basilgrimbitch

[basilgrimbitch]

you look at me now with that burning cigar hanging out of your mouth and it seems all a lie, what they’ve told me so far

posted this a while ago but it flopped so hard I deleted it... but it’s back because idc and I love it

this was for one of the carry on countdown days, song lyrics

[basilgrimbitch]

In my mind, things go like this: England is tiny. dodie is British. The guys are British. The guys must know dodie songs. She’s great. dodie songs as spells would be great. dodie dodie dodie dodie. She talks about mental health and being gay and love and loss and she’s great. The boys would love dodie. dodie would love the boys. She liked this drawing on ig. This is the song (x)

Also, in my opinion dodie and Rainbow have the same way to talk about love. It’s not all flowers and honey, sometimes they talk about love in a more gooey way. They talk about the cute part of love. The hand holding, the hair brushing… But they also speak about that more visceral part of love. That one that makes you want to open up a vein. That part that wants the other person to unzip their skin and let you have a see. That love that you feel in your stomach. And that kind of heavy heart that pins you down to bed (or the couch)

[basilgrimbitch]

—I’ll Give You the Sun (2014)

[basilgrimbitch]

dev: welcome to the ‘fuck simon snow’ support group, where we gather to say ‘fuck you’ to that pathetic excuse of a magician

dev: but first, a few words from our newest member!

baz, sweating: i think i may have misunderstood—

[basilgrimbitch]

Day Eleven/Twelve: Maniac

I’ve very clearly fallen super behind on the countdown but December is always just so busy. I’m just gonna post when I can. This is a short fic for the angst/song fic prompts. Not my best work but I wanted to write something. the ending is a bit open ended? make of it what you will. 

Words: 2079

Note: the song is Maniac by Conan Gray

No warnings, hope you enjoy :)

_____

SIMON

I walk into the flat and throw myself onto my bed. Can this week just be over? Crowley, I know I’ve had worse. Way worse. I just thought once the humdrum (and my magic) was gone nothing else would hurt this much, but I feel like my heart’s been ripped out, like I’m being drained all over again. That’s why I tried so hard to stop myself from caring so much, placed a distance between us for so long, some kind of wall. But he made me want to break all those walls down just to see him. Now I can’t.

I grab my phone out of my back pocket and start scrolling through Baz’s Instagram because, really, what else can I do anymore? Penny’s at some party with Agatha and well yeah that’s about it. I should go out, do something, do someone. Fuck, I miss Baz.

My phone rings briefly and… oh shit, it’s a text from Baz.

____________

Friday 21/10

Baz <3 [23:44]: Snoww

Baz <3 [23:44]: simoon

Baz <3 [23:45]: i fucked up, fuck fuck fuck ii fuckedup

Baz <3 [23:45]: sory

Read 23:4

____________

Shit he’s drunk. Is he like all alone drunk at home? Or is he out, getting drunk with his friends or minions or whatever the fuck he wants to call them. I don’t know what would be worse. I don’t want to think about this; I don’t want to think about Baz or his hair or his rosy cheeks when he drinks or the fact that I miss him. I can feel the thoughts of him swarm in my head and I try my best to push them back. I used to be good at this. Not thinking. My head is beating like crazy that I can hear the thumping headache.

I decide I’m going to stay in bed and feel sorry for myself until further notice. I put my playlist on shuffle and oh of course, some Conan Gray, it’s like my phone knows I’m not coping with this break up well.

You were with your friends, partying

When the alcohol kicked in

____________

Friday 21/10

Baz <3 [23:51]: u kno wa fuCK YU

Baz <3 [23:52]: this not myh fualt

Read 23:55

____________

My phone is still chiming and the thumping in my head is still going. I go into the kitchen to grab some Panadol and water and the thumping is louder and louder. Aleister fucking Crowley, it’s not thumping it’s the door knocking. What? How? Why? I look at my phone and it’s close to quarter past midnight - and I have six missed calls from Baz.

So, you showed up at my home, all alone

With a shovel and a rose

Do you think I’m a joke?

 Of fucking course. Let me just paint you a picture: Baz Pitch plus London rain along with the drinking attitude of a 50-year-old Irishman and a bouquet of flowers (if you can still even call them that; they’re destroyed.) and of course wearing a scowl that says, “I still broke up with you.” Because the git still can’t get over himself, even when he’s drunk at my door holding flowers at midnight.

I want to slam the door in his face. I probably should. But then I hear myself saying,

“Are you okay?”

FUCK!

He takes a deep breath, “Yeahh, yeah… well no.” he’s slurring his words a bit. A month ago, I would’ve teased him about it and kissed him. Now I just stare at him.

“Why are you here, Baz?”

He thinks to himself for a second, I don’t think he knows. I don’t think he knows what he’s doing at all. But for once I know what I’m going to do.

Cause people like you always want back what they can’t have

But I’m past that and you know that

So you should turn back to your rat pack tellin’ ‘em trash

 “Baz, you should go.”

“But-”

“As long as you’re fine and you’re not driving, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Wow. I didn’t think I could ever do that. He was so gorgeous, Merlin, he probably would’ve let me kiss him.

The next few days are kind of a blur. The weekend flies by and then it’s just work, uni and sleep. That last one is a lie, I don’t sleep very well. I want to say it’s uni stress or its work or something, but I know… I know its Baz.

When Penny starts mumming me about the bags under my eyes and my slumped shoulders, I blurt out a line about how crazy my classes have been, but she just nods knowingly. I can’t keep anything from her.

“Si?” I hear Penny say a bit hesitantly. Penelope Bunce is not hesitant.

I look up at her, confused.

“Have you spoken to Baz recently? Have you been texting him?” I’m sure she doesn’t mean to sound like she’s accusing me of something, but I can’t help but feel like I’m being interrogated. I haven’t spoken to Baz since he showed up at my door on Friday night. Penny doesn’t know about that though; she’d freak out.

“No.” I don’t trust myself to say anymore.

“I just overheard Baz today. He was… you know what never mind, as long as you know what you’re doing. As long as you’re okay.” Penny’s waving her hands at me like she wants me to forget what she just said but there’s no magic in her words so its only bothering me.

“What, Penny? What did he say?” it comes off too eager. But I am! Eager, that is. What is that git saying about me?

Tell all of your friends that I’m crazy and drive you mad

That I’m such a stalker, a watcher, a psychopath

 “He was just saying that you’ve been pestering him to get back together, that you drunk texted him on Friday or something of the sort. And then he… yeah.”

“Then he what?”

“It doesn’t matter Simon. You’re both still just angry. Basil doesn’t know what he’s saying.”

“And what is he saying? Apart from the fact that I’m basically stalking him. That dickhead needs to get over himself, it’s the other way around by the way. He showed up here! Drunk! On Friday!” I’m yelling now. Whatever, it’s better than crying. I wish I could cry right now.

And tell 'em you hate me and dated me just for laughs

So, why do you call me and tell me you want me back?

You maniac

 “He said he doesn’t know why he ever dated you.”

“Oh.” And then I am crying. Penny is instantly holding me, patting my hair, kissing my temples, telling me he doesn’t mean it, but I just shrug her off and go to bed.

____________

Thursday 27/10

Pen [15:22]: you okay?

Pen [15:30]: Simon we live in the same flat and I’ve seen you like twice this week.

Pen [15:54]: can we have dinner together at least? Just us at the flat. No you know who talk I promise.

Read 16:03

____________

Thursday 27/10

Ags [16:15]: trust me I’m all for the privacy/alone time thing. But like??? Were here for u. just call me yeah?

Read 16:17

____________

I get a whole bunch of texts from everyone. Well Agatha and Penny and a few uni mates (that’s everyone), a bunch of angry messages from my manager because I took the week off and some emails from my professors about assigned work. Honestly, I’m not sure what I’m doing or what I want. No, again, a lie. I’m doing nothing and I want Baz. But I guess now that we’re not dating, he has no reason to not be a prat again. So, really, I should have no reason to want him back. Except I do.

I want his black wavy hair to be the first thing I see in the morning again. I want to wake up to the sound of the kettle boiling and warmth beside me where he spent the night. I want to go for walks at 3 am because we both couldn’t sleep. I want cold lips smashing into my face after a stupid fight about throwing my stuff around his flat. I want him. Here. Now. That’s not what you need though, I can here Penny say it in head. Though I’m sure it is; I don’t think I’ve functioned normally since this happened.

____________

Saturday 29/10

Dickheadwhoregretsdatingme???? [21:43]: Snow I swear I wouldn’t contact you if it weren’t important, but this is and yeah sorry.

Read 21:43

____________

And then he calls.

“Simon?” I melt into my phone a little, I miss the sound of my name on his lips. He doesn’t sound drunk, but he does sound different. “I’m so sorry I just, it all happened so fast and now I’m calling you because I can’t call my parents or they’ll kill me and my friends, they’re bloody useless. Aleister Crowley, I’m so sorry.”

“Baz, what’s happened?” How am I the calm one? What in the world of mages is happening?

“I crashed my car.” He’s calmed down now.

“Are you okay? Did you hurt yourself? Are you alone? Are you okay?” Suddenly any semblance of calm is gone and replaced with unmoderated anxiety. He knows I fucking love him. Merlin and Morgana, why would I hide it now.

You just went too far

Wrecked your car, called me cryin’ in the dark

Now you’re breakin’ my heart

 “I’m fine. I’m sorry I don’t know why I called.”

“You don’t sound fine.” And then because I have no self-control, “Where are you?” There’s a brief silence. Fine don’t tell me.

“I’m at the corner of Smith and Dundas.” He sounds ashamed.

“That’s at the top of my street.”

“Yeah.”

And, again with the no self-control, “I’m coming.” I hang up before he can argue with me.

I don’t get a chance to l look at myself. I know I’m wearing mismatched socks and the same joggers I’ve been wearing all week. I look down and realise I’m wearing Baz’s old t-shirt. How fitting. I’m throwing on some trainers and I can hear Penny asking where the hell I’m going so late. I don’t care.

It’s only a five-minute walk but even that is too long, so before I know it, I’m running to his car. It’s been backed out from the light post I assume he hit and parked a bit lazily by the pavement. Baz doesn’t do anything lazily, but then again Baz doesn’t get drunk and he doesn’t crash his car and he definitely doesn’t drive anywhere near here if he doesn’t have to.

As I get closer, I can feel my heart beating faster and faster, and its not from the running. His head is resting on the steering wheel and I can’t see his face. Fuck. What if he has a concussion? And then without thinking I’m opening the right car door and holding his face so close to mine. Crowley, his eyes are blood-shot, his face is streaked with tears and he’s just looking at me fangs popped and eyes wide. How could I ever let him go, I should’ve fought harder.

“Snow.” He finally croaks out and that’s when I realise, he’s been sobbing, he takes a deep breath and buries his head into my neck all while whispering sorry, I don’t know why I called, you don’t need to be here, but he makes no effort to remove himself from me, so I don’t leave. I wouldn’t anyway.

So, I show up at your place right away

Wipe the tears off of your face

While you beg me to stay

 I detangle his hair as I feel the pool of tears forming on my shoulder. I pull him up to look into his eyes. Baz’s eyes, so grey, they’ve always been so beautiful. His cheekbones are pronounced and his flushed – he must’ve fed recently. That’s good.

“Are you okay?” I ask and it feels like it’s all I’ve been saying to him for weeks now.

“Been better.” He tries to smile but his eyes betray him, and he starts tearing up again. He brings a hand to my cheeks, “you’re here.” He seems to realise what he’s doing, how he’s holding me, how I’m holding him while were broken up, so he tries to pull his hand away quickly, but I stop him.

“Of course.”

[basilgrimbitch]

margaret atwood// jandy nelson// richard siken// jane austen// franz kafka

[basilgrimbitch]

Day Eleven/Twelve: Maniac

I’ve very clearly fallen super behind on the countdown but December is always just so busy. I’m just gonna post when I can. This is a short fic for the angst/song fic prompts. Not my best work but I wanted to write something. the ending is a bit open ended? make of it what you will. 

Words: 2079

Note: the song is Maniac by Conan Gray

No warnings, hope you enjoy :)

_____

SIMON

I walk into the flat and throw myself onto my bed. Can this week just be over? Crowley, I know I’ve had worse. Way worse. I just thought once the humdrum (and my magic) was gone nothing else would hurt this much, but I feel like my heart’s been ripped out, like I’m being drained all over again. That’s why I tried so hard to stop myself from caring so much, placed a distance between us for so long, some kind of wall. But he made me want to break all those walls down just to see him. Now I can’t.

I grab my phone out of my back pocket and start scrolling through Baz’s Instagram because, really, what else can I do anymore? Penny’s at some party with Agatha and well yeah that’s about it. I should go out, do something, do someone. Fuck, I miss Baz.

My phone rings briefly and… oh shit, it’s a text from Baz.

____________

Friday 21/10

Baz <3 [23:44]: Snoww

Baz <3 [23:44]: simoon

Baz <3 [23:45]: i fucked up, fuck fuck fuck ii fuckedup

Baz <3 [23:45]: sory

Read 23:4

____________

Shit he’s drunk. Is he like all alone drunk at home? Or is he out, getting drunk with his friends or minions or whatever the fuck he wants to call them. I don’t know what would be worse. I don’t want to think about this; I don’t want to think about Baz or his hair or his rosy cheeks when he drinks or the fact that I miss him. I can feel the thoughts of him swarm in my head and I try my best to push them back. I used to be good at this. Not thinking. My head is beating like crazy that I can hear the thumping headache.

I decide I’m going to stay in bed and feel sorry for myself until further notice. I put my playlist on shuffle and oh of course, some Conan Gray, it’s like my phone knows I’m not coping with this break up well.

 You were with your friends, partying

When the alcohol kicked in

____________

Friday 21/10

Baz <3 [23:51]: u kno wa fuCK YU

Baz <3 [23:52]: this not myh fualt

Read 23:55

____________

My phone is still chiming and the thumping in my head is still going. I go into the kitchen to grab some Panadol and water and the thumping is louder and louder. Aleister fucking Crowley, it’s not thumping it’s the door knocking. What? How? Why? I look at my phone and it’s close to quarter past midnight - and I have six missed calls from Baz.

 So, you showed up at my home, all alone

With a shovel and a rose

Do you think I'm a joke?

 Of fucking course. Let me just paint you a picture: Baz Pitch plus London rain along with the drinking attitude of a 50-year-old Irishman and a bouquet of flowers (if you can still even call them that; they’re destroyed.) and of course wearing a scowl that says, “I still broke up with you.” Because the git still can’t get over himself, even when he’s drunk at my door holding flowers at midnight.

I want to slam the door in his face. I probably should. But then I hear myself saying,

“Are you okay?”

FUCK!

He takes a deep breath, “Yeahh, yeah… well no.” he’s slurring his words a bit. A month ago, I would’ve teased him about it and kissed him. Now I just stare at him.

“Why are you here, Baz?”

He thinks to himself for a second, I don’t think he knows. I don’t think he knows what he’s doing at all. But for once I know what I’m going to do.

 Cause people like you always want back what they can't have

But I'm past that and you know that

So you should turn back to your rat pack tellin' 'em trash

 “Baz, you should go.”

“But-”

“As long as you’re fine and you’re not driving, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Wow. I didn’t think I could ever do that. He was so gorgeous, Merlin, he probably would’ve let me kiss him.

The next few days are kind of a blur. The weekend flies by and then it’s just work, uni and sleep. That last one is a lie, I don’t sleep very well. I want to say it’s uni stress or its work or something, but I know… I know its Baz.

When Penny starts mumming me about the bags under my eyes and my slumped shoulders, I blurt out a line about how crazy my classes have been, but she just nods knowingly. I can’t keep anything from her.

“Si?” I hear Penny say a bit hesitantly. Penelope Bunce is not hesitant.

I look up at her, confused.

“Have you spoken to Baz recently? Have you been texting him?” I’m sure she doesn’t mean to sound like she’s accusing me of something, but I can’t help but feel like I’m being interrogated. I haven’t spoken to Baz since he showed up at my door on Friday night. Penny doesn’t know about that though; she’d freak out.

“No.” I don’t trust myself to say anymore.

“I just overheard Baz today. He was… you know what never mind, as long as you know what you’re doing. As long as you’re okay.” Penny’s waving her hands at me like she wants me to forget what she just said but there’s no magic in her words so its only bothering me.

“What, Penny? What did he say?” it comes off too eager. But I am! Eager, that is. What is that git saying about me?

 Tell all of your friends that I'm crazy and drive you mad

That I'm such a stalker, a watcher, a psychopath

 “He was just saying that you’ve been pestering him to get back together, that you drunk texted him on Friday or something of the sort. And then he… yeah.”

“Then he what?”

“It doesn’t matter Simon. You’re both still just angry. Basil doesn’t know what he’s saying.”

“And what is he saying? Apart from the fact that I’m basically stalking him. That dickhead needs to get over himself, it’s the other way around by the way. He showed up here! Drunk! On Friday!” I’m yelling now. Whatever, it’s better than crying. I wish I could cry right now.

 And tell 'em you hate me and dated me just for laughs

So, why do you call me and tell me you want me back?

You maniac

 “He said he doesn’t know why he ever dated you.”

“Oh.” And then I am crying. Penny is instantly holding me, patting my hair, kissing my temples, telling me he doesn’t mean it, but I just shrug her off and go to bed.

____________

Thursday 27/10

Pen [15:22]: you okay?

Pen [15:30]: Simon we live in the same flat and I’ve seen you like twice this week.

Pen [15:54]: can we have dinner together at least? Just us at the flat. No you know who talk I promise.

Read 16:03

____________

Thursday 27/10

Ags [16:15]: trust me I’m all for the privacy/alone time thing. But like??? Were here for u. just call me yeah?

Read 16:17

____________

I get a whole bunch of texts from everyone. Well Agatha and Penny and a few uni mates (that’s everyone), a bunch of angry messages from my manager because I took the week off and some emails from my professors about assigned work. Honestly, I’m not sure what I’m doing or what I want. No, again, a lie. I’m doing nothing and I want Baz. But I guess now that we’re not dating, he has no reason to not be a prat again. So, really, I should have no reason to want him back. Except I do.

I want his black wavy hair to be the first thing I see in the morning again. I want to wake up to the sound of the kettle boiling and warmth beside me where he spent the night. I want to go for walks at 3 am because we both couldn’t sleep. I want cold lips smashing into my face after a stupid fight about throwing my stuff around his flat. I want him. Here. Now. That’s not what you need though, I can here Penny say it in head. Though I’m sure it is; I don’t think I’ve functioned normally since this happened.

____________

Saturday 29/10

Dickheadwhoregretsdatingme???? [21:43]: Snow I swear I wouldn’t contact you if it weren’t important, but this is and yeah sorry.

Read 21:43

____________

And then he calls.

“Simon?” I melt into my phone a little, I miss the sound of my name on his lips. He doesn’t sound drunk, but he does sound different. “I’m so sorry I just, it all happened so fast and now I’m calling you because I can’t call my parents or they’ll kill me and my friends, they’re bloody useless. Aleister Crowley, I’m so sorry.”

“Baz, what’s happened?” How am I the calm one? What in the world of mages is happening?

“I crashed my car.” He’s calmed down now.

“Are you okay? Did you hurt yourself? Are you alone? Are you okay?” Suddenly any semblance of calm is gone and replaced with unmoderated anxiety. He knows I fucking love him. Merlin and Morgana, why would I hide it now.

 You just went too far

Wrecked your car, called me cryin' in the dark

Now you're breakin' my heart

 “I’m fine. I’m sorry I don’t know why I called.”

“You don’t sound fine.” And then because I have no self-control, “Where are you?” There’s a brief silence. Fine don’t tell me.

“I’m at the corner of Smith and Dundas.” He sounds ashamed.

“That’s at the top of my street.”

“Yeah.”

And, again with the no self-control, “I’m coming.” I hang up before he can argue with me.

I don’t get a chance to l look at myself. I know I’m wearing mismatched socks and the same joggers I’ve been wearing all week. I look down and realise I’m wearing Baz’s old t-shirt. How fitting. I’m throwing on some trainers and I can hear Penny asking where the hell I’m going so late. I don’t care.

It’s only a five-minute walk but even that is too long, so before I know it, I’m running to his car. It’s been backed out from the light post I assume he hit and parked a bit lazily by the pavement. Baz doesn’t do anything lazily, but then again Baz doesn’t get drunk and he doesn’t crash his car and he definitely doesn’t drive anywhere near here if he doesn’t have to.

As I get closer, I can feel my heart beating faster and faster, and its not from the running. His head is resting on the steering wheel and I can’t see his face. Fuck. What if he has a concussion? And then without thinking I’m opening the right car door and holding his face so close to mine. Crowley, his eyes are blood-shot, his face is streaked with tears and he’s just looking at me fangs popped and eyes wide. How could I ever let him go, I should’ve fought harder.

“Snow.” He finally croaks out and that’s when I realise, he’s been sobbing, he takes a deep breath and buries his head into my neck all while whispering sorry, I don’t know why I called, you don’t need to be here, but he makes no effort to remove himself from me, so I don’t leave. I wouldn’t anyway.

 So, I show up at your place right away

Wipe the tears off of your face

While you beg me to stay

 I detangle his hair as I feel the pool of tears forming on my shoulder. I pull him up to look into his eyes. Baz’s eyes, so grey, they’ve always been so beautiful. His cheekbones are pronounced and his flushed – he must’ve fed recently. That’s good.

“Are you okay?” I ask and it feels like it’s all I’ve been saying to him for weeks now.

“Been better.” He tries to smile but his eyes betray him, and he starts tearing up again. He brings a hand to my cheeks, “you’re here.” He seems to realise what he’s doing, how he’s holding me, how I’m holding him while were broken up, so he tries to pull his hand away quickly, but I stop him.

“Of course.”

[basilgrimbitch]

Sun

Summary: Daphne and Malcolm watch Baz and Simon dance. Malcolm makes a simple comment but Daphne can’t stop thinking about it.

“…It’s almost like Simon is his sun…”

“…Reminds me of someone else too,”

xxx

DAPHNE

The song changes and Malcolm sweeps me off of the dance floor. We end up standing off to a side with drinks in our hands.

Frankly, it is a nice change from the rest of the fast-paced evening. Being the host comes with responsibilities after all and while I love it, the constant chatting can become tiresome.

Malcolm and I were conversing quietly so when there’s a little lull in the conversation, I notice that Malcolm’s attention is drawn elsewhere.

Basilton and Simon. Still swaying on the dance floor.

With the way my husband looks at the moment, others might think he is displeased or indifferent at best.

I know better though.

His head is tilted a little to the side, his thinking stance. There is a soft shine in his eyes ‘smiling with only his eyes I call it’. He’s standing relaxed and unbothered.

He’s contemplating something.

“What’s on your mind Darling?” I ask him

“Hmm. Oh, nothing. The boys just caught my eye. They are quite comfortable now,”

“Oh yes, they are,” I say, “Lovely isn’t it?”

He makes noncommittal noise and takes another sip of his drink.

As I watch the young couple smile at each other, I cannot help but make a few more observations.

And say them out loud.

“Baz can’t help but light up under his attention. It’s almost like Simon is his sun. Though, as bright as the boy is despite everything, it’s probably not a far fetched concept,”

“Hmm,” says Malcolm, “Reminds me of someone else too,”

Before I can say anything else, Jeremiah Grimm is stepping up to his brother and Malcolm lets himself be led away after throwing an apologetic look my way.

I wave him off but I can’t help but think of what he just said. It’s obvious he was talking about himself and I can’t help but wonder who he was referring to as his sun.

I hate that I wonder.

xxx

Christmas morning starts with the twins jumping on our beds followed closely by Mordelia. There was a time when Mordelia would have been the one leading the charge but she considers herself ‘grown-up’ now so she waits for her siblings to wake her up and then pretends to 'follow’ them in.

She isn’t fooling either of us.

“Well, that’s about as much holiday sleeping in we’re getting,” says Malcolm, looking at the jumping girls with fond eyes.

“Merry Christmas,”

“Merry Christmas,”

I let out a small laugh and we both get up to get ready.

Half-an-hour later everyone is downstairs.

“Presents?” Cries out Victoria

“After breakfast, Darling,” says Malcolm

Victoria and Octavia pout but don’t resist when their father picks them up and puts them in their chairs.

I place Little Ollie in his chair and now we’re only waiting on Baz and Simon.

They stumble in ten minutes in, hair a little disarrayed and a familiar glint in their eyes.

Malcolm is frowning and it takes everything in me not to laugh at him. Looks like someone doesn’t like their son looking sexed-up early in the morning. Even if it makes him a hypocrite. Though, Malcolm and I always made sure to make ourselves presentable after our activities.

“Good Morning everyone,” says Baz, as they take their seats, “Merry Christmas,”

Simon also mumbles something but his head is ducked so no one hears what he’s saying.

Not that any of us mind.

Breakfast is served and everyone starts their own little conversations. Mordelia’s asking Simon questions about his tail and wings. I keep an ear out just in case she dresses a line with her questions but Simon seems to be at ease with the whole thing. The twins are discussing the presents they’re hoping to get. Baz and Malcolm are analyzing some books both of them had recently read. I never was able to get into their academic texts however, Malcolm and I do sare a passion for mystery novels.

I notice though, that throughout the whole breakfast, Baz keeps his hand on Simon’s knee, sneaking glances at him now and then. Simon does the same and the few times their eyes meet, Simon smiles a small smile and Baz instantly lights up.

Without intending to, I start to think about Malcolm’s comment the night before.

I don’t want to, even if I suspect it wasn’t me he as talking about.

And oh, how I hate that line of thought. We had talked about Natasha when we had decided to get married. It had been a long emotional talk where Malcolm had assured me that he loved me but Natasha would also have a place in his heart.

'Death doesn’t end a relationship, Daphne and I’ll always carry a part of her with. I’ll probably even talk about her with you. She is Baz’s mother and discussions about her will be unavoidable. I need to know you’ll be okay with that,’

And I had said, yes. I knew he loved us both in similar ways and in different ones. I was always okay with it. So why was this bothering me now?

Shaking my head, I tried to get rid of my thoughts.

It’s time for presents.

xxx

At night we’re in bed when we hear a burst of laughter from the hall and then shushing noises.

Looks like someone’s going to sleep late.

“Hopefully they don’t wake Colin,” says Malcolm

I cuddle closer to his side, “He skipped his nap today. I don’t think he’s waking up any time soon,”

“Hmm,”

There’s some more giggling and then the room at the end of the hall clicks shut.

“To be young and in love,” drawls Malcolm

And I’m thinking of Christmas Eve again.

This time I don’t brush it aside.

“Mal?” I whisper

“Yes?”

“I have a question.”

There must be something in my voice because he’s suddenly sitting up and pulling me with him. I end up sitting on his outstretched legs while facing him. There are some perks to being small.

“What is it, Daphne?”

“Well, you know the other night at the dance? When we were talking about Baz and Simon? You made a comment and I just- I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it,”

I see the moment his eyes widen and the realization hits. He doesn’t speak at once and I start talking to fill the silence.

“I’m not sure why I keep thinking of it. I know you were probably talking about Natasha. And doesn’t bother me, it really doesn’t. I just- I don’t-”

“Daphne,” he says softly, gently circling my wrists with his hands, “If Natasha was my sun, you want to know what you are to me,”

And yes, it seems so obvious now that he says it.

Malcolm did have his moments.

“Daphne,” he says again, this time with a smile and kiss to my cheek, “You know Natasha at Watford. Did she really seem like the person who would be called anyone sun,”

I think back to her. She had been a year younger then Baz and me, a force of nature with her head held high, walking as if she owned the world. She could have made you bow to her if she wanted.

I frown and look at my husband, “I suppose not but then-”

Malcolm, “Oh, you silly woman. I was talking about you, Daphne. You’re my sun,”

I’m almost stunned speechless.

“Really?” I whisper to him

He looks at me with a little bit of sadness in his eyes, “Of course, darling,”

He takes a deep breath and continues.

“Natasha was a storm. A beautiful chaotic storm. She loved fiercely and passionately and I loved that about her,”

He takes a pause and I wait with bated breath for him to continue.

“Your friendship always left me feeling warm and happy and loved. You were there for me when I needed you most. You and your endless sunshine. You shine for me even when I can’t find it in myself to be bright. I love you. Please, tell me you know that,”

There’s a hint of desperation there and I hug him fiercely.

“Of course, Mal. Of course, I know that. I’m human and there will be some days where I end up comparing myself to Natasha but I know you love me and I love you too,”

And I meant it. I had never, not once, thought that he loved me less then Natasha. He had never given me a reason to.

He looks at me for a few moments and reading the sincerity in my face he smiles, “Good. I’d hate for you to think otherwise,”

I smile at him and we share a soft but long kiss.

Settling down in his arms, I finally feel Christmas Day catching up to me and quickly find myself falling into sleep.

It’s been a Merry Christmas indeed.

[basilgrimbitch]

it’s gonna cause an irreparable hole in the magickal atmosphere but go off I guess

[basilgrimbitch]

OH MY FUCKING GOD

yesterday i got this great idea to download chapter 61 from the audiobook so i could listen to it whenever and wherever i wanted, so here u go! sorry for the kinda bad quality, i couldn’t make it much better rip

audiobook from Carry On (by Rainbow Rowell), made with audacity

feel free to share!

[basilgrimbitch]

more snowbaz

sleep

[basilgrimbitch]

Day Four: Dreams

Just some domestic fluff with a little tiny tiny bit of angst. 

Words: 808

Note: ofc bc i’m me, its barely edited and not beta read :/ 

I don’t think there are any warnings, though there’s a super super brief mention of blood. The whole thing is pretty fluffy though. 

________

Its been nearly eight years and they still do it. Almost everyday without fail. Sat at the breakfast bar in what used to be Simon and Penny’s flat, now Simon and Baz’s flat since Penny took that job in Manchester. Their arms stretch across the counter, fingers touching, Sun shining through the kitchen window making Snow’s skin golden and Baz’s eyes glint a gorgeous grey. Simon, along with flailing arms and too much energy for 6:30 am, describes in remarkable detail his dream from the night before.

“…and suddenly we were in Canada and – ‘

“Wait why Canada?” Baz interjects to earn a smile from Simon. This smile isn’t a commodity anymore, but it still makes his heart skip a bit all the same.

This was how they started to fix things after America. Simon told Baz about the nightmares; the ones where Baz packs his stuff and leaves, the ones where he’s back in the training room and the mage is working him ‘til his very last breath and the ones where it’s just tears and blood and unrecognizable screams, yet Simon knows they’re because of him. Baz told him about his nightmares too, the ones where he can’t control his thirst, the one’s where he’s back in the flaming room where his mother died and even the one’s where he bites Simon. They told each other everything.

Slowly though, the dreams of blood and war and hurt and loss were more uncommon, and dreams of love and incoherent adventures took their place. Though they didn’t need to any more, they kept up with routine; Baz liked routines and Simon needed them to function.

“Because Canada is cool.” Simon says like its fact.

“Canada is not cool, Snow.” This was familiar, the banter, the sun shining a bit too bright, the sound of Simon washing up as Baz fixes his hair one last time (“it looks lovely, darling, just stop messing with it!”), the smell of morning tea and the taste of it on their lips as they say goodbye. All so familiar. They used to be so afraid of goodbyes, they had nightmares about those goodbyes, now they just mean there’ll be another kiss hello soon.

“Canada is well cool Baz, they all say ‘aboot’ and ‘oot’ eh?” he scrunches his face and puckers his lips each time he says a Canadian word and smiles, a bit proud of himself for perfecting the ‘eh’. Baz can’t help but smile too, the soft smile only reserved for Simon.

He hums in response and starts getting up, Simon pulls him back down reaching so close to his face. So close.

“Stay,” with emphasis on the A so he sounds a little like a whining toddler.

“Love, you know I can’t. If I don’t teach these kids something… well it doesn’t matter much they’ll always be daydreaming numpties.”

“Well I’ll be dreaming all about you.”

And because he’s still 15 and in madly love at heart, also because he had just fed the night before, Baz is red. Cheeks, ears everything. Crowley, he loves Simon so much.

“Going back to sleep, are we? No bills to pay, Snow?” Baz tries to act smug, but his lips are already turning up at a corner.

“What like I can’t daydream about my terrible boyfriend?”

“I thought that was you?”

“I’m not the one leaving my boyfriend all alone and going to work, am I?”

Simon is doing the dishes and Baz is looking for his tie in the lounge room. Its sickeningly domestic, really. They can barely hear each other but Baz can here Snow chuckle to himself in the kitchen (thanks to the vampire hearing for once). It feels like a dream a 15-year-old Baz would’ve had. The kind of dream that made Baz extra rude to Simon in the mornings, the kind that left his eyes sad and his shoulders lazy for the rest of the day because he thought that dream was the closest thing, he’d ever get to having Simon. But now, this, this is better than any dream - its home.

“Oh, you poor soul.” Baz says with a smile on his face, Simon sticks his tongue out and it’s a sight. Simon Snow, shirtless on a chilly Tuesday morning, cleaning up after the breakfast they just shared. Simon Snow, in Baz’s kitchen – no, in their kitchen – cleaning up, talking about how he’ll miss him. He hadn’t even imagined it in his wildest dreams.

“I love you too.” Simon says and it snaps Baz out of his own thoughts. It’s not like he said it with magic – its not like he can – but Baz can still feel Simon’s words in his chest as he steps out of the lift and walks to the train for another day at work, knowing he’ll be coming back to this.

[basilgrimbitch]

Little Magical Helpers

Summary: Someone’s cleaning their place and it isn’t either of them.

BAZ

Baz steps through the door and stops dead in his tracks. The place is clean.

Simon had cleaned.

Not that Simon was a complete slob or anything, but cleaning for him usually involves no dust, nothing on the floor and clear tables. Right now, everything is practically sparkling.

Huh. I had told Simon to clean properly this morning. He must have taken it to heart.

I smile softly. This deserves a reward.

Time for a run to the bakery.

SIMON

I rush home, hoping to get there before Baz.

Keep reading

[basilgrimbitch]

Night Shift

Carry On Countdown: Day 1 (Sun and Moon) Genre: mostly fluff Word Count: 2341 Summary: After the death of his mother, Baz always takes the night shift at the café he’s working in. He’s always twenty minutes early, because he’s pining after the boy on the day shift. Ao3: Night Shift

I come in twenty minutes early. Snow calls me ridiculous and over-punctual. (He doesn’t know the half of it.)

I walk into the café and sit down right in front of Snow, who is fiddling with the paper cups. I drop my bag in the seat next to me and Snow rolls his eyes at me. His hair is like a ray of sun on top if his head. When he gives Bunce his brilliant smile, I suppress a sigh and put on a measured smile. I do have some dignity. (Not much.)

“Hello there, Mister Tall, Dark, and Gloomy,” he says to me. If I didn’t know Snow was an oaf, I’d think he was flirting with me.

“Are you still on about the Vampire thing?” I ask, careful to sound casual.

“I will never not be on about the Vampire thing,” he says and his eyes are bright. He looks ten times as alive as I feel. (He might have a point about the Vampire thing.)

Snow makes a show of leaning to the side to look past me out the window.

“Sun’s just gone down,” he says, “as always when you show up.” “You know, the night shift tends to be at night,” I say, pull out my book. I think it’s Wuthering Heights, I might have shoved it in my backpack this morning

“Come on, Baz. You can tell me. What happens when you step into the sunlight? Burst into flames? Crumble to ashes? Glitter?” He wiggles his eyebrows, and he looks ridiculous doing it. Evidently, my standards are all the way down at the bottom of the barrel.

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” I smirk.

I open my book on a random page and let my gaze fall on it, but immediately look back up at the spectacle that is Simon Snow. Bunce raises an eyebrow at me. She’s not fooled for a second. It’s lucky Snow isn’t quite as intellectually gifted.

“So what can I get you?” he says and grabs a mug. “Pint of blood?” “I think my usual will be fine for now,” I answer and look down at my book. “Though I’ll take the blood to go if it’s that of a virgin.”

“Oh, I see,” Snow says and grins at me, which is rare, since he doesn’t actually like me. “Looking to summon a demon?”

“Don’t be silly,” I say flatly. “Demons have Saturdays off.”

“Oh, there’s Unions in hell?”

Snow starts preparing my Pumpkin Mocha Breve.

“There will be once I’ve implemented my reforms,” I answer. I watch the lean muscles on Snow’s arms. For reasons unfathomable to me, he has his sleeves rolled up. I would make that illegal if I were king of hell.

“That’s three sugars,” I say quickly, leaning over the counter. Snow holds eye contact and drops in a forth.

“Oops,” he says lightly. I scowl at him.

“Okay, that’s enough of the flirting,” Bunce calls and I can feel my face going warm, but Snow is already looking away. “There’s an actual customer coming, so get your butt over here.”

Keep reading

[basilgrimbitch]

Day Two: Swap

Normal high school AU where Baz is new to Simon’s English class but Penny is the one that gets assigned a seat next to Baz. Aka English nerds in love.

Words: 3457

Note: this is unedited and super rushed but its something!

No warnings apart from a lot of swearing. Enjoy!

_____ 

Keep reading

[basilgrimbitch]

Baz Pitch straightening his hair

@rainbowrowell

heat

[basilgrimbitch]

Day Two: Swap

Normal high school AU where Baz is new to Simon’s English class but Penny is the one that gets assigned a seat next to Baz. Aka English nerds in love.

Words: 3457

Note: this is unedited and super rushed but its something!

No warnings apart from a lot of swearing. Enjoy!

_____ 

SIMON

“Alright so I posted the seating plan on the class page, did everyone get a chance to see it?”

While everyone scrambles to look at their laptops, I’ve already seen Ms. Possibelf’s seating plan and can I just say… What. The. Fuck. She’s sat me across the room from Penny (honestly fair since we never get any work done) next to some random girl named Trixie; she seems nice enough but so bloody boring. How am I supposed to make it through a whole year of English without Penny? I can hear the complaints layering up in the tiny classroom and I can see the teacher ignoring every single one of them. I don’t think I’ll bother asking for a change. Though, maybe she’ll listen to Penny?

I nudge Penny’s arm, I guess she’s already seen the seating plan too because she makes no effort to look at her laptop and moves towards her assigned seat.

“Surely the fuck not?” I don’t bother whispering.

“I think you mean surely the fuck yes. I’m not failing this semester because you want to tell me a gross story about your arms smelling like Cheetos mid class.” I’m smirking and she looks like she’ll bite my head off. That makes me smile more.

“That was once!”

“It still happened, and I’d rather hear about your smelly limbs at lunch time - or better yet, never.”

We’re cut off by Ms. Possibelf starting the class, or at least trying to.

“You should’ve all written a draft of your persuasive orals over the holidays, now you must refine them and prepare a final copy. These will be presented in two days.”

Okay as much as I’m a clown in English, I’m actually decent at it. I’ve already written and edited my script, so I really have nothing to do. I sit in my seat and glance at Penny, it looks like she’s done too. I’m fairly sure she’s playing fire boy and water girl, she’s playing both parts (because I’m not there) and she’s taking up the entire table, her desk mate looks so uncomfortable squashed into a corner. Who is he, by the way? The name on the roll was Tyrannus, what the fuck kind of name is that? So pretentious.

I open up Instagram on my laptop and text Penny.

Penelope Bunce – Simon Snow

Simon Snow [10:04]: who is heeeeeee

Penelope Bunce [10:04]: who?

Simon Snow [10:04]: the guy ur sat next to whats his name?????

Penelope Bunce [10:05]: got a bit of crush huh :0

Simon Snow [10:05]: oh fk off I haven’t even seen his face,,, whats his name??

Penelope Bunce [10:06]: he said to call him baz

Simon Snow [10:07]: hmm weird but cool name

Simon Snow [10:07]: what schools he frm?

Penelope Bunce [10:07]: idk do ur work Si

Penny stops typing, she looks me in the eyes then turns to speak to Baz, shutting her laptop. That’s such an odd name, right?

They talk, she’s laughing, he’s just sitting there so composed. He doesn’t look bored exactly, just that he’s better than seeming overly excited. Dickhead it is then.

Even though I think I’ve already decided I hate him, I don’t stop looking at them. He’s got long hair, its black and loose just above his shoulder, his skin is this gorgeous caramel that doesn’t need tanning and his eyes, they’re so grey a mix of green and blue I think and – fuck. We’re making eye-contact, not in like oh oops, more like oh shit why is this guy staring at me. He must think I’m a fucking creep. Shit.

It’s not like I care though, he probably thinks he’s better than everyone in this room anyway. But he’s just smiling at me? Fuck that’s a good smile. I think I’m smiling back, I can’t help it. He turns back to speak to Penny, they seem like they’re in deep discussion about something, I wonder what? And suddenly, I catch myself wishing I was her. Um, what?

The rest of the period flies by. Too quick, I think, not that I need more time to work, I just kind of wish… whatever.

Penny, as per bloody usual, is taking her precious time packing her stuff away. I walk up to her table, hyper aware of Baz’s presence there,

“Planning on leaving anytime soon?” I ask, trying to seem as nonchalant as can be, but my eyes keep glancing to him. I think Penny must’ve picked up on it because then she says, all smug,

“But then you wouldn’t get to meet Baz,” she gestures to Baz, who’s raising his eyebrow and smiling a little against his better judgement I think, then she gestures to me and then back again, “Baz, Simon. Simon, Baz. There we go.” He’s full on smiling now. Fuck, how can someone be so pretty?

“So nice to meet you, I’m Baz Pitch.” He puts his hand out for me to shake it – that’s so proper. I’m not even convinced he’s 17. He’s so calm and put together, these are not words you use to describe a 17 year old guy.

“H-hey, yeah, Simon.” Of course, I trip over my words, I’ve always struggled with that but I’m also really fucking nervous for some reason.

“Do you wanna have lunch with us, Baz?” Penny’s throwing her bag over her shoulder, looking at me like she knows what she’s doing to me and then back to Baz with genuine eyes. Penny doesn’t usually get on with people like that, that’s why we’ve been friends for so long, she really doesn’t have other options (not like I do either).

“That’d be nice.” He says, the corner of his mouth inching up, giving his cool exterior away. He’s not a pretentious git, is he? He’s just a boy on his first day of school; that’s fucking daunting.

We walk out the classroom – finally – and Baz starts telling us about himself and his old school. Mainly just answering Penny’s questions. Does he have siblings? Yeah, four half siblings. How come he moved schools? dad moves a lot for business. Oh, is he going to be moving again? Probably not until after high school, by then I could move out anyway.

I’m not usually this quiet. Usually I’m more social than Penny. I don’t know what’s come over me, I wish I could be her right now.

Lunch happens, Baz doesn’t really eat. Not like I was watching him. Well he was sat right in front of me and I just noticed that he wasn’t eating anything. Surely that’s normal.

I finally ask Baz what other classes he’s taking; other than English we don’t share any classes and then I let myself say, “that sucks.” But only because its normal, its not flirting. You can want a friend to be in your class. Penny still looks at me anyway.

But then he says, “I’ll just have to look forward to English,” and my heart melts.

______

I try not to think about Baz right now, in bed, but I am anyway, and I remember him telling me his full name; so naturally I’m suddenly typing it into the Instagram search bar. Aha! He’s not on private, thank the gods of social media.

I start scrolling through his feed, careful not to tap anything of course. There are a few photos of him alone, they’re gorgeous; he dresses so nice. Penny says I can’t dress myself. In one photo from a month ago he’s in this incredible suit, taking a mirror selfie in a bathroom that looks nicer than my whole house. His hair is slicked back (I think I prefer it loose – still so bloody fit though) and his cheekbones are so defined, he’s got that same face he had when we first met today – eyebrows raised, little bit a smirk, beautiful eyes.

I scroll down to the next photo, this one is different. It’s not a hot mirror selfie, its him carrying a little girl – his little sister? – on his shoulders looking up at her with a smile, a real big smile. He’s dressed a bit more casual too, still nicer than anything I own though it’s just jeans and a black button down. I keep coming back to the jeans. How can someone look so good in jeans?

I scroll through a few more photos, some with friends, some more of just him and a few of books he’s reading or places he’s visited. I feel like I know him a little bit better now – less in a stalkerish way more in a… well I can’t think of the write word. I can never think of the write word.

My phone vibrates all of a sudden and I literally drop my phone, so I don’t accidently like anything.

Penelope Bunce – Simon Snow

Penelope Bunce [23:13]: up thinking bout prince charming?

Simon Snow [23:14]: shut up

Penelope Bunce [23:14]: don’t blame u he’s v cute.

Penelope Bunce [23:14]: And smart.

Penelope Bunce [23:14]: you have my blessing

Simon Snow [23:15]: bugger off,, as if he’s even into guys

Simon Snow [23:15]: I was literally such an idiot today he probs doesn’t even wanna be my friend

Penelope Bunce [23:16]: AHA SO U ADMIT IT

Simon Snow [23:16]: did I even have to

Penelope Bunce [23:16]: ofc not. For what its worth I think u have a shot.

Simon Snow [23:17]: sureeeee

Simon Snow [23:17]: fuckkkkk im gonna be so dead tomorrow,, gn love u

I turn my phone off, pull my glasses off chucking them somewhere I probably won’t find them tomorrow and roll over to fall asleep.

______

We’ve got English first period today. I don’t think I’ve ever been this excited for English, but then I remember I don’t even get to sit next to him.

I walk into class and he’s already in there, we make eye-contact – way less awkward than yesterday – and he gives me a nod. Its friendly, it’s nice, it’s already a bit familiar. I give him a little wave with my right hand below the books I’m carrying but then I’m nearly dropping then, and my laptop starts sliding through my arms. It’s a shit show and it’s too early in the morning to embarrass myself, but I don’t get a say do I? As a say good bye to my laptop that is threatening to smash in the ground any second now – and any possibility for anything with Baz – I hear a chair scraping at the floor then not being pushed in. Suddenly, Baz’s hand is on my shoulder; the other grabbing my laptop that’s basically just resting on my belt buckle at this point. I beg myself not to blush, not now.

Baz is laughing. We’ve – he’s – saved my laptop and now he’s carrying it and my books; he insisted I was not to be trusted.

“Alright, special delivery all the way to your seat. You sure you’re okay Snow?” He’s using my last name because he thinks it’s ‘such a waste to not make use of such an iconic surname’. I like the way it sounds on his lips. I think I just like his lips and anything after is automatically perfect. Perfect.

He taps my shoulder, “you okay there?”

“Huh? Yeah yeah, just a bit tired. Didn’t sleep very much last night.” That’s not a lie.

Baz nods and says he’s gonna go get started on the work, I watch him walk away. The school trousers, they’re no jeans but he looks good in everything.

I try to do some work, making cue cards for my presentation, but I keep letting myself look over to Baz. Penny just caught me and stuck her tongue out.

Penelope Bunce – Simon Snow

Penelope Bunce [08:31]: ur staring

Simon Snow [08:32]: am not,, go away

I go back to working on my cue cards after making a show of shutting my laptop in front of Penny. I get through two more cards before I see a pair of shoes approaching my table. I look up and sure enough its prince charming – I mean Baz. He clears his throat and says,

“I hear you’re good at English”

“There’s no way Penny said that,” I laugh.

“True, she said ‘he thinks he’s better than everyone else.’ But I take it for good reason.” He smiles while doing air quotes, I smile back at him because I can’t help myself.

“Well, I definitely don’t suck.”

“Good. Do you mind reading over my script, please? I feel like it needs a little bit of editing.” He hands over his laptop, “don’t drop this one okay?” he chuckles.

I honestly don’t know how to act around him. I’m the epitome of those ‘act normal’ memes. He hands me his laptop and I start reading. His presentation is on single use plastics and it is so well written, he definitely doesn’t need my help. My neck is getting warm and I hope I’m not blushing at a script on environmentalism just because it was written by a hot guy. That’s pathetic.

But he’s not just a hot guy, is he? He’s smart – so smart – and he’s so kind even if you wouldn’t think so; when he helped me with my books today, I couldn’t help but think back to that photo of him with his sister, so much warmth and kindness expertly hidden under a cool and calm facade. I get to the end of his conclusion and look up in awe but he’s standing just behind me leaning forward waiting for my response. That explains the warmth I was feeling.

Baz doesn’t seem like the kind that would ever doubt himself but if you could see him now, you’d think he cared about what everyone thought about everything; and maybe he does, maybe he just hides it really well.

“Baz.” I make eye-contact with him, finally on purpose, “this… its incredible. I don’t even know why you’d ask for feedback. Your arguments are excellent, and your use of inductive reasoning is really fitting.”

His face lights up, a kind of innocent smile creeps up on his face and for the first time I think I want to kiss him. But even more so, I want to be responsible for more of those smiles. “Really?”

“It’s perfect.”

I look away because I don’t want him to see me blush. Penny is looking straight at us, she gives me one of her reassuring smiles.

______

It’s been two weeks of school; all my classes suck but it’s our last year and soon enough we’ll miss it. At least that’s what Penny keeps saying, Baz agrees with her.

Baz has been spending more time with us; we hang out at lunch time, he’s joined us for frozen cokes a few times in the past few hot days. It’s nice. I can actually talk to him now too.

He’s so smart, smarter than I had thought. He’s not just academically smart, he knows more than just surface level knowledge. Yesterday, on our walk to English he was talking about some article he read on the relationship between sleep deprivation and blood alcohol concentration just for fun. Though its nerdy and just a bit lame, the way his eyes light up when he talks about things he cares about, I’d listen to the summary of a thousand dumb articles to see that again.

Right now, Baz isn’t here though, and all my brain can do is think about him.

“Pennyyyy!” she’s lying on my bed while I do my art homework on the floor, she always comes home with me on Tuesdays, I don’t know when that started.

“Si, I already said no like three times.”

“Why not? Do you not love me?” I asked her to swap seats with me in English. I just wanna sit next to Baz, I can say I need extra help or something.

“I love you of course but I don’t want Baz to think I’m avoiding him, and I certainly don’t want Ms. P to fail me for disobeying her one rule.”

“Just please.” I give her my best puppy eyes and pouty face, “I fink I’m in wuv,” I say mockingly. She

throws an old stuffed toy in my face. I guess that’s a no.

______  

The next day I see Baz at the school gates, he’s holding a cup of coffee and his hair is up in a bun today. Flawless.

“Fancy seeing you here,” how can he look so perfect at eight in the morning. I don’t even feel awake yet.

Baz bumps my shoulder with his and we start walking to our lockers. We talk about the English reading we were set, we’re reading Lord of the Flies and Baz is going on about how he and Penny think the book would be drastically different if it had female characters.

“Golding said he didn’t add girls to avoid sex being a subject.” I say, and Baz just looks at me with his eyebrow raised. I call this the signature Baz look now.

“Oh, come on, as if every single kid on that island was straight.” I choke on nothing for a second. Baz and I have never talked about relationships or sex or sexuality. It’s not really a matter of discussion I guess but hearing him acknowledge the idea of guys being together, I don’t know, it gives me hope. That makes no sense obviously, he’s taking about characters from an English novel not himself and really its more an act of Baz’s resistance than it is a nod to gay rights or whatever. But, still, it gives me hope.

“True,” is all I manage to get out.

We get to English extra early after home room, and I start making my way to my seat. Ever since Baz started hanging out with us outside of class, English is back to being plain and boring, nothing special. So, with my shoulders slumped I mutter a goodbye to Baz as I walk to opposite way to my seat but then I feel something on my hand. Oh my god, its his hand. Its Baz’s hand. On my hand. Pulling me towards him. Its not especially romantic or anything. But its something!

“Hey! Swap seats with Penny, come sit next to me today,” surely this is a dream, I must’ve hit my head. “I need your uhhh help with the essay.” Baz doesn’t help, he just discussed key themes of the novel for breakfast. I feel it again, lingering in my chest, hope. “It’s okay if you don’t want to…” he says a bit quieter now, trying to seem as cool as possible. How Baz of him. Fuck I still haven’t said anything.

“What no no, I want to. I’m just not sure what Ms. Possibelf will say; or worse, Penny.” He pulls at my hand. He still hasn’t let go of my hand. He still hasn’t let go of my hand.

“What? Scared Snow?”

“We’re not in Harry Potter, Baz.”

“True. I’m wayyy better looking than Draco Malfoy and you wouldn’t be a very good chosen one. The worst chosen one who’s ever been chosen.”

I hear myself saying, “what so I’m not more better looking than Harry Potter?” Is this flirting? He squeezes my hand. He still hasn’t let go of my hand.

“You needed me to point that out? I thought it was a given. You’re well fit, Simon.” Simon. Hope.

I hum in response and with one final tug at my hand, he lets it go. I follow him (I’d follow him anywhere).

“Sit, I won’t bite,” He grins at me.

“Yeah but Penny will,” she better not ruin this for me. For us. I sit next to Baz and we start working on our essays. He doesn’t ask for help once.

Penny walks into class, glances at her seat, sees us and walks to my – her – seat next to Trixie.

Penelope Bunce – Simon Snow

Penelope Bunce [08:14]: u win. Enjoy!

I can’t tell if that’s sarcastic or not.

Baz notices I’ve changed my window to Instagram DMs and nudges me, “how come you don’t follow me?”

“Huh, I don’t know? What’s your user name?” As if I don’t know.

Baz grabs my laptop, “I’ll just type it in.” I let him because I’m lazy and I like watching him type but then he clicks on the search bar and has the biggest grin on his face. Fuck. He can see my search history, “looks like you already know it.” How could I forget about that?

I must look mortified because he places his hand on mine. Second time today. “It’s all good. I already have yours too.”

Hope.