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[beasmith]

don’t jokeship with me because 2 hours later i’ll have feels for the pairing.

[beasmith]

❛  you were dead.  yet, here you are.  ❜

she’d counted the hours as many times as she had counted the spiderweb of scars on her stomach , silently willed the days to go by quicker . sometimes it’d worked , but most days her days passed by in a haze , her pain killers pulling her in and out of consciousness . but NOW -- she slowly raised her arms , splayed out not unlike the way jesus had been on the cross once upon a time . but jesus had risen once too , and so would she .

‘  yet here i am . ’

her tone was cool , a little stiff . between dreams of blonde hair and warm hands , there joan stood . judas . she’d killed joan a million different ways , with a shiv , with the same hot shot given to allie , with her bare hands . it’d always been gruesome , dirty . fitting for the woman before her . bea was not a violent person ( or so she told herself ). but any animal would snap it’s jaws if given no choice ; and bea had dreamt of ripping joan’s throat out with hers for far too long .

she approached the taller woman then ; it’d taken months of convincing to let her back into general population , and every inch of joan’s face made all of the bribes , all the begging worth it . she stood before her , lips twisted into a mocking grin . 

‘ next time ? make sure to finish the job , freak , ’ she hissed , before shouldering the other woman as she passed . it’d been well worth the wait -- and she’d soon make it much better .

[beasmith]

❥    feeling   things   ,   a   sentence   meme   .

what are they called again ? emotions ? ugh .   ( taken off of pinterest )

❛  you were dead.  yet, here you are.  ❜ ❛  speak your mind even if your voice shakes.  ❜ ❛  you inspire me to be nothing like you.  ❜ ❛  every day i wake up more tired than i’ve ever been.  how long will i stay like this?  ❜ ❛  fuck you’re cute.  ❜ ❛  don’t get attached.  ❜ ❛  i am fire.  i am hatred.  i am consuming.  ❜ ❛  there is a certain amount of truth behind everything that people do.  everything they do tell you a little something about them.   ❜ ❛  i wanna fucking date you, stupid.  ❜ ❛  which is it?  are you in love with a person or an idea?  ❜ ❛  you will get better.  maybe not today, but someday.  ❜ ❛  there’s a reason i never told you all of this.  ❜ ❛  let’s get drunk and tell each other everything we’re afraid to say sober.  ❜ ❛  i wanna see what happens when i don’t give up.  ❜ ❛  yeah you’re cute but are you good for my mental health??  ❜ ❛  … and then i just snapped.  ❜ ❛  i still repeat the things you said to me in my head.  ❜ ❛  your hands are scarred from murder, and yet i trust them completely.  ❜ ❛  shit.  i think i have feelings.  ❜ ❛  i believe in annoyed at first sight.  ❜ ❛  what did it mean to you?  any of it?  ❜ ❛  can someone please be proud of me?  like fuck, i’m trying.  ❜ ❛  i sometimes wonder if things only get better so that they can get worse again.  ❜ ❛  hey, sometimes you gotta kill a guy.  ❜ ❛  i broke my rules for you.  ❜

[beasmith]

it was a luxury , to be able to offer parts of yourself to another . opening up -- how bea envied those who could sit in the yard for hours , droning on and on about themselves . she would gently rub her shirt between her fingers , looking ( read : spacing out ) at the grass under her shoes . how jealous was she ! she wished she could recognize herself in the more talkative bunch -- wished she could recognize herself in the way they spilled their words from their lips and cared little for where they landed . but truth was , bea could hardly recognize herself in the mirror these days ---- could hardly recognize the curls framing her face and the bags under her eyes . 

ah , the true luxury was allowing yourself to ... be . to selfishly be . she hadn’t been able to do that since -- well , since harry . GOD . she rubbed her clammy hands on her teal pants . maybe this was a mistake . but she was already outside of allie’s cell , and bea wouldn’t allow herself the sudden leave . unfortunately , the blonde inside was responsible for the closest feeling of freedom bea had felt in a long time . which ... complicated things .

‘ hey , allie . ’ ah , she felt like a teenager again , the way her nerves seemed to simultaneously vanish and intensify by just saying the blonde’s name . ‘ mind if i come in ? ’ she questioned , hanging from the blonde’s doorframe . she might’ve felt self - conscious at some point -- afraid of the eyes that would surely be on them . but ... she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth , shifting the nearly folded piece of paper between her hands . fuck ‘ em , right ? / @piecebypiiece

[beasmith]

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