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To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before (2018)

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so you dated the wrong person and learned a hard lesson. you chose the wrong major and had to start over again. you cherished a friend who backstabbed you. it sucks, but it’s also going to work out. that’s life; you learn, hurt, love, cry, laugh, and keep going. you experience setbacks and you grow and it’s all okay.

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I just want somebody to take me out for ice cream, go on adventures in the park, make pillow and blanket forts, ask me to slow dance, watch movies and talk all night with me till we fall asleep.

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“Do you know that feeling when you just want to hide under the blankets and pillows and sleep deeply and never ever woke up? Can someone wake me up when my heart stops breaking into pieces? Can I just sleep forever and concoct my own dreams and live happily ever after? Can someone wake me up when the world rights itself and everything is already blissfully happy? Can someone, just anyone please put me to sleep? I just want to sleep forever, heart beating, mind wandering, soul at peace. And no, I don’t want to die. See? There’s that tiny hairline difference.”

— cynthia go // excerpt from a book i’ll never write #1 ( @cynthiatingo )

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“she took a deep breath and closed her eyes, wanting to scream out so loud but with all the strength she had, she kept everything inside.”

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“I find myself lost in between juggling my life, my dreams, and my happiness. And I don’t know what to do. Is this all there is? The things I do that makes me happy are not exactly the things that this world would applaud for, and the things I do to make my life seems worth it are not exactly the the things that makes me happy. And my dreams, I think I have it all wrong. And I think, is this my dream before? Why do I feel stuck now, and why does doing this dream does not make me happy anymore. Is this all there is to it? At what point can I throw the white towels away and say I quit? At what point can I let go? At what point is it enough to let go? Should I even let go when I haven’t even begun? Is that even called letting go when my heart isn’t even into it anymore? At what point can I stop chasing my dreams and not regret it one day?”

— cynthia go // On dreams and happiness

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you.

the day i first met you, you made me melt. you were so much more for me than just a guy. you seemed like everything i ever wanted and everything i never had. you were my sun, my moon and my whole fucking universe. you were evrything. you were thje one who made me felt complete. and even though you may have not have been my first love, you were the love that made all the other irrelevant. you were my everything. and the moment i completly fell in love with you, i knew that youre the only one who can make me lose everything. everything. you gave me every fucking feeling in this world. you broke me, you made me smile and i hate you for making me cry, you made me love. you made me fall. you made me lose myself. you broke me. and i hate you. but i hate me even more because i still love you.

me.

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“I’m the monster you created, don’t you see? You stirred up volatility, anger, jealousy, unspeakable bitterness and pain. You took the potential I had and twisted it into something dark, building your masterpiece with every damaging word. You didn’t like my anxiety, my wavering character, what you saw as a waste of your time. It’s funny how you hated all the things you made me.”

— if you had watered the flowers, they would have bloomed. you let them wilt.

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“Do you know that feeling where you just wanted to say “I don’t know what to do” over and over again? Because you literally don’t have an idea what to do anymore and you feel like you’re trapped in this black black void of mess you can’t seem to get out of no matter how fast you tried to run? I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do anymore. And you know what, if you’re ever feeling this, you’re not alone. I’m so deep and stuck in this moment too. I don’t know what to do.”

— cynthia go // excerpt from a book i’ll never write #23

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sooo…

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