beangods - Tumblr blog

[beangods]

Mommy needs to be honest kitten. You're not a kitten, you're a puppy, I know. Actually, that's exactly what I wanted to talk to you about. You've let this whole puppygirl thing completely take over our sex life and to be honest it's not really clear to me that you really enjoy it anymore. You really seem stuck in a short-term hedonic spiral from posting about it on tumblr and getting likes. And I know it's hard to get out of that kind of thing but it's really been getting out of control. You said "we're trying for puppies" to my best friend of 15 years. Seriously? How the fuck am I supposed to live that down? No one was laughing. The room was dead silent and I wanted to sink into the floor. And this was days after I was crying my eyes out over the infertility stuff. So you came across as kind of an asshole on top of it. Yeah, I know you didn't mean it like that but you can only point to "bourgeois morality" so many times before it starts to feel like you're just saying "I'm sorry you got offended" you know? Like every time I try to express that some basic social decorum is necessary to preserve relationships I care about you start misquoting Bakunin. And like look you have a lot of positive qualities but I don't think this is working anymore. We both know it hasn't been good for a long time.

[beangods]

here is my piece for CAPTCHAVOGUE 2024!! i present to you . . . the 3pm shuffledress, made of the 3am dress, the dead shuffle suit, and the wizardbeard yarn. i thought a light mummy-themed garment would be perfect for a character who sleeps in a sarcophagus. many thanks to @expirequiem and @clowndamned for the opportunity to participate this year.

(also click for better quality T_T)

[beangods]

we should globally ban the introduction of more powerful computer hardware for 10-20 years, not as an AI safety thing (though we could frame it as that), but to force programmers to optimize their shit better

[beangods]

✨ Please reblog the polls to make them reach out to as many people as possible, but KEEP IT SPOILER-FREE to make people listen to the music with an open mind 💖 Artists and titles will be revealed after the poll's conclusion, check the original post for an update! ✨

[beangods]

[beangods]

i could never live on a starfleet ship cause I'd know some cunt in security is reading through all my search queries Alien Penis alien penis comparison alien penis chart penises throughout the galaxy penis in every language what species are sexually compatible with humans what species can humans SAFELY uave sex with sex sent me to the sickbay season 78 alpha quadrant penis tour what species has the most penises and that's how far I'd get before they overrode the security lock on my quarters and broke in and killed me for being academically curious

[beangods]

so then what happen ?

oh okie then! ^^

[beangods]

middleschoolstuck

[beangods]

alright guys im curious. who were the worst mutuals youve ever had

[beangods]

Also when parents are like "its impossible to get my pre-pubescent kids off the phone/tablet" its like... because YOU are always on your phone in front of them. Kids dont have an innate attraction to screens and no one is bringing an iphone to kindergarden. You put a phone in your kids hands because your kid has been harrassing you about it because they see YOU on the phone all the time. Ipad babies always have ipad parents too....

[beangods]

i feel like when people talk about sexual abuse of youth of the binary genders its often like. young girls are abused because they fall in love with men who misuse romance to get off, or they are just straight up forced. young boys have sex with older women because they're driven by pure horniness and don't care about anything but getting off. as we all know young girls can only be motivated by ~love~ because they never get mindlessly horny, and young boys can only be motivated by emotionless sex and of course never don't want sex.

[beangods]

look i said i was sorry alright will you just eat the damn pizza

[beangods]

Communists and anarchists will spend all day talking about abstract concepts and structures like capitalism and the state, but willfully ignore the very real, tangible curse placed upon me by the foul necromancer

[beangods]

it’s fun for me just to grab a

[beangods]

SO SOMEHOW MY YAOI SHIRT ENDED UP IN MY DAD’S LAUNDRY BASKET HELP I CAN’T BREATHE

[beangods]

that clip of the blues clues guy saying during the process of being hired to be on the show the kids were shown a "conventionally attractive" guys clip and his clip to some kids and they enjoyed him bc he looked like someone who would actually need help is how i feel about the main guy from that show the bear

[beangods]