bebeba

[bebeba]

I HATE MOTHERS DAY

it reminds me of how failure i am to be a mother.

it pains me, seeing them celebrating this occasion and i am still grieving.

it haunts me.

[bebeba]

it's sad. i'm so sad.

[bebeba]

I am so proud of you baby..

saw this while cleaning. 🫂 you've been through a lot. you've gain more experience, learnings and knowledge. i know it's not easy but it's worth it. i've witness your sleepless nights, when you're struggling to travel from laguna to your work. having hardtime at work while making me happy.

it's not easy baby, and yet you manage to get there..

i've seen your hard work. you deserve these things.

and i'm always here. i'll support you no matter what. life may bring challenges, but i know we'll get through it.

i love you 😘♥️🥰

hehe 🥰 cute mo sa new uniform mo.

gwapo baby ko 😘

[bebeba]

coney island's story

it starts with a lone woman, sitting on a bench in coney island, remembering the exciting early days she used to have with her beloved. in this place.

she thinks about what went wrong from those bright days to where they were now.

her, alone, in the place they used to call theirs. their relationship, over.

they were supposed to spend the rest of their lives together...

her trying everything she could to keep his attention, he was right there... yet he was nowhere to be found.

she wonders if she pushed too hard, what she did wrong.

they've been stuck in this sick tortured cycle of fights, ambivalent toleration, and cold shoulders for years now.

where did all those bright lights go?

at the end of it all, she's sorry she didn't stop the cycle.

she's sorry that she let him go.

we see the husband's perspective.

he's sitting on that bench in coney island, wondering what all his accolades, awards, and cheers at work were for, if he lost the one thing that mattered to him the most.

he recalls the hundreds of times he pushed her away, but she was too polite to leave him.

they both wonder if things were better when they were uncertain, young, and non-committal. instead of tied down, permanent, and old.

they both wonder if they would forgive each other even if they've already moved on long past their broken love; too wise to give that trust back, too old to care.

they're both sorry they let each other go once they got married.

we flashback to their last moments together, before they returned to coney island by their lonesomes.

they both decided on their own to let bygones be bygones, and rekindle the love that was still there but buried under all the heartbreak and shouts and tears.

it was her husband's birthday, and so she decided she'd spend the entire day making this grand full course of meals, bake a cake from scratch, talk about how she wants to stop the fighting. get back to how they used to be.

her husband decided that maybe they could spend his birthday in coney island, right by their old spot in the green line, by the gold clock. he planned to have a picnic there, and maybe they could get back to how they used to be when they were young and falling in love teenagers in coney island.

when he gets back home they fight yet again, over the stupidest thing of how they both wanted to spend this special day. he kept trying to insist her to abandon the meals she'd spent the entire day slaving away to make for some "surprise". and in the heat of the fight, frustrated over her stubbornness, the husband walks out and drives away.

they both didn't know that was going to be their last fight.

the woman finds out over her husband's plans. that he was headed to coney island when he drove away. that he had a surprise for her waiting there.

now she's on that bench in coney island alone, sorry that she'd spent so many years not saying his name. even at his funeral.

now he's also on that bench in coney island, right there, but nowhere to be found.

they're both sorry that when they finally got together again, they were just too late.

[bebeba]

naiisip ko lang ba to?

overthingking lang ba?

[bebeba]

pagdating sakin, lagi syang badtrip.

pero sa iba, lagi syang happy.

[bebeba]

Minsan ba feel niyo rin na hindi kayo belong sa group of friendships niyo?

i have this group of friends nung highschool ako. babae kami lahat. we're so close sobra. but since nung nag college na ko, hindi na ako nakakasama sa mga get together. lagi silang nagkakasama sama and ako hindi ako nakakasama kasi busy na sa school.. but i understand kasi, college life, busy, malayo pa yung university na pinapasukan ko, then new found friends na rin. pero love ko sila..

kaya lang i feel like hindi ko na deserve yung friendship na binibigay nila sakin. 😕 na gi guilty ako kasi i cant be there when they need me.. na naiisip kong its a waste of time para sumama ako dun, sobrang tagal na kming hindi nakapag bonding and feel ko ma out of place ako. ☹️

i just don't feel it anymore..

meron din akong pinag daraanan ngayon, and actually hindi nila alam.. and wala naman akong planong ipaalam kasi hindi ko rin maintindihan.. i dont know why im being like this. 😕

[bebeba]

hanap ka ng sisisihin.

[bebeba]

Minsan napapatanong ka nalang,

bakit yung iba ang dali at daming nakukuhang blessings.

bakit pag dating sakin parang napakahirap. bat parang ang daming struggles bago ka mabigyan.

Thankful naman ako. kaso hindi ko rin naman maiwasang maisip.

[bebeba]

thank you

[bebeba]

sobrang dami kong iniisip.

this is me .. overthinking everything..

[bebeba]

may iba sakin. hindi ko alam. hnd ko ma explain.

[bebeba]

oo tumatawa ako. pero hindi ako masaya.

[bebeba]

you need to breathe.

paano?

[bebeba]

bakit kapag mabait ka inaabuso ka?

[bebeba]

Feb. 20, 2023

hihi cheers my babyhubby.. 😍😘 congratsz 😍😘

[bebeba]

sobrang lamig pero naka electricfan ka pa rin