beaduncan

[beaduncan]

“Every time I get a half decent idea it’s like, poof, right out of my head. Some writer I am.”

[beaduncan]

“Just your favorite brit? Not your favorite person?”

“Yeah... Yeah I’m feeling better. Less like a piece of garbage.”

“Always happy to see my favorite Brit, besides myself, of course.”

“How’ve you been? Hm? Feeling better I hope?”

[beaduncan]

“Thats what I like to hear, now what are we going to do for fun?”

“Of course I am, Bea.”

[beaduncan]

“Oh please, even with ten years added on you would still be the hottest piece in Verona.”

“Oh! Bea, you scared me. Of course I’m happy to see you, though. You just might have caused me to age ten years in fear, though.”

[beaduncan]

“Aren’t you happy to see me?”

[beaduncan]

She felt herself melt slightly as he spoke against her better judgment. He wasn’t the one who needed to be apologizing when she was the one who had fucked things up so monumentally. Well she supposed he had fucked things up as well. They were two disasters heading straight towards one another, they always have been, it was what made them so good for each other and also destroyed them. His words shook her, making her feel slightly dizzy and confused, not expecting any of this to be what happened between them when he came upstairs. 

“I’m not happy.” She blurted out once he was done talking. “I miss you and I hate you and I think I was in love with you.” The words spilled out of her mouth as easily as breathing. It was like a flood gate, once she started there was no stoping it. “Damn it Ben... I don’t want you to leave me alone. I thought I never wanted to see you again for so long and then I come back here and here you are and I thought that I was over you...” She took a deep breath, looking at him and shaking her head. “We really fucked this up didn’t we? Because we were good together yeah? That wasn’t all in my head was it?”

Dick skipped the elevator to jog up the stairs, hoping the exercise would bring some relief to his jumping nerves. He hated putting his heart on the line, especially since this past week had been filled with nothing but let downs, but he was losing sleep over this. Maybe it was selfish, to do this more for himself than for Bea, but he was going to drive himself crazy if he didn’t at least try. If she told him to fuck off, she told him to fuck off. It wasn’t that different from before.

He stood in the threshold of her door, leaning his shoulder against it and crossing his arms, like doing so would keep his heart from being ripped out of his rib cage again. “You don’t need to let me in, this’ll be quick.” He winced, remembering the last time he said those words, and how his tongue dripped with venom. He offered a small smile to buffer the blow if she remembered, too. “I just want to say I’m sorry. For everything. All of it. I’m sorry for fucking you up when… Honestly, I didn’t know that you had feelings for me, which… Would have made everything different, but I know it’s too late now. I’m sorry for blurting out that– what I did that night in Venice.” He paused, dropping his eyes to the floor. “You don’t owe me anything. Nothing. I lost the right to have a say in what you do a long time ago. I know you know that, but I just wanted to tell you that I know it, too. I just want you to be happy, Beatrice.” He flicked his eyes back up to her, drawing a deep breath. “I’ll leave you alone now if that’s what you want. I just needed to say that because… It needed to be said.”

[beaduncan]

“Yeah I think that my apartment was making me go crazy. Like the book set in the yellow room.”

“Hmm that does sound good. Lead the way.”

“The outside world is good, yeah? Being cooped up in a flat all day isn’t good for the brain.”

“You know what is good for you? Coffee.”

[beaduncan]

“Thats kinda a weird way of think of it... But anythings better than reality right now. If only the therapist they sent me to when I was eight could see me now.”

“Always disappointing, isn’t it?  Coming outside.  It’s not so bad if you imagine life as some weird, absurdist film you’re half-watching.  Or the backdrop for a music video.  As life, though, it kinda sucks.”

[beaduncan]

“Oh the outside world, just as full as idiots as I remembered.”

[beaduncan]

I think Louisiana is one of the coolest places I’ve ever been to. I love the culture here and the food is amazing. I haven’t stopped eating at all.  I miss everything about London though! I miss not being able to watch the football. I miss the pub. I miss walking. I don’t drive so whenever I’m in America, I feel very static. I can’t really get around as much.  I think London in the summer is one of the most beautiful places and I feel sad that I’m missing the summer because it’s only like two weeks long!

[beaduncan]

“Hal and I... We got drunk in Venice and kind of slept together, right before he went off looking for you. Now, he thinks that he’s in love with me or something and I don’t know... I don’t know who I’m supposed to want to be with anymore. This is why I stay away from this kind of shit.”

“Beatrice, don’t say that. I…I don’t know what’s going on, but I’m sure it’s not. What happened between you and Hal? And Benedick and Marcella? You’re starting to scare me a little.”

[beaduncan]

She was getting pretty tired of all these unexpected visitors at her apartment. For one thing her home was never clean enough for company and for another thing almost every time someone showed up they wanted to talk to her about the whole Hal thing and that was one thing that she was trying not to talk about. She took a deep breath, debating turning him away, but the moral part of her knew that the least she could do was let him in. “Yeah, okay. Come on up.” She said buzzing him into her building before running around her small apartment, throwing anything she could get her hands on into the laundry bin.

Dick was nervous – the stupid beating in his chest that had become the bane of his existence lately was rearing it’s head again – as he waited outside of Beatrice’s building. Was he a stalker? He was definitely a stalker. Shit, she was going to call him a stalker. Still, he pushed himself to the buzzer of her apartment, holding the button longer than probably necessary. “Hey,” he said, drawing a deep breath to keep his voice steady. “It’s Dick– Um. It’s Ben. Can we talk? I swear I won’t yell at you this time.”

@beaduncan

[beaduncan]

“Yeah, not so great right now. I’m pretty much the queen of fuck ups now.”

“Oh.  Wow.  I see.  I take it things aren’t going well, then?”

[beaduncan]

“Well I didn’t fuck your best friend or your fiancee so I guess not.”

“No.  Should I be?”

[beaduncan]

She didn’t say much as she set about making the tea. She seemed calm but really she felt like every nerve in her body was wired to the fact that this women was in her apartment. She felt everything from guilt to anger to resentment to jealousy. She just had to focus on the damn tea to keep from any of those emotions to come out in a ugly way. Well an uglier way than they already have. 

She let Marcella finish speaking before placing a mug in front of her filled with steaming tea. “I’m sorry, that people got caught in the cross fires of this, including you. I am.” She didn’t say that she wasn’t sorry that she did it though, even Beatrice wasn’t that stupid. “But maybe you should be saying this to Hal. Because he’s the one who kissed me, brought me back to his room and from what he said it sounded like he didn’t think you would care at all.” 

“As for staying away from him... Hal’s been my best friend for years. I won’t go after him but staying away from him won’t be so easy. Sorry but thats the truth.”

“Tea would be excellent, thank you.” She said curtly. You always accept the drink, whether you intend on drinking it or not. 

“I’m not going to tell you how to do anything-” Marcella looked around the kitchen, she wanted to be out of there as soon as possible. Beatrice did not deserve her time, but this situation in it’s entirety did. It had all gotten messy, and it wasn’t her job to clean this up. She had a business to run, but in the last week, her personal life had gotten messy. “I’m going to ask.”

“Obviously, Hal and I have a lot of issues to work through. But the wedding is still on, regardless of the recent transgressions that transpired between the two of you.” Henry. Beatrice. Sex. She was going to throw up again. “Obviously, I’m furious with the both of you. He, being an engaged man, slept with another woman. And you slept with an engaged man. How would you feel-” she was leaving her feelings out of this. “But I am here to ask that you to just- leave him alone, sexually and romantically.”

[beaduncan]

“I did not! You’re just impatient.” She said, rolling her eyes and swatting his arm playfully. She giggled and grinned despite herself as he playfully bit at her neck, making her whole body burst into flames in a way that almost scared her. She wished that he kissed her longer, but there was time for that. With Benedick it always felt like there was an infinite amount of time, like he was powerful enough to make the world stand still just for them. 

“I thought you hadn’t gotten your license yet. Are you trying to kill me?” She asked, playfully. He knew her well enough at this point to know that she wouldn’t ever care about something like that. The two of them were reckless, idiots, thats why they got along so well. Because they were the same. “Hmmm, someplace that no one will find us.” She said, grinning back at him with a smile twice as big as his own. “Someplace that will just be the two of us.” Her eyes twinkled with mischief and and grin said adventure. 

waltz through time | bea + dick

Dick grinned as soon as he saw her, dropping the rocks in his hands as he held them up in surrender. “Sorry!” he shouted, laughing in delight at himself. His leg jiggled while he waited for her to come down, and he hoped she wouldn’t take time getting ready or whatever. It was dark anyways. Seriously, what was it with girls and that? He liked Bea just fine in anything, and he liked Bea just fine in nothing at all. He made a mental note to tell her. It was probably important.

“You took forever,” he complained in a theatrical whine when she came out, his hands immediately going to her waist. His face went to her shoulder and he bit the crook of her neck playfully, pulling away quickly before she could retaliate. “Plans? Who plans? I don’t plan. I hope you don’t plan,” he laughed, giving her a fast kiss before he untangled himself from her. His hand slipped into hers and he tugged her forward. “I’ve got my dad’s mustang,” he told her, looking over his shoulder to flash a cheeky grin. “The world is our oyster, Beatrice Duncan, so long as you don’t tell on me. Where do you want to go?”

[beaduncan]

“Ben doesn’t think so... Whatever, fuck. This was a really fucking stupid mistake, stupider than most of the shit I do.”

“Oh, of course not Bea-”

“I make mistakes, you make mistakes, I’m sure even the Queen herself has made a few. Everybody makes mistakes. It’s unfair to hold you to one mistake, right?”