becausegraf

[becausegraf]

Do y'all ever just like. Get body slammed by a fixation so hard you bust out an animation about it in five days?

Anyway have stylistically experimental Helluva Boss eyestrain angst.

[becausegraf]

Imma ramble a bit here about Helluva Boss;

One thing I've noticed is that people seem to be missing the fact that Stolitz is not supposed to be a healthy relationship. That Blitzo and Stolas are both flwed individuals, and they're working through those flaws.

Hell M&M exist to parallel them by showing what about healthy relationship looks like. The parallels run deep here. Like how right after Stolas loss a wanted child it revealed that Millie has a *potentially* unwanted child.

Also can we just except that Stella is a 2 dimensional character and that doesn't have to be a bad thing. She can just be a dumb mean bitch who was only in a relationship with Stolas to secure power. It was an arranged marriage and there was never any love.

[becausegraf]

Everything You Put Me Through - what is this ‘everything’ really?

Featuring: 

1) Interpreting the actual meaning of Blitz’ angry rant

2) A look into how Stolas misheard him just like most of us did, and 

3) A side-track into how they both gave the wrong signals about what they actually wanted from each other right from the start.

So, idk if this is a new-ish idea or not but

I've been pondering that moment where Blitz goes 'After *everything you've put me through*!!' during their one-sided argument, because it just didn't make a whole lotta sense to me.

The *obvious* reading would be that he means everything as in 'the sex arrangement [that I didn't like but didn't object to]' and I get the impression that's what most people read it as, taking it at face-value. 

It makes no sense though, as we see all kinds of evidence for Blitz actually *wanting* the arrangement to stay exactly as it is. Both before the Full Moon and after he shows his motivation to stick with their deal, and ‘it makes sense’ to him. He's at least physically into Stolas and Stolas is into him, for as far as he knows/hopes, what could possibly be wrong about continuing to have regular sex dates they both enjoy?

Throwing out that accusation of Stolas putting him through something upsetting, I personally felt like he was talking out of his ass spouting something aggressive just to channel his anger *somewhere*, including the whole tangent he went on with the whole 'not taking the lower class seriously' thing. 

Sure, it's an angle you can definitely consider, but it just seemed to have so little to do with their actual interactions around their agreement, and with what was happening right there and then?? The dismissive ‘bye Blitz I'm done talking please leave’ attitude, sure, but something about his rant doesn't seem on-topic enough to be about JUST that.

-

All that said, I think I finally figured something out:

He's talking about explicitly everything *other than the sex part*

‘The sex part’ is specifically what he WAS okay with, but it's the whole 'ugh wtf is he trying to do here, playing at us being actual friends and him caring about me' that was NOT part of the agreement that caused by far the most emotional distress to Blitz, and what I think he had in mind when thinking of 'stuff Stolas put him through' that he'd *actually* have struggled with.

Like.... this might sound kinda backwards but I can see Blitz legitimately struggling with 'how dare he put me in this situation where he gets hurt and I feel like it's my fault, and somehow I'm supposed to care and I DO care but what the fuck am I supposed to *do with that*.'

- because that'd be the sort of emotional challenge that'd really throw him off and make him feel absolutely terrible.

'If he'd just kept this business-only, I wouldn't be this conflicted.’

If it was ‘just business’ and nothing more, there would be neither the expectation nor the justification to approach Stolas and everything about him like a friend. Blitz *needs* it to be unambiguously ‘just business’ for his own comfort and sanity, because if it isn't… 

Example:

A prissy rich boy just looking to get giggity living out his fantasy couldn't possibly give a fuck if his ‘plaything’ to be ignored outside of fun times didn't come see him at the hospital, right? If that's what this is (and to Blitz that was the only believable option), to go visit him would be an enormous risk, and a huge emotionally messy one at that, given what happened the last time he tried to see someone he cared about who got hurt because of him. 

Yeah hahah, no. It's way easier to tell himself Stolas doesn't care, than to open THAT whole can of worms and push himself into the purgatory of being rejected in anger or be made fun of for being so stupid as to think Stolas might have wanted him there for real.

It's that internal emotional turmoil that really messes him up, and that he resents Stolas for. 

‘Why can't he just play by the obvious rules and keep it simple and clean, why does he have to do this pretend-bullshit making me almost think he actually values me, and make it so hard to keep my distance and stay detached, damnit!’

Because if that's what Stolas was actually doing, that would 1000% count as ‘playing with someone's feelings’, wouldn't it?

The annoying nicknames and the 'having sex appointments' stuff is not remotely the sort of thing that actually bothers someone like Blitz that much. It's maybe a nuisance or inconvenience, but there's no way he actually has deep-seated emotional pain about that. 

Stolas trying harder and harder to invite him closer and get to know him, THAT would be what would piss Blitz off, because he could only see it as this owl dragging him into some dumb roleplay. And that is what would actually, genuinely hurt to be a part of, because he wishes it *could* be real.

When Stolas ‘plays at being his friend in earnest’, Blitz thoroughly hates how it makes him feel.

Stolas is NOT pretending, but that's 100% inconceivable to Blitz. It being genuine is the one possible interpretation he can't risk taking seriously because if he's *wrong* oh my lord…

‘This hurts and I wished he'd stop doing what's causing me to feel this way.’

At this point in time, Blitz can't process his own feelings well enough to comprehend that that's what's causing him this pain, so all he feels is agitation over something vague. 

He feels anger, some resentment towards Stolas, and the only proper explanation he can give to himself is that Stolas is being thoughtless and disrespectful towards him - of course he'd be bothered and annoyed. That makes sense in his mental framework.

‘This whole thing he does, pretending to give a shit for real makes me feel like garbage, and he just keeps doing it like it's nothing, because he's just a total braindead douche when it comes to that specific stuff. He doesn't get why he needs to stop at *all*.’’

Blitz is walled off from his own vulnerable yearning and desires by fifteen layers of deflection and ignoring and irony. 

He tells himself he hates Stolas’ disrespectful, patronizing attitude, when the core of it is *disappointment* and self-doubts, and how it triggers his sense of unworthiness and hopelessness about never being able to have anything ‘real’.

He *genuinely* didn't get it, as obvious as it seems from an external POV, and other than Fizz nobody had any reason to challenge him on that. Other parties either didn't care, saw it just like Blitz did, or had no idea Blitz could be *that* freaking blind. 

Example:

Millie goofily referring to Stolas as Blitz's ‘boyfriend’ to her parents. Blitz responds as if she's disrespectfully joining in with Stolas’ thoughtless making a mockery of his feelings just to tease him, rather than being affectionately cheeky about this odd but kind of cute situationship he has going on and ‘pretends’ to be in denial about.

-

ALL OF THIS makes what he said when he blew up at Stolas make perfect sense.

... and it also means Stolas misheard it as 'he thinks I'm just some shallow sex fiend using him for pleasure' instead of 'he's mad at me because to him it sounded like all my attempts to be nice to him were just a messed up powerplay, despite me meaning every word of it'.

To Stolas, Blitz thinking he'd be that shallow is easy to believe because it's the most obviously logical possibility, AND it's also kind of his worst fear at that point. 

The notion of his genuine interest and tenderness being consistently misread, by comparison, is a pretty strange mental twist. It *almost* makes no sense at all that someone could only half-intentionally misconstrue regular kind messages as some contrived fucked up performance.

'When did I ever play with his feelings, it can't be all the times I tried to be nice to him with no strings attached because I really meant that in earnest... so it's gotta be the sex arrangement he's mad over??'

No wonder he took it the way he did.

-

Now, for my third section - it's quite the tragicomedy that their first reunion as adults was a whole pile-up of giving each other inaccurate impressions of what the other one actually wanted.

'Are you here to ravish me' = oh okay, owl do be randy??? thinketh a Blitz

'Oh hey there buddy, want me to ravish you then~?' = oh uh wow uh um ok he's here because he's actually for real into me????? wondereth a Stolas

and then they just kept that little 'roleplay' of trying to give the other what they thought they wanted from each other going, assuming that was the actual primary motivation of the other (when really Blitz was there for the book and Stolas had no idea what he was getting himself into and he was just making shit up on the fly half sloshed).

They pretty much *showed* each other that yes, they do in fact want-a-da-sex from each other, pretty explicitly,

and the deal they struck was just a convenient excuse to keep seeing each other.

It's not that hard to see how Stolas' thinking went there... 

‘Hey so, that was the most amazing thing ever and oh my goodness me, if Blitz actually likes me that way and as an aside he can use the grimoire too, um, well, tee hee hee? maybe we can make it a regular thing officially~?’

He called it favours for favours, but really it's sex for sex, and the grimoire's kind of a bonus tossed in because it makes a neat story, for as far as he's concerned. He clearly didn't have any intentions of withholding it if Blitz wanted a different arrangment.

'Let's keep having dates under this little fun guise of borrowing my book, because hee hee hoo hoo that's a neat dramatic plot device just like in my novels.'

He only way later clues into the implications of it as 'wait shit he does actually really need that book for real, this is kinda messed up despite never intending to lord it over him like this'.

Stolas *would* be the kind of dork to think of it like some romance story where the fated lovers come up with some cover story to continue their passionate forbidden tryst

... and it also makes scheduling really simple, HAH. 

(I mean scheduling can be *such* a pain in the ass, anyone who's ever played DnD would know that well enough, right~? Consistency is key ehehehehe.)

[becausegraf]

Okay, alright, look, ‘kay, alright, M’KAY?

glad we had this talk bestie

[becausegraf]

Oops, another one. Hiss hiss grr grr etc.

'This one's mine, bitch'

[becausegraf]

Fast and rough sketch of the man himself at 5pm on his couch, freshly showered and patched up, taking a crash-nap after completing a mission that got only a little bit annoying.

No blanket this time, cooling off a bit is more comfortable rn.

[becausegraf]

Eeeexactly.

How ironic even is it to note Stolas's lack of a spine in relation to his dynamic with Blitz -

When he himself acknowledges that this insufferable, charming fucker of an imp played a big role in him taking steps to break out of his stagnancy, self-denial and passive 'enduring'.

Stolas typically avoids open conflict, and the only two people we know he has had arguments with are now Stella (who doesn't give a damn and is in it just to make him miserable), and Blitz.

And he stood his ground against Blitz during Apology Tour, instead of letting him push him around.

He butted heads with a person he actually has feelings for, a person he wants to have a positive relationship with, with no hesitation, and defended his boundaries clearly and consistently rather than letting Blitz dictate the interaction entirely.

And lo and behold - unlike with Stella, *Blitz actually received the message* and took it to heart.

Having Blitz as a friend, if anything, is making Stolas *less* pathetic, and increasingly confident with making his own decisions.

That his life is a mess right now isn't the same as him being some kind of sad loser, and Blitz doesn't treat him like one either.

Needing some patience and compassion and support, and accepting it when it's offered in hard times, isn't a mark of weakness of character. There is no reason to portray it as somehow 'better' or cooler for Stolas to wall himself off and deny Blitz the chance to be there for him, and that is the case regardless of any lingering romantic feelings.

i don't think stolas's relationship to blitzo makes him gloriously pathetic, i believe it's his passivity that he's adopted as a way of getting through his life (his passivity about marrying stella, his passivity about being complacent in the systemic oppression of imps and his passivity about his own honesty towards his loved ones) and framing stolas's "obsession" with blitzo as sick is pretty fucked up and disrespectful.

stolas is a passive and pathetic fuckboy who lets himself get pushed around by everyone but by no means does this mean his relationship with blitzo makes him pathetic. if anything, it has enabled him to learn and grow as a person. i do think stolas takes a lot of blame for the material conditions of hell more than he should, because again this is a system designed to work that way and everyone is complacent by default.

[becausegraf]

With Lvlupexpo just around the corner I don't know Who I Will Become other than a swarm of information-hungry piranhas, and I think I might need to spare my usual handful buddies across several DMs the distraction of me yapping in their faces like a Husky you asked to hold back for half a second.

I've seen some Discord groups floating around recently, anyone know any comfy places to go nuts together in about HB?

I'd love to stop by and say hi and sit back to wait for Friday with all the composure of a misaligned centrifuge~

[becausegraf]

Close, but out of reach ✨🌕🌖🌘

(Fun fact, there’s a fic to go with this on AO3 lol)

[becausegraf]

Shower thoughts moment about Stolas and Blitz' communication issues.

Something I haven't seen in these discussions before myself (beside the matter of how wishy-washy and overly accommodating Stolas tends to be):

Stolas is *overly polite*, to a degree Blitz simply can't decode the intricacies of it anymore.

His politeness is such an obvious, on-brand part of his behaviour that it gets overlooked as a source of communication issues, and their difference in social 'rank' is connected to this, too.

Tl;dr Stolas' usual cordial manner, overly restrained by the upper class code of conduct he was raised with, makes it very difficult for Blitz to take what he does and says at face-value, and this results in a fundamental unease and distrust on his part.

-

I was rewatching 'Ozzie's' again, and something occurred to me about their conversation after.

Stolas gets out of the car, probably after quite the long awkward silence. Blitz is clearly stewing in displeasure.

And then, what does he say? What's the kind of message he chooses to send, in-between his invitation?

'Hey Blitz, *thank you for asking me out, this was nice.*'

He doesn't completely skirt around the obvious issue that things ended on a sour note, but he skips over it quickly, in a hurry to avoid seeming unhappy or ungrateful or upset.

Now, after the whole debacle, Blitz knows damn well this was a mess from start to finish. He invited him out on a fake date, couldn't be arsed to really pay attention to him because he was still caught up in his Original Plan of spying on MnM, and not even minutes later, being unable to keep his gob shut, he ends up attracting the attention of everyone and their mama to him and Stolas, to get them both sublimely roasted in public.

'I enjoyed spending time with you', says Stolas.

'Bullshit', thinks Blitz.

No, he didn't. He got dragged into a sassy rogue's hare-brained scheme like the naive princey he is, tidily sat aside while Blitz thoughtlessly treated him like distraction at best, got publicly humiliated by the top dog of the Lust ring to the point of cringeing and hiding away, and got carted on home in a cramped messy car with a thundercloud in the driver's seat.

-

Stolas' intention isn't to bullshit Blitz. He knows his friend knows he knows this went terribly awry, but in his social circles, something so obvious doesn't have to be stated aloud. It'd even be incredibly unbecoming to complain openly, let alone to have a bitch fit and express frustration the way 'a lower class person' with no filter might.

He can tell Blitz isn't happy with things, and it's perfectly understandable and thoughtful of him to try to think of a way to salvage the evening, rather than to get hung up on whatever the fuck that whole mess just was. He knows Blitz isn't likely to be eager to talk about 'it', whatever 'it' might be, but they don't have to - if they can just spend a bit of time with each other to ensure things are alright between them, they can part ways with some peace of mind.

So that's what he does: he sidles around the unpleasant elephant in the room, like any properly behaved Goetia would, and extends a courteous, polite invitation to wave it all off and have a pleasant evening regardless.

Stolas spent his entire life 'on stage'. He's an actor, both due to a genuine, benign penchant for dramatics, and out of pure necessity to get by when surrounded by high society folk, and living in a household where conflict would be never-ending if he doesn't go out of his way to diplomatically calm things down. He has more than two decades of active training in 'how to ignore the ever-growing pile of crap, and put on your tidiest smile'.

-

By comparison, Blitz is *explicitly* vocal about what he thinks. The day they met, he wasn't shy at all about telling little Stols that his books are boring, and as an adult he's still impulsive and bluntly honest. He's used to open conflict and butting heads with people, and expects others to 'come and give it to him' if they have a problem.

From Blitz' perspective, Stolas' earnestly motivated behaviour has to come off as a bit 'fake', like an actor walking through a script.

Calling Stolas out by going 'oh come off it, you and I are just sex and nothing else' may sound incredibly blind, or deliberately obtuse, but I think he may have partially meant that to say 'can we not with the whole pretend-nice play acting right now, let me remind you of what's real here, and I'm not in the mood for messing around with whatever you think you're doing here'.

He really doesn't think Stolas inviting him to come in and hang out like friends is genuine, and in a sense - why would he? They just had a disaster of a night, and this weird prissy owl isn't starting a shouting match or crying or bitching about it - clearly he's up to something, but it's for sure not 'in earnest'. If it was, they'd be having an argument, or at the very least be talking about the whole thing.

-

Heck, the very first time they met was a whole mess of confusing communication, with the very first thing Stolas says to him after closing the door to his room being something straight out of a sexy roleplay. Talk about making a brand new first impression on Blitz as someone who apparently just Does That Kinda Thing like the massive nerd he is.

I really think Blitz struggles to interpret some of Stolas' behaviour correctly, or at least, in the way Stolas is going for. Their social surroundings and habits are so vastly different there really is no meeting in the middle at times. They're not just not on the same page, but reading a whole different novel.

-

And hey, this goes the other way, too.

During Full Moon, Blitz goes after him when Stolas withdraws from the interaction (which is what you would do if in the middle of a fancy party, your emotions start to boil over - you excuse yourself to have a breakdown where nobody has to be annoyed over it).

Someone following him when he departs can either mean they care about what's going on and are invested enough to want to be there while he's upset, OR it's a case of someone like Stella just not being done ripping him a new one. The way Blitz comports himself does *not* make it one bit clear that him chasing after Stolas is 'because he cares', not when mister hot-headed 'I turn fear into fury' Blitz is going off on a hostile tirade.

'LET'S GO!!' he shouts.

It's literally a case of someone screaming to be engaged with. 'Get back here you bastard we're not DONE.'

This is Blitz 'being real' with people, as unpleasant and aggressive (and in its own way a defensive front) as it is. This is Blitz ready to tear through the haze of indirect, vague communication, expecting, wanting Stolas to stop running, turn around, and give him a piece of his mind properly. If Stolas is upset, angry, hurt... he should just say so, damnit!

That's the social rules he lives by: you throw out a provocation, and the other party responds in the same way, clapping back with whatever crap it is that's got their panties in a twist, and whatever comes out of such a tiff would at least register as 'honest' to someone like Blitz.

This is how he interacts with Verosika. It's how he interacts with Fizz during their conflicts. It's how Barbie interacts with him. It's just 'how you do things' by Blitz' script.

*None* of that aligns with Stolas' expectations or understanding. To him, acting like that is just rude, aggressive, and mean, and he's not the kind of person to match that energy in kind.

-

And this is where in Apology Tour, there is a noticeable and critical change in Stolas' behaviour: for the first time, he gets *snarky*.

He shows Blitz his disapproval, his impatience, his frustration. He blocks him off, pushes back, argues with him. He legit gives Blitz 'a bit of a hard time', well-deservedly, even if for the most part he's still aiming to cut communication short and go back to handling his feelings in private.

Later at night during the party, when he's drunk off his ass and his usual patience and self-control are running on fumes, Blitz approaches him rather demurely, ready to at least try to make amends. It's at this point that Stolas' communication turns into a style Blitz understands: blunt, expressive, and unrestrained. He finally stops holding back, and lets his feelings, notably anger and hurt, show plainly.

Snark and sarcasm, immediate clap-backs - that's the language Blitz speaks fluently. That's what, to him, registers as 'honest', as real, as true. That is the point at which he no longer has any instinctive reason to think Stolas is just putting on a fancy show, because that's how 'normal people talk'.

-

I very much think that as much as Blitz already had intense latent feelings for him, it's the point at which Stolas showed him something 'real', something relatable and understandable and trustworthy, that the imp fell even harder for him.

It broke through the distortion caused by Stolas constantly holding back, and Blitz being quite aware that Stolas, in a sense, constantly put on a performance for him.

In short...

Stolas claims Blitz is the person he can 'be himself with' the most, but I truly think it took until Apology Tour before he started breaking down his own walls of reticence and distance. They've only *just* gotten started, but this tiny bit of change that already started before Mastermind is a sign that things can absolutely go into a better direction with them.

[becausegraf]

Just rehashing some thoughts about Stolas and Via's dynamic, and both of their weaknesses and issues that contribute to their current conflict -

Stolas has been, in practice, mostly a single father since he was barely of age, with zero role models to learn from.

He's just one person, a more introverted/placid head-in-the-clouds one who got used to solitude at that. Nobody taught him how important it is to have a social circle or how to establish one.

His father dropped a Blitz on him as a kid once and that's it.

His only other example of 'socializing' is Stella's way of going about it, which is absolutely not what he wants to copy.

*Of course*, Stolas wouldn't have the instinct or drive to reach out to others and form a support system to help him raise Via.

Via herself is so similar to him in temperament that she, too, would've been just fine with her life being 95% 'me and dad, and I guess mom, sometimes', too.

With that, Stolas already gave her endlessly more than his own parents did. Octavia got to *actually* have at least one genuinely loving, nurturing parent to look after and bond with her, and she seems to have been pretty content with that even if she needed more to receive a proper social 'diet'. Neither of them knew any better, and had no dire reason to put effort into making real friends.

That he and Via are so closely connected and aren't coping well with this bond suddenly fraying is really not that strange - and you can see this is far more than just a 'daddy's little spoiled princess' thing.

Ever since she was young she's been so attached that she even had at least one nightmare of the One Most Important Person, her protector and safe guardian and companion in the household, not being in reach of her, left to fend for herself. Even at age 17, something about the idea of Stolas leaving her alone, becoming bereft of her one safe, reliable person, really messes with her feelings. It's THE number one fear she expresses in Loo Loo Land. The whole affair thing itself is mainly a problem to her because it comes with the looming threat of 'dad fleeing the nest', not because she somehow hates the idea of her father having fun and being happy.

Stolas promising her he would never go and ditch her is a *huge* deal to her. Even if nothing terrible would immediately happen to her just from him not being in the same home, I can see how his failure to keep that promise would be a huge breach of trust for her, if only on principle.

If you asked a friend to please please please never ever ever do That Thing, impressing on them over and over how much this matters to you, and then for whatever reason they do it anyway... you might just be pretty damn angry/hurt about that, even if no harm came to you. Like hey man wtf, that's not trivial between two people that are supposed to show each other loyalty and respect.

If anyone wants to call Via's attitude uppity and butthurt, ya know, sure, you *could* judge it like that from an external POV of 'why would anyone make such a big deal out of this'. But when someone you trusted with your whole heart goes and does something really thoughtless, even if it's over 'a silly thing', few people would enjoy being dismissed as being 'just' salty/a jerk for being upset/overly dramatic, too.

Especially if the one doing it is *the* number one person in your life you've relied on, had to rely on, for almost your entire life.

[becausegraf]

I agree.

'Being the victim of something' and 'being shitty to someone' are two independent givens.

'Being shitty to someone' is just not a good thing, and the morality of that does not change just due to context or circumstances.

If something is morally not okay, excuses don't change that. The question of 'what should we do with that' is separate from at least establishing that hurting another person is, at the core, not something anyone should do, for any reason.

'But they did something bad to me first', 'but I was emotionally riled up', 'but they could've done xyz to make me stop' are all irrelevant to the question 'should people cause intentional harm to others'. The answer to that is no.

'Should we consider forgiving people for doing bad things', 'Should a person who did something bad be punished or supported, and in what way?' are all questions that are important *after* at least agreeing that there is no way to spin causing harm as not-really-causing-harm-actually. If no harm was done there would be nothing to bicker over to begin with.

Worded a little bit better thank you. I personally would try and focus on what Stella does and the effects of that rather than compare her reactions to Stolas's. It's really easy to fall into "Good Victim vs Bad Victim" from that brand of discussion which can be really dangerous to all victims. I saw a post that fell into that trap recently and it's just a little worrying with all the people agreeing. Stella and Stolas' situation is just pretty delicate to discuss imo. :) So I appreciate you hearing me out a little

Yeah, I get it, abuse is a complicated topic with a lot of nuance and not always easy to put into words.

I do wanna make it very clear I technically see Stella as a victim, since she was also forced into this marriage and it wouldn't suprise me if there's misogyny going on within the Goetia family as a whole. It's just that her personal choices and actions against Stolas (and Octavia) turned her into the abuser of that situation.

Either way, I'm very passionate about how I can turn my thoughts into words, it's one of the things I'm most often complimented for irl (as an autistic person who was always misunderstood growing up, I had to fight hard for it). but I'm aware I'm not always the best at it. So, I'm definitely trying to work on that.

[becausegraf]

Blitz's fuckboy persona

I don't think Verosika ever knew the real Blitz.

The photo of them together has Blitz pulling a fake smile.

We can see him pulling a very similar fake smile, and pulling on this fuckboy persona with Stolas after the invite comes up. (He started off a lot less combative).

This makes him flip back to how he acts at her, because it hurts so much. And this feels safer.

And Stolas because he Does knows Blitz he spots the bullsh*t, and pops him bubble.

And then tell him to leave after Blitz refuse to drop it.

He pulls the same 'smile' it again when he's arguing with Verosika later.

It makes me feel that he must have had this fake front the majority of the time with her.

I wonder if that photo was from the day Verosika told him she loved him.

Her tattoo seems like something she did off her own bat.

They have to be covered a while after they're done, so my bet is the tattoo is how she told him.

With Blitz dumpling her that night.

[becausegraf]

Can't be sincerely dark without being called edgy, can't be sincerely emotional without being called melodramatic, can't be sincerely silly without being called stupid. They're gonna hate every emotion you put in your art no matter what so make it anyway and be as sincere as you can be

[becausegraf]

Just wanted too draw these two again ~ <3

[becausegraf]

You could say autonomy and freedom includes getting to decide what's important to you and what isn't, to set your own priorities and limits around what you will or won't compromise on.

It's being able to call the shots based on what YOU want, regardless of what other people would choose, and reaping the right to own the consequences, good AND bad, fully for yourself.

It gives you the chance to operate within your context and decide what price you will pay for which benefits, and 'pick a deal' that makes sense, that feels worthwhile, that you believe in and will stand by having made without the regret of having made a choice to appease someone else or follow a rule but it wasn't what you *actually wanted*.

Risking his life for Blitz came at a cost, and it's a rough burden, a steep price to pay.

BUT STOLAS DID WHAT HE BELIEVED IN.

He would do it again if it came to that, because to *him* it matters.

As for why? That's no-one else's business to question or criticise or control.

Sometimes you just have to do things that won't make sense, that won't get approval, that will make people question your worth, your sanity, your character - but not doing it would be a betrayal to yourself and the values you hold, it'd haunt you as a regret, as a source of 'what if' and 'I wished I had'.

Stolas has his flaws, but his understanding of his own values and what kind of person he wants to be is pretty damn clear-headed.

Standing up for someone you value even if they broke your heart, instead of prioritizing a grudge and letting them die knowing you could have done something? To someone like Stolas, it's obvious. Of course, you would be the bigger person and 'be a stupid hero'.

(To people who don't have such a value system and empathy that regularly use people as tools to get what they want without a care, this can seem like weakness, stupidity, gullibleness... But they don't pay in self-loathing when they screw others over for their own gain, do they.)

If he'd done nothing, the guilt and grief would crush him far more than what he's going through now. He's *a good person* who can't lie to himself and be at peace with 'hey my heavily flawed, troublesome best friend ever ended up dead as a consequence of a mess we made together, while I get to live as if it didn't happen'.

Doing the right thing can hurt, but for upright people, not doing it hurts far, far more.

Blitz may have made mistakes, but Stolas isn't a petty person who treats people without a shred of loyalty and decency even if they *are* imperfect and he doesn't get anything in return.

It's NOT a transaction of favours, to have saved Blitz and have been saved. It's two people doing what they believe in and committing to what's important, *because* it's important all by itself.

Stolas acted in defiance of a culture that dictates he should have let it happen and been smug about it, too, because that's simply not who he is. Blitz went and gave his protection and support to someone who needs him and more than deserves his loyalty and effort.

They're both acting in line with their values in these cases, being their best selves, unfettered and unconditionally.

Man, I saw someone post about Mastermind and it got me thinking about Stolas again... It's a little sad that the whole trial has been watered down to "did Stolas do something selfish or not?" when sacrificing himself for Blitz. When it was such an important thing for his character overall. One of my favourite lines from the song is "I am the mastermind, the master of my fate" because it's such a big deal for him. He is so used to laying down and taking it, to just accept his fate and misery without fighting back. But he has started to stand up for himself more and more and with this choice, he took life in his own hands. And for that I was proud. I wish we'd talk a little more about that.

[becausegraf]