bcloveds

[bcloveds]

kill your gods → 

[aphrodite] sent 1:12 a.m. we found each other hungry

[aphrodite] sent 1:13 a.m. and we bit each other as fire bites, leaving wounds in us  

[aphrodite] sent 1:15 a.m. and at night i cry out for both of you just to feel the fire in my throat 

[bcloveds]

Dios mío, con todo mi corazón, Me arrepiento de todo el mal que he hecho Y de todo el bueno que he dejado de hacer.

INTERROGATION QUESTIONING OF CARINA J. EVANGELISTA VIDAL CONDUCTED BY DET. RAFAEL DOMINGO SCHEDULED ON TUESDAY, JUNE 29TH AT 9:00AM

[bcloveds]

An invitation was never quite simple just been an invitation— Nazrin recognized the challenge for what it was. To not attend would be to back down, and that was never an option. Even if it meant suffering by being in close proximity with Carina for several hours. Jaya’s resurrection still didn’t feel quite real, but neither did the majority of the events that unfolded since her arrival. Little time existed for her to become accustomed to her present circumstances— not when everything was bound to change at any given moment. Action was the only option. She understood this now.

She’d arrived on her own— not bothering to make correspondence with Carina beforehand. Perhaps if this had occurred several nights earlier, they would’ve coordinated their arrivals— but things were rather different now.

Nazrin meets Jaya’s gaze with steely, apathetic expression— not even offering so much a curt nod in greeting. This was not an encounter with old friends— there’d been no need to pretend otherwise. “Jaya,” she professed aloofly, not making any attempt to hide her disinterest. “You look darling, same as always. Much more put together than when I saw you last.” She takes her seat, eyes still leveled in the woman’s direction.

“Thank you for inviting me,” she says with a trace of a smile— as if to say she’d become a willing participant in whatever game Jaya hoped to play. “Of course not. I’d never object to any champagne. It’s lovely for all occasions— the good, the bad, the ugly.”

Still, she has not glanced in Carina’s direction. Maybe if she tried hard enough, she’d be able to forget she was there. “I always enjoy being reunited with my dearest friends. It’s a shame you hadn’t arrived earlier to join in on the festivities.” She sips the champagne, swallowing away her truest feelings regarding the dearest matriarch. “I’m not surprised to hear she said that, though. She’s always had her own… unique way of seeing things.”Or not seeing things— depending on how one wanted to put it. “It’s difficult to not be on edge in a house with such a vivid history of this one. Coming from someone whose actually lived in it for some time.” She leans back ever so slightly in her seat. “Surely there must be some other you’ve invited us here. Reasons outside of knowing about how much of a blast we’ve been having without you.”

CONTENT WARNINGS FOR / vomit, substance abuse (including drugs and alcohol)

Carina begins her morning with a damning text from Jaya and her head held loosely over the bathroom toilet, bile splattering into lacquered porcelain. It was dealer’s choice as to what turned her stomach – the disarmingly innocuous notification that had lit up her phone screen, about as subtle as a bombshell; or the discordant combination of Irish coffee, a handful of mixed berries, and some unlabeled pills from a bag Dante had left in her room. The unglamorous morning routine she’d come to rely on to not lose her mind altogether in this mad house. Vogue would have a field day.

What was she to do? It hadn’t been long enough since Jaya’s inglorious dismissal for Carina to forget her nature: calculated, meticulous, with a memory like an elephant and an Old Testament sort of sentiment on retribution. Not for the first time, she thinks of running away from it all. Of leaving Julian’s moldering bones and his undead games and running so far away that his memory would dissolve into nothing. Frost on a sunlit window. A pill on a tongue.

Instead – she brushes her teeth (aggressively), straightens her hair (meticulously), applies her lip gloss (a light, beigey neutral hue specifically chosen for its flattering wear-down). She makes herself beautiful, palatable. Consumable. A magazine photo-perfect slice of cake on a plate. Here is your fork, Jaya, and for you, Nazrin, the knife. Cut me apart and pick the bits you like, and leave no crumbs of me behind.

She’s quick to take Jaya up on her offer of a drink, plucking the glass closer to her fast enough that it verges on rude. “To reunions,” she declares; does not remark on the way no one joins her toast, nor to the tension that thickens and stretches like taffy the moment the three are seated. Briefly, she wonders if it’s too early to preemptively order another bottle for the table. “It’s lovely to see you again, Jaya, darling. The house has been lovely, of course – though I’m curious how you’re finding it. It has been so long, after all.”

@nazrinas & @bcloveds location: hotel amare, restaurant date: 1st july, 2021 time: 1pm

Traitors though they may be, Jaya was quietly satisfied that with her mere arrival, she still had the power to shock and awe this particular group. An old, undead part of her sought out the respect she had once earned from them that had been denied to her for so many years, her replacement an inadequate counterpart, undeserving of the honour. Yet arriving itself was not enough to feed the gaping maw in her chest that cried out for chaos. Julian would never have settled for this, and so she wouldn’t either. Inviting her former nemesis and nemesis’ best friend out to lunch seemed a suitable next step in causing the tremors she hoped would shake loose new information.

She doesn't rise when the other two women arrive, nor when they are guided over to the table by the overly enthusiastic hostess. But she watches, sharp and unyielding gaze trained on them as they approach, their every movement noted and stored away for reference. As they reach her, Jaya reclines in her seat, leaning back into a patch of sunlight that illuminates her in gold but fails utterly in making her look warm. A champagne flute, half full, is held casually in one hand. “Welcome, ladies,” she begins, with a smile that could possibly pass as genuine to those who didn’t know her. "Carina, you're as lovely as ever. And Nazrin. Gosh, haven't you... matured. Sit, please."

She sits forward again, posture military precise. "Thank you both for coming. I hope you don't mind that I ordered a bottle of champagne. I always feel as though reunions deserve champagne." With a flick of her wrist, a nearby waiter immediately pulls the bottle from its ice bucket and fills the two empty glasses. “Are you both enjoying being back at the house? Viviana tells me that you all seem to be quite excitable.” A slight quirk of the head. “Almost as much as the last time you were here.”

[bcloveds]

1830s “map” of a woman’s heart

[bcloveds]

Celia Kritharioti Spring 2022

[bcloveds]

Pamela Anderson & Tommy Lee by Peter Lindbergh, 1995

[bcloveds]

Alexandre Vauthier Spring 2022 Couture

[bcloveds]

300122, S.T.

[bcloveds]

[bcloveds]

Margaret Atwood, Cat's Eye

[bcloveds]

I wanted it so much. I don’t know why I wanted it so much.

Ernest Hemingway, Cat in the Rain (via thoughtkick)

[bcloveds]

Alexandre Vauthier Spring 2022 Couture

[bcloveds]

THE RIOT CLUB.    NAZRIN, CARINA, SOUNDARYA, HECTOR, DANTE.

[bcloveds]

Alexa Demie for Aidan Euan

[bcloveds]

“She opens her arms and hugs me, her airy embrace all fragrant hair and frail bones and elegant fabric. A smell like flowers and burning.”

— Mona Awad, from Bunny

[bcloveds]

Zión Moreno photographed by Hao Zeng for Flaunt Magazine (x)

[bcloveds]

60SMOBWIFE paper dolls . 𝓱𝓪𝓹𝓹𝔂 𝓿𝓪𝓵𝓮𝓷𝓽𝓲𝓷𝓮'𝓼 𝓭𝓪𝔂, @60smobwife​~ ♡

ulyana sergeenko couture spring 2o2o

moschino resort 2o18

louis vuitton rtw spring 2oo3

marc jacobs rtw autumn 2o2o

dolce & gabbana rtw autumn 2o19

devon aoki wearing jeremy scott in editorial for i-d

marco de vincenzo rtw spring 2o2o

alessandra rich rtw autumn 2o17