becomingnursekim - Tumblr blog

[becomingnursekim]

ST Elevations... or are they not?

Patient reports dizziness, palpitations, nausea and plenty of activity intolerance since starting a new BP medication. Looked like PCP was adding a second-line medication in addition to the first one for uncontrolled hypertension. His lipid panel didn't look too bad. Elevated TC, but not crazy. Young, 50s. Probably just not tolerating the med... Maybe.

When anyone comes in with dizziness or palpitations, I always get an EKG and orthostatic vital signs so I delegate this to the MA. In this case, I was in the room while these were being done. I obtained a good history (the change started 2 days ago) and the spouse shared major concern that he "wasn't himself."

I looked at the EKG and felt most concerned about leads II, III and aVF as there were just the subtlest elevations in the ST wave. There were also T wave inversions. I felt unsure, but I knew I needed to at least get my colleagues' input. They asked about a previous EKG, I said there was none. The EKG also said "age indeterminate" for an inferior infarct so either it was awhile ago.... Or it was right now and he was having early signs for an acute MI/STEMI.

I walked back and took a little breath. My patient was talking, responding to me appropriately at the start of the visit, he just didn't understand why he was feeling so unwell. He had chest pain, but rated it 1/10 and said it was moreso a discomfort than a pain.

Me: "I'm not 100% convinced myself, but I think you're having early signs of a heart attack."

Pt: "Really, doc?" (oh sometimes I dislike being called doc) (he then looked at me like I was insane. It made me nervous and less confident but I had to rile up that confidence and say....)

Me: "Yes, there are some findings on this EKG that are very subtle and I have nothing to go off of other than your alarming symptoms and this EKG. I wouldn't feel right if I sent you home. The ER would be the place to confirm my concerns with urgent bloodwork that would tell us if your heart is under stress. You do not have to have classic, movie-like symptoms for a heart attack such as grasping your chest or falling over, but I really urge you and your wife to go as soon as we're done here..." I thought at that point, he would be dead tonight or tomorrow night if this was a widow-maker.

I didn't think he could walk to the ER either, so we let them borrow our wheelchair. "Make no detours and head straight to the ER. I will finish my note so they know what is going on with you and take you right in." I was glad I was located in a major hospital.

The ER did take this patient in. Quickly.

I was finishing other notes when I got "!!" on the toolbar for results for patients. I hovered over the "!!"

A troponin of 22,100. I haven't seen it that high except during my bedside days.. which wasn't that long ago. And this was just based on an inkling in PRIMARY CARE.

I fell back in my chair and audibly said, "No. Way." My colleague didn't believe me and just kept asking me "How did you know?"

With a mix of uncertainty and instincts and prior knowledge, I thought to myself... "What if I didn't convince them? What if I let them go home and see if he felt better? at least send him with strict ER precautions... even then, he'd be home and he could have died..."

My patient ended up going in for an emergent coronary angiogram and received 3 stents due to 100% occlusion of one of his main coronary arteries.

He lived through the weekend and got to go home this week.

His PCP called him and he told her to tell me "Thank you!" for convincing him and saving his heart.

I'm so thankful.

And I'm also so new that it took me the entire weekend to come down from that emotional rollercoaster.

[becomingnursekim]

Imposter?

I feel like I don't deserve to be where I am at in life. Or, it just doesn't feel real.

Yet I went through a #9 ranked BSN program (after CC), and a #6 ranked MSN program with my specialty ranking at #2. I have zero debt from this career path. I worked the entirety of my education, and we just planned it right.

I have a provider page with bio, complete with my full name, education and board certification. And a web content editor wrote it mostly FOR me. Who am I?!!? And why do I feel less than and as if I didn’t accomplish anything?

Even though I worked tirelessly at getting a job straight out of grad school, I wonder what if I didn't?

Now I'm two weeks into my NP/provider role and I'm calling the shots, placing orders, writing notes that my colleagues read and use to add to their plan when it's their turn to see them.

I still ask lots of questions. I'm still learning. I'm humble. I don't know everything, I admit that much.

But I have my own desk. With a beautiful view. In an amazing clinic that is remodeled and gorgeous. Each exam room is pristine. I have really nice "pod mates" who are physicians, who haven't hated me yet. The hope is they'll never hate me haha!

I come home every night by 5:45pm at the latest. I have weekends off. I have Wednesdays off. I don't have to panic about being off entire weekends or week days and I get to put my kids to bed. And make them dinner (or share the job of making dinner).

I used to get home after my kids fell asleep. The change in routine & schedule is insane.

It snowed today and my clinic went virtual. I saw patients from the comfort of my home. It was.... glorious. Also stressful. Two parents WFH is kind of a nightmare when the daycare is closed and still charges us the full cost of a week LOL.

If John has to travel, yes I have to hurry home to get them or rush to get them to daycare, but it's during NORMAL hours.

I also get paid twice as much (from my part time hours I had for a year as an RN).

God has plans. For awhile, I was ridden with grief and wondering what I did to deserve losing my Dad and my MIL. At one point, I felt not much of anything and was going through the motions. I felt nothing. But I had to do something. For my kids, for my husband, for us.

I just wish Dad and Marge were here to bear witness to the success that is so long deserved. They would be so proud.

[becomingnursekim]

A resilient Mom

My Mom has been graceful for the last few years. I have been meaning to highlight her in all the craziness of the last year. Hard conversations were had such as supporting my dad in not choosing dialysis. He made it clear before his dementia diagnosis. Not many know, but she had a stroke 2 years ago too. Since then and since the passing of my father, she has leaned into me (and Jenn) for help to get the family home paid off, cars taken care of, bills changed to her name and allow me to help manage her care even if from afar. She calls to ask about the kids, checks on her small investments she lets me manage, and her aspirations to go on a cruise with girlfriends (which I said, why not now?).

Since becoming a widow, she has thrown her focus into her work, her health, her children, her dog and new cat lol. She regularly visits Dad’s gravesite as well and it has shown me the kind of love they shared together. It was quiet and simple for 2 days short of 34 years. For two whole years since Dad’s retirement in 2020 and as his cognition declined, she cared for him, took over driving around town, and continued her duties as his wife. As a nurse, I know that caring for memory-impaired individuals is hard, hard work. She didn’t falter though.

I feel like we are entering a positive, new chapter in which she has been present. She's shifted from wife turned caregiver to an individual capable of doing things on her own. She joined us in Nashville (after reminding me all year to tell her the date of the pinning ceremony so she can request time off) and felt strong enough to be with the kids in the hotel herself, encouraging John and I to go to dinner with friends one of the nights. She had joy on her face as I walked across the stage for pinning. When I told her about my graduation party, she made every point to be there- such as driving from WA to OR with the assistance of my brother to get here (her longest drive since her stroke which a neurologist gave the go ahead to drive). She was clear in saying, "I will not miss it." Most of the beauty of the food at my party was also because of her contribution to the planning.

I am proud so of her. Proud of never letting go of her little family, after losing her [remaining] big sister months before Dad. Proud of her that in the massive amount of change and roller coaster of emotions, she never has said a mean thing she would regret. She cared that I lost my Dad and even cared so much for the loss of my mother-in-law. In some ways, I get my empathy from her and I am glad.

In the end, I realize that if you invest in your family with time and your presence, they will be there for you. She has stepped up in ways that have made a difference.

[becomingnursekim]

Networking

I'm a firm believer in networking, in addition to putting out your best foot.

The three organizations I interviewed with were all because of someone I know: either my preceptors or someone I had asked questions of and who took the time to get to know me. Two organizations tied to clinical interviewed me, and another I had an "in" via a friend who was a manager. I will call them Organization A, B & C.

The whole process was new to me in comparison to interviewing for roles as an RN. Interviewing for an NP role involved multiple meetings. First, I met with HR to gather information about a position at Organization A. For smaller organizations, I met with a Chief Executive Officer or a Chief Medical Officer straight off the bat. All were open to the possibility of me working with just adults, and flexible enough to consider me as a new graduate NP. These were Org B & C.

Org C, I interviewed with a CMO and then the physicians and a manager at the clinic they were interested in having me work in. I did not get that role and a more experienced, ready-to-work-right-away NP was hired over me. The CMO was someone I knew as an RN at the bedside, and she was gracious to send me updates throughout the whole process. I totally appreciated that.

Org B was another smaller, but independent, group and I met with the CEO, the CMO, and then the Director and her physicians of the team I would potentially work with. All interviews at this organization were fairly formal until the third one where the team asked me questions during a luncheon. It was a little more laid back, but it was a great opportunity to see if I was a good fit. I also received a tour!

Org A, which is where I accepted an offer, had me meet with HR. Originally, I had applied for a Family Med NP role, but was unfortunately passed on (I can't see pediatrics and they had plenty of peds to see). Yet, the recruiter still kept my info and my preceptor and the director at my summer clinical site referred me for any other roles the Org was hiring for. And that was how I landed on a role that was not yet on the career website.

I eventually met with the clinic director over lunch, and again a second time to meet the entire provider team. I'll be honest, I was a nervous wreck and also had such a fun time meeting them (if that is possible). The director took me to lunch at the hospital campus cafeteria (which was really nice of him) both times I met him, and I shared a lot of laughs with the team and the "pod" I will be working in. The dynamic I shared was a positive one and when it came down to choosing where I wanted to work (Org B made an offer as well), I chose Org A. They answered all my questions regarding training and onboarding, ramping up, required coverage, etc. HR was really helpful in providing me info about benefits, compensation, retirement, etc.

For all interviews, I wore a suit even if it were over Zoom or Teams. I practiced reciting my "Why"'s and I am thankful Vanderbilt put us through practice interviews with faculty, as well as provide us sample questions in which I wrote notes on next to each one.

I was ready. I was eager. After every interview, I waited about half a day before I sent a follow-up email outlining my positive characteristics and why I would be a great addition to the respective teams and organizations. I really put 100% into each one because I just wasn't sure who would hire me and I wanted to show my best to each one. I had read horror posts about new NPs not finding jobs at all, so here I was before graduation making every effort to apply to positions of interest.

It is nice being on the other side of things with a job. All the hard work paid off.

[becomingnursekim]

Memory

It's funny going through my memory reels in my brain, thinking of these things that have unfortunately stuck with me and helped me in my motivation to be who I was truly meant to be.

Maybe there's a reason you didn't get into nursing school.

I don't think you can become a nurse.

You should talk to x about getting into nursing school.

I don't think you're capable.

I have NOTHING to gain from you.

Today I'm board-certified as an Adult Gerontology Primary Care NP, state licensed as an NP, have my DEA and NPI #s and will become an Internal Medicine/Adult Primary Care NP at a large health organization in my local area. Only a 12 min commute at an awesome campus. With normal hours. No weekends. No call. I've done it.

I worked steadfast and focused for 6+ years as an RN. Three of those years I was in school for my BSN and then my MSN, but I continued to work fulltime and eventually part time this last year because of the demands of clinical for NP school. Before that, I worked diligently on my foundational care as a CNA for 5 years. I never lost sight of my goal.

I still won't.

[becomingnursekim]

Mission: Accomplished

I did it. I graduated, studied my little tootsie off for a whole month+1week straight (save for the days I juggled the kids solo and worked a 12 hour shift), and passed my boards. I did so many practice questions that my head is still spinning one week later. I estimate between all the question banks, I did about 3,000 of them. At work when I precepted and my orientee was basically on their own, I sat and quizzed myself if no one else needed help. I made sure I knew my need-to-know's for the exam whether that be lab values, first line therapies for HTN, DM, rashes, sexually acquired diseases, etc. As much as review was intense, it felt like a review. Vanderbilt definitely prepared me. As I went through each module, I reassured myself that I knew this. Whether from patho, clinical assessment, primary care 1&2, clinical itself... I knew the material. I just needed to think like the test and choose the best answer.

I sat for 3.5 hours for the exam. The first twenty questions felt easy. I felt incredibly confident. I wrote the numbers 25-50-75-100-125-150-175 and crossed out the number associated with the test question as a way to hit mental checkpoints. Then questions 25-110 felt like a blur. I got to 110 and began to second guess my knowledge. I thought, hm, I could walk out of this exam and be OK with being a nurse for the rest of my working days. Then, I remembered I lost my dad, my mother in law, and juggled 2 kids to get this done and sit at this computer. I also lost out on working hours as an RN to get this education. AND my husband and I made it work to be able to pay $82,000 in solid cash between tuition, books, and travel. I couldn't quit. It was just a mental game the exam was putting me through.

When I finally got to question 175, I ran through all my flagged questions. Doubt set in. I ended up only really changing one response of the number of questions I had flagged. I didn't want to change one and screw up if my gut had told me to keep the selection.

The exam basically went through four different windows asking me if I was sure that I wanted to complete the exam. Yes. I was absolutely sure. I'd be lying if a small part of me felt a little irked as if the exam was doubting my decision. How dare it!

Eventually, I was graced with a notification that my results would show up in my email. I got up and felt shaky, clammy. I realized I hadn't looked anywhere else or took a break other than a 'sit down and close my eyes to pray' kind of break about halfway through.

I gathered my two sheets of scratch paper that I had feverishly written murmur mnemonics on and never used lol, but at least my jotting down of asthma and COPD treatments deemed itself helpful. I dropped my ID on the way out of the testing room and numbly picked it up off the floor. Once I finished, I sign out and grabbed my phone and purse.

Nothing.

No email yet.

It should be here by now.

Then I remembered my girlfriend said I could look it up on the scorereports section of the test center's website.

I nervously copied and pasted my confirmation #, last name and the responses to the security questions that validated my identity. At this point, I was sitting in the middle of the lobby of the test center. My hands shook as I hit SUBMIT.

The blue line that loads the next page felt like it took excruciatingly long.

And then there it was.

The green box with the checkmark, reading PASS.

I think I tricked my eyes into thinking I would actually see NO PASS. So much doubt had filled my head after the exam that I was beginning to think of alternatives if I didn't pass.

Nope, it was real. The green check mark was real. I took a quick screenshot and anxiously and excitedly sent it to my husband.

I ended up calling him immediately.

As I went into the car, I cried. I sat down and took off my glasses and cried. I cried for all the tears I had already cried because of the intense stress between work and kids, the days of sadness I endured, the last big hug from my MIL before she passed telling me to "kick ass," the last lunch I had with my dad telling him about going into the second year of the program even though with his Alz/dementia, he wouldn't remember, at least it felt like I could tell him...

The drive home was a blur. I think I made two drivers angry because I was driving too slow. Better slow than too fast and causing an accident I guess?

I hugged my husband tight when I got home. It felt unreal. It was done.

Then the icing on the cake was acquiring a nurse practitioner job. Prior to graduation, I did a total of 15 interviews between 5 different jobs. 1 organization ghosted me, 2 denied me, and 2 made me amazing offers. I chose the better one for myself and my family. I'm thrilled.

Life since taking boards has felt lighter. I had lunch today with a long-time friend and it was incredible walking through the neighborhood and to the restaurant without much worry other than usual, mundane things like packing the kids' bags for this weekend and getting laundry done. But, life feels lighter. As much as I have many who celebrated me, I just wish I could have my dad or MIL around to share in the excitement. They were both very good at sharing kudos, and made me feel loved.

Alas.

Cheers to a new future ahead.

[becomingnursekim]

I graduated with my Master of Science in Nursing to become an Adult Gerontology NP!!!!!

Two years of hard work = done.

[becomingnursekim]

Soon to be NP

This is a huge deal for me. I finish my program in 53 days! Becoming Nurse Kim and soon, becoming Kim C, MSN, AGPCNP-BC out of Vanderbilt University.

My dad and MIL would be so proud.

[becomingnursekim]

Pain and Growth

While I feel some level of peace with that aspect of my life, I have a portion that still grieves. Losing my dad was one thing, but the big break occurred on my Tumblr because I just didn't want to write about the death of my mother-in-law. Recounting the days leading up to Margery's death were painful. I loved her just as much I loved my own mother, if not more because my MIL was there for us. She showed up for my kids' births, and helped us on countless days or showed up at our home during a confusing pandemic just to spend time with us. By herself, oftentimes. Margery also had special ways to connect with us, and I wish every day that we could have that all again.

I was in the Fall semester of my program when she was nearing the end of her life and requiring more oxygen due to the progression of her lung cancer. She had just witnessed me lose my dad and had enough energy to spare to chase my kids - even if she had to sit down for most of their care. Experiencing death countless times with patients of my own, walking through the nightmare that was November was almost blocked out of my mind for a month afterward because I had finals. If not for finals, I would not have been able to tolerate being in solitude with my grief. It didn't allow me to be available to my husband, though, and that part I regret. We are working through it though, and still are. I wish grief were easier to navigate, but it's not. It's unpredictable, hits at almost always the wrong moments and some days can weigh so hard on us.

We had visited in early November as we had always planned, but my MIL felt weaker and needed a few liters of O2. I still went off to Nashville, but a phone call at lunch on a Wednesday during a workshop prompted a quick return. Thankfully, my faculty understood 100% and allowed me to reschedule my simulations over Zoom via telehealth situations. I was in tears as I explained myself to them, while holding it all in for the first few minutes. The day before I had left for Nashville at all, I promised my MIL I would hurry back - in return, she hugged me from the comfort of her bed and said, "Go kick ass at Vanderbilt, Kim." In addition, she thanked me sincerely for marrying her son and for being her daughter-in-law. Her words felt final. I didn't want to recognize it then, but in the coming days, I knew those would be her last words to me before her brain couldn't wrack anything in there anymore.

I returned and somehow, I found myself making her last dinner. Swedish meatballs and pasta. She almost looked normal when I came back. Her sisters visited the home from their respected cities, and Margery meandered from the living room to the kitchen and to the dining room. She had told me the meatballs were delicious and she wanted more sauce. I guess she had not eaten much the days I was gone except for her Ensures, but she sure ate that night. By the end of dinner, I think she expended all of her energy trying to catch on to conversations because her middle son ended up carrying her up the stairs when she couldn't lift her legs to do so anymore. That was the last time she did that. The next day, she tried to get up to go to the bathroom when we all didn't know and she fell. We think she hit her head, but my sister in law found her on the ground and helped her up. From then, I told everyone that we cannot leave Margery alone. My FIL took shifts most of the time, and family came trickling in to spend time with Marge. I am thankful she had hospice in place. Her meds to keep her comfortable came at the right time. We changed her and turned her, boosted her when needed, and bathed her. She gave us a few scares as her heart rate dropped, or when her body hit 104F, or when her heart beat faster than a marathoner's. It was all part of the end. Her breathing changed substantially over the course of Saturday and Sunday, and we all awoke thinking that she would never make it through the night.

Instead, we went through all of Monday by her side. By evening, just as she would have wanted it on any day of her life, most of her family was beside her. Her sons, her husband and a couple of DILs conversing, and cracking jokes. Our kids ran in and played, and I looked up from my perch in the room and her breathing slowed. My FIL had been caressing her shoulder and face, her oldest son at her shoulder, her other two sons at her feet. A few minutes prior, Mark noticed a glistening in her eyes.

She was leaving. Her soul was leaving her body. I compared it to her saying goodnight at the end of the day during any Ceccarelli gathering because right at 7:18pm, she took her last breath. She always went to bed early, and that night she did no different.

I couldn't cry that night. I teared up, but the grief didn't hit until maybe a week or two later, or until after final exams when I ran downstairs and announced to John my grades were in. I cried hard over the loss of my dad, my MIL, and for all the craziness we had gone through. Work had been gracious to let me spend time with my family, and I finished my semester with mostly A's. I had a delayed grief reaction and it all sunk in.

Today, I still grieve but I remain my usual positive self. My friends let me rant to them, and my husband has restarted therapy. My patients give me hope and each day I am reminded to "kick ass."

Margery left an imprint on my life that will forever stay with me. My kids are reminders of her, as is her son aka my husband. She lives on through them.

[becomingnursekim]

Dad

My father passed away in his sleep next to his beloved wife. He got his dying wish of being home with those he loved and I had only seen him a week prior to organize his medications, check his blood sugar, made sure he ate and had someone to talk to. His decline was so progressive and worsened by his Alzheimers/dementia, yet he was so clear about not pursuing dialysis for his kidney disease and chose spending more time with his wife/my mom. He lasted 15 days after saying no to dialysis, but he never got fully admitted to hospice. He left this world on his own terms and never complained about anything even in the end. He thanked my Mom for everything in the middle of the night before he fell asleep for eternity.

Dad, I am so glad you’re no longer in any discomfort you may have never told us about, and I am so lucky to have had you as a father. You tried so hard despite working nights, you pushed me to be my best and supported every activity I ever wanted to pursue. You were so proud that I was going to NP school even though you had to ask me again and again what I was up to every call these last two years. You also always asked if my kids had your nose and why yours🥹 I wish there was more time, Dad. I wish you could see Nolan and Clara grow up, but for now, I am smiling because you will always be watching over us ♥️

[becomingnursekim]

Cancer

Devastating news in the family: my mother-in-law has small cell lung cancer. We are in the throes of finding out more information as she heads to Seattle Cancer Care Alliance, but it all seems to lead to the same ending: death. Time is against us and I’d be lying if I said I was not in tears thinking about her passing every day. 

I should be a pro at managing loss and grief. I lost my grandmothers, my aunt just this year, and I help countless families and patients with end-of-life care in the hospital. I urged a husband in recent months to hurry to the hospital because I felt it in my bones that his ill wife was hours away from passing (after literally choosing hospice the same day). He got there in the nick of time much to his daughter’s dismay (he wasn’t supposed to drive in the dark without her), and he held his wife’s hand and massaged her temples as she took her last breath at 838pm. My shift was long over, but I stayed. I teared up, and remained strong for him in this vulnerable moment. It is what is motivating me to pursue palliative care as an NP (in addition to primary care).

Yet when I received the news of my own mother-in-law’s mortality, I wanted to run away. 

This was my way of experiencing denial. The first stage of grief. I shut myself off for a few days even when my husband needed me. I provided only the bare minimum. I threw myself into my work, in household chores, in studies, in social media scrolling. I still attended to my mothering duties, but I even felt that I myself was absent. 

Grief is awful. 

I acknowledged my behavior and pursued therapy. I apologized to my husband for my emotional absence. We talked. We worked through our emotions. How I love him as difficult as this upcoming chapter in our lives will be. 

[becomingnursekim]

4.0

I pulled a 4.0 this winter semester despite covid and the handful of colds I got from my kids, full-time work as an RN, being a mom/wife, daughter to aging parents both diagnosed with mild cognitive impairment, traveling to Idaho for the death/memorial of my aunt, and then to Nashville for a much needed vacation with John mixed in with lab simulations, juggling sick kids with exam dates and deadlines, running a home when my husband’s away for work travel, and all the things. Just everything. 

This past week, we took a breather. Last Friday, I was present in the moment and chose a random location on the map for a breakfast date, did some summer semester prep, packed our kids and car up to go see beautiful flowers at the tulip festival, and enjoyed the company of friends for dinner. I can’t quite say I have enjoyed myself in a long while with my husband and then my own company. School, work, home, and the kids take up a lot of our time. As the semester wound down, I found more time to read, plant in the garden, clean up my patio, make our house even more of a home than it already is, and enjoyed just being. Thankful and blessed for good health, and elated that I can do all things I set my mind to with the help and power of God (as much as I don’t convey it to others, but everything I do is with Him in mind). 

[becomingnursekim]

Covid

Man.

It hit our house on my birthday and it royally sucked. My son was sent home on a Wednesday (my birthday) for pink eye. He later developed a fever and wasn’t eating/drinking much. He was very unwell, and cried and cried before bed each night. By Friday, we had him seen by the pediatrician and they tested him for covid. We received his results the next day and there it was: Positive. I rushed around to find a test while staying in my car. I had to call off work that Saturday and Sunday, and then all the shifts that followed. 

Anyway, I eventually found a testing tent at the main hospital-- the information to get tested was not easily found! I got my nose swabbed and as the day wore on, I wore out too. Chills, fatigue, and an eventual cough that got worse each day. My husband was hit next. Fortunately, our littlest one at 8 months old was spared and only had a runny nose. She continued to eat fine for us. 

The cough would not stop. It waned before my 10th day of quarantine and my return-to-work day. Going back to work for a week was miserable. I was so tired. No more fevers and was testing negative, but the lingering raspiness in my voice lingered far too long. My cough was worse at night and my chest felt tight still. I finally reached out to my doctor who ordered a steroid inhaler. While my cough improved after a week of using it, the cough and chest tightness only returned with a vengeance the next week. Returning to my dr, she relayed to me that my lungs still sounded “tight” and therefore prescribed me oral steroids. She wrote me a note to miss work, go on walks, and perform daily breathing exercises. I exhausted all of my PTO.

The only thing that made my cough and congestion go away was exercise, even if it helped for only a few hours afterward. The first two days of oral steroids made a significant difference. I continued and finished them off, and by the end of it, finally felt nearly 100%. The fatigue still lingered, but I had  bursts of energy during the day. 

Fast forward to a month later and I finally feel back to normal. I picked up a tiny cold from my kids in the interim since recovering, but have continued working out and trying to stay on top of my supplements and eating better. 

This past month, I also traveled to Nashville for my graduate NP program. I am so glad my cough was better before my trip (thanks to the oral steroids) because I don’t know if I would have performed well in my clinical simulations. The trip was also a lovely reminder that I was still healthy and well enough to pursue my studies. All throughout the semester, I felt like I was floundering... but fortunately, I have been maintaining my grades and doing better than I ever would have imagined. 

[becomingnursekim]

So many hats

Life update even though I should be studying more for my advanced pathophysiology exam. I just need to jot these down. My baby is 7 months old, my other baby is a few months shy of being three, I’m still working full time, my body is recovering from baby #2, and I’m finishing up semester #1 of 6 for NP school. My mom had a [small] stroke in the last month, my dad’s Alzheimer's is head-tilting, and I have had a few other frustrations but am thankful for my sister in helping me manage our dad’s health and finances. I don’t know how we do this all. The stress has led to some very difficult situations and conversations with my husband. We nearly moved back to WA and had our home that we love and adore on the market for a few days before pulling it. There was so much interest in our listing, but we could not find another one suitable for us to replace this home. So we stayed, and I’m so happy. The two hour drive to see my parents isn’t too, too terrible. Work is work, so if I have to call off for an emergency, I will. I’m contemplating going down to part-time, too, which is a-ok with the hubby. Ok, back to studying. Too much to write, but so little time. 

[becomingnursekim]

Baby #2 arrived on May the 4th. Now I have two babies with nerdy birthdays. 3-14 and 5-4. Who would have thought?? She is perfect. Our son loves her. And other times, he craves attention from Dad especially. I am glad he hasn’t and doesn’t get jealous of his little sister. Instead, he helps with diapers, loves hugging her, and becomes very concerned when she cries and tries to place her binkie. Our little family is complete. Even with Teddy (our dog).

I go back to work in July. Two weeks later, our girl starts daycare. Three weeks after that, I start grad school! I am getting extremely anxious and excited about it, as well as terrified. Some days I have doubts flood my mind. Other days, I remind myself this is possible.

This year will be one for the books.

[becomingnursekim]

NURSE PRACTITIONER BOUND!

The gal with the 2.99 undergraduate GPA, who had drastic improvement in my pre-requisites and nursing school (ADN and BSN), got into a #8 MSN program and #5 specialty program in the nation. And I don’t have to move anywhere besides occasional travel for block courses. 

The next step is happening! So here I am spreadsheeting away. The goal is to take out no loans. Got a little headstart when I started applying. 

Life is about to get even more interesting! 

[becomingnursekim]

The next step.

3+ years a nurse, and here I am sitting in limbo as my applications for nurse practitioner school have been submitted for a couple months now. I learned part way through my experience as a hospital nurse that while I love the bedside, I am really feeling motivated to care for people in the community and do my best to keep them OUT of the hospital. Too many say they don’t have a primary care provider, too many say they don’t have a good relationship, or that their medications are confusing or they don’t even know what they’re taking. 

I want to change that. I want to specifically work with the patient population I’ve been in (adult-geriatrics), so I have applied to adult gerontology nurse practitioner programs. I wouldn’t have thought of applying until an advisor brought it up to me to see if I’d be interested in my alma mater’s graduate programs. 

So here I am. About to pop out baby #2 in 4 months, have kid #1 running around, and doing my best to be a great mom, nurse, and wife. I am incredibly thankful for my husband and all that he encourages me to do. He has not once doubted my ability to keep going forward with my education. Maybe just a few cringes at the cost of attending, but we’ve gotten over that I think :P