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bathic · 2 days ago

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I’ll take a number two of anguish with a side order of rage-induced insanity.

Ready or Not (2)

Summary: 2 years later, Jongho thinks it's finally time you see your daughter again.

pairings: idol!dad!jongho x idol!exwife!reader, jongho x daughter!oc c/w: mentions of depression, custody battles, self-hatred?, toxicity on Jongho's end kind of? (lmk if anything else), also divorce, angst a/n: I promised an anon that I would go through all my wips, so i'm getting through all of them until I get to Cursed by Blood w/c: 2.7k Net: @mirohs-aurora-society

Jongho didn't see you for two years after that. He only saw headlines that made his heart sink.

Y/N OF ILOVE ATTEMPTS SUICIDE, NOW ON HIATUS IN WAKE OF RECENT DIVORCE

Y/N OF ILOVE'S HIATUS ENDS IN DEPARTURE. OFFICIAL SOURCES SAY SHE IS UNSURE OF HER FUTURE.

Jongho hadn't spoken to you at all since the day he was told to leave the hospital. You hadn't called or inquired about Eunji, and when she was a bright and bubbly 2 year old, Jongho wondered if you'd just forgotten about her.

He convinced himself that you did, so that he wouldn't regret his mistakes and so that he could move on.

Y/N L/N COMES OUT WITH FULL LENGTH SOLO ALBUM: AFTER THE END OF THE WORLD

Of course you hadn't forgotten. Your album showed your growth, and the behind feature was where you talked about your heartbreak with your unnamed husband, but you didn't mention anything about your child. Why would you? You didn't have custody, so telling the world wouldn't help your re-entrance into the Kpop industry.

He saw the headlines, but... he wondered what you were doing. "Maybe you should... I don't know... let her see Eunji?" Wooyoung tentatively suggested one day.

Jongho froze and stared at him in shock like he hadn't even considered it. "I- I know it's a sensitive subject for you but... y/n never really hurt Eunji, right?" "But she doesn't love Eunji-" "She said she didn't, yet in her worst moment, she hurt herself instead of Eunji. And even if that was true then and potentially now, you did take Eunji away. It's like y/n was the surrogate for her own daughter. At this point why would she love Eunji?"

Jongho knew better. Of course you loved Eunji. It was clear, even in your post-partum state, that you loved her so much... it just manifested differently, he supposed.

Jongho knew that he shouldn't indulge himself in you. After what had happened, he tried not to look back in fear of regrets. He told himself that you were firmly in his past..., but he couldn't help it.

Every performance you did for your new album, he watched your expression as you sang about love and loss. A smile never once crossed your face, and he didn't know if you intentionally let out tears at the end of your performances.

Even in your Behind the Scenes videos, your presence wasn't look. It was more candid background shots of your rehearsals, but never just you. Once in a while you talked to the camera, but he tried to imagine why your content was so... empty. There was a light missing behind your eyes.

The album was an attempt for you to face your hardships, but you were still healing.

"Did it help?" your therapist asked you. You sniffed and wiped a tear from your eye. "It was cathartic," you admitted, "But I don't know if I feel satisfied. I thought..."

You bit your lip, humiliation filling your body. "What did you think?" Your therapist asked.

"I thought maybe Jongho would call me," you whispered softly, "and at least ask me if I was alright."

"Why did you expect that?" she asked. You shrugged, "I didn't expect it... I was just... maybe I was hoping for it more than I thought I was."

Your lip quivered, "Maybe since I was stable to release an album, maybe I'd be stable enough to see my baby again."

Depsite her professionalism, your therapist couldn't help but look at you sadly. You didn't deserve to lose complete custody of your daughter when you were at your lowest.

From what you had told her, you had been in a perfect position to be supported out of that mental state. You just hadn't been. The problem was that you had been in such a good position that you didn't realize that you needed just a little more. And the lack of that little more caused you to hurt yourself.

Now your whole life had turned around. You were almost 100% a different person than you were 3 years ago.

"What would you do?" she asked, "If you could see Eunji again."

"I don't know," you said softly, "I think I'd just... hope to feel that love that I thought I couldn't feel when she was born."

You put your hand on your chest, "I don't know why I thought I didn't love her back then... because now, when I think of her, there's an ache in my chest because I don't know how she's doing. Is she sick, is she happy? I mean, of course she's going to be happy with Jongho, but..."

"You should stop putting your ex-husband on this pedestal," the therapist said, leaning back, deliberately not using his name, "This is not to instigate hatred towards him, but he took Eunji away from you. I think you feel like he cares about you more than he actually does. Would someone who loves you hurt you like this?"

"I think so," you said instantly before looking down in shame, "I think he just loved Eunji more than me, which he should. I think he became irrational trying to protect her..."

"I think you're a kind person for thinking that," your therapist said with a nod, "But I also think that assuming he is kind gives you more to mourn for than realizing that maybe he wasn't."

Jongho: Can we talk?

Jongho called you not long after your session.

"I was thinking... maybe you'd want to meet Eunji again?"

As much as you wanted to believe your therapist about Jongho not being kind, you knew your husband. Or rather, ex-husband. The issue had never been your relationship.

"Are you serious?" You asked. "Yeah, y/n... I haven't heard from you in three years, I-" You cut him off abruptly, "I want to see Eunji. Please, can I see her?"

It was a beautiful Tuesday afternoon in the spring when you met Eunji for the first time after two years.

It had ti be discreet, but Jongho wanted it to be a special occasion, so he picked a time and day when most people would be at work or school to meet in a park.

You brought gifts for her. Clothes that you thought she'd look cute in. You didn't know what she liked yet, if she was a tomboy or a girly girl or if she was old enough to care what her style was. You... didn't know much about children.

You probably looked crazy, tearing up in the children's section of the store, but you didn't care.

You were finally going to see your baby. Your Eunji.

Eunji was clutching Jongho's neck as he walked over to you underneath a cherry blossom tree.

"She's tired," Jongho explained, "She fell asleep on the drive here."

"Oh," you said, blushing, "I don't want to disturb her or anything."

"Nonsense. She's awake, she's just being moody," Jongho said, prying her arms away from his neck, "Look who's here, Eunji-ya. It's Amma."

Jongho put Eunji down and you crouched to be eye level with her. She fussed at Jongho for a moment before turning to look at you.

Her eyes were beautiful, just like Jongho's and her hair was thick like his, too. When you thought about it... you realized she barely looked like you at all. Once upon a time it would have warmed your heart to know that the child that you carried was an embodiment of the love you had for the man, but now it only brought you bitterness.

She would seldom look at herself and see you, now that you and Jongho were separated.

You pushed those negative thoughts aside as a wide smile broke out onto your face.

"Oh my," you said quietly, but loud enough for her to hear, "What a beautiful girl. Is that true? Aren't you beautiful?"

You wanted to garner some engagement, but like Jongho, even at two years old, her face was stoic. Not impolite, necessarily, not that it would have mattered for a two-year-old, but distant. It was as if she had no intention on getting to know you.

"A-ah," you sounded nervously, "It's me... Amma, Eunji. You probably don't remember."

You reached out to touch her arm, but the instant you made contact, she violently recoiled with a defiant, "Mm!"

Jongho almost panicked, though it wasn't obvious on his face as he nudged Eunji closer to you. "Eunji... it's Amma, look."

You reached out to take a hold of her so you could lift her up, but she let out a loud noise of protest, crying out as she reached for Jongho instead. Jongho picked her up, looking a bit pained as Eunji blatantly rejected you.

He should have known considering that you were technically a stranger to her, and Eunji didn't take kindly to strangers anyway. He didn't mention that to you... because he wanted to spare your feelings.

But telling you that earlier over the phone would have been better than enduring the pain on your face right now.

"She's- She's just shy," Jongho insisted, trying to hand a whining Eunji over to you, but the little girl was not having it.

You held your hands up in front of you, taking a step away as your heart broke further into pieces. "I don't want to bother her," You said softly.

"You're not, y/n," Jongho insisted again, "She'll warm up to you. This is only your first meeting."

"Isn't it so tragic that she has to warm up to her own mother?" you asked, clutching the fabric of your shirt above your heart, "Wouldn't it be better for her not to know me? I feel like I'll only disappoint her."

"Don't say that-" "I don't know if I'd have been a good mother or not," you continued anyway, "but I guess she wouldn't have had any other frame of reference if we'd still been together. I bet now she's seen movies and videos about what a mother should be... I don't think I'd ever be able to live up to that."

Jongho didn't know what to say other than, "She's only two, y/n."

"Yeah," you whispered, "And at this age, I think she should be surrounded by smiles and warmth and family...."

Jongho knew where this was going, and his heart twisted violently. "And I don't have that," you said with a frown, "Even if we worked out some kind of agreement where we could co-parent after she eventually warms up to me, what kind of environment would she have with me? I live alone, and I struggle... everyday... to wake up in the morning. I don't..."

"Y/n-" "I don't think that's the kind of life, even if only half the time, that she deserves."

Jongho's hand that wasn't holding Eunji tightened into a fist, "So what, you're abandoning her again?"

Your expression hardened and your defenses immediately went up as you realized the way that Jongho was looking at this situation.

"Again?" You asked darkly, "When did I abandon her the first time?"

"When-" "When you took her away from me?" You seethed, "When you saw me at my lowest and decided that instead of getting me help, abandoning me was the best course of action for Eunji? For our family?"

"You weren't that eager to come back to us," Jongho replied in a sinister tone, "You went off and profited off of what happened to you and never once contacted me-" "What was I supposed to say to you after you divorced me and stole my daughter without so much as a word to me!? You sent your mother to my house to hand me the divorce papers, you sent your brother to find me bleeding out in our home! You didn't want to face me, either, so what makes you think after what you put me through that I wanted to see you? After all the work I put in to be able to stand right now, let alone release music, which was my life's dream long before you, Jongho. So tell me what I was supposed to do in this perfect little plan you have in your head that I clearly derailed."

"Don't give up on us," Jongho said through gritted teeth, "Try. Again."

"You have a lot of nerve telling me what to do," You said hotly, "You didn't give me a choice when you decided that keeping Eunji away from me was the best choice for her, so let me make the choice now."

"Leaving her is never the correct option." "I can't leave her if she was never with me in the first place," You spoke, "Do you understand? This is what you did to our family."

"Stop it." "I know you don't like hearing it, Jongho!" You yelled, almost tauntingly, startling Eunji, "I know you don't like admitting that you were the one who ruined everything because you're so calm and perfect and rational, but you did! And I'm not going to let you blame me anymore. I am stepping away for Eunji's sake, and you can tell her about me or not, but if she's ever interested in her mom, she can always come to me. I just know that if she comes to me now, she'll be coming a dark and empty home after living with your beautiful family, and she will be disappointed, and I'll be damned if I let my precious baby be disappointed for any reason. So take care of her well, Jongho, like you have been, without me because that's what you wanted."

Eunji started to cry, but Jongho could only stare you down. He didn't agree with anything you said, but he was also never going to admit that he was wrong. His plan was flawless, foolproof, and you couldn't live up to it. The plan was the best course of action for himself and for Eunji. He was sure of it. There was no other way to be. He wouldn't let you derail those plans any more than you already had.

"Suit yourself," Jongho replied, devoid of any emotion, "I gave you a chance, y/n. Remember that you were the one who rejected her this time."

"Saying it like that doesn't erase everything that I've endured before this," you replied, handing him the bag of things you'd bought for her, "These things are for her. I got overzealous."

Jongho took it. "I won't forgive you if you end it like this."

You nodded, "It's a good thing that I care just as much as you did when you basically left me to die."

"Y/n-!" He said angrily, but you held your hand up, "Maybe it was like that and maybe it wasn't, but you didn't care enough to worry about me then, so don't think that you deserve any semblance of care more than that from me."

Jongho didn't say anything else as he gave you one last look before heading back to his car. Eunji was back to hugging his neck, but she didn't take her eyes off of you as Jongho walked away, your somber expression peaking her curiosity more than your initial interest in her.

She was still looking at you as Jongho put her in her car seat.

"Sad?" Eunji asked her father, confirming that the woman standing over there was indeed sad. "Yes, she's sad, Eunji," Jongho said.

"Why?" Eunji asked. "I don't know," Jongho lied, "Sometimes people are just sad."

"Hmmm," Eunji hummed, a frown on her face.

EX-ILOVE MEMBER Y/N SEEN WITH MYSTERIOUS MAN AT MUSIC BANK

EX-ILOVE MEMBER Y/N SEEN DANCING CLOSE WITH CELEBRITY A AT COACHELLA

EX-ILOVE MEMBER Y/N FLASHES ENGAGEMENT RING DURING INKIGAYO STAGE????

Jongho gripped his phone tightly in his hand every time he saw your name pop up in an article. He had no way of confirming their truth or not, since he wasn't in your life.

You'd never seemed to have a stable partner, even as the years went by, but you would always have some guy on your arm.

Perhaps you'd finally left him and Eunji behind, just like he thought you would.

----- Taglist: @ad0rechuu @spooo00oky @jaerisdiction @soso59love-blog @potatos-on-clouds @intartaruginha @hwasa28 @stacey-stonem @skersey33 @altxrr-ego @sunnyhokyu @sunnysidesins

#ateez x reader #Jongho x reader #jongho angst #ateez angst

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