bastardwhoisnamedrat - Tumblr blog

[bastardwhoisnamedrat]

[bastardwhoisnamedrat]

local dog hears rave music for the first time in weeks, 600 dead 59000392 injured

[bastardwhoisnamedrat]

I'll be real the second any trans person shows up on my dash making any kind of post generalizing transmasc or transfemme people negatively i check out. literally don't care if the evil trans woman or evil trans man said something upsetting to you or you've had bad experiences with a particular group of people; the generalization shit is lame, being defensive about it is lame, you are literally smarter than this - stop, reflect, take some deep breaths, go do something else

[bastardwhoisnamedrat]

this tweet is a foundational text for terminally-online bi people everywhere because let's face it, many of us are the grungler, but "whatever happened to beauty" legsweeps me every single time

[bastardwhoisnamedrat]

#6: Herbert West

[bastardwhoisnamedrat]

worst part about getting angry is how much it makes you want to be mean

[bastardwhoisnamedrat]

Even if I might not interact with you a lot If youre my mutual I love you. It is important for my mutuals to know this because Im shy

[bastardwhoisnamedrat]

I'm so angry it's like: hair trigger anger. Gotta work on that.

[bastardwhoisnamedrat]

[bastardwhoisnamedrat]

Happy birthday trans people!!!!!! ✨💞🥰💙🫶🌟💕🦎🏳️‍⚧️💞the world is better with you in it ❤️

[bastardwhoisnamedrat]

sometimes i can't help but think i'd be really comfortable if every friend i've made in the last year all collectively decided i was horrible and left me all at once. is something the matter with me

lemme walk through this a bit:

i like my friends. i like talking to them, i think they're funny and good people. i like my acquaintances (in school clubs and such) as well- and wouldn't mind making stronger connections with them. i think they're all generally interesting and fun to listen to and talk to.

That said- being in the presence of others does something to my brain. my anxiety (depending on the person/people) is either at max or alll the way off- or comfortably in the middle. i overall tend to over think severely and can be prone to inaction in social situations, which leads me to be really quiet.

But- when i'm alone (regardless of how much I like the person) the rumination and anxiety comes in at full blast, and causes me to have trouble going about my daily life. heart rate, stomach problems, trouble sleeping and focusing on day-to-day tasks.

So- sometimes i wish my phone didn't exist. i wish no one knew me. i wish i wasn't in college- or at least that all my classes were online. i wish everyone would fade into only the most pleasant memories and that i could tap into those endorphins whenever- and avoid the discomfort of the minefield that is an actual social interaction. i feel like im lobotomized. i wish i had anyone irl to talk to about this stuff- but everyone has their own things to deal with and - i dunno, i'd feel bad asking for support when its so small. i mean- i don't even have the worst anxiety out of anyone i know- (not without a lot of help) but i do still experience issues. i can 'ham it up' as it were but like anything else i do socially, it takes a lot of energy and effort. i think its masking but i'm not sure? i don't know. also im worried about coming off as disingenuous too..

[bastardwhoisnamedrat]

the only reason i do well socially is because i let the demons posses me i don't know what i'm saying in any given situation

[bastardwhoisnamedrat]

i always wonder what my siblings are gonna be into musically when they're older cause i just kinda play my tunes as i will infront of family. i have gotten a glimpse recently cause apparently my sister (13) really likes teens of style and teens of denial. i gotta play more twin fantasy around em... my brother likes electronic music... he liked a lot of the aphex twin i played... hmmm.... *puts on the furry rave music as a social experiment*

[bastardwhoisnamedrat]

is volume control an autism thing? I have friends shush me sometimes if we’re out in public and I’m talking too loud, and it’s like…… oh 😬 whoops 😬

[bastardwhoisnamedrat]

[bastardwhoisnamedrat]

[bastardwhoisnamedrat]

I draw my black-coded furries cute and with black hairstyles because it's awesome and pretty and like, idk it feels like I'm putting a piece of myself in my artwork. I feel black trans/queer rep out there gets heavily ignored so it makes me happy to see others enjoy them mew.