battythoughts

[battythoughts]

㋡🥀

[battythoughts]

Sink or Swim

How old were you the first time you were allowed to go to the public pool completely unsupervised? Honestly, I don't have a single memory of going to one with an adult while I was still under the age of 18. It's kind of crazy honestly. I think there is something to be said for the amount of trust adults put into the life guards at public pools. Their jobs are to save people from drowning, not to babysit your kid for the measly fee of the pool entry. I'm sure that's just a prime spot for kidnappers too. I mean, it's not the pool staffs job to ensure your kids aren't getting into a strangers vehicle. It's not daycare. So why do parents think it's so fine to let their children galivant around completely unsupervised? Even if they are there with siblings or friends it's still not safe.

I remember one time I had decided that I wanted to learn how to swim so that I could pass the lap test and go into the deep end to jump off the diving boards. I spent a good 2 hours just practicing how to swim by holding the ledge to kick. Then using almost only my arms to pull me across the length of the pool in the part I could still touch. Finally, I decided I'd had enough practice and I was going to put it all together. Well I was doing good but I was also pretty tired, and well I guess that made the lifeguard think I was drowning because one minute I'm pausing to catch my breath on my tip toes and the next I was being carried out of the pool by said lifeguard. They were asking me where my parent was and I had to explain that I was there alone. I gave them the phone number and I was picked up. Then about a week later I went back, practiced for about 30 minutes, then took and passed the lap test and was allowed to swim in the deep end from there on out. It was interesting to say the least.

So basically, not only did I teach myself how to swim. I was frequently left completely alone at a public swimming pool. Then was allowed to go back after having been saved by the lifeguards, still by myself. All at the ripe age of 13 or 14.

All I know is that if my kids ever want to go to the public pool, or any pool for that matter, not only will I ensure they know how to swim well before that, they will also always have an adult with them. At least until their old enough to handle it on their own. How old would you allow your children to go to the pool by themselves?

Sincerely,

Batty

[battythoughts]

Lost and Searching

I have come to the devastating realization that a huge part of who I thought I was, might have just been a coping mechanism to escape my psychotic life as I was growing up.

I have always considered myself an artist. As far back as I can remember there has always been a pencil in my hand and a piece of paper in front of my face. I took 8 different art classes in high school and even went to a prestigious art school for a bit of time for collage. Ultimately, I dropped out of that school and got a bachelors in psychology instead. However, I always thought that art was something I genuinely enjoyed as a hobby.

I cut my family out of my life at 18 and that was the second best decision I ever made in my life. (The first slot is actually a tie with meeting my husband and wife.) However, while my partners have done nothing but support me and buy me what ever supplies my little heart desires, they just sit in the corner, unused and going to waste. Sure I could blame it on my ADHD and how quickly I gain and loose interest in things, but this goes so much deeper than that. I dedicated such a large part of my adolescence to art that it became my identity, and now that I am finally in a happy and safe environment where I'm not scared, or hungry, or cold, or lonely, I have lost my muse. It's like my art was only able to survive for as long as it did because it was feeding off of all the negativity in my life and now that there isn't any, it's just starved to death. I can't draw anymore. Anytime I get the desire to draw I just sit with my sketchbook and pencil in front of me and stare at the blank page waiting for the ideas to come, but they never do.

It's a really hard thing to process honestly. If I'm not an artist I don't really know what I am. I don't have any other hobbies. I feel like I've lost my entire identity and I don't know how to find it again. It's for the best overall. I know it just means that I'm growing as a person and I'm finally allowing myself to move past all of the negativity that is my childhood. However, it's a rather bittersweet feeling. What do I do now? How will I express myself if I'm overwhelmed or sad? Granted, sadness isn't really something I feel anymore, but I think you understand the point I'm getting at. I just. I don't know where to go from here.

Sincerely,

Batty