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[bat-birdsandshadows]

[bat-birdsandshadows]

Some chronically online commenter hearing Bruce Wayne calling Gotham “his city” and going on a rant about the corrupting influence of capitalism and billionaire exploitation and possessiveness and Bruce being asked about it by paparazzi or a reported and just… stopping. And looking at them with confusion and then something that might be sadness and saying with a huskiness and a shift of his vowels that only appears on specific words, “I’ve lived here my whole life. Of course Gotham’s mine. And I’m hers. Who else could I call my mother city?”

[bat-birdsandshadows]

Paulina was walking home from her little self-care date~ when she noticed a familiar figure, she slowed, double checked to make sure it wasn't some random civilian, grinned and-

threw her knife!

Wes caught it, because of course he did cautious bastard. And yes she realises this now that fighting on the street was not the smartest move but it was a long time since she saw her friends from Amity and they got along fairly well with Weston.

So they had a good time, she managed to nip him on the cheek with her knife (after taking it back) he left her with a new bruise (it will be gone by tomorrow noon) and then they were both taken in by the police...

And now she has to explain why she did what she did to the GCPD and Ancients help probably Batman as soon as she gets back to her apartment. Who could've guessed that having a friendly brawl would be so taboo in Gotham? (who is she kidding of course it's suspicious it looked like they were trying to kill each other to any normal person!)

and she's not sure how much she should say!

[bat-birdsandshadows]

Invited to a Ghost Ball

Red Hood: WHERE THE HELL AM I?!

Robin: I wish I knew.

Red Hood: Great, I'm a babysitter too.

(The ghosts find Robin adorable)

Sometime the next day

Fright Knight (dragging suitcases): Remind me why we're coming to this mortal world?

Danny: To find my knight.

Fright Knight: >:(

Pariah Dark: Can I at least enslave this world?

Danny: No.

Danny: You can enslave the local fashion boutiques or something.

Danny: They'll be horrified to have to sew clothes your height.

Pariah Dark: ... acceptable.

Later at Wayne Manor

Tim: So someone bought the house next door, despite the fact that we started a rumor that it was haunted.

Dick: You just have to admit it was a bad plan.

Steph: Can we just harass the new neighbors until they move out?

Damian, standing at the window with binoculars: You idiots don't even know the scale of the problem.

Damian: I'm pretty sure that huge gothic castle wasn't there yesterday.

The royals (and one knight) found out that this world has meta and no GIW. Did they really think they'd mix with the crowd. White-haired flying guy? Fine. Knight with flaming purple hair? Fine. Giant skinny creature with horns and a full head of Lazarus Pit-colored hair? Well, crap. Lay low failed.

[bat-birdsandshadows]

“Welcome to BatBurger. Home of the BatBurger. How may I take your order?”

“With a smile of course!” The Joker cackled as he pulled out a canister and threw it at the cashier.

“Nuh-uh.” The cashier deadpans before throwing the canister back.

“The fuck you mean ‘Nuh-uh’?” Joker yelled throwing the canister back.

“Don’t wanna.” The cashier replied while smacking the canister out of the air and directly into the Joker's hand.

“Why you little!” The Joker threw the canister on the ground and lunged at the cashier.

🕐🕑🕒🕓🕔🕕🕖

“And what happened after that?” Commissioner Gorden asked the young man in front of him.

“He tripped.” The young man said with a shrug.

“Uh-huh.” Gorden hummed as he looked over where the body bag was being pulled out of the restaurant. “And the holes?”

“I guess the canister finally went off. It's such a shame really. I didn’t even get to deliver a decent punchline.”

“Right… And what was your name again?”

“Oh, it’s Danny. Danny Fenton. But you won’t be able to find me if you look me up.” The young man, Danny, said with a shit-eating grin.

“You know you’re not supposed to admit to going by a fake identity right?” Gordan asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Ya, but it is my real name. You just won’t be able to find it.” Danny said as he shifted his gaze to the shadowed figgier in the nearby alleyway. “Not even you, Big Bat. But you're free to try.”

“Hn.” Batman grunted before stepping back further into the shadows and disappearing.

“Why do I feel like you are about to be… and he’s gone. Why do I even bother?” Gordan sighed as he looked away from where the Bat vanished and back to where Danny was supposed to be. He grumbled as he put his notebook away and started for his car. His car, that now had a little green sticky note on it.

[bat-birdsandshadows]

I looked at the canon Pariah Dark and realized that something was wrong. The most stereotypical villain? Well, noooo.

(In any case, ghosts are made up of ectoplasm. They can probably change how they want. It's not a genderswap, it's just thin. And long. Like super-tall, haha. Inhumanly tall. Anything about how the Crown drained most of his powers, he deflated, and now he's stuck in the human world with his heir looking after him? Heh.)

It's just the perfect material to cause an aneurysm in a family of bats.

So, the tired Bitburger worker who served them decided that it was probably time for her to quit after all

[bat-birdsandshadows]

Danny's reveal goes...not so well. To put it lightly. He's gonna have to pretend to be an adult. At fifteen. Which he can definitely do!

Before he left, Sam and Tucker had conspired to get him a fake ID and set him up with a landlord they could blackmail into accepting him as a tenant.

He moves to Keystone City, and he is, indeed, very adulty.

He buys a Dutch Oven that he doesn't really know how to use. He reads the newspaper comics. He gets a job as a paid intern at the local news station, and he answers to the fancy scary lady reporter Linda Park. He uses that job to pay rent and stuff.

Very adulty.

Except that Miss Scary Reporter Lady Linda keeps asking questions she shouldn't. Keeps looking where she shouldn't.

And she won't drop it.

If she actually investigates, she'll find Danny's real name, and then his parents, then the fact that he's wanted by the United States Military for existing, and she'll get hurt by the GIW when they pull her in for questioning.

So he laments his sweet, sweet apartment, packs his bag of essentials (again), and opens the door to do another runner.

He opens it to see the Flash, Linda's...boyfriend? Husband? Danny isn't sure, but he's standing right there, in uniform, looking unimpressed.

"So." Flash starts, crossing his arms.

"...'Sup?" Danny asks, knuckles white as he grabs the strap of his bag.

"Some creeps in white suits just tried to kidnap Linda," Flash says, leaning on the door frame. "Don't supposed you know anything about that, huh?"

[bat-birdsandshadows]

I have been thinking a dangerous thing to do before morning coffee and the sarcophagus of forvever sleep sounds like it had to be a collaboration between Clockwork and Nocturne. So I thought Time/Sleep/War polycule with halfa son.

The grief of losing their ghostling had driven Pariah mad, and in his blinding rage, the halfa population was massacred. To stop the Observants from attempting regicide, Clockwork and Nocturne created a sacrophagus to keep their husband.

As it so often does, the passing time faded memories of why the Ghost King had gone mad, painting him a senseless tyrant instead of a despondent father.

A ripple across screens, a shift in time's progression, and a new halfa. Time carefully pulling strings, Sleep keeping watch to ensure a restful nap (for that's all they ever seemed to amount to, his poor son always rushing, always busy with something)

An arrogance unchecked rousing the slumbering king, a desperate child forcing him back into his prison, but the magic doesn't take hold. Now awake, having seen what his husbands saw, Pariah would not sleep through his lost son's new life.

Phantom was a new hero, one who seemed to wander a fair bit. Batman had already tried to find anything about Phantom, to very little success. Historical records of a teenager appearing to help before vanishing, allusions to a child of Kronos grumbling about timestreams, whispers of a young man whose rage was like a glacier, slow and unstoppable once it starts to move. The Lanterns had records of entire ships frozen solid, Phantom having been the last sighted individual before they became glacial space debris. Constantine and Raven both vouched for Phantom, which was why he was a part of the team, but there were still too many questions without answers...

The Justice League was heavily outnumbered, and while they could win, it would not be without heavy civilian cost. At least, that was their original thought, until Phantom Wailed for his father (?) and a massive Lazarus green rift ripped open above him, allowing a ghostly warlord with a Crown of Fire through, a skeletal army marching silently in the warlord's wake.

[bat-birdsandshadows]

[bat-birdsandshadows]

I will forever miss these two... I have such a soft spot for the Young Justice versions of Jason and Damian sobs

(((when will you return to me I need some level of conclusion some closure

[bat-birdsandshadows]

-at a justice league meeting in the midst of a very very stressful few weeks for Batman where everything has gone wrong, alfred is on vacation, and Bruce has not slept in days-

Batman: -outstandingly still coherent, lays out an extremely detailed plan on how to take down the Villain Of The Week- Any questions?

Nightwing: -slowly raising his hand from across the table-

Batman: Yes?

Nightwing: So... in all of this planning did you block out time to go pick up Robin from school like you said you would, or do you want me to do that?

Batman: ...

Nightwing: I'd say we could just let walk home alone, but the last time you did that, we found him trying to dismantle a section of the Russian mafia about two hours after he was supposed to get home.

Batman: ...

Nightwing: And he gets out of school in -checks wrist like he's wearing a watch- ten minutes, so you might want to make a decision soon.

Batman: ...Fuck.

[bat-birdsandshadows]

When Bruce “died” all his kids ended up gathering together for the reading of his will. Things were split pretty evenly between them with certain assets going to certain people (the company to Tim, the Manor to Alfred etc). At the end of the will there is one last line

“Don’t let your brother turn into a supervillian.”

All of the siblings are busy arguing about who Bruce might be talking about except for Tim and Cass, who are standing away from the group. Tim has an amused gleam in his eye and Cass is staring him down.

“Don’t you dare.” She signs at him knowing full well that Bruce was talking about Tim.

“I’m going to take over the League of Assassins.” He signs back to her.

Which was always the plan, he just couldn’t leave right away. Dick giving Damian Robin was a perfect excuse. Also, Bruce was def alive just lost in the time stream and the league would have the resources he needs to find answers.

Six months later, over 100 bases blown up, and with coordinates to recover Bruce, Tim returns to Gotham. He’s not alone though. Oh no. Drake Industries has had a complete overhaul under the leadership of the teenage heir and if all of the new employees are ninja assassins thats for Tim to know and no one else.

When Bruce returns he gets swarmed with questions from his kids about which brother he was referencing at the end of his will and he gives them all a confused look.

“Tim of course. The kid borrows my morals like library books.” At this, Dick goes ashen.

Tim? Bruce had been concerned about Tim? Tim who has been off the grid for the last 6 months doing god knows what?

“Tim should have known I was referencing him. He should have told you and the fact that he didn’t means I should be concerned.” Bruce glances to his son who can’t contain his smile.

“It’s hardly my fault the Ra’s has the charisma of a used gym sock. Besides, at least I offer benefits and paid time off. Also you don’t have to worry about the LOA anymore. They all work for me now.” He smiles a bit wider and then disappears into the shadows.

Bruce, who wrote that last line after going through Tim’s Young Justice Records, simply signs. “Could be worse. He could have become Gun Batman.” Which unloads an entirely new floodgate of questions from those around him, but as long as his kids are safe, happy, and still walking a mostly moral line then Bruce is happy.

[bat-birdsandshadows]

Duke is the kind of guy whose entire life is a sidequest

He comes home late from patrol because a bunch of pythons at the zoo got loose and he could only lure them back with a flute Pied Piper style

He got the flute from his language-learning buddy in Japan

He is learning Japanese after he had difficulty communicating with a civilian who witnessed someone stealing a combine harvester

The only reason he was in the countryside to investigate that case was because he needed a horse to win a race

A race he's in because he signed up for the wrong thing when he really meant to enter a robot wrestling tournament

The robot, of course, being a trophy of his first solo battle against Lex Luthor

And he was only there because he had box tickets to a Metropolis baseball game

Which he got in a raffle that his friends entered him in without telling him

Because he got them all a gold medal at the science fair by bringing real moon rocks

That he gathered after he accidentally launched himself into space

[bat-birdsandshadows]

I think it’s really funny if Tim just assumed that everybody is on the same wavelength as him so he never explains anything because he thinks everybody already knows.

Tiny Tim shows up at Dick’s apartment and Dick is just flabbergasted because, “You know that Bruce is Batman?”

Tim nods like, “Everybody knows that.”

Red Hood comes to town and Tim’s like, yeah. That’s obviously Jason Todd back from the dead. The League of Assassins probably had something to do with it. Like, “There were signs.”

Jason, breaking into Titans Tower in full Robin costume, “What do you mean there were signs????”

“Oh, you know.”

[bat-birdsandshadows]

headcannon that Bruce has blocked seriously every single thirst trap/edits on him from all devices which his children use, meaning they never really knew how much the public simps on him and how much ✨sass✨ he gives off whenever he's out as Brucie cause he also makes sure that he doesn't act like that whenever he's at a gala with his kids. Basically what I want is-

-------------------------------------

*bursts into the manor*

Dick : DAD WHAT THE FUCK DID U MEAN WHEN U TOLD LEX THAT HIS HEAD IS SHINNER THAN HIS FUTURE, AND THEN ASKED HIM WHY HE WAS RACIST TO SUPERMAN INFRONT OF A THOUSAND REPORTERS?????

Bruce: chum listen-

*red hood burns down the front door*

Bruce: J-Jason-?!

jason :(fresh out from the dead) YOU HAD A THREESOM WITH THE MAYOR AND HIS WIFE THEN EXPOSED THEM FOR MONEY LAUNDERING AND TOLD THEM THEY WERE TERRBLE IN BED.IN.COURT?????!??

Bruce: uh um well it was for justic-

*bursts in through the window*

(let's pretend tim didn't know even if he was a stalker cause his internet access was limited cause of his parents and he didn't care about what others thought of Bruce and never bothered to look into it at all when he was living with him, thought Bruce just blocking it cause he didn't want the kids seeing him pretend to airhead ) (boy was he wrong)

Tim: YOU HAVE ELEVEN PIERCINGS AND YOU WENT TO NINE INCH NAIL CONCERTS WEARING CHAINS????? THERE ARE MORE THIRST TRAPS OF YOU THAN THERE ARE NUMBERS IN MY BANK ACCOUNT!??

Bruce: um-well-uh-about that-

*appears*

Cass *sparkling eyes* fashion show!! Dress! Pretty! (You look so pretty when u walk in fashion shows in a dress!!!)

Bruce: oh thank you cass-

Jason,dick, tim: WHAT

---------------------------------

Damian: *blissfully unaware back in the league cause Talia didn't tell him either* *she doesn't want to ruin the surprise, she finds it all hilarious*

[bat-birdsandshadows]

Hal, interrupting Barry mid-sentence: Hold up. You were in Gotham? Batman’s Gotham? ‘No-Meta-in-Gotham’ Gotham?

Barry: Yeah? Bats needed my forensic expertise. It was so cool. We traced-

Hal: Not fair. I want to go to Gotham

Barry: Ask Batman

—

Green Lantern, thinking about how he’s going to kill The Flash: You want me to go in there *gestures to open manhole* In the sewer. To fight an alligator.

Batman: Killer Croc is a man

Green Lantern: That looks like a crocodile and eats people.

Batman: Yes.

Green Lantern: What about him? Make him do it *gestures to Red Robin*

Red Robin: Can’t

Batman: He can’t.

Green Lantern: Why not?

Red Robin: Don’t have a spleen

Batman: He doesn’t have a spleen.

Green Lantern:

Red Robin, over coms: Did you guys hear that? Green Lantern just told me he wants me to fucking die

Coms: *explodes as everybody speaks at once*

[bat-birdsandshadows]

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Posted: September 19, 2024 17:32 UTC