bastion-robbin

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I started a new blog! Follow @advicebyjeff!

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Yo mama so fat, last time she passed by the TV, I missed a season of ‘Friends’.

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My dad just gave me a 30 minute Power Point Presentation on why to use condoms during sex.

All the slides were just pictures of me.

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“If you think about it, isn’t being stabbed just knife poisoning?”

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vibes of that experimental time in animated kids movies: alt indie, gay, STRONG aesthetic, weirdly dark, epic world-building, gay again, found family as fuck, demon ladies, cat ladies, father issues, SHIPS AND STUFF

idk what was UP with this time period, but I want to embody whatever these vibes were into my very soul

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Can’t think of a single apocalypse or plague movie that anticipated the run on toilet paper.

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So basically the people who need it..

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"If I've done the math right, we could theoretically yeet the horse."

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the queen has returned

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Accents are literally just different mouth fonts.

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Using 3D printers, you can now pirate board games.

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The human body is made in such a way, that it is impossible to smile and breathe at the same time

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Donkey from Shrek used to be a real boy, but he went to Pleasure Island with Pinocchio and turned into a donkey.

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We talk to dogs as if they were human but often speak to our babies in gibberish.

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“700 million people are smarter than you.” may sound like an insult, but it would put you at the 90th percentile.

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If humans ever begin colonizing other planets, there will be conspiracy theorists who will believe that Earth doesn’t exist.

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sometimes your dm throws you for a fucking loop and you just can’t recover