bckthots

[bckthots]

Hldys

The holidays are never my favorite time of the year. I often wonder what it would feel like if I was in a family that didn’t argue as much, didn’t have such horrible communication skills, and didn’t feel like strangers to each other. I forgot the last time i truly felt sorry for myself in relation to being in my family. Being on social media is also not the smartest idea during this season, as you’ll see big families gathering, talking, laughing together, enjoying each others company. 

Writing this feels a lot harder than I thought it would. I thought I’d feel better, but this feels like self-loathing to an extent. Might as well continue while we’re here. 

I rarely see my extended family. I have a theory it’s because my mom has made countless excuses for my sister in the past, making the family thinking inviting us over is a hassle. Ngl, I miss seeing my cousins. I literally don’t talk to any of them. This pandemic definitely made it a lot easier for families to not join together. Side note: I  realize I’m writing this in a bit of a dissociative state, I’m not sure if things are flowing, but that’s not the point of this so we can carry on. 

Yeah long story short I miss seeing my extended family. 

When I  have my own family, I’ll have lots of parties. I’ll invite my friends and they can bring their families too. There will be a seat at the table for everyone. Everyone. My sister will meet new people. My friends will meet my family, and others. That’s all I  really want. I realized I enjoyed the very few parties we would go to as a kid very much. 

I  think I’m done writing for now. This was okay. I’ll see how long I decide to keep this.