could she even be?

She paused. Suddenly, a familiar freshman passed by. She knew the girl from all the times she’d knock on your dorm room, asking to talk to you for some spiritual guidance. Alexia briskly walked towards the girl. “Anna.” 

The freshman turned around. She seemed shocked. “Oh, Alexia.” She said. “You scared me.”

Alexia looked at her apologetically. Perhaps, it wasn’t such a good idea to startle the kid in the middle of a dark hallway but she needed to find you as soon as she could. “Uh, have you seen Y/N anywhere? She skipped dinner.”

Anna nodded. “I came over to your room to ask advice about something but she said she had to go pray. Maybe in the chapel?”

Alexia peered out the windows, seeing that it was raining outside. “The chapel? Across the field?” She asked as if there was any other chapel. 

The freshman nodded. “Yeah… or the prayer room?” 

Alexia shook her head. “I was just there and she’s not there.” She bit her lip. “Okay, thank you, Anna.”

Alexia grew increasingly worried as she heard the thunderstorm worsen outside the dorm windows. Her heart started beating harder against her chest when she reached your shared room to find you’ve left behind your umbrella. Oh no, she must be stranded there.

Alexia didn’t hesitate to rush to you, growing increasingly worried about your wellbeing.

Little did she know, Anna’s hunch was right and you were praying at the chapel. However, you weren’t there because you were stranded. You’ve been staying there for hours, trying to avoid everyone and trying to seek for answers.

Answers for what? You didn’t even know. You just knew you were lost and that you needed guidance.

The dim flicker of candles cast long shadows across the chapel walls as you exhaled a deep, shuddering breath, your hands clasped tightly in prayer, your head bowed low. You had been kneeling for so long that your legs had gone numb.

“God…” You prayed out, losing track of things you’ve already prayed for previously. Your voice was soft but it felt amplified by the heavy silence in the dark and empty chapel. “I need you to send me a sign. Anything. I just need you to tell me you don’t hate me for who I am.”

Then, as if on cue, a deafening crack of lightning split the air outside, shaking the stained glass windows. You flinched, your heart racing as you lifted your tear-streaked face to glance toward the altar.

You sighed. “Is that the sign?” The words slipped out, dripping with doubt and hesitation. You felt ridiculous asking for clarification for a sign that might have seemed like an obvious disapproval. 

A lot of the sisters have told you that when you pray enough, God speaks to you with clarity, and at times, it did feel that way. But now, he just seemed… so far away and so silent.

Another thunderous clap echoed through the night, louder this time, shaking you to your core.

“If that is really your sign…” Your voice trailed off, trembling. “Then cleanse all the sin away. Cleanse all wrongful desires and replace it with something more pure.”

You paused as you felt the lump in your throat return for the nth time that night and felt your vision become blurry. “I-if you think what I feel for her is a sin… if I’m beyond saving…” You whispered before wiping your tears away, and speaking more firmly. “Then… the least you can do is take it all away. Wipe her from my mind. Take all of it — every memory, every feeling.”

As you said it, you could feel your heart break at the thought of forgetting Alexia. You could feel the sob you’ve been suppressing bubble up to the surface as you fall to pieces. Your body crumpled, collapsing from a kneeling position to sitting back on your legs. You buried your face in your hands, sobbing quietly, your cries muffled by the storm outside.

You couldn’t speak up anymore, feeling like each thunderclap was God’s way of admonishing you. The still statues of the saints seemed to tower over your crumpled posture, signifying just how low you’ve fallen.

“Please, God,” You cried out one last time. “Just… be here.”

At the moment, you felt so empty and alone in the chapel. However, unbeknownst to you, you haven’t been alone in the past few minutes. You’ve grown consumed by your sobs and your thoughts that you hadn’t noticed that Alexia had been lurking at the back of the chapel, carefully walking towards you.

She hadn’t heard much but she heard enough to conclude that you were here because of her. 

She stepped closer to you, her closed umbrella dripping on to the cold marble. The wind continued to rattle the stained glass windows, making the atmosphere feel even more tense. 

As you let out another sob, Alexia finally spoke up. “Are you praying that God will heal me?” Her voice cracked as she said it.

You nearly jumped at the voice cutting through the silence of the chapel. As you turned, your eyes locked with Alexia, standing a few pews back. It was dim — her face illuminated by the faint light of the lamps and candles — but her expression was clearly pained. Her hazel eyes glistened with unshed tears, her lips parted and quivering as if wanting to stay something but unable to. 

“D-do you think I’m a sin for liking women too?” she asked, her voice faltering. She was trying to sound firm and composed, but the cracks in her tone betrayed her.

You stood up from your kneeling position, walking towards the taller girl. “Alexia,” you said. “No, no — I wasn’t…”

“I thought you—” Alexia’s voice cracked. She looked down, shaking her head, before looking back up at you. “I’m so fucking stupid.”

“Alexia, please.” You reached for her hands, clasping them tightly in your own. “It’s not what you think. I wasn’t praying for that.” Your words tumbled out in a rush, defensive and desperate, as though you could will her to understand.

Alexia took her hand away from you. “Then what was all of that ‘erase all memory of her’ I was hearing?” Her voice quivered, blinking rapidly as a few drops of tears trailed down her face. “I thought… I thought you liked me.”

You reached over to her again, trying to touch her face but she backed away. You bit your lip, pained by the sight of her. She looked hurt. “Alexia, you’re misunderstanding…”

“How else can I interpret that?” Her voice was suddenly sharp, tinged with anger and pain. “What else could you mean? How am I supposed to feel when you’re in here begging God to erase me from your life?”

The emotions that bubbled inside of you made it harder for you to formulate a coherent sentence to explain to her just what you were praying about. “Alexia, I really…” You paused. “I was just asking Him for a sign.”

Alexia released a dry, hollow chuckle, obviously pained. “A sign that what? You should distance yourself from me? Because I’m some filthy homosexual dragging you to hell, isn’t that right?” You winced at Alexia’s tone as it cracked through the heavy air. 

“Alexia, stop—please!”

“No, you stop!” she snapped, her voice shaking with anger and grief. “You’re praying to forget me so you can go back to being perfect little monjita, right? So you can live your pure, saintly life without people like me ruining it?” Her lips curled in a bitter smile, her eyes glassy. “Because your god says I’m disgusting, doesn’t he? That people like me don’t deserve to exist?”

“Go ahead, fuck it,” She cursed, not letting you interject with her voice sharp and pointed. “I’ll stay away from you. I won’t bother you anymore just so you can be the perfect angel everyone thought you were again. I’ll stay away so your life can finally be cleansed from—”

Without even thinking twice, you stepped forward and wrapped both arms around Alexia’s waist, burying your head in her chest as you felt the sobs bubble up again. You clutched her tightly as your body shook. 

Startled, Alexia lost her train of thought and kept her hands to her sides, unmoving. When you looked up, she locked eyes with you and saw so much pain in your face. The tears continued to rush down your face with no sign of stopping. Your eyes were filled with a devastating expression that made her heart pang. 

“Alexia, I’m praying because…” Your voice cracked as you struggled to speak through the tears. “I think I like you… and that terrifies me.”

Alexia’s breath hitched, and her arms moved almost involuntarily, wrapping around you in a hesitant but protective embrace. She held you close, her mind racing as conflicting emotions surged through her. She felt confused as to how to feel because here you were, confessing your feelings just after she heard you pray that you forget about her.

Her hazel eyes searched yours as she pulled back slightly, her hands still resting on your shoulders. You could see the confusion and pain warring within her. “You were asking him to help you forget me,” she said softly, her voice barely above a whisper. “How am I supposed to believe you now?”

You stepped back, your hands trembling as you wiped at your tear-stained face. “Alexia, I…” You swallowed hard, trying to steady your voice. “I was saying things out of fear — out of confusion. This… this is all I’ve ever known,” you began, your voice cracking. “The church, my faith, my beliefs… they were my whole world.”

“And it was fine.” You said before looking up to Alexia, meeting her hazel eyes once again. “Until you came along.”

Alexia looked away from the eye contact, feeling it was too much for her to handle with the fear of dissolving into tears. You bit your lip and continued. “Then now, when I look back, everything that was… it felt wrong.” 

“You… you showed me,” You said, stepping again towards Alexia to touch her hand. “You showed me that I could be happy. Truly happy. Not just because I was told to be happy or because I felt like I had to be.”

Alexia looked up to you again, locking eyes with you again. But, this time, all the frustration was replaced with something else — her eyes misty and her expression soft. “Then why are you here?” She asked. “Why do you want to get rid of what we have… if I make you happy?”

You looked down, carefully holding on to Alexia’s hesitant fingertips. “I’m still afraid… what if…” You tried to choose your words carefully. “What if my feelings for you are wrong? What if we make that mistake and… we suffer…”

You couldn’t say it more tactfully or more carefully but Alexia could finally understand your internal conflict better. She puts a careful hand under your chin, lifting your head up to look up at her as she moved closer to you.

“Why would this be wrong?” she asked, her voice low but steady, her eyes burning with emotion. “Why would loving you — purely, wholly, completely — be a sin?”

You looked up at Alexia, feeling your breath hitch. Your eyes flickered from her eyes to her lips and back to her eyes.

God, you said silently in your head. If this is a sin, strike me with lightning now.

The air between you and the Catalan grew heavier as you both breathed. The silence filled the air with only the sound of the wind howling and the rain pouring on the roof.

You took a deep breath, eyes finding their way back to Alexia’s parted and anticipating lips. 

A pause. A breath held.

Then, suddenly, you were kissing her. Your lips crashed into hers with a fervor that felt almost primal, a hunger that had been building for far too long. Your arms wrapped around her tightly, as though letting go would send her slipping through your fingers, like sand in an hourglass.

Hwr hands found their way around your waist, pulling you closer as she deepened the kiss. Her lips pressed against yours, soft and sweet, yet insistent. She parted your lips slightly, her tongue teasing yours with a delicious mix of restraint and desire. The way your body molded against hers left her yearning for more, craving every piece of you. 

She’s kissed other girls before but nothing quite like this. Sure, it had the same passion and intensity. But kissing you went beyond passion. It was transcendence. 

Kissing you felt like kissing heaven.

You shared the same unspoken sentiment but to you, Alexia tasted like freedom. Her lips against yours just managed to melt away all your worries, all your doubts. With every careful yet firm touch on your waist and hips, it felt like your chains were being detached link-by-link and you were finally able to move unconstrained. 

Suddenly, you felt free.

As you became breathless, you pulled away from the taller girl, trying to catch your breath. You looked up at her, searching her own eyes for a response.

Alexia just smiled at you, letting you catch your breath, before taking your face again — her hands gentle but insistent. She leaned in and captured your lips with hers, kissing you in a way that left your face warm and your mind hazy.

It felt right: kissing her, holding her, being hers. Even for a stolen moment. 

There were still a lot of things for you two to worry about. For one, you still resided within the confines of this institution that would condemn you. But you couldn’t think of that at the moment. All you knew was you were kissing Alexia… and that was all that mattered now.

Inside that cold, unyielding chapel, kissing Alexia felt like soaring towards the sun — a forbidden warmth that melted away all the frigid pain inside you. It was a kind of warmth you’ve never felt in your life. It was the kind of warmth you’ve always craved to feel, without even knowing it.

But even Icarus — who sought to feel that same sensation of the satisfying heat — was undone when he flew too close to the sun. Before he could even realize it, his wax had melted and his wings had unraveled.

And came his devastating descent. 

chapter 2 🕊

a/n: let me know your thoughts. comments motivate me a lot <3

[barcenal999]

valentines day hijack | buddy & monkey: double the trouble

summary: valetine's day plans fall through when buddy ends up crashing leah and elle's romantic valentine's day date night, not that she minds too much about it.

word count: 11617 words

brace yourself lads, it's a long one so i definitely reccommend making a cuppa and getting comfy to read this one

double the trouble masterlist

“Give them to your Mummy,” Elle whispered encouragingly, carefully handing you a neatly wrapped bouquet of red roses. You cradled them with both hands, treating them as the most precious treasure, your little frame bundled up in your favourite red Arsenal dressing gown, “And remember, you have to wake her up gently.”

“I do it Elle!” Your little voice insisted, the excitement was evident as you held onto the flowers with gentle care, donned in your favourite red Arsenal dressing gown as you crept up towards Leah, “Mummy! Mummy, wake up!”

Elle winced, “Gently, Buddy,” She reminded, barely suppressing a chuckle, “I don’t think your Mummy will like being woken up like that.”

From beneath her pillow, Leah groaned, her voice thick with sleep, “I’m way too used to it,” She mumbled, blinking blearily at the sight before her. As her gaze landed on you and the flowers in your hand, her exhaustion melted away, “What have you got here then, Bubba?”

“Red ‘oses, Mummy! For Balentines Day!” You beamed, proudly holding them out.

Leah gasped dramatically, pushing herself up on her elbows, “Wow! You got me roses for Valentine’s Day?” She accepted the bouquet, brushing her fingers over the delicate petals, “I love them!”

“Dey’ red like Arsenal!” You pointed out excitedly as if you’d discovered something groundbreaking.

Leah let out a soft chuckle, “They are, aren’t they? That must mean that they’re extra special.”

You nodded eagerly, bouncing slightly on your knees, “An’ I made ou’ a cardl!” With a flourish, you shoved a crumpled envelope into Leah’s hands, “Ou’ ‘ave to open it now, Mummy!”

“Okay, Bubba, I will open and read it now,” Leah wasted no time, carefully unfolding the homemade card. Her eyes softened as she read the words aloud, her voice thick with affection.

Leah laughed, pressing a kiss to your forehead, “Wow, did you write that all by yourself?” She teased, glancing at Elle with an amused glint in her eye.

“No, Monks’ ‘elped me!” You announced proudly, puffing out your chest.

“I thought she might’ve,” Leah chuckled, pulling you into a warm hug, “I love it, Bubba. Thank you,” She squeezed you gently, pressing another kiss to the side of your head.

“And here’s my card for you, babe,” Elle chimed in, handing Leah another envelope, this one neatly sealed and adorned with a little heart.

Leah raised a brow, smirking as she took it, “Ooh, fancy,” She teased, her voice laced with amusement.

Elle rolled her eyes but couldn’t hide her smile, “Yeah, yeah,” She muttered before leaning in to kiss Leah’s forehead softly, “We’ve also got breakfast in bed for you. Today is all about you, babe. I’ve planned a whole day just for us–and the girls.”

Leah sighed, stretching lazily, “Baby, Buddy has preschool today. And I have training, remember?”

Elle waved dismissively, “One missed day won’t hurt, will it?”

“Not happening, this training session is important ahead of the derby,” Leah said firmly, her tone leaving no room for debate.

Before Elle could protest, the unmistakable sound of violent retching echoed down the hall.

Leah winced, “Monkey? You alright in there, my girl?”

A miserable groan followed from the bathroom, “Your grandchild hates me, I swear.”

Leah chuckled, shaking her head, “You’ve got this,” She told her, “Do you need anything?”

“For this spawn to stop making me feel like death,” Monkey grumbled from the bathroom.

“Oh dear,” Elle frowned, feeling sorry for your favourite person, “She’s not having a good time with this pregnancy so far, is she?”

“No, not really,” Leah admitted.

A thoughtful silence hung between them before Elle suddenly smirked, “You know, I never thought about it until now but the fact I’m practically dating a GILF now,” She noted, letting out a low whistle, “I think I just fell in love with you even more.”

Leah’s eyes widened, “Little ears–” She tried to warn, quickly covering your ears, but you were too quick to ask the important question.

“What’s a GILF?” You asked, innocently.

Leah shot Elle a playful look, “See? Now look what you’ve done.”

Elle bit back a grin while Leah scrambled for a response, “Uhm, well… It’s a word that you don’t need to worry about right now. Now, how about you go and help Elle put those beautiful roses in some water and I’ll go see how your big sisters’ fairing, how about that?”

“Ou’ got it, dude!” You agreed, sticking your thumb up with your signature lopsided grin.

“Good girl, off you go then…” Leah encouraged, failing to bite back a smile, “Wait at the top of the stairs, don’t go down on your own. You have to wait for Elle, remember?”

“I be okay!” You insisted, darting off the bed in a hurry.

As soon as you ran off, Elle leaned in, lips ghosting over Leah’s, “Phew. That was a close one.”

“Yeah,” Leah huffed out a laugh, “My bubba doesn’t miss a thing sometimes.”

Elle grinned, pulling back, “Guess I’d better go sort these flowers out, huh?”

“You should, or you’ll have Buddy running back in here and demanding you hurry up,” Leah noted, knowingly.

Right on cue, your voice called out from the next room, “Elle! ‘Urry up!”

Leah smirked knowingly, “I told you so.”

“I’m going, I’m going,” Elle grumbled, shaking her head, “You Williamson girls– so bossy.”

“Not bossy, it’s more like… strongwilled,” Leah laughed as she slipped out of bed, she grabbed a robe and headed toward the bathroom, “I’m gonna go check on Monkey and I’ll meet you downstairs.”

Elle nodded, watching her go with a soft smile, “You’re a good mum, you know that?”

Leah paused in the doorway, glancing back with a small, grateful smile, “I try my best, but lucky for me, I’ve got good people around me.” With that, she disappeared down the hall.

“Elle, ‘urry up!” Your small but mighty voice demanded, laced with impatience.

“I’m coming, little miss impatient,” Elle chuckled, sauntering out of the bedroom and shaking her head fondly, “Happy now?” She teased you, ruffling your hair.

“I not impatient, ‘ou’re just slow!” You huffed, crossing your arms over your chest, your sass on full display, “Come on!”

Leah padded down the hall, tightening her robe as she reached the bathroom door, “Monkey?” She knocked gently before pushing it open to reveal Monkey curled on the floor, looking absolutely miserable, “Oh, my girl.” She frowned, crouching down beside her.

“I feel like I have the devils’ spawn inside of me,” Monkey grumbled as she felt Leah’s cool hand run over her back, “I swear it– Mum, I feel so horrible. I feel like absolute death.”

Leah’s heart ached for her. She knew that pregnancy wasn’t all it was cracked up to be sometimes, but Monkey wasn’t just dealing with any ordinary morning sickness–this was hyperemesis gravidarum. And it was relentless on the poor girl.

“I know,” Leah soothed, reaching for a damp washcloth and dabbing it against Monkey’s clammy forehead, “But you’re doing so well.”

Monkey scoffed, “Am I? Because I currently just feel like if I move then I might just throw up again.”

Leah exhaled a sigh, shifting so she was sitting beside Monkey on the floor, “That’s the joy of pregnancy, I’m afraid, my girl.”

“Well this isn’t joyful,” Monkey grumbled, pressing her cheek against the cool tile floor, “I feel like my whole body has been taken over. I feel… useless.”

“You are not useless,” Leah shook her head, “You’re far from it. You have to think about the fact that you’re growing a whole tiny human. That’s a full-time job, and a bloody hard one at that.”

Monkey huffed in response, “This is no fun at all. I thought you said that pregnancy was supposed to be magical? It doesn’t feel like it. Not one bit.”

“It is special,” Leah said softly, squeezing Monkey’s shoulder, “But it’s not always smooth sailing I’m afraid. It wasn’t for me, either. And I know it’s even harder for you.”

Monkey didn’t feel the need to respond right away, her hand subconsciously drifting over her stomach, “I just want to be able to feel normal,” She admitted, “I’m so fed up of being stuck here unable to do anything.”

Leah studied for a moment, “Think you’re still up for going to training, or are we calling it?”

“Dunno,” Monkey mumbled quietly, “I just… I usually can push through, but I feel like absolute crap. I know I’ve got that stupid light training plan, but I feel like I barely even wanna move, let alone do any of that.”

“That’s okay if you feel like that,” Leah rubbed her back in slow, soothing circles, “I want you to remember there’s no shame in taking a step back when you need to. You’re not weak. You’re not failing. If your body’s telling you to rest, then that’s what you need to do, yeah?”

Monkey exhaled shakily, nodding though she still looked uncertain, “I’ll think about it…”

“Tell you what,” Leah said, brushing some damp hair away from Monkey’s face, “See how you feel after you’ve eaten some breakfast, okay? There’s no pressure. Just let me know.”

Before Monkey could answer, a loud, unmistakable crash echoed from downstairs, followed by Buddy’s loud squeals of laughter.

“Well that sounds like trouble,” Leah noted, rubbing her temples.

Monkey cracked a tired smile, “It always does when it involves Buddy.”

“And you as well,” Leah teased, getting to her feet, “I’d better go and check out what’s going on. You just stay here if you need to.”

Leah gave Monkey one last reassuring squeeze before heading downstairs to see the chaos in the kitchen.

The moment Leah stepped into the kitchen, she was met with absolute chaos.

“Oh, my God…” Leah’s eyes widened in horror, her once pristine kitchen was the complete opposite, “What an earth… What happened in here?”

“Mummy!” You squealed from where you were standing on a chair, your hands covered in flour while Elle frantically flapped a tea towel over the smoking pan on the stove, “We makin’ ‘cakes for ou’!”

There was a suspiciously large amount of batter dripping from the edge of the counter, and the scene of something slightly burnt filled the air.

“I… I can see that,” Leah said, trying to not laugh at the scene.

“She insisted,” Elle muttered, still battling the pan, “But apparently, it’s not going that well.”

“Yeah… I can see that, too,” Leah murmured, wincing at the sheer amount of mess caused in such a small time frame.

“I did mix all by m’self!” You told her, puffing out your chest with pride.

“You did? Clever girl, Bubba,” Leah said, her lips twitching into a smile, But what happened to my lovely clean kitchen?” She added, emphasised the word with a raised eyebrow, taking in the flour streaks on the counters, the batter splatters on the floor and the bits of mix in your hair.

“It’ ruined now!” You announced, beaming up proudly at her while completely unfazed.

“It is,” Leah said, reaching round to gently lift you from the chair, “And it looks like you’ve got more batter in your hair. I think you might need a bath before pre-school, or I might get some concerning looks today.”

“But I had a baf’ yesterday!” You protested, wiggling in Leah’s arms, “We still makin’ ‘cakes for ou’, Mummy!”

Leah chuckled, “Right, let’s see what we can salvage from this, shall we, my little chef? And then… It’s definitely bath time.”

“We save some for Monks’ too!” You added, excitedly.

Leah’s expression softened, her heart warming at your thoughtfulness, “I don’t think Monkey is up for eating much at the minute, but the thought of that is very kind, Bubba.”

“How’s Monkey doing?” Elle questioned, her tone sympathetic as she wiped her brow.

“Not great at all,” Leah admitted, exhaling a sigh, “I’m a bit worried about her. Would you mind sticking around today? I know you had plans, so don’t worry if you can’t, but I don’t want her alone all day.”

Elle blinked in surprise, “Me?”

Leah nodded, meeting Elle’s eyes, “I know she won’t admit it but she hates being myself herself when she’s sick, and it would put my mind at ease. Obviously, if you can’t then don’t worry…”

“No, no, it’s fine,” Elle cut her off, clearly surprised by the question still, “I can move some things around. I can keep her company. I was just surprised you’re asking me when she doesn’t seem to like me all that much, does she?”

Leah breathed a sigh of relief, “Thanks, babe. I owe you one,” She knew Monkey wouldn’t be thrilled, and despite Elle being kind and patient, she still hadn’t exactly warmed up to Leah’s new girlfriend.

Sure, Monkey was polite enough, but it was clear she wasn’t a fan.

It wasn’t outright hostility–just a quiet, stubborn resistance.

Elle smirked, “Mhm, you sure do,” She whispered, leaning in to press a quick kiss to Leah’s lips.

“Ew, kissin’ yucky!” You scrunched your face up in disgust, “Ou’ can’ kiss my Mummy!”

“Oh, can’t I?” Elle teased, raising an eyebrow.

“Nooo!” You cried, your hands going up in protest.

“But what if I…” Elle trailed off, trying her luck to wind you up.

“No, Elle!” Your little voice shouted aloud, your brow scrunching up in disgust still, “‘Top it!”

“Hey, inside voice please,” Leah gently corrected.

“But Mummy, ou’ bein’ gross. An’ me no like it!” You whined, wrinkling your nose.

“We’re only messing around, Bubba,” Leah said with a grin, before turning back round to face Elle, “Right, I’d better go check back on Monkey. Can I trust you to not burn the kitchen down in the meantime?”

“Rude, I’ll have you know that I am an excellent cook,” Elle huffed playfully.

“Sure, sure, whatever you say,” Leah teased before heading back upstairs, hoping that Monkey wouldn’t kick up a fuss about staying with Elle for the day.

When Leah re-entered the bathroom, Monkey was still lying on the floor, looking pale and exhausted. It was a stark contrast to Monkey’s usual cheeky smirk, and Leah hated seeing her that way.

“How are you feeling, my girl?” Leah asked though she was very much aware of the answer already.

“Like shit,” Monkey muttered, her eyes squeezed shut in discomfort.

Leah crouched down beside the teenager, “So, training’s off for today then, huh?”

Monkey sighed, the weight of her sickness heavy in her voice, “Do you think… Do you think it would be okay if I stayed here today?”

“That’s absolutely fine, my girl,” Leah’s gaze softened, brushing her hand over Monkey’s forehead, “I’ve asked Elle to stay with you–”

“Elle?” Monkey’s eyes snapped open, her expression was immediately sceptical.

“Yes, Elle,” Leah’s voice remained gentle, trying to ease the resistance she could already see building, “She’s the only one available at such short notice. She’s nice, Monkey.”

Monkey huffed, clearly unimpressed, “Is there nobody else? What about ‘Manda?”

“My mum’s at work today, remember?” Leah gently reminded her, “It’s either Elle, or I stay home as well, and I can’t afford to do that with the game this weekend.”

“Sure, whatever…” Monkey mumbled, not exactly thrilled about it, “I don’t need a babysitter. I’ll be fine to stay on my own.”

“Hey, no arguments,” Leah said firmly, making sure Monkey heard the soft but resolute tone in her voice, “I don’t want you to be here alone, not when you’re feeling like this. She’ll be here in case you need anything.”

Monkey didn’t argue, but the look on her face said enough about how she felt.

“Just… be nice,” Leah warned knowingly.

Monkey scoffed, “Oh, please… I’m always nice.”

“Of course you are,” Leah huffed out a quiet laugh before standing, “Right, do you want a hand up? I can’t imagine the floor is too comfy down there, is it?”

“Yeah,” Monkey hesitated, her eyes flickering to meet Leah’s, “I’m… I’m just scared in case I move and start to feel sick again.”

Leah nodded understandingly, her heart breaking a little hating to see her oldest suffering so badly, “It's okay, I’ll wait,” She said, crouching down to be at eye level, “You just let me know when you’re ready, alright? There’s no rush, whatsoever.”

“Right, Bubba, that’s better now you’re all clean again, isn’t it?” Leah said, ruffling your soft curls as you made your way back downstairs, fresh out of the bath and in a set of clean clothes ready for your day at pre-school.

“Me’ smell good now, Mummy!” You declared proudly, clutching Mr. Bear in your small hands.

“You do, much better without any of that batter in your hair,” Leah teased, making it to the bottom step as you did your usual trick to jump off the last step, “Careful, Bubba.”

Elle, watching from the doorway with a cup of coffee in her hand, grinned, “Look at you, trouble, you look so cool. Are you ready for pre-k?”

You scrunched your face up in confusion, “No, Elle. I goin’ preschool!”

“That’s what Elle means, Bubba,” Leah bit back a smile, reaching to grab your coat off the hook in the hallway, “Come here so I can put your coat on, it’s still freezing outside.”

“Why no’ say ‘dat then?” You asked confused, begrudgingly agreeing to wear your coat without much choice in the matter.

Elle chuckled in amusement, “It’s just what we call it in America, Buddy.”

“Dat’ silly!” You insisted, trying to attempt to break free from Leah’s clutches as she tugged your arms through the sleeves.

Leah knelt to zip your coat up, “And don’t forget, Mama is going to pick you up afterwards as well, and you’re going to spend the night at hers’ tonight, aren’t you?” She reminded you.

“All weekend with Mama!” You beamed.

“That’s right, Bubba. You’ll be back on Sunday before the game,” Leah explained to you, “Are you excited about that? You can tell Mama all about what you’re up to.”

“And Ez’ too!” You reminded her.

Leah smiled, “Oh yes, Erin as well. I’m sure they’re both excited to see you.”

“An’ Blu as well!” You mentioned the small pup.

“Oh, well we can’t forget about him, can we?” Leah teased, brushing a strand of hair out of your eyes.

“Nooo!” You giggled.

Leah turned to Elle, “Thank you for sticking around today. Just… keep an eye on her, yeah? I know she won’t admit it, but she’ll be happy you’re here for her when she’s not feeling well.”

“Yeah, I got it,” Elle nodded in agreement, “No offence, but she’s not exactly thrilled about me being here though.”

“I… I know,” Leah exhaled a small sigh, “Just don’t take it personally. She’ll come around… eventually.”

Elle smirked, “Eventually, huh?”

Leah rolled her eyes before grabbing your backpack, “Right, Bubba, let’s go. Do you want to say bye to Monkey?”

“BYE MONKEY!” You didn’t hesitate to yell into the living room where Monkey had now resided too, making Leah wince.

“I… I didn’t mean it like that, Buddy,” Leah sighed, “I meant to go and give her a cuddle, I think she could probably do with one at the minute with how poorly the baby is making her feel.”

“Ou’ said to say bye to her,” You said innocently, before running off, “I go hug her and make ‘er feel better!”

Leah shook her head with a small sigh, “Good girl. Be quick then.”

You clambered onto the sofa beside Monkey, wrapping your little arms around her, “Monks’ I goin’ pre-school now but Mummy said ‘our baby makin’ ou’ feel icky!”

“Have fun, Buddy,” Monkey gave you a tired smile, hugging you back, “I’m alright, the Rugrat is just being difficult right now.”

You frowned and patted your big sister’s tummy gently, “Ou’ ‘ave to be nice to Monks’ now Rugrat, or she’ll cry again.”

Monkey couldn’t stifle her laughter, “That helps, Buddy. Thank you.”

“Buddy, come on, or we’re going to be late,” Leah popped her head around the door to rush you along.

“I comin’ I just sayin’ bye to Monks’ an’ Rugrat!” You insisted from where you continued to sit on the sofa.

Leah shook her head fondly, “Well that was nice of you to do,” She said, her keys looped in her head as she turned to glance at Monkey, “Right, we’ll be off now. Monkey– Be good, don’t get giving Elle a hard time, and babe,” She turned to Elle, “Thank you again for this.”

Elle smirked, “Just remember that you owe me.”

“I’m sure I’ll figure out a way to make it up to you,” Leah teased, subtly.

“Ew, gross,” Monkey scrunched her face up in mock disgust while attempting to cover your eyes too, “Can you two not flirt right in front of us? You’re both, like, so old.”

“Old?” Leah gasped, “Are you joking? I’m in my prime right now I’ll have you know!”

“Sure…” Monkey smirked, mischievously.

Leah ruffled her hair, “Well I’m glad to see some of your usual cheekiness is making its appearance, I was beginning to get worried for a second,” She teased, leaning down to press a gentle kiss to the top of Monkey’s head, “Be good, yeah? Give Elle a chance, and I’ll see you when I’m home.”

Monkey huffed but didn’t argue.

“Right, let’s go, Bubba,” Leah said, gesturing you out of the front door.

You scrambled off the sofa before rushing towards the door, waving excitedly, “Bye Elle! Bye, Monks’!”

With one last glance toward Monkey, Leah stepped out, hoping that Elle wouldn’t have too much of a battle on her hands.

"Mummy! Turn da' music up!" Your little voice demanded, sitting in the backseat of Leah's car as you heard the familiar tune of your favourite song begin to play, "I like dis' one lots!"

Leah smiled,  reaching for the volume knob to turn it up a bit more, "I know you do, Bubba. So do I as well."

As the familiar tune filled the car, you wasted no time belting out the lyrics,  "Norf' London forever, whatever da' weather!" You began to sing your little heart out, before looking at Leah with excitement, "Mummy! When ou’ p'ay game den' dis' song be p'ayed!"

Leah chuckled, concentrating on the road in front of her, "That's right, and you'll get to hear everyone sing it, hopefully in a sold-out stadium.”

You look at her confused, "Sold out?"

"Hopefully, Bubba," Leah nodded in agreement, "It's going to be exciting, isn't it? You'll get to walk out with me, and your little cousin, Henry too..."

"Nuf' talkin'-- Sing da' song, Mummy!" You cut her off, eager for her to join in. Leah obliged but as soon as she started singing, you scrunched your face up in disapproval, "No, no, Mummy. Ou’ are singin' it wrong! I do it better than ou’!"

Leah huffed playfully, “When did you get to become so bossy, huh?

"I just like 'ou!" You giggled cheekily, kicking your feet to the tune of the song.

"Excuse me, little miss!" Leah gasped dramatically, peering to look at you through the rearview mirror, "I'll have you know that I'm not bossy. Who told you that?"

"Monks' did!" You don't miss a beat to dob your favourite person in it, "Ou' are! Ou' always shoutin' at people on da' pitch all 'da time and ou’ look grumpy when ou’ stand der' with 'our hands on 'our hips!"

Leah opened her mouth to argue, then paused, "That's... Well, you know, that's what my job is to do as a captain sometimes."

"Noo," You shook your head dismissively, "Auntie Kimmy is da' captain as well an' she no bossy like 'ou!"

"Yeah... Well..." Leah hesitated, stuck for words, "I feel like I'm being mugged off my own toddler right now," She muttered.

"See? 'Ou so bossy. Even Monks' say so!" You beamed a wide smile.

"Oh, is that right? I guess I'll have to be havin' words with your big sister then, won't I?" Leah joked, shaking her head, “Telling you that I'm bossy. Unbelievable."

You ignored her, moving on to a far more important topic, "Mummy?"

"Yes, Bubba?" Leah replied, curiously as she pulled up to a set of traffic lights.

"When can I see Roo 'gain?" You asked, eager to see your best friend.

Leah smiled as she waited for the lights to change colour, "You'll be able to see her this weekend, won't you?"

"Dats' soooo far 'way 'do!" You groaned dramatically.

"It's just two sleeps, Bubba,” Leah couldn’t help but laugh at your flair for dramatics, “I’m sure you can be patient enough to wait.”

"Still long 'do!" You told her, huffing impatiently.

Leah smiled at your dramatics, waiting for the next question as she continued to drive through the quiet streets.

"Mummy?" You piqued up with your next question.

Leah peered to see you in the rearview mirror, "Hmm?"

"Can we get a pet pig?" You asked.

Leah nearly choked on air, "I'm sorry, what?"

"I wan' get one of 'dem!" You said enthusiastically.

"And where exactly would we keep this pet pig of yours then, Bubba?" Leah questioned, raising an eyebrow.

You thought about it for a moment or two, "In da' garden!"

Leah failed to hide her amusement, peering at you in the rearview mirror, "I don't think that would be a good idea. They might eat the grass,"

"We don' need da' grass 'do! I  could keep it m' room!" You insisted.

"Oh, definitely not," Leah shook her head firmly, “Your room would smell horrible, wouldn’t it? And it would ruin your bed, and all of your favourite toys.”

You huffed, then sat up straighter, "But Mummy, 'ou need to listen!"

Leah bit her bottom lip to stifle her laughter, "I'm listening to you, Bubba.”

"If we get a pig den' it can p'ay in da' Norf' London Derby!" You exclaimed, beaming a wide smile, “Dat’ be cool!”

Leah blinked in disbelief, "I... I don't think that would go down well,"

"Beat da' smelly Spurs, dey' yucky!" You exclaimed.

"Somehow, I don't think that a pig would be allowed on the pitch though, Bubba..." Leah couldn’t hide her amusement any longer, “That would be a bit silly, wouldn’t it?”

You furrowed your eyebrow, crossing your arms over your chest, "Das' no fair. Why no'? It' be good piggy, Mummy!"

"I'm sure they would be, but rules are rules, I guess,” Leah braced herself for your next question as she parked the car in the car park just outside your preschool, and she didn’t have to wait long.

"Mummy?" Your little voice piped up again.

"Yes?" Leah replied.

"G'anddad 'ports smelly Spurs," You stated as a matter of fact, "An' Uncle J do'!"

"That's right, they do," Leah sighed as she turned the ignition off on her car, unsure where this conversation was going, "They chose the wrong team in North London, didn't they?" She joked.

"Uh huh!" You nodded your head, "We hafta leave dem' outside!"

Leah couldn't hide her laughter as she unbuckled her own seatbelt, making fast work to get around to get you out of the car, "Why's that, Bubba?"

"Dey' no 'llowed to come in cos' dey' 'sport smelly Spurs," You scrunched your face up in disgust, "Only Arsenal people 'llowed!"

"I don't think it would be very nice to leave them both outside though, would it?" Leah tried to reason with you as she unbuckled you out of your seat, "It's a bit cold at the minute."

"No matter, dey' can stay out der'!" You told her, determined.

Lifting you out of your car seat, Leah made sure to keep a gentle hold of your hand while she reached to grab your backpack, "But you love your Uncle J and Granddad. You wouldn't want them to freeze out there, would you?"

"Der' fault for 'porting da' wrong team," You didn’t hesitate to hold back about how you felt.

Leah cracked a smile, "Where do you get your ideas from, hmm?"

"Monks' told me dat' Spurs p'ayers are yucky! So 'porting Spurs is gross, too!"

"Of course she did," Leah murmured, shaking her head with an amused sigh.

True do'! I' glad 'ou p'ay for Arsenal, Mummy!"

"I'm glad that you're happy with that, my little Gooner. Right, come on, let's get you inside, I'm already running late as it is..."

"Let' go!" You were excited to go in and play with your friends inside.

Leah smiled at your overall enthusiasm, "Hold my hand when we cross the road, Buddy. It's busy, isn't it?"

"Okay! But Mummy--" You began to speak as Leah peered down with a small smirk spread across her face.

"I think I might change my name, you know?" Leah teased.

You let out a dramatic gasp, shaking your head frantically, "Nooo! Dat' silly cos' 'our my Mummy!"

"That's right, I am,” Leah grinned.

"Den' why do' people call ou’ Leah?” You tilted your head in confusion, “Dat' no 'our name!"

Leah chuckled, nodding in agreement, "It is, but I'm just Mummy to you. That name is reserved especially for you," She told you.

You thought about it for a second, "Monks' calls ou’ Mum sometimes too.”

"She does, and that's okay,” Leah said, pausing as she opened the door to your preschool, glancing at you with amusement, “Right, any more questions before we go inside?"

"Nooo," You giggled, "But I still fink' we hafta get a pig!"

"Maybe we can revisit this conversation another time, hm?” Leah teased in amusement, the two of you walking inside.

“Good morning,” One of your preschool teachers greeted you with a kind smile, “And how are we today?”

“Good!” You beamed up at her, eyes sparkling, “Mummy say we can get a pig!”

Leah’s head snapped toward you, “N… No, I didn’t,” She said completely dumbfounded, as she quickly signed you in for the day, filling out the usual details–her name and contact number.

An’ we gon’ kick my uncle J and G’anddad out cos’ they ‘sport Spurs!” You added matter-of-factly, arms crossed over your chest.

Leah out a breath,  shaking her head in exasperation.

Your teacher chuckled, clearly entertained, “Oh dear, well, that’s quite the plan.”

Leah sighed, finishing up the paperwork, “Just to let you know, Jordan will be picking her up today since it’s her weekend.”

“Not a problem. I’ll let the other teachers know for the handover tonight,” Your teacher assured her.

“Yeah, I get to see Mama!” You grinned, bouncing on the balls of your feet before turning to Leah with a hopeful look, “Maybe Mama will let me ‘ave a pig if ou’ won’t. She’s nice an’ never says no.”

“Oh?” Your teacher smiled, leaning in like she was listening to a very important secret, “Do you have  a name picked out for your pig?”

“Peppa!” You declared proudly, “Den’ we can get ‘nother one an’ call it George!”

Your teacher laughed, “I’m sensing a theme here.”

Leah let out a quiet groan, rubbing her temple.

“I don’t think a pet pig would be such a good idea though,” Your teacher mused, “They might be a bit…  smelly, wouldn’t it?” 

You shrugged your shoulders, “But so do da’ Spurs players so dat’ okay!”

Leah gasped, “Buddy!”

You turned back to your teacher, unfazed, “An’ Elle said Mummy gon’ be a GILF soon, but I don’ know what dat’ means…”

Leah’s eyes widened like saucers and her face went bright red, “Oh my God,” She let out a choked laugh, pressing a hand to her forehead, “Little ears, always hearing things they’re not meant to,” She turned to your teacher with an awkward chuckle, “My eldest is having a baby, you see…”

“Yeah!” You nodded excitedly, “Monks’ keep callin’ dem Rugrat, an’ when dey’ old enough, dey’ can come ‘ere too!”

Your teacher smiled warmly, “That’ll be lovely! But for now, we’re painting today. Shall we say bye to Mum and go find a spot at the table?”

“Yeah!” You eagerly reached for your coat, already halfway out of it, “I hafta take m’ jumper off too!”

Leah winced in deep regret, “I’m suddenly regretting letting her wear her new top…”

You started to rush off, but Leah caught your wrist gently, “Whoa, hold on. I think you’re forgetting something?”

You huffed dramatically, before leaning in and smacking a quick kiss on her cheek.  Then, with a squeeze around her middle, you gave her a big hug, “Buh-bye!”

Leah smiled, pressing a kiss to your forehead before squeezing you back just a little tighter, “That’s better,” She murmured, standing up, “Have fun, Bubba. I love you loads.”

You pulled away, bouncing on your heels, “Bye, Leah!” You called over your shoulder before dashing into the room, leaving Leah frozen in place, completely dumbfounded.

“Here she is!” Steph was the first to notice Leah rush into the changing room once she’d arrived at Arsenal training grounds, running late from dropping you off at pre-school.

“Running a bit late this morning, are we?” Beth teased the blonde.

Leah sighed, rubbing her temples, “Ah, I was hopin’ to sneak in without anyone noticing.”

“Rough morning?” Lia asked, overhearing the conversation.

“I guess so,” Leah mumbled, dumping her stuff on the bench before she undid her shoelaces, “Monkey’s suffering from this pregnancy, and Buddy was full of questions the whole ride to pre-school. She’s got it in her head that she wants a pet pig.”

“A pet pig?” Beth cackled.

“And then she went on to say that she reckons we should leave my brother and dad outside in the cold because they support Spurs,” Leah told them, continuing to get ready.

Katie wandered over, hearing the tail-end of the conversation, “Well our little munchkin ain’t wrong there I guess.”

“Oh, and get this…” Leah huffed, throwing her top over her head, “When I went to drop her off, she called me Leah before she ran off!”

Steph snorted, “She’s too funny sometimes.”

Leah groaned, rubbing her face, “That’s not even the worst part. She decided to tell her teacher that I’m gonna be a GILF.”

The room fell into a stunned silence before Beth completely lost it, wheezing with laughter, “Oh my God, Leah! Where did she even hear that?!”

“Elle mentioned it this morning in front of her by accident,” Leah admitted, exasperated, “She just blurted it out like it was the most normal thing in the world! Her teacher didn't know what to say either and I just felt absolutely mortified.”

“Oh, I’m never letting this one go,” Katie chuckled, shaking her head, “I can’t believe she would even come out with that in front of her teacher! That’s so funny!”

“Oh I can’t wait to see her this weekend,” Lia added, grinning, “I wonder what she’ll come out with next time.”

“I swear, she’s doing this on purpose,” Leah grumbled, “She’s three years old– she shouldn’t even be coming out with this stuff.”

“Well, you know who you have to thank for that,” Steph laughed, shaking her head.

Kyra, who had been suspiciously quiet, suddenly perked up, “Oi, Leah! Where’s Monkey?” She asked, clearly missing her partner in crime.

“At home, she’s not feeling well,” Leah informed her as she finished putting her socks on before proceeding to shove her football boots on.

“Awh, shucks,” Kyra huffed before proceeding to be a pest and attempting to climb on Steph.

“Ah, Kyra! Get off!” Steph groaned, swatting her away, “You absolute pest!”

“So, who’s Monkey at home with now? I’m shocked if you’ve left her alone,” Lia wondered.

Leah finished lacing up her boots before looking at the older girl, “Elle.”

Beth let out a low whistle, “Ooft, wonder how that’ll go.”

“I know,” Leah muttered, “She was already a bit overwhelmed just making pancakes with Buddy this morning, and now she’s got Monkey to handle too. But I didn’t have many options, and I certainly wasn’t about to leave Monkey alone in the state she’s in.”

“Get away, pest,” Steph continued to bet Kyra’s face away from her own, “That bad, huh?” She questioned.

Leah hesitated before sighing, “She spent the majority of this morning huddled up on the bathroom floor. I hate to see her like this,” She admitted, her voice quieter.

Lia frowned, “It can’t be easy.”

Leah nodded, exhaling heavily, “And to top it off, Buddy and Elle attempted to make pancakes this morning. Attempted being the keyword there.”

“Well hopefully things can get only better now, right?” Beth questioned with a faint smile.

Before Leah could answer Beth, her phone buzzed in her pocket. She pulled it out, glancing at the caller ID before answering warily, “Hey, Jords, what’s up?”

“Le, I really hate to do this and I’m so sorry but I’m not going to be able to take Buddy this weekend,” Jordan said, her voice tight with stress, “My mum just called–my dad’s been rushed to the hospital. I need to go home for a few days.”

Leah’s stomach dropped, “Shit. Yeah, of course. Is he okay?”

“I… I don’t know,” Jordan admitted, exhaling heavily, “I’d have loved to have taken Buddy with me, but I don’t think sitting in a hospital waiting room would be much fun for her.”

“Of course, I get it,” Leah said, her tone softening, “Don’t even worry about it, Jords. Just focus on your dad, yeah?”

“I’ll make it up to her, I promise,” Jordan murmured.

Leah shook her head before realising Jordan couldn’t see her, “It’s fine, Jords. This is way more important. Buddy will understand.”

“Are you sure?” Jordan hesitated.

“Yeah, of course,” Leah assured her, “Safe travels, alright?”

Jordan let out a quiet sigh of relief, “Thanks, Le. Give the girls a big hug from me?”

“I will,” Leah promised, “Take care, Jords.”

“You too,” Jordan mumbled before hanging up.

Leah stared at her phone for a beat, sighing before slipping it back into her pocket.

“Bad news?” Lia asked, concern evident in her voice.

“Yeah,” Leah ran a hand through her hair, “Jords’ dad’s in the hospital. I don’t know the exact details, but it’s serious.”

“Shit,” Beth muttered, eyes widening.

“I know,” Leah nodded, “Obviously, she can’t take Buddy now, not with everything going on. She feels awful, but I’ve told her to not worry, but well, easier said than done I guess…”

Steph frowned, “Mate, that’s awful. I hope he’s alright.”

“Me too,” Leah exhaled again, rubbing her temples.

“I’ll text her in a bit and check on her,” Beth added.

Lia hesitated before remembering something, “Wait… Don’t you and Elle have plans tonight? Valentine’s date night?”

Leah’s eyes widened in realisation, “Oh, shit– I completely forgot!”

“What are you gonna do?” Beth asked.

“I… I don’t know,” Leah admitted in a bit of a panic, “I mean, I could ask my mum, but that means rushing Buddy back from preschool, and it’s just a hassle… Shit, I’m gonna have to cancel.”

“No, don’t be daft. I’m free tonight– I can babysit if you want,” Beth offered casually.

Leah blinked, “You wouldn’t mind? What about plans with Viv?”

“Viv’s in Manchester. It’s just me and Roo tonight,” Beth reassured her, “What’s easier–us coming to yours, or Buddy staying with us?”

Leah thought for a moment before deciding, “Would you mind coming to mine? It’s not just Buddy I’m worried about–Monkey’s been so unwell, and I don’t want to drag her out of the house.”

“Not a problem. Just let me know what time,” Beth agreed easily, “I know that Roo will be so excited to see her cousins.”

“Yeah, Buddy was asking me about when she would see Roo on the way to preschool, so she’ll be ecstatic,” Leah told her blonde friend.

“Auntie Bethy to the rescue, eh?” Steph teased.“More like life saviour,” Leah muttered, already feeling a little lighter.

Leah sighed as she pulled into the preschool car park, feeling a sense of deja vu as she rubbed her temples. At least she wouldn’t have to endure another awkward encounter with your teacher after what you had said this morning.

That was a small win.

Stepping inside, she scanned the room for you, only to be met with a frown instead of your usual excited greeting.

“What ou’ doin’ ‘ere?” You questioned, tilting your head to the side, “S’posed to be Mama’s weekend!”

Leah crouched down, brushing a stray curl from your face, “I know, Bubba, but there’s been a slight change of plan. Granddad isn’t very well so Mama has had to go see him.”

“G’anddad not feelin’ good?” You repeated, confused.

“That’s right,”

“Why I no go wif’ her? I wan’ see G’anddad,”

“Not this time I’m afraid, but there’ll be other times, won’t there?”

You pursed your lips, processing the information. Then as if remembering something far more important, you gasped and grabbed at Leah’s arm.

“Mummy, ‘ook! ‘Ook, ‘ook, ‘ook!” You tugged at Leah’s trouser leg, “I got a poorly knee, jus’ like ou’ now! See? No football for me!”

Leah blinked in surprise as you proudly lifted your trousers slightly, revealing a small but dramatic-looking graze on your knee, covered by a Peppa Pig plaster.

“Oh, Bubba,” Leah cooed, smiling softly, “What happened?”

You puffed out your chest, “I falled over outside. But it’ okay do’ I was b’ave, Mummy! I didn’ cry!”

“You didn’t?” Leah chuckled, pressing a light kiss to your forehead, “Brave girl, Bubba. Though, I think I still win. My knee was a bit worse than yours, don’t you think?”

You hummed, tapping your chin in thought before shaking your head, “Nuh-uh. Mine’s worser.”

“Oh is that right?” Leah laughed, scooping you up onto her hip, “Right then, little miss Drama Queen, let’s get you home.”

“I home again! I ‘ere!” You shouted, barreling through the front door without a care in the world. The sound of your voice immediately alerted Tater-Tot, who came rushing toward you, barking excitedly, "Ello' Tate-Tot!" You giggled, dropping to your knees to greet the excited pup.

"Quietly, Bubba," Leah hushed, wincing at your sheer volume as she followed you inside, "Monkey might still be asleep."

You gasped dramatically, "Still? Monks' bein' lazy!"

"She's carrying a baby, and it's hard work doing that," Leah chuckled, shutting the front door behind you both, "She's allowed to be a little bit lazy on this occasion."

Before you could respond, Elle appeared in the hallway hearing to noise you were making.

"Well hello there, I thought I heard your voice, little miss," Elle teased,

"Ello' Elle!" You beamed a smile at the American woman who appeared in the hallway, "I 'ere!"

Elle smirked, exchanging a confused glance with Leah, "What happened? I thought Jordan was having her tonight..."

Leah exhaled a sigh, rubbing her forehead, "There's been a slight change of plans. Luckily, Beth is coming round with Roo to keep an eye on both of the girls so we can still go out."

"I see," Elle nodded in understanding, "Well, I'm going to head back home to get ready for our date night and you can tell me what happened," She exchanged a brief kiss with Leah before she slipped her coat on.

Leah hummed in agreement, "And you can tell me all about how you're day went with my eldest," She grinned, eager to know how it went, "I'll see you in a bit. Pick you up at 6?"

"It's a date," Elle winked, heading out the front door, "See you later, Buddy!"

You waved to the woman, "Bye, Elle!"

Just as Elle left the house, Leah caught your wrist gently before you attempted to zoom off into the living room, "Ah, ah. Shoes off before you run into the living room," She told you.

You huffed dramatically but obeyed, attempting to take the off yourself, "I can' do it!" After a few seconds of struggling, you flopped down on the bottom step with an exaggerated whine, "Mummy! I need 'elp with them. Ou' do it. Dey' too hard!"

Leah crouched down, expertly undoing the velcro straps before placing your trainers neatly by the door, "That better?" She teased.

"Much better. Thank ou' very much!" You said, nodding in satisfaction before springing to your feet and racing into the living room, "Monks' I 'ere!"

Monkey groaned, lifting her head from the sofa cushion, "I know, I can hear you from outside," She muttered, sarcastically.

Giggling, you scrambled to sit on the sofa, all but collapsing against her, "I tired now."

"Must be a hard time being at preschool all day?" Monkey smirked, ruffling your hair.

"It hard!" You pouted, slouching and making yourself comfy against your favourite person, "An' I got a poorly knee. I jus' like Mummy now! I even got a p'aster!"

Monkey gasped, eyes widening in mock horror, "What? No way! Lemme see?"

You rolled your trouser leg up slightly and pointed dramatically at the Peppa Pig plaster, "See? I no play football now. Jus' like Mummy!"

"Ooft," Monkey let out a low whistle, "That does look bad. I reckon we'll have to chop your leg off, you know?"

"What? Nooo!" Your eyes widened in sudden fear, darting to look at Leah who had just walked into the living room, "Mummy, I no want it to be chopped off! I no wan' that!"

"What?" Leah asked confused about what was going on.

"Monks' said she might 'ave to chop m' leg off, but I don' wan' dat'!" Your bottom lip wobbled and you were near the point of tears, "Don' let her chop it off, Mummy!"

Leah shot Monkey an unimpressed look, "Monkey," She said warningly.

"It was too easy," Monkey grinned, holding her hands up in mock surrender.

Leah tutted, shaking her head, before she turned to look at you, "Monkey was only messing around with you, Bubba. She doesn't mean that," She assured you.

You still continued to look at Leah with wide eyes, "No chop it off?"

"Nobody's chopping your leg off, Bubba," Leah confirmed the sentence, mock-glaring at Monkey, "Don't say things like that to her. You know she takes it literally."

It was your turn to glare at Monkey before using your small hand to hit her on the arm, "Mean Monkey!"

"Ow," Monkey whined, rubbing the spot on her arm where you hit her, "No, Buddy--Mum! She's hitting me!"

"Hey, no," Leah was quick to de-escalate the situation, fixing you with her 'Mum' look, "Buddy, no, we don't hit."

"She bein' mean do'!" You whined, continuing to glare at Monkey.

"Monkey was being silly," Leah explained gently, "But it doesn't make it okay to hit her, alright? You know that we don't hit."

You furrowed your eyebrows, "Even when she's bein' a meanie?"

"Yes, even when she's being a meanie," Leah agreed, before looking at your favourite person, "Your big sister is a wind up sometimes, but she'll stop now, won't you?"

"Yeah, yeah," Monkey huffed, her fun being spoilt, but it was nice for Leah to see her usual cheekiness make an appearance again, "I thought Buddy was going to Mama's this weekend?" She asked, just as confused as Elle was.

Leah's expression softened slightly, "Granddad's in the h-o-s-p-i-t-a-l," She spelt out carefully, avoiding the actual word so you wouldn't get scared, "Mama had to go home to be with him."

Monkey's smirk vanished instantly, her eyes widening in concern, "What happened?"

Leah hesitated, glancing between you and Monkey. She didn't necessarily want to panic either of you, but she also wasn't quite sure what to say, "Mama's gone to be with him," She said carefully, keeping her voice steady, "I'm sure it's nothing serious..."

Monkey's frown deepened, "But if it's not serious, why'd she have to go back so quickly?"

Leah swallowed hard, "Nothing gets past you sometimes, does it?" She joked, trying to keep the conversation light, "She just wants to be there. You know what she's like."

Monkey didn't look at all convinced but nodded slowly. Leah could see the gears turning in her head, the same way she always did when she was worried but trying not to show it. And you--well, you were still half-clinging to Monkey, your little brow furrowed in confusion.

"I make a card for G'anddad to make him feel better!" You declared.

"I'm sure he will love that, Bubba," Leah smiled softened as she opened her arms, "C'mere, you two."

Monkey barely had time to react before Leah pulled both of you into a tight hug, squeezing you close. You weren't keen on it, trying to wriggle to break free while Monkey melted in Leah's embrace, her head resting against Leah's shoulder.

"Mummy, ou' squeezin' me too tight!" You whined, trying to get out of her reach.

"This hug is a special one from Mama," Leah murmured, pressing a kiss to the top of your head.

You blinked up at her, puzzled, "Why a hug from Mama?"

Lea forced a small smile, trying to keep her own emotions in check, "Well, because she misses you both so much," She said softly, her arms tightening around you both, "And she wanted me to squeeze you extra tightly."

You continued to wriggle in Leah's arms, "Squeezy hug!"

Leah laughed, but Monkey wasn't fooled. She didn't say anything, just hugged Leah a little tighter. Leah exhaled slowly, rubbing soothing circles on both of your backs.

"Alright," Leah murmured after a moment, "Auntie Beth and Roo are coming round tonight so who wants pizza for dinner?"

Your eyes lit up at them words, "Me! Me! I wan' pizza!"

"Of course you want it," Leah grinned, brushing a stray strand of hair out of your face, "Monkey, you feeling up to eat now?"

Monkey shrugged her shoulders, "I guess so. The baby has stopped me makin' me feel like crap, finally."

Your eyes widened as you dramatically gasped, "Ou' swore, Monks'!"

"Bite me, you little worm," Monkey grumbled, rolling her eyes.

"I no a worm! Dat' mean!" You huffed, glaring back at your older sister.

Monkey smirked, "You look like one."

"No, I don'--" You started to speak until you're cut off.

"Girls, enough," Leah looked between you with a pointed look, "Just one day. One day were you two don't argue, that's all I'm asking for."

"She started it," Monkey mumbled, "Why is Beth comin' round? I can take care of Buddy by myself!"

Leah scoffed, shaking her head, "Absolutely not."

"You don't trust me?" Monkey pretended to act faux-offended.

"Nope, not one bit," Leah didn't hesitate to agree, playfully poking her on the nose, "You've been feeling rotten all day, and I'm not taking any chances. I don't want you to be left on your own."

Monkey huffed, "Do I have a say in this?"

Leah gave your favourite person a pointed look, "Just spare me the peace of mind this time, please?"

"Fine," Monkey reluctantly agreed, slumping her shoulders.

"Monkey! That'll be Beth and Roo--Can you let them in please?" Leah called from upstairs where she was finishing getting ready, leaving your big sister the task to answer the front door.

There was no response.

Leah finished adjusting her earrings, "Monkey?"

Still, nothing.

"Forget it, I'll just do it myself," Leah muttered to herself, standing up from the dressing table and heading down the stairs, "Monkey? Did you not hear me shoutin' you?"

"Huh?" Monkey blinked up at her, sprawled out on the sofa, absentmindedly scrolling her phone while you sat at your little table, crafting the perfect get-well-soon-card for Jordan's dad.

Leah exhaled a sigh, shaking her head, "Never mind," She headed for the front door, opening it just as an excited Rory practically launched herself forward.

"Auntie Le! Auntie Le!" Rory squealed, throwing her arms around Leah's waist, "Where's Buddy?"

"Hiya, Roo!" Leah crouched down, engulfing the five-year-old in a quick hug, "She's in the living room, just go on through."

Rory didn't need to be told twice, dashing off into the living room to find you.

Beth lingered in the doorway, smirking as she eyed Leah up and down, "Wit woo, don't you scrub up well. I bet Elle doesn't realise how lucky she is."

"Oh, stop it," Leah chuckled, but her cheeks tinged red all the same, "Thanks again for tonight. You're a life saviour!"

"Eh, what're Aunties for?" Beth grinned, waving her off, "I know you would do the same for me if I needed help, besides, who can resist hanging out with my two favourite nieces?" She asked, walking into the living room.

"Personally I'd prefer Wally," Monkey piped up into the conversation with a cheeky grin on her face.

"Rude," Beth gasped in mock offence, "I'm glad to see you're feeling better. Your mums' been frantic about you all day," She told her.

"I'm alright, it's just my delightful child makin' me feel proper miserable and sick," Monkey groaned, resting a hand on her belly, "My own fault, ain't it? Should've known better..."

Beth chuckled as she patted her on the shoulder, "We live and learn by our mistakes. This baby will be the making of you, I'm sure!" She insisted, grinning, "So, have you thought of any names yet?"

"Oh yeah, sure. Devil child, Spawn of Satan, Gremlin, and my personal favourite, Rugrat," Monkey smirked playfully, "Which do you like the best?"

Leah shot her a look, "Monkey."

Beth just laughed, shaking her head.

Leah checked the time, "Right, I'd better head off and pick up Elle--"

Before she could finish, you looked up from where you were busy making the card, "Where ou' goin', Mummy?"

"Me and Elle have dinner plans tonight, remember, Bubba?" Leah reminded you gently, crouching down to meet your level.

"An' me come too?" You looked at her somewhat hopeful.

"No, Bubba. It'll just be me and Elle tonight," Leah shook her head in disagreement, "but you're going to stay here with Monkey, Auntie Beth and Roo, that'll be fun, won't it?"

Your face immediately dropped, "No! I wan' come wif' ou'."

"You can't tonight, Bubba," Leah tried her luck, but you weren't having any of it.

"Nooo," You whined, dragging out the word as your eyes filled with tears, "P'ease Mummy. I wan' stay with ou'. I wan' come!"

Leah exhaled a sigh, already knowing she was fighting a losing battle. She rubbed a hand over her face before releting, "Okay, you can come with me, Bubba."

As she grabbed her phone, she sent a quick text to Elle.

Going to be running a bit late to pick you up, babe. I'll explain when I get there x

Elle's reply came through fast.

No problem. See you when you get here ❤️

Leah pocketed her phone and looked down at you, who now sat happily on the floor, none the wiser to the chaos you were about to bring to dinner.

Now she just had to make sure that you didn't cause too much chaos at the restaurant...

Easier said than done.

"Let's just hope that the fancy restaurant has chicken nuggets now, eh?" Beth joked, amusement clear in her voice.

"That's the least of my worries,"Leah huffed, running a hand through her hair, "Right, Bubba, we need to choose something for you to wear--quickly."

"I wan' match with ou'!" You said determinedly.

Leah exhaled but smiled, "Okay then, that's simple enough. Let's go and see what we can find," she rushed you upstairs into your room to find an outfit that was somewhat similar to her own before helping you get changed.

"I 'ook like ou' now, Mummy!" You giggled, twirling around.

"You do, don't you? My little mini-me," Leah grinned, pressing a quick kiss to your forehead, "Right, come on--say bye to Auntie Beth, Roo and Monkey and then we need to get goin' to go and pick Elle up."

"Buh-bye!" You chirped, waving enthusiastically.

"Good luck," Beth called after Leah with a smirk.

Leah let out a dry chuckle, "Thanks I might need it," She glanced at Monkey, giving her a pointed look, "And thanks again for being here... Monkey might not admit it but she does need people around her."

"It’s okay Auntie Le I will give Monkey lots of cuddles!" Rory declared proudly.

"Thank you, Roo, you're the best girl," Leah smiled, ruffling Rory's curls before giving Monkey one last look firm look, "Don't give Beth a hard time. Order whatever you want on my card--just don't go too wild."

Monkey smirked, watching Leah and you walk out the front door, "No promises."

An hour later than Leah should have been, with a quick stop at the florist on the way, Leah finally pulled up outside Elle's flat. She gave the horn a quick beep to let her know she was outside.

Originally, she'd planned to get out and hand Elle the bouquet herself, but that was a little tricky now--with you happily settled in the backseat, swinging your legs and humming along to the music.

"Mummy?" You piped up as the previous song ended, "Can we listen to Norf' London Forever again?"

Leah sighed but smiled, "Okay, Bubba."

The familiar tune started up again, and within moments, Elle appeared at her front door, making her way toward the car.

"Hello, babe," Elle greeted, leaning down slightly as Leah rolled down the window.

"Hi, love," Leah offered an apologetic smile before leaning over to unlock the door, "Sorry I'm a bit late..."

Before Elle could respond, your little voice piped up from the back, "Hi, Elle!" You chirped, waving your hand excitedly.

Elle blinked in surprise, turning her head toward you, "Hi, little miss."

You beamed, practically bouncing in your seat, "I'm comin' to dinner wif' ou' and mummy!" You pointed proudly at your clothes, "Me an' Mummy matchin' too!"

Elle playfully gasped, "Are you? Wow!"

Leah gave Elle another small, sheepish chuckle, "I'm sorry. There were almost tears as I was about to leave, and well, I just thought this would be easier."

Elle slid into the passenger seat with a grin, waving Leah off, "Babe, it's fine. I get it. You have kids--These things happen. It'll be fun to have a little dinner guest tonight."

Leah exhaled in relief, "Yeah, I... I guess so," She gestured to the bouquet sitting beside her, "I got you flowers. Would've come to the door, but, well..." She tilted her head toward the backseat with a knowing smirk.

Elle glanced at the bouquet and smiled, leaning over to press a quick kiss to Leah's cheek, "I appreciate the thought either way," She paused, turning back around to face you, "Now, miss Buddy, what's it gonna be tonight? Nuggets or spaghetti?"

Leah groaned, already knowing the answer.

"Spaghettiiiii!" You cheered, throwing your hands up in the air.

Elle laughed, "Let's hope they have colouring sheets in the restaurant."

Leah could already tell--this was going to be a very eventful dinner.

“Elle! Ook at m’ picture!” You exclaim, glancing at the American woman in excitement, “See? It’ a dino’daur!”

Elle leaned in, eyes widening in mock amazement, “Wow, that’s some great colouring in, little miss. It’s very purple. Is that your favourite colour?”

“Nooo. M’ favourite colour is red!” You declared proudly.

“Really? No surprise there,” Elle smirked, glancing at Leah, “I wonder why, huh?”

Leah rolled her eyes but grinned, “Takes after me, of course…” She took a bite of her food before shifting the conversation, “So, how was it, just you and Monkey?”

Elle winced, "Well... It wasn't terrible."

Leah groaned, already bracing herself, “Oh, God. I’m so sorry if she was rude or difficult–I told her to be nice. I swear, that girl sometimes–”

“We watched Shrek,” Elle interrupted simply, cutting up a piece of her dinner.

Leah blinked, “Oh?”

“Yeah. She seemed really set on watching it, and who am I to deny a Shrek marathon?” Elle teased, shrugging her shoulders as she popped a forkful of food in her mouth.

Leah squinted, “Wait. So she actually sat through all of them with you?”

“Yep,” Elle agreed.

“What? All four?” Leah questioned, raising an eyebrow.

“Uh-huh,” Elle smirked, “And wow. I did not realise she knows every word by heart.”

Leah sighed but chuckled, “Yeah… she’s been obsessed since she was, like, nine. Probably even before that.”

“Monks’ loves Shrek!” You perked up, beaming.

“Does she?” Elle gasped playfully, “Well that is good to know. I guess I’ve got an easy gift idea for her birthday then. When is it?”

“Not until May,” Leah answered, taking a sip of her drink.

Elle nodded, filing that way, “A couple of months, then. And what about you, little miss Buddy? When’s your birthday?”

“I don’ know,” You frowned, tongue poking out slightly as you focused on your picture, “I don’ remember…”

Leah smiled knowingly, reaching over to brush a stray strand of your hair out of your face, “Yes you do, silly. It’s in April, isn’t it?”

Your eyes lit up, “Oh yeah! I wan’ a fishy!”

Elle raised an eyebrow, glancing between you and Leah, “A fishy?”

Leah looked just as surprised about your words, “This is the first I’ve heard about it.”

“I wan’ a fishy!” You nodded enthusiastically, “An’ I call it… Fishy!”

“That is very original,” Elle grinned.

“I think you’re looking for the word… Creative,” Leah murmured, amused.

Elle leaned forward slightly, “And how old are you going to be this birthday?”

“I be four! I be a big girl!” You straightened in your seat, puffing out your chest, “Monks’ said when I four I can hold Rugrat when she’s born!”

“Oh, is that right?” Elle smiled in amusement.

You nodded fastly, “Uh huh! I be a big girl!” You insisted.

Leah nodded, “That’s right, Bubba, and you’ll be starting primary school this year.”

“Yeah!” Your excitement doubled, “I goin’ big school!”

Elle chuckled, “Big girl indeed.”

“Don’t remind me,” Leah sighed dramatically, “Feels like she was just a baby yesterday. Now she’s asking for a fish named… Fishy.”

“Well, hey, at least she knows what she wants,” Elle smirked, shrugging her shoulders, “A fish is easy enough, right?”

Leah scoffed, “You say that now, but give it a few weeks– I’ll be the one feeding it, cleaning the tank, and making sure it doesn’t die.”

“Nooo!” Your brows furrowed in determination, “I won’ forget, Mummy! I be a big girl. I look after Fishy all m’self!”

Elle nodded solemnly, “Well I don’t know about you,” She glanced at Lea briefly, “But I think that sounds very responsible, little miss.”

Leah snorted, “Try saying that when she’s demanding spaghetti for every meal and refusing to go to bed.”

“I like dis’ ‘ghetti. it so yummy!” You exclaimed, poking at your half-eaten plate.

“I can tell with how much you have around your face, Bubba,” Leah joked, reaching for a napkin to wipe your face, looking at Elle, “So, besides Monkey forcing you into a Shrek marathon, was she… okay?”

“Yeah, I think so,” Elle hesitated before nodding, “She was really quiet at first–Like, barely said a word. But once Shrek started, she didn’t stop talking. She’s passionate about it, huh?”

Leah smiled softly, “Always has been. I was wary about leaving her… She doesn’t open up to people easily.”

“I wasn’t expecting to say too much to me to be honest,” Elle admitted quietly, “But she’s alright, y’know? I get why she’d be guarded, but… She’s a good kid.”

“Yeah, she is,” Leah exhaled, nodding, “She’s been through a lot. But from the moment I met her… I just knew. She’s mine.”

Elle’s expression softened, “She’s lucky to have you as her Momma. They both are.”

Leah glanced down, almost bashful, “Thank you.”

“Mummy! Elle! ‘Ook! Dino’daur all done!” You exclaimed, holding up your masterpiece with bright, eager eyes.

Leah gasped dramatically, clapping her hands, “Wow, Bubba. That is so amazing!” 

Elle nodded enthusiastically, “That’s great, little miss!”

“We’ll put it on the fridge when we get home so everyone can see, yeah?” Leah suggested with a genuine smile on her face.

Your whole face lit up as you bounced excitedly, “Yeah, yeah, yeah!”

Your little body grew heavier as the evening went on, exhaustion creeping in despite your best efforts to stay awake. You fought it at first, shifting in your seat and rubbing at your eyes, but eventually, you gave up, letting out a tiny whimper as you reached for Leah.

“M’ tired, Mummy,” You mumbled, your voice muffled as you climbed onto her lap without any hesitation.

Leah barely reacted, simply adjusting her posture so you could settle against her properly, “I know, Bubba,” She murmured, pressing a soft kiss to the top of your head as she wrapped an arm around you, “I guess that pudding is off the menu then,” She added in a quiet tone of voice.

Elle smiled softly, watching as you rested your head on Leah’s shoulder, your tiny fists clutching a tight hold of her shirt, “Well, I think that’s our sign to call it a night,” She said lightly.

“Yeah, I think so,” Leah sighed, shifting to glance at the time before nodding, “I think it’s time to get my Bubba to bed,” She agreed, rubbing gentle circles into your back.

Carefully, Leah stood up, keeping you securely in her arms as the three of you made your way back out to the car. You barely stirred, already half-asleep as Leah carried you out to the car. The gentle rocking of her steps and the warmth of her embrace lulled you further, and by the time she buckled you into your car seat, your eyes were struggling to stay open.

“Little miss must be pretty wiped out,” Elle slid into the passenger seat as Leah got behind the wheel, glancing back at you with a soft smile, “She’s already out,” She whispered.

Leah glanced at the rearview mirror and smiled softly, “Didn’t even last five minutes,” She murmured.

The drive to Elle’s place was quiet, filled with the occasional soft hum of the music and the rhythmic sound of the tyres beneath them. Leah kept one hand on the wheel, the other resting casually on the gearstick as she glanced at Elle.

“You know, you’ve really won Buddy over,” Leah murmured, nodding toward the backseat where you were fast asleep, “Usually she’s a bit sceptical of people.”

Elle smiled softly, turning her head to look at you, “Yeah?” She asked, her voice gentle.

Leah nodded, a smirk tugging at her lips, “Mhm, I think you won her over with the colouring. You might be stuck with us now.”

“I wouldn’t mind that,” Elle chuckled, reaching over to squeeze Leah’s hand briefly, “Your kids are both pretty great.”

“And full of attitude, too,” Leah snorted, glancing at the rearview mirror again to check you were still asleep, “I reckon she’ll have you wrapped around her little finger soon enough.”

Elle laughed, not failing to hide her amusement, “I don’t think I will mind that too much. She’s pretty adorable.”

The car fell into a comfortable silence again, the warmth of the moment lingering between them as Leah continued the drive, a small smile still playing on her lips.

Leah pulled up outside Elle’s apartment, turning to look at her, “Thanks for tonight,” She said genuinely, leaning over to exchange a soft kiss with her girlfriend.

“Of course,” Elle smiled, “Thank you for letting me hang out with you and little miss. I had fun colouring in,” She teased before nodding towards you, “Get her home safe, yeah?”

Leah chuckled, “Always.”

After Elle disappeared inside, Leah drove home, taking extra care not to hit any bumps that might wake you up. Parking in her spot on the driveway, Leah heard the faint hum of the TV background noise, cradling you close as she moved through the familiar routine of putting you to bed.

“You’re back,” Beth whispered, turning her head from where she was sat on the sofa, Rory was curled up on her lap asleep while Leah looked further into the room to notice Monkey curled up on the other side of the sofa, snoring softly, “How’d the date night go with the gatecrasher?” She joked.

“It wasn’t the worst,” Leah answered back quietly, shifting you in her arms slightly, “Has everything been okay here tonight?”

“Yeah, yeah, it was fine. Roo and Monkey have just been watching movies, I guess they must have not been that good if they’re both asleep,” Beth grinned, shaking her head, “Too much excitement that she fell asleep?” She joked, motioning to you fast asleep in Leah’s arms.

“Definitely,” Leah smirked, peering down at you as you started to stir slightly, “I’m gonna get her settled in bed before she wakes up,” Continuing her way up the stairs to your room, she changed you into your pyjamas with practised ease, tucking you in with Mr. Bear beside you, “Sweet dreams, Bubba,” She whispered, smiling as you stirred slightly, curling deeper into your duvet.

Later that night, as Leah lay in bed winding down, she found herself scrolling through her phone as she landed on the picture from earlier that morning, dressed in your Arsenal dressing gown and clutching the bouquet of roses you’d given her with a sleepy, proud smile.

Within minutes, the comments started rolling in, but Leah wasn’t paying attention anymore. She was already curled up in bed, ready for sleep, knowing that by morning, you would be up bright and early, chattering away as if you hadn’t practically fallen asleep through dinner.

But she wouldn’t have it any other way.

© scribblesofagoonerr

[barcenal999]

some general thoughts, or what NOT to do in a crisis*:

we can all acknowledge that the last 24 hours have been a clusterfuck in many ways, and i think we can all agree that everything that happened today should have been handled differently.

first and foremost, we can acknowledge the pain that daniela caracas has and is experiencing. it's not easy being a person of colour in spain, let alone a black woman and a female footballer at that. there is already coded language in how we speak about black players in our league and any type of harassment or abuse towards her is wrong. daniela felt violated and that deserves recognition. period.

we can acknowledge that mapi acted physically in a manner that was wrong. i'm not going to sit here and argue with internet lip readers as to what was or was not said. but whether the touching was incidental or not, the fact was that it happened. period.

we can acknowledge that there are right wing elements who are using this incident to further their own agenda. they are spinning narratives and putting out messaging to further their own agendas. that's wrong. period.

we can acknowledge that mapi is a person who may face criminal liability and thus her statement was directed under legal advisement. but we can also acknowledge that tone and messaging matters. you can protect your legal rights but still put out a statement that doesn't feed into anger or defensiveness.

we can acknowledge that our favourite players are human and will fuck up in life. but that doesn't mean we shouldn't call them out or demand that they learn and grow from their mistakes.

we can acknowledge that barça waited too long to put out any sort of statement. the club should have turned off its scheduled social media because those posts came off as flippant and oblivious. my personal feelings are that the club should have put out a separate statement first, and not relied on a statement through the player involved in the incident. again, you can put out a statement of concern without waiving any legal rights.

we can acknowledge that this team is at a crossroads and that no matter how frustrated you are in a match, your players need to be disciplined enough not to loss their cool or react in such a manner. and we can acknowledge that there needs to be concrete steps at the club level to address this behaviour collectively as a unit and not to hide it away.

and finally, we can acknowledge that the club has let many of us down today, and we should demand that it do better. period. more to come. 🙏

*i'm writing this from the perspective of someone who works in legal and compliance and deals with investigations all the time. i understand the potential legal ramifications here, but there are much better ways to have handled the situation.

[barcenal999]

Fanfic Masterlist

Ava's world

Ava's going pro

Good punch for a kid

Take the photo

Trouble

[barcenal999]

checkmate: the series

part 1 - you move into your new foster home

part 2 - you want your old life back

part 3 - your first month in your new home

part 4 - it all comes crumbling down

part 5 - the first day of your first chess tournament

part 6 - the second day of your first chess tournament

part 7 - you get your first period

part 8 - you find out what mapi is like when she’s angry

part 9 - ingrid finds your chess board

part 10 - you visit your parents graves

part 11 - you're sick

part 12 - you meet your grandmother for the first time

[barcenal999]

My favourite universe, I keep re-reading those all the time

sol and fresa's masterlist

☀️solstråle engen's masterlist ☀️

family line series - all that i did to try to undo it all of my pain and all your excuses all of my past i tried to erase it someone who loves you wouldn't do this

one shots - adjustments and acceptance wise beyond her years contagious to be worthy behave p1 promises p2 unhappy reunions give yourself a reason alone. take care

study buddy - part 2

young sol- nerves

🍓fresa putellas' masterlist🍓

before the void; one two three four (coming soon)

filling the void; one (read this first and then any of the before the voids or the rest of the filling the void chapters) two three four five six seven eight nine ten

blurbs;

the roadtrip

dog whisperer

coloring book

show and tell

new best friend

finders keepers

hugs

magic trick

the holiday runaway

sol x fresa

headcannons, moodboards, extras fics- passouts and paperwork

[barcenal999]

everyone better line up and give sweet angel pina a hug after this match and i MEAN that. bbygirl crying broke my heart

also why tf did they zoom in on that?? like she was on the bench let her be jfc.

[barcenal999]

Ava's going pro

Lucy Bronze x Bronze!daughterOC

Summary: Lucy was a teen mom and her 17 year old daughter tells her she's signing her first professional contract with Barcelona

It's set in Janurary 2024

Tags: fluff

Word count: 5k

A/N: I've posted this on AO3 before, but decided to start posting here

Ava made two cups of tea and came up to Lucy, who was sitting on the couch and reading a book. Probably something she would recommend to her later.

"Mom? Can we talk?" She didn't even know why she was so stressed about it. It's not like her going pro was something they never talked about. It's just that everyone always assumed she would finish high school first.

Lucy put down her book, patting the seat beside her, for the teenager to take. "Sure. What is it? A new coming out? You're straight? You're trans? You know you can always tell me, it's not like it would change anything in the way I love you." Lucy was never good with talking about serious subjects, so when she felt one coming, she rambled before Ava could even bring up the topic. "Please tell me you're not pregnant. Please don't make the same mistakes I did. I mean, you're not a mistake. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me..." She would have probably been rambling forever if she wasn't interrupted.

"Mom! Stop! Please. I'm not pregnant. You've been teaching me about safe sex and using protection since I was 13 years old."

"Well you know it's good to teach your kid about protection when they're younger than you were, when you got pregnant with them. It's the first rule of being a teen parent.” Lucy got pregnant when she wasn’t even 15 yet. She was deep in denial, trying to convince herself that she wasn’t a lesbian. Dating an 18 years old boy however, ended with her accepting that she had no interest in boys. 2 months after breaking up with him, she found out she was gonna be a single lesbian teen mom. „And it's good that you're not pregnant. There's already enough people living in this house."

"And who's fault is that?" Ava laughed at her mother and was thankful for her deflection. Being bad at talking about serious subjects was definitely genetic.

"Hey! You said you were okay with my poliamory."

"Yes mom, I'm great with it and I like both Keira and Ona. Can we stop talking about sex and relationships now, and talk about the important thing I have to ask you?"

Lucy sighed, getting herself ready for anything her daughter could throw at her. While Ava took a sip of her tea, the footballer decided it would be safest to put her cup down on the coffee table.

Ava took a deep breath to psyche herself up.

"How would you feel if I played with you on the team? Like, if I signed with Barca?" Her fingers seemed surprisingly interesting in that moment.

"Well, I already assumed that it would be Barça you would be signing with when you go pro. By why are you asking me now? You still have over a year of school left."

"So about that... you remember how some of us from the B team have been invited to train with you a week ago?" She hesitantly looked up at Lucy, and only continued when she saw her nod her head. She was surprised that the only thing she saw on her mom's face was curiosity, which gave her a boost of confidence. "Jona approached me and offered me a first team contract, since my contract for the B team is ending. He said that the details could be discussed when you agree."

Lucy's smile grew as her daughter kept talking. When she finished, she pulled her into a bone crushing hug.

"That's wonderful that they noticed you honey. I don't think you should be asking me for permission. You're almost an adult and I think it's your decision, but I would be thrilled to play beside you.” She took Ava’s face in her hands and directed her to look her in the eyes. „I’m so proud of you. It’s like yesterday you were barely walking and already kicking a ball, and now you’re 17 and signing a contract with the best club in Europe.” She kissed her daughter’s forehead and let go of her face, trying to hide the tears filling her eyes.

So many years of doing her best at raising Ava, having the serious conversations when they were needed, yet she still couldn’t hold herself together. Immense pride filled her every time Ava achieved something new and she couldn’t control her emotions.

„I just want to be sure, that you’re ready for it.” The teenager stayed calm, as if it was her whos kid was about to sign a lifechanging contract, not the other way around. „Everyone will find out that you have me. The fans will know how young you had me.”

„I’ve had years to learn how to deal with the fans.” Lucy couldn’t get used to how mature her daughter has become. „How about we deal with it the good old Bronze way?"

„Tell no one and see how that goes for us? Sounds good to me. I wanna see people freak out and try to figure out our connection. My old teammates would always freak out about things like that. They’d create all of those speculations and conspiracy theories and I couldn’t say anything.”

That’s when they knew the conversation was over. Both Bronze women laughing and already turning on the TV, to watch another episode of Station 19.

When Keira and Ona came home a few hours later, there was a celebratory dinner waiting. Lucy didn’t let Ava help with any of the cooking and didn’t even let her set the table. „We’re celebrating you, so go sit down and put some music on.” She said, when the teen came asking what to do.

Ava was a big music fan and making hours long spotify queues and playlists was something she loved doing. Finding new music and then sharing it with her family was kind of a hobby for her.

„What is that smell?” Ona asked Ava, when she came up to greet her with a hug.

„I don’t know, she wouldn’t let me help, or even enter the kitchen.” Ava shrugged. „But if I was guessing from the smell, I would say she’s making my favourite lemon and chilli shrimp.” The smirk on her face told then, that she knew that was exactly that.

„Lucy! Why didn’t you let your kid help you with dinner?”

„It’s a special occasion! We’re celebrating her. I can’t let my daughter cook her own celebratory dinner.” When the two younger women heard that, Ona turned to look at Ava, while Keira turned to Lucy.

"What did you do?"

„Lucy! You weren’t supposed to encourage violent behaviour!”

They both said it at the same time and this time Lucy smiled sheepishly, like she actually had something to be ashamed of.

To be honest, the last time Lucy made a celebratory dinner for her daughter, was when Ava beat up a homophobe. When she picked her up from school, she told her teachers she would deal with her at home, but instead made a whole day celebrating her. She had to face a scolding from both her girlfriends that day.

„I didn’t do anything!” Ava lifted her hands in surrender.

„Yes you did. You are incredible.” Lucy said to the teenager and then turned to her girlfriends. „We’ll tell you as we eat.” They moved to the dining room and she grabbed an already opened bottle of white wine. “Ava? Do you want some?”

Lucy preferred for Ava to learn to drink responsibly under supervision, than for her to go out and learn it by drinking irresponsibly. She knew that her going out to drink with friends was inevitable, but she wanted for her to know how the alcohol affects her beforehand.

They finally sat down and Lucy distributed the shrimp (Ava was right) equally for everyone. As Ava started eagerly eating her dinner, Ona and Keira looked at Lucy expectantly. They were still sceptical, not sure if what they hear will actually be positive.

“So what’s the news?” Ava put down her fork, to tell them, but Lucy was faster.

“The details have not been discussed with the club yet, but Ava told me today, that she was offered a full senior team contract from Barca.” Both women who just heard the news stood up and wrapped the teenager in a tight hug.

“They said to discuss it with mom and then we’ll negotiate the contract. We’ll probably do the negotiations the day after tomorrow, since mom already called them to set it up. And it’s not like I need for them to pay me much, I’m not planning on moving out anytime soon. I already told mom I’ll contribute to the living costs accordingly, but she told me to save up the money and not worry about it.”

“It’s gonna be so fun to play and train with you!” Ona beamed. “We’re gonna cause so much mayhem.” She whispered in her ear, so that neither of the responsible adults (mostly Keira, neither of them was sure that Lucy could be called a responsible adult) could hear.

Lucy couldn’t believe this was her life. Two beautiful and wonderful girlfriends, who cared for her daughter. Ava starting a professional football career at just 17 years old. All four of them living their dreams in sunny Barcelona.

...

A week later, after Lucy’s morning field practice and Ava skipping out halfway through her school day, they were sitting in a room with a bunch of FC Barcelona officials, some of the coaching stuff. Pen in hand, number 17 shirt with the name A. Bronze on the back, Ava signed her contract. At first Lucy hid behind the cameras, not wanting to be captured by the media team. They also took some pictures with her in them, for later and for private use.

The team had an afternoon gym session that day, that Ava would be joining them on for the first time. They didn’t tell the rest of the team, besides the captains, about her contract, so it was going to be a surprise.

When everyone was finally in the gym, starting their workouts, Ava waited out the door with Jona. She was wearing her brand new training gear, with number 17. The coach entered the gym first, telling her to wait outside. He then got everyone’s attention. It took about 3 minutes, but finally everyone was quiet and looking at him.

“Most of you don’t know this yet, but we have a new player joining us, who just signed her contract.” It wasn’t surprising to have new people signing, since it was the middle of the January transfer window, and players often joined teams before it was announced.” Before I let her in, I’m seriously warning you, not to burn the whole training centre to the ground with her involved.” He pointed at the group of younger players. “I’m talking to you.” He opened the door to let Ava enter. “Everyone, welcome Baby England to the team!”

“Lucy why is your baby in our gym?!”

“Lucy you lost your kid again!”

“A little baby! Can I hold her?!”

“Jona! It’s dangerous to have little kids running around the gym.”

The teasing exploded within the gym, which caused Ava to frown. She tried to look upset, but in reality it made her happy, that she just signed her contract and her teammates immediately accepted her into their group, by teasing her and being annoying. This team was incredibly tight knit, many people bleeding blaugrana (Alexia especially). They were a family, and even though she, as Lucy’s daughter, was kind of already a part of it, now as their teammate she could finally be its actual member.

After about a minute of the room being filled with their teammates voices and laughter, Alexia decided that it was enough of teasing for Ava’s first hour on the team.

“Ok idiotas! Leave the kid be and get back to work. Vamos!" When everybody seemed to return to their own devices, Alexia turned to the teen. "We’re happy you’re joining us Ava and if you ever need anything and want to talk to someone who isn’t your mother or her girlfriends, I’m always there.”

After that, the team got back to their workouts, Jona explaining to Ava what she was supposed to be doing, and leaving them to be looked at by the performance coaching team.

When halfway throughout the session, their phones started to blow up (mostly Lucy’s), they knew that Ava joining the team has been announced to the public, and the mayhem of speculation has started.

The post description stated:

fcbfemeni We’re happy to announce, finishing her B team contract, U-20 England Lioness Ava Bronze has signed a 2 year senior team contract! Welcome to the family!

“Just so you know” Lucy warned everyone. “We’re not saying anything about Ava’s relation to me. We decided it would be funny to let the fans make up their own theories.”

“Idiotes” muttered Alexia, but her face was showing nothing but amusement.

Mapi, who was standing next to her, the two doing their rehab exercises together, burst out laughing.

“I think you mean geniuses!” She got a glare from unimpressed Ingrid.

“I can’t wait to watch all of the theories on tiktok.” Stated Ava. “Or tumblr. That one’s crazy, cause most people there are more or less anonymous. Some of you wouldn’t survive there.” She laughed to herself, thinking about the fanfics and crazy posts she’s seen on there.

“You have to show me.” Stated Mapi.

“I wanna see that.” Jana joined the conversation. “Mapi, can we create a tumblr account for you?”

“Si” She turned to Ingrid, who was already rubbing her temples, with a big grin on her face. “The kids will teach me the internet.”

“You guys, back to work, you can talk when we finish.” Alexia went back to her captain self.

...

Three days after Ava’s signing was announced, before they started their evening movie, she was reading speculation posts on social media. She was going through a post comparing her and Lucy’s characteristics, when Keira looked over her shoulder. (Lucy and her girlfriends usually respected her privacy, but now, they became her annoying older teammates, so the privacy went out the window.)

“How are you feeling with all that social media attention? Did the fact that your private life isn’t so private, catch up to you yet?”

“Nice try.” The teen switched her phone off. “My mom is considered one of the hottest female football players, and most of my friends growing up were women’s football fans. Let’s just say that your friends swooning over your mother, is both hilarious and traumatising.” Keira jumped over the back of the couch and sat next to her girlfriend’s daughter.

“Can’t blame them for appreciating how hot she is.” Ava smacked Keira’s shoulder and the redhead pretended it hurt her. “Okay, okay!” she laughed “What was that post about? I saw your face.”

Ava unlocked her phone to show Keira the post she was reading. “Wow, they’re attentive. I’ve lived with you for like half of your life and didn’t notice that you have the same facial bone structure as her.”

“Most people assume I’m her cousin. Some had the right idea, but quickly disputed it, saying that there’s no way she had me at 15 and managed to go pro a year later. Some people even found some pictures of her with little me.” She scrolled a few posts down, where the post had a picture of the 2009 University of North Carolina soccer team, with little Ava on Tobin’s shoulders. “No idea how they found it and connected the dots that it’s me."

“Some of those people should work for the FBI.” Keira laughed.

“Who should work for the FBI?” Asked Lucy, coming out from the kitchen into the living area, with two cups of tea. Ona walked behind her, focused on not spilling the tea, from her own two cups, that were filled to the brim.

“Some of the fans found some pictures from your UNC days and connected the dots, that the little kid in them is Ava. They’re trying to figure out your connection and some of them are scarily good at it.” Keira explained while the teenager showed them the post on her phone as proof.

With her other hand, Ava took the big cup of tea, that Lucy handed her. She took a sip, gave her phone over to Keira, and stood up to take out their favourite cup coasters from the drawer in the coffee table.

Each of them had their specific coaster.

Keira’s coaster, had a picture of Leah, that she took against her friend’s will. The England captain then gave her the coaster for Christmas, saying that it was so that she would think about her every time she drank tea at home.

Ona’s coaster had a Manchester United logo on it and she used it simply to annoy her girlfriends and Ava. When Ona moved to Barcelona, Lucy wrote “Is shit” below the club name. Still, at least she was sure no one in this household would ever use her coaster. She considered putting the United logo on other things she preferred to keep to herself and everyone kept stealing. Like her half a liter cup, that she drank tea from.

Lucy’s coaster was a part of a mother’s day gift she got from Ava. It had a picture of 18 year old Lucy, holding 3 year old Ava, thrown over her shoulder. A colourful Comic Sans writing said the classic “Best Mom Ever” in the middle. She had in made with her aunt Sophie’s help when she was 11, and Lucy never stopped using it since she got the gift.

Ava’s coaster had a quote from Avatar: The Last Airbender. It said “Sick of tea? That’s like being sick of breathing!” She had a matching tea cup, that had Uncle Iroh’s face on the other side. The teenager watched the show, from start to end, at least three times, so when she saw the set in a store, she couldn’t resist buying it.

Like always, it took them 15 minutes to decide on the film they would be watching. They settled on rewatching Ocean’s 8, since all of them loved it. The hot cast wasn’t discouraging either.

They situated themselves on the L shaped couch. Lucy and Ona sat next to each other, on the wider but shorter part of the lounge. Ava, laid across the longer part. Her head in Lucy’s lap, her legs on Keira’s knees.

It may have been a great movie, but Ava has seen it multiple times already, so despite Cate Blanchett in suits being on the screen, with her mom’s fingers running through her hair and Keira lazily drawing patterns of her bare legs, she was asleep halfway through it.

When she woke up, she was surprised to find herself in her own bed. It was like nothing changed since she was just 5 years old and Lucy would carry her to bed. She may have not known about the kisses that Lucy left on her forehead, as she tucked her 17 year old daughter, into her bed, but she felt a warm feeling in her chest and knew how much her mom cared about her.

...

Every new signing had to do a media video, to show herself to the fans. So a week after signing her contract, Ava had to come to the training facility an hour before practice started. The media team led her to a seat in front of some cameras, with the training field behind her back.

“So, we asked fans on social media, to leave questions for you.” One of the media people (Ava didn’t remember their name and was too embarrassed to admit it) started. “We chose some that we thought were most appropriate. That alright with you?” They checked, in case the teen wasn’t comfortable with answering questions on camera.

“I’m good.” She was given about ten cards with questions printed on them and smiled. “Vamos!” She laughed and the camera stared rolling.

“Hi! I’m Ava Bronze and this is fan questions!” She claimed in fluent Spanish, looking into the camera.

“First question is from Mila.” She read from the first card. “Hola Mila!” She looked back up at the camera and waved. Then, she looked back down and continued reading. “’What is your favourite food?’ I love that question, cause I love food. I love things like ice cream and oat cookies, but for food I’m actually allowed to eat more of than sweets, my favourite is probably one of the only meals I can actually cook by myself, which are shrimps, with lemon, chili and garlic. We usually eat it on special occasions with my mom. She cooked it for me when she found out I was offered a pro contract.”

“Next one is from Reyna. ‘Who’s your favourite football player and who did you idolise growing up?’ Well, since I’m a striker, my favourite player is Ewa Pajor. She’s incredible and I think she’s the most underrated player. I got to meet her at the previous champions league final and she was super nice, even though she was sad cause they lost. My dream is to one day learn the bicycle kick from her. As for the players I idolised growing up. Well, I’m one of the few people my age who mostly watched women’s football and not the men’s. Another striker, Ellen White was always someone I looked up to. I love Tobin Heath, she’s brilliant on the ball and her style of play is very similar to Barca’s tight spaces technique. I was never interested in defending, but I always admired Lucy Bronze.”

“Jake asks, ‘What are your hobbies outside of football?’. Well Jake, I have so many we could make a separate video about them.” She laughed, but the media team noted it for another time. “First of all, one of my biggest, and most known among friends and family is photography. I love capturing the worlds beauty, without changing anything, just showing it as it is. I love traveling, which is kind of connected with every other hobby. I love hiking, rock climbing, mountain biking and sailing. Also, I listen to music all the time and love going to concerts. All of those hobbies include travel, so does football, so that’s a good thing.” She was about to go to the next question, but looked up to add one thing. “Also, I saw the media team taking notes when I said we could make a video about my hobbies, so I’m sure you’ll be seeing more about them in the future.”

“The next question is from Anya. ‘What do you like about Barca and what’s your favourite club team?’ Well, I have two favourite club teams and one of them is Barca. My mom will kill me for saying that publicly, but my other favourite team is Arsenal. She’s not a fan of red English clubs, especially Manchester United and Arsenal. But I love both Barca and Arsenal for similar reasons. Both clubs have this culture of family in football. Like, both of the teams have players who would never leave their team. Their academies are strong and many players grow up to be culers or gunners. There’s this loyalty that other clubs often don’t have. Like, not only for players but also fans. With other clubs, people are often fans of the footballers that play for them and not as much of the club, but with those two, it’s about more than the football. At least that's my view, even though most clubs have their die hard fan community. It’s a whole culture of those clubs that people love and I think it’s admirable.” She took a deep breath and looked down at the badge on her shirt. “I’ve moved a lot in my childhood, so I never had the opportunity to grow up within one club, but there are people like Alexia and Leah Williamson, who bleed their club’s colours.”

Ava answered all of the questions given to her and as she was at the last one, she noticed a few of her teammates making funny faces at her, telling her that training was about to begin. She laughed at them and looked into the camera.

“I can see some of my teammates telling me to wrap this up. Thank you for the questions, they were all great and I can’t wait to see you all in the crowd soon!” The camera was cut and the media team thanked her and let her go with the other girls.

...

Unlike other girls coming up from the B team, Ava came into the first team in the middle of the season and wasn’t there to replace an injured player. The coaches decided to give her two weeks of getting used to playing with the first team in training before they named her on the game day players list. It's not like she had not ever played in the first team before, but it was her first time as officially the senior player.

Her first match was an away game against Sevilla. She started out on the bench, with her mom sitting next to her.

“Stop kicking the grass. You’ll leave a hole.” Lucy put a hand on her knee to stop it from bouncing nervously.

“I think I’m gonna be sick.” Ava said, but her mom knew it was just the stress talking and her daughter wasn’t actually feeling sick. “What if I trip over my own legs and embarass myself? It has happened before.”

“You’ll be fine. You’ve been doing great in training. Jona wouldn’t have put you on the team list if he didn’t think you were ready.” She smiled and waited for Ava to look at her. “We’ve talked about it. You’ll probably come on in the 75th or 80th minute for Pina. You’ll do what you do best and rock it out there. You’re my daughter, you’ll do great.” Ava laughed at her mother’s ego, but visibly relaxed.

Just like always, the team was doing great. Pina scored in the 18th minute and they went into halftime with a 1-0 lead over Sevilla.

Around the 70th minute, when Caro and Salma were coming in for Vicky and Esmee, Jona told Ava, Lucy, Patri and Bruna to start warming up. While they were running on the sidelines, three minutes after coming in, Caro scored a goal and they ran to celebrate with the rest of the bench. Not even two minutes later, Mario added her name to the scoreline.

The time for them to come on couldn’t come faster and at the same couldn’t come fast enough. As she lined up, Ava was starting to panic. She was lined up in front of Lucy and when the ref showed her number in green, she felt her mom kick her in the ass. “You’ll do great. Just go out there and have fun.”

With that, she hugged Claudia, who ran up to her to leave the field. As she entered the game, the whole stress disappeared. Everything went quiet. She had 10 minutes of game time left and she used it wholly.

It was the 89th minute, when Ava found herself at the good end of a beautiful pass from Patri. Without hesitation she took the ball down to her feet, weaved around the last defender and with all her might, kicked the ball into the top right corner. The goalkeeper tried to save it, flying as high as she could, but she just couldn’t get her fingers on the ball in time.

Before she could even register what happened, she was being lifted in the air by Patri and surrounded by all of her teammates. “That’s my kid!” Lucy’s voice came though the ringing in her ears. When she was put down on the ground, she felt Ona put an arm around her and tap her head. “That’s our wonder kid!” She kissed her on the cheek and ran off, back into her position.

Not much happened after her goal. It was the final minutes, so they just passed the ball between each other, waiting for the final whistle. When it final came, a big smile took over Ava’s face. It was like she was high. Scoring a goal in her first game for the first team, coming out on the field with her mom right behind her. Her mom’s girlfriends out there with them. She was surrounded by family and friends. She couldn’t believe how great it felt to be there.

...

It was an evening game, so they were staying at a hotel in Sevilla. They didn’t even get back to the hotel when Ava got an Instagram notification, that Lucy tagged her in a post. She decided not to look at it, until she was back in her room with Vicky. Her teammates had other plans. “Aww, how cute.” “Look at that little face.” “Ava, you were so cute as a kid, what happened?” Could be heard through the coach and she had to change plans and look at the post.

lucybronze How proud I am to be your mom. It feels like just yesterday I was becoming a teen mom, I look back a second later and you’re already scoring goals for Barcelona’s first team. Where did this time go? So proud of you my baby 🥳

The first picture showed a 2 year old Ava kicking a football into a tiny goal set up in Lucy’s parent’s garden. The next one came from an hour before, taken in the perfect moment, when the ball left her foot and was flying towards the goal. There were a few more pictures of Ava playing football through the years, but the first two were most the important.

Five minutes after Lucy uploaded the post, both Bronze women had to put their phones on do not disturb mode, cause they were constantly vibrating with notifications.

While laying in bed, ready to go to sleep that night, she looked back at her day. She was playing football and scoring goals for the team of her dreams at just 17 years old. She had her mom by her side. The team was wonderful. She grew up surrounded by football players and now, she was one of them. This was her dreams coming true.