beaviu - Tumblr blog

beaviu · 13 days ago

Text

yn is going THRU IT. BETRAYAL AFTER BETRAYLLL . hey at least she’s got a sexy guy to come home to every night.

LIKE A TATTOO .☘︎ ݁˖ – 30 winter in boston

─────────────────────

previous | next chapter | masterlist

warnings ⟢ profanity/vulgar language, alcohol and weed consumption, mention of severe depression, cheating. please read with caution.

the chapter includes a flashback.

[word count: ~2.8k] pay attention to the dates!

you always knew chaewon was a good person – maybe that’s why you had been beating yourself up the past week.

after finding out about her past with heeseung, you developed some sort of secret animosity towards her. you didn’t want to feel this way about her, she was a good person – but you just couldn’t help it.

chaewon kim had always been kind, empathetic, honest, and generous. she’s always been the same her entire life, never changing.

you don’t know why this childhood memory of you two stuck with you, but it did. it happened during elementary school. your fourth-grade teacher assigned the class a take-home art project for the weekend. the second you came home from school, your mom took you and chaewon shopping at the local art supply store to buy watercolour paint for both of you.

it was may around the time, you remember. the weather was warm, the sunlight shone, and the grass was lush and green. so, ultimately, your mom made you and chaewon paint in your backyard, afraid you guys would make a mess – and she was right, when are moms not?

there was clutter everywhere; paintbrushes lay on the grass, cups filled with water on the pavement. there was paint on both of your fingers, faces, knees, clothing – you name it.

you remember staring at the painting your eight-year-old self had finished, and you were proud. it was a painting of you and chaewon with your houses in the back – well, stick figures of you both and a two-dimensional house that was coloured pink, red, and blue, your favourite colours. regardless, you felt satisfied after you finished your painting.

you don’t really remember exactly how it happened back then, but chaewon had accidentally knocked over one of the cups filled with water. it had spilled all over your canvas, which was now a puddle of muddy watercolour paint all over.

of course you cried, you spent so much time on it, and you thought it was a really good painting (which, in retrospect, it probably wasn’t that great of a painting considering you were eight). but you knew for sure that it was unintentional, because soon after you, chaewon had also broken out in tears when she saw that she ruined your canvas.

it was a whole sob-fest. you can recall the heavy footsteps of your mom running outside to check on you two. she thought that someone might’ve gotten hurt, but was pleasantly greeted with the sight of two crying kids and a pool of murky water sitting atop what was supposed to be your finished painting.

you and chaewon were full-on bawling; tears and snot running down your faces and all. your mom had to run back inside to find you guys some tissues and your matching princess waterbottles to calm down.

honestly, you were too preoccupied mourning the loss of your painting to even realize chaewon had also been crying �� but eventually, you noticed. and when you did, you felt bad because you knew she felt bad.

chaewon kept wiping her tears, but more fell out anyway, so it was no use. in a choked wail, she managed to spew out the words, “i’m sorry y/n, you can put water on my painting too, so it’s equal.”

you didn’t ruin her painting. you couldn’t bring yourself to.

by the time your mom came back outside, chaewon hadn’t stopped crying. she didn’t know how to make her feel better, so her mom ended up having to pick her up from your house to bring her home.

for the next few days, chaewon never came out to play with you because of how terrible she felt. you wanted to tell her that it’s okay, that you guys are still best-friends-for-life, but she never showed herself. it wasn’t until you made your mom convince her mom to tell chaewon that you didn’t hate her that she finally came out and talked to you.

that was just the kind of person she always was.

so, it wasn’t really a surprise to you when you saw her spamming your phone with calls and messages to talk.

your phone had been on silent the entire night, and you didn’t realize chaewon had been trying to reach you until your uber reached its destination (the destination in question being some random club giselle had found on some promoter’s instagram story).

you had a couple of shots at the pregame, but weren’t overly drunk – just a bit tipsy, bordering actual drunkenness, “hold on, i need to make a call.”

yunjin scoffed, “come on, don’t tell me you’re drunk calling heeseung already.”

this bold statement earned a unanimous hush from the rest of your friends, as the name “heeseung” is currently a big no-no word in your group.

sunoo pushed yunjin inside the entrance of the club, “okay,” he said, dragging the “o” sound, “take all the time you need y/n, these drinks aren’t going anywhere!” he smiled, and eventually disappeared inside with the rest of them, leaving you by yourself.

the march air in nyc was cool, the streets were bustling, and the club-goers near you kept chattering. you decided to find someplace quieter to call chaewon back. your heels clacked with every step you took, eventually ending up in some alleyway between a bodega and a shawarma shop.

admittedly, you stood there in fear for a while, staring at her contact information until you finally hit the call button. it rang once before she picked up.

you swallowed hard, “hey chae, sorry, my phone was on silent the entire time.”

“why didn’t you tell me about you and heeseung?”

you became uncomfortable at the mention of his name. your mouth opened to speak, but nothing came out.

chaewon continued, “you saw the tattoo but you didn’t say anything, why?”

“i – i don’t know, i didn’t want to drag you into this mess. i thought it was something i had to figure out on my own.”

she let out a frustrated sigh on the other side of the phone, “but you must’ve felt hurt right? i know you y/n, come on.”

she was right, you were hurt. you had been hurting.

“...heeseung was the one who texted me,” you didn’t mean to, but a gasp escaped your lips, “and before you ask, no, we don’t keep in contact with each other, i was just as surprised as you are now when i saw his text.”

all you could think of right now was, why would heeseung text her?

“he told me that you wouldn’t talk to him.”

ah, that’s why.

“i know how you are, you’re curious aren’t you? but you don’t want to hear him out. he told me what happened, and it’s fucked up i’m not gonna lie. so i see where you’re coming from,” she added.

curiosity killed the cat, and you finally caved, “what… what happened between you and heeseung?”

you heard chaewon sigh before answering, “do you remember my disappearing act in freshman year? when i wouldn’t come home from school for holidays or breaks, and you thought i hated you?”

yes. how could you forget? you figured that was the start of the end of your friendship with chaewon.

“...it was because of him. it was really bad back then – he was really bad back then. you should’ve seen him. he was struggling, and i thought i could help him. he had no one. no family, no support system, he barely talked to his friends. it was like i was watching him kill himself slowly – i thought i was the only one that could be there for him. but, looking back at it now, it only made me isolate myself from everyone too.”

a huge lump formed in your throat, your stomach dropped – you felt bad now, bad that you didn’t hear heeseung out sooner.

you stayed silent, but she went on, “he was so miserable in boston, and i was so stupid back then. i had been convincing him to leave unknowingly. he wanted to do something else with his life – wanted to start fresh and do what he always wanted to do. but he was cowardly and scared, and that’s how i ended up with this tattoo. it was something i picked out from a random page of his sketchbook because it was small – because i wanted him to start somewhere instead of wallowing in his own pain.”

you just stared blankly at the brick wall in front of you, unable to form words to say, but still kept listening to her.

“...and he did end up leaving – without saying a word to anyone, including me. one day he was there and the next day he just… wasn’t.”

all of a sudden, you couldn’t hold it in anymore; tears started running down your cheeks, and you became frantic, “i’m sorry, i’m so sorry chaewon.”

she was taken aback. she didn’t know why you were crying. “y/n, you didn’t do anything wrong, why are you telling me sorry?”

her words only made you sob more. you choked out, “because i’m in love with him, and it hurts. it hurts so bad."

that was the first time you said it out loud, but you had known this truth from the start; you were in love with heeseung lee. but you can’t do anything about it anymore. he was chaewon’s first.

she could tell you were conflicted, you never had to tell her explicitly – chaewon could read you like a book, she grew up with you, how could she not know you?

she felt horrible.

you wanted chaewon to tell you to choose her without actually saying the words, but she couldn’t.

because she had been keeping a secret from you, and she couldn’t hide it anymore – not when she heard you in pain like this.

so she confessed. she had to.

.☘︎ ݁˖

BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS, FEBRUARY 2023.

soobin went back home to visit his parents the weekend of your first anniversary with him. he had always emphasized that he was “family-oriented” and that boston was his home, so he couldn’t make an exception for his weekend in particular.

and yeah, you were annoyed, especially since he wouldn’t be spending the weekend leading up to your anniversary with you – but once he kissed your forehead and assured you that he’d get back before your dinner reservation, all of that annoyance mellowed away.

what you didn’t know was that he had been partying every night with his friends ever since he arrived in boston.

the day before he left to go back to nyc, his friends took him out. the place they went to was bustling with students – your typical college bar.

soobin always prohibited you from going out, but that rule never applied to him – and what you don’t know wouldn’t hurt him, he thought.

he was headed to the back of the bar when suddenly, he bumped into someone, causing their drink to spill all over his white shirt.

“fuck,” soobin mumbled, visibly irritated.

he looked up from his shirt to see who it was. but what he wasn’t expecting was to see your childhood best friend, chaewon, standing in front of him, caught red-handed with a now-empty cup in her hand.

chaewon’s stare could’ve burned a hole through his shirt, “oh my god, i am so sorry.”

soobin already had a couple of beers before coming to the bar, so he couldn’t tell if he was drunk or if he really did think that chaewon looks incredibly good right now.

“hey,” he blurted out, “aren’t you y/n’s friend?”

chaewon was all over the place, she had been drinking like crazy that night. she stumbled forward when soobin caught her immediately, placing his hands on her hips.

she looked up at him and laughed. their faces were so close, if she were to stand on her toes, their lips would meet.

chaewon brought her hands to his chest, “yeah, i guess i am.”

soobin smirked, “i think you’re kinda drunk right now.”

“so are you, your pants are unzipped.”

his eyes flew to his zipper, which was, indeed, unzipped. quickly, he fixed himself before speaking again, “what’s the occasion?” chaewon hummed at soobin’s question, “...to be drinking like this?”

she just giggled, rolling her eyes, “just trying to forget.”

he raised an eyebrow, confused, “forget about what?”

“him.”

soobin didn’t fucking know who “him” was, and honestly, he didn’t really care.

chaewon cut off his trail of thought when she suddenly asked, “what are you doing here? shouldn’t you be with y/n?”

he looked at her up and down before replying, “i’m just here to have fun. i never have any fun with her around. can you just keep the fact that you saw me here a secret from her?”

back then, chaewon was hurt. she was hurt that she was left behind, like she was something disposable, easily replaceable. heesseung left her in boston without uttering a single word – without a goodbye.

maybe hurt people hurt people, she thought, because she made a lapse in judgment that night. that was her excuse when she wrapped her arms around soobin and said, “it’ll be our little secret then.”

the truth was, soobin did love you – maybe not as much as you loved him, but still, he loved you to some extent.

he knew it was wrong when he kissed chaewon at the bar, knew it was wrong when he took her home, and knew it especially when he was in bed with her.

when his alarm sounded the next morning, she was already gone, and he had to make his train back to nyc.

soobin felt bad; you were a nice girl, you rarely complained, you listened to him, and you were gorgeous.

it was when he was on the train that he decided to bite the bullet. he pulled out his phone and opened up your messages. there were missed calls, several texts asking him where he was.

that only made him feel worse, because in the midst of all this happening, he forgot.

he forgot that today was your first anniversary with him.

his fingers moved across the screen when he typed up a single message: “let’s break up.”

and hit send.

.☘︎ ݁˖

for the past week, heeseung had the same routine: wake up, go to work, think about texting or calling you, maybe actually texting or calling you, come home from work, lie on his couch, smoke a joint, and think about his life and all his shortcomings.

today was the same. it was past midnight, and jay had offered to close up the shop tonight. so heeseung just shrugged and started his nightly routine early.

he got home and started rolling his paper. he licked the edges so that the joint would be wrapped tightly. when he finished, he allowed his couch to swallow him before he brought the lighter to his lips.

the joint was wedged in between his teeth when he scowled out, “fuck my life.”

he only got a few hits in when he heard a few hurried knocks from his door.

it must be jake or something, wanting to bother me, he thought.

he carefully balanced the lit joint on the ashtray and walked over to his door.

the last person he expected when he opened the door was you.

heeseung rubbed his eyes once, then twice, wondering if he was just having a really bad high.

but it was really you.

he looked at you standing there, tears falling, mascara running, breathing heavy.

after you hung up the call with chaewon, you couldn’t just go inside the club and pretend nothing happened. you didn’t know where to go.

all you could think of was heeseung.

you let out a choked-out sob, “you knew, didn’t you? you knew soobin cheated on me, is that why you fought him that night?”

heeseung didn’t say it out loud, but he told you, “yes” with his eyes – that only sent you spiralling more.

your wails were louder; you were ugly-crying. you’ve never felt like this before, so helpless and betrayed.

it broke heeseung’s heart to watch you like this, so he brought you into his embrace.

you didn’t care anymore. you cried into his chest, balling your fists in his shirt.

he rested his chin on your head, running his fingers through your hair to comfort you.

“did you know who it was – who he cheated on me with?” it hurt to speak at this point; your throat was closing up on you.

heeseung shook his head, “no.”

“it was chaewon. he cheated on me with chaewon the day before our anniversary.”

he lifted his chin from your head to look down at you.

you looked up at him, eyes red and puffy now, “i’m sorry, heeseung, i’m so sorry.”

─────────────────────

author's note: me after reading that one ask that’s been sitting in my inbox that predicted this entire thing

TAGLIST [OPEN]

⟢ @primroselover @deobitifull @snesible @heesexual74 @enhxlvr @jaysguitarstring @smlbch @likeafeverrr @lisamrrth @all4moi @itzbangchan333 @ddolleri @mheretoreadff @tbyangel @beomgyus11 @httpenhoon @jellymiki @juliejulesjule @luvnaomixo @lalalalawon @cripplinghooman @pandoraskisses @galbiyun @jjongsha @enhanoa @makeme1cream @yenienha @bambi-lia @dwusfg @teenagecheesecakereview @osakinanadesu @moonlitregulus @lys2hee @hoonieangel @norihoyeon @yuyita-rosier @lvvrikss @ellitheghost @vamphee @lionzyon @chaerinmin @jakeznii @hereforchifuyu @heejamas @wenomakiluvr @lovenha7 @jakessrealwife @val-luvs @haechology @iyoonjh

#like a tattoo – ᥫ᭡.

516 notes · View notes

beaviu · 15 days ago

Text

back to me ༊*·˚ YJW

ℐ'𝓂 𝗈𝗎𝗍𝗌𝗂𝖽𝖾 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝖺𝗉𝖺𝗋𝗍𝗆𝖾𝗇𝗍

❦ ₊ ˚ 𝒷𝖺𝖻𝗒 𝒸𝑜𝗆𝖾 𝖻𝖺𝖼𝗄 𝗍𝗈 𝗆𝖾

in which . . . he breaks your heart, you leave, and yet still you always find yourself crawling back to him.

@ ℒou : now playing — back to me by the marías

You swore to yourself you would never spare another glance at Jungwon, not after all the pain he caused you but somehow you’re standing outside his apartment again.

As the elevator climbs up, your friends’ warnings echo in your mind: “He’s no good for you.” “You deserve better.”

Yet here you are, heart racing, palms damp, every nerve pulling you back to him. By the time you reach his floor, your breath feels unsteady.

Each step toward his door is heavier than the last, your fingers trembling as you press the doorbell. The faint sound of his footsteps sends your stomach lurching, and then he’s there—hair wet, head tilted, eyes curious.

“Oh?”

You curse under your breath before managing a weak, almost broken, “Hi.”

The silence that hangs between you is suffocating.

“What’re you doing here, doll?” Jungwon’s voice is low as he pulls the door open wider, stepping aside to let you in.

You slip into his apartment, instantly hit by the familiar scent of his cologne and body wash—comforting, intoxicating, and impossible to forget.

The space is minimal, spotless, it feels more like home than your own, being here feels too natural, too easy, like you never really left.

“I don’t know,” you mutter, setting your bag down before collapsing onto his couch. The cushions have molded to your body by now, after countless nights spent here you swore would be the last.

Maeumi pads over, tail wagging, and you reach for him, cooing softly as he hesitates just out of reach. Jungwon watches, a smile tugging at his lips despite the heaviness pressing against his chest.

“He missed you, you know.” he says, and the words roll off his tongue bittersweet because what he really means is i missed you.

His eyes linger on you like they always do—you pouting at his stubborn dog, brows furrowed, hair falling in perfect disarray around your face. It’s a sight he wishes he could keep, a life he wishes could be his.

But even as he drinks in the sight of you, he knows this moment is temporary—that sooner or later, you’ll walk back out that door after he does something reckless enough to shatter you again.

Why does he keep sabotaging himself? Why, when all he’s ever wanted is you? He aches for you with every part of him, yet ruins everything the second it feels real. Commitment should be simple, but with you it terrifies him—because you’re the only one who’s ever mattered. Every thought, every breath, every quiet second of his life somehow circles back to you, and only you.

The words press at his throat, threatening to come out and before he can stop himself, they spill out.

“I don’t get it,” Jungwon mutters, voice raw. “Why do I keep screwing this up? Why can’t I just—” he cuts himself off, dragging a hand through his hair. His eyes flicker to yours, almost desperate, a sight of yearning. “It’s you. It’s only ever been you. And no matter what I do, I still end up ruining it.”

Your chest tightens, but you say nothing. The silence between you is heavy, unrelenting.

He lets out a shaky laugh, one that doesn’t reach his eyes. “You should’ve given up on me by now. God knows I’ve given you enough reasons to.” His gaze drops to the floor, jaw tight. “But you always come back to me”

You swallow hard, his words tear at something raw inside you. Part of you wants to scream, to throw every broken promise and sleepless night back in his face. But another part—the louder part—is frozen, aching, because you know exactly what he means and he’s right.

“Jungwon…” you breathe, and his name feels heavy on your tongue. You look at him, really look at him—his shoulders hunched, his hands fidgeting like he’s bracing for you to walk away.

And God, you should. You should turn around and slam that door behind you. But your body betrays you, sinking deeper into his couch instead.

“Do you think I don’t hate myself for this too?” Your voice cracks, sharper than you intended. “Every time I come back, I swear to myself it’s the last time. I tell myself I deserve better, that I’ll never let you do this to me again. But then—” You falter, eyes stinging. “Then I’m here. Again. With you.”

His lips part, wanting to say something back but no words come out. The silence between you is jagged, electric.

Finally, you whisper, almost against your will, “No matter how many times you’ve disappointed me, I always end up here… I just want you to choose me, to love me without tearing me apart.” Your eyes glisten with tears you can’t hold back, your lips trembling and slightly parted, heart exposed and aching with a desperate, foolish hope that maybe—just maybe—he’ll finally stay and commit.

His chest tightens like someone’s squeezing it, and for a moment, he can’t breathe. The words hit him harder than any slap ever could—your voice raw, trembling, and broken in every way.

“I…” he starts, like he’s trying to find the right words but failing. His hands clench at his sides, then twitch as if he wants to reach for you but fears he’ll hurt you even more.

“I don’t deserve you,” he admits, almost in a whisper, eyes dark with guilt and longing. “I keep… I keep ruining everything. And yet…” His gaze drops to your lips, then back to your eyes, full of desperate need. “And yet you always come back to me.”

He steps closer, slow, careful, but every movement carries the tension of a man caught between desire and self-loathing. “You’re mine,” he says, voice rough, almost pleading. “I want you. Always you. Even when I know I’ll hurt you again… I still want you.”

He finally lets his hand hover near yours, trembling, like reaching out might fix everything—or break it. His eyes never leave yours, searching, aching, silent confessions burning behind them.

For a long moment, neither of you move. The apartment feels smaller somehow, the air thick with all the unsaid words, all the pain and desire tangled between you.

You reach out first, almost instinctively, letting your fingers brush his. His breath catches at the contact, and his hand hovers over yours, trembling as though he’s afraid to claim what he knows he can’t fully keep.

“Don’t,” you whisper, voice cracking. “Don’t make this harder than it already is.”

“Don’t?” His laugh is bitter, a mixture of longing and frustration. “Every time I try to stay away… I fail. And still… I can’t. It’s only ever been you…always you.”

Something breaks inside him, something he can’t name, and in a sudden, desperate motion, he closes the distance.

His hand brushes against your cheek, gentle at first, hesitant, while your fingers thread desperately through his hair, gripping him like you’re trying to hold yourself back. He tilts his head, deepening the kiss, and a shiver runs through you as the intensity of it steals your breath.

Before you realize it, you’re on his lap, pressing yourself against him with a hunger that’s half desperation and half longing. His lips never leave yours, hands roaming cautiously yet insistently, as if afraid to let go but unable to stop. Every movement, every breath, screams chaos between you—love and heartbreak tangled in a dangerous game.

You pull back first, gasping for air, your chest heaving, and your eyes immediately find his. His gaze is raw, intense, and aching—every look drenched in longing and regret.

“I’m sorry,” he murmurs, voice rough, almost breaking. “For everything,” he adds, the words heavy with guilt and unspoken confessions. His eyes never leave yours, burning with the desperate need to make you understand that despite all the pain, he can’t stop wanting you, a tear silently falls down his cheek.

You can feel the weight of his apology pressing against your chest, suffocating and intoxicating all at once. You want to push him away, want to run, want to scream, but you can’t. Because despite everything, your heart—your foolish, stubborn heart—still belongs to him.

“I hate that I still need you,” you murmur while wiping his tears away from his face. “Even with all the pain you cause me, I can’t let go. I still want you, more than I should.”

You know this cycle will repeat, that no matter how many times he breaks you, your feet will still carry you back to him—because your heart refuses to forget him, refuses to stay away.

• ⋆. 𐙚 ˚ authors note — first time writing something angsty nd i lowk like the way this work came out!!! (˶ˆᗜˆ˵) ik it’s not a smau but i felt like this would b better if it was written so ntm on my writing plz 😅

226 notes · View notes