bardymcbardface

[bardymcbardface]

the problem with modern spell books is that every wizard and mage wants to add a story at the beginning so it seems like their spell has more depth and history behind it but in reality its mostly just the basic level 1 spell you get from the back of the cereal box

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haha hey so what if whenever someone says the phrase "You took the words right out of my mouth" they said Balls instead of Words?

for example, "Balls balls balls balls balls balls balls balls balls."

[bardymcbardface]

lotr but nobody knows anything about the other races

Pippin thinks Legolas is a woman

Boromir is convinced that the hobbits are all 15 max

Everyone thinks that Merry and Pippin are twins, except for Legolas, who is convinced the hobbits are quadruplets

Sam thinks that Aragorn, Boromir and Legolas don't have to eat to survive

Legolas doesn't mention things he sees or hears because he thinks the others have noticed them too and just assumes they have a plan

Pippin complains that he is hungry and Legolas just gives him a handful of grass. Pippin is so confused that he just takes it, and now Legolas tries to figure out what hobbits can eat by just giving them random shit, like

Things the hobbits have accepted and likely eaten later (a list by legolas)

-Grass - Leaves

-Stones - a hair tie

-A feather - one of Gimli's shoes

The hobbits and Gimli just assume that this is what elves eat

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ahh yes. My favourite character.

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One thing you need to know about English is we don’t give a FUCK about the hard letter “T” unless it’s the first shit or the last shit we see in a syllable. Look: Caddle ranch. Putado chips. Conservation. Anthony. I don’o. Cach the bus. Ged addit. Hard “T” is lucky to get noticed in the middle even half the time, and if it’s after an S you can forget about it. Cassel. Lissen. Wesdern. Neglected middle child ass consonant

[bardymcbardface]

I may be working on something...truly unhinged

[bardymcbardface]

Today my wife texted me this, and then immediately called me to make sure I got it because it was “an urgent message”.

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i will start sitting in a clearing holding a small stone and rubbing it with my hand for 10000 years to learn how to empathize with the river bed

[bardymcbardface]

[bardymcbardface]

imagine cloth mother and wire mother in family court competing for custody of the baby monkey