batfamily-stuff - Tumblr blog

[batfamily-stuff]

Steph: Okay, so I figured out a foolproof method of determining if someone is evil.

Dick: And that is?

Steph: If they dislike Cas, they’re evil.

Duke: Huh.

Tim: I mean...

Jason: You know, that makes sense.

[batfamily-stuff]

how is Alfred literally dead and still getting more attention in the comics than all three of the very much alive Batgirls????

[batfamily-stuff]

Jason: HOW DARE YOU?

Dick: HOW DARE ME? HOW DARE YOU?

Jason: YEAH WELL FUCK YOU.

Dick: NO, FUCK YOU!

Jason: I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THAT.

Dick: I DON'T CARE.

*Jason storms off*

Duke: What was that about?

Dick: NO idea!

*Tim following Jason*

Tim: What was that all about?

Jason: I forgot like half way through.

[batfamily-stuff]

Is this not just Kate?

Fuck this I want to see a bat-aunt who's a raging anti-capitalist and other than Alfred is the only one who can make bruce admit he was wrong because they're a bit to similar for his liking at their respective cores.

[batfamily-stuff]

Bruce, disciplining the batboys: Take a good look at the people in the manor, boys, because they have lives and you don’t! For one month, that means no movies, no desserts, no television, no music.

Bruce: Jason, for you, no reading for fun!

[batfamily-stuff]

Bruce opens a public library close to Park Row in Jason’s honor after he ‘goes missing and is presumed dead’. Its mostly forgotten to time, so when Jason eventually stumbles across the entire library in his name that no one remembered to mention to him, he uhhh kinda looses his shit

[batfamily-stuff]

Tim: Life is like a magazine that you accidentally subscribed to years ago and want to cancel, but if you cancel it everyone will know that the original subscription was a mistake and then they’ll think you’re a fool. And I’m no fool.

Jason: Uh, yeah I guess. Uh, are you ok Timbo?

Tim: I’m great, good, fantastic. I just really need to cancel my subscription to National Geographic.

[batfamily-stuff]

If we’re projecting onto characters consider Jason not being that close to his heritage because his father never let him and his mother talk much about it around the house but Bruce notices and immediately books a flight to Mexico so he can experience it himself

bruce: huh but why haven't you ever visited mexico, you can literally drive there? jason: where the fuck would i have gotten a car? bruce, visibly sweating: i dont know- target?

no but jason going to visit mexico at like 13/14 in his emo prime and his constantly crossing his arms going 'they have this in gotham too, they have this in gotham too', at everything, because this is his first time leaving gotham and he doesn't want to show bruce he actually cares, until he meets his great great aunt and she immediately hugs him and calls him her family and he's like 'oh, they don't have her in gotham' and as soon as they come back to gotham he's like 'ugh dick, you're drinking water, how unoriginal, in mexico they drink agua' and dick's never more tempted to kill a child.

[batfamily-stuff]

Superman opens his mouth to begin the briefing, then closes it again.

“Ah, Batman, not to second-guess you, but why did you bring your new Robin to a strictly Justice League only meeting?”

Batman twitches.

Timothy Drake smiles and holds out his hand.  “Hello, sir.  I’m his emotional support sidekick.”

[batfamily-stuff]

Things the Batfamily had said during online classes.

“Get the fuck out of my room, Todd I’m so sick of you I swear I’ll-” “Damian, your mic is on,” 

“Duke, how many cats do you have at home?” “You don’t wanna know” 

“Is that Richard Grayson walking on his hands?”  “I swear I’m adopted” 

“Replacement, stop being a nerd and come and help me swap Goldie’s shampoo for industrial glue” 

“May I be excused? My oldest brother just fell from the chandelier and we have to go to the ER… again” 

“PE class via zoom is perhaps the most ridiculous thing ever” 

“Hello! Are you all friends with Dami?!” 

“Sorry, My camera is not working ma’am,” “She’s lying, Steph is still in her pajamas” 

“Is that Richard Grayson walking shirtless?” 

*Jason singing Dancing Queen out loud* “Tim, your mic is on,” 

“I hate online classes” 

“Timbo call 911, poached eggs were a failure. I’m gonna get Dami,” 

[batfamily-stuff]

quick, someone ask me if i just spent the past however many weeks working on a google slides project in which i catalogued every single canon batkid nickname i could find WITH comic sources for every panel even though i have finals to study for, essays to write, and fics to work on 

BECAUSE THE ANSWER IS YES

and there are about a million more slides showing the random canon nicknames i found while also addressing popular fanon nicknames that are misconstrued as canon, so PLEASE use this slideshow as a resource because i spent too much time on this thing for it to go to waste 

[batfamily-stuff]

Damian: Who the fuck added me to this group chat?

Cass: >:O language

Jason: Yeah watch your fucking language

Dick: Okay, who taught Damian the fuck word?

Tim: 'The fuck word'

Duke: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time.

Jason: Oh my god he censored it. That's so cute.

Steph: Say fuck, Duke.

Tim: Do it, Duke. Say fuck.

[batfamily-stuff]

*Clark and Bruce walking down a corridor in Wayne Manor*

Clark: Didja know there are crawl spaces between the walls?

Bruce, nodding: Yes.

Clark: Do you ever use them?

Bruce: I do. They're a nice place to sit and read.

Clark, raising a brow: It's nice to sit and read in the cramped, dusty space between walls?

Bruce, shrugging: What? It's peaceful, and besides, it's not like I am the only one who does it.

Clark: Wait. Who else does?

*Bruce, pausing to knock on the wall*

Tim, voice muffled: Bruce.

*Bruce, walking to the other side of the corridor and knocking*

Damian, voice muffled: Father.

Clark, frowning: Y'all are taking being a family of bats to the extreme, huh?

[batfamily-stuff]

Kara: If you bite it and you die, it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it’s venomous.

Damian: What if it bites me and it dies?

Dick: Then you’re poisonous. Jesus Christ, Damian, learn to listen.

Jason: What if it bites itself and I die?

Tim: That’s voodoo.

Bruce: What if it bites me and someone else dies?

Damian: That’s correlation, not causation.

Jason: What if we bite each other, and neither of us die?

Tim: That’s kinky.

Kara: Oh my God.

[batfamily-stuff]

bruce, looking at a burning warehouse: jason, did you do this?

jason: i cant believe you would blame me! after everything we've been through you still look at me like im the bad guy. im hurt, bruce. HURT. how am i supposed to be comfortable in my own house with you treating me like i'm a criminal??

bruce: *guilty look*

- later -

Tim: so, did you do it?

Jason: yes

[batfamily-stuff]

I imagine that Tim Drake has absolutely no cooking abilities

Like he’s a tech genius and a master detective but cannot cook for the life of him

When left to fend for himself, he survives on microwave ramen and Redbull

And even then he’s forgotten to put water in the ramen at least three times and in turn has nearly burned down the mansion

At one point he just gave up microwaving things and ate the noodles raw

The rest of the Batfam was both amused and horrified at this 

[batfamily-stuff]

just once I want to see a character have a gender crisis where it’s like

Villain: hah! you fool! have you not heard the prophecy? no man may kill me!

AMAB Hero: *kills the villain*

AMAB Hero: hmm. okay. okay okay okay. let’s unpack that… later.