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Same

Confession of an Aries #298

Aries are supposed to be athletic and fit….But I’m lazy and curvy.

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This was my mentality for 7 months. I would have gone longer but I ended up in the hospital for 3 weeks. As stubborn as I was to not eat, they had a way to feed me. I want self control back..

I can suffer for 6 months to be beautiful for the rest of my life

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..at the store to buy toilet paper.

While driving into the Costco parking lot, a man attempted to cut in front of me. Me being the bitch I am did not let him. He wasn’t okay with that and proceeded to yell at my brother and I. My brother is a hot head, and couldn’t let it go. He reaches out and flips the guy off and yells, ‘get out of here!’. We turned down an aisle of cars and he was gone, well so we thought. We look up ahead and guess who was coming up to the stop sign adjacent to us? The dick face driver from before! hahaha Anyways, he stares at my brother and knicks his head up. My brother is petty to say at least, and he flipped this already demasculinized man off. This set the man off and he begins to drive quickly around the parking lot. My brother and I laugh it off, park and start walking towards the entrance. As we are crossing the last road before we enter the building, the man comes around again and yells, ‘YOU NEED TO WATCH WHO YOU FLIP OFF!!‘. My brother's instant reply was classic, ‘NO! It’s a free country, I can do and say whatever I want. and So can you, so go away already.’

This man was not at all satisfied with being dismissed by a young adult, so he reaches into his cars center console. He pulls out a handgun and held it up for my brother to see, and again said that he should be careful who he flips off. A little fact about Marquis, haha he likes guns and isn't scared of them. He yells at the top of his lungs, ‘What are you going to do?! Shoot me in front of Costco?!”

Everyone is staring at us by then. I’m shy and continue to walk towards the front with my little Costco card in hand. Pleading with my eyes to be let into the building away from the drama outside. My brother yells out one more remaker before the man drives off. ‘Get the hell out of here!’

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Hey guys.

Just an update of what the fuck is happening in my life right now. One, my job was robbed yesterday. Which is absolutely crazy to me. I work at Panera Bread! LMFAO! He stole the tip jars that were MOUNTED to the countertops. hahaha, He completely ripped through a steel cable too. Drugs will have you on that hulk shit. In his hot pursuit to leave the store, the thief managed to knock over an elderly man. That was a crazy way to start my morning. Two, I’ve been at home these past couple days, working on my English/ Wrt classwork. Its funny to see how difficult writing is for others. I guess its not so much as a joke as it is silly. If you can speak, you can write.  And in my opinion, the best writers sound like they are simply speaking. No one wants to listen to a speaker who constantly throws out nonsense words when there are plenty of other options. And lastly three, I had a peer from that same writing class, read my last post. He tried to tell me that he would've written my post in a different way, but he felt I had the best response to our readings. Which is 100% true. 

I just turned in another essay, so let's see what Richard has to say about this one! 

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College

I first went to college when I was fresh out of the adolescent womb. I was 18 and ready to kick the worlds ass! Honestly, I thought it was gonna be easier than it fucking was. My best friends and I used to talk about rent only being $600, and I lived in Southern California at the time! How naive were we? Sheltered to what the world actually cost, we were spoiled. Anyways, After realizing that rent wouldn’t be so cheap and then getting a job to realize, they wanted to only pay me ten dollars an hour. I was trying to balance a part-time job along with going to school full time! I was struggling in every sense of the word. I was calling home even other day asking for money for gas. All because I wanted to go to a school that was two cities away and driving on the 405 northbound is a shit show at best. You can imagine how much gas I spent driving an hour back and forth. I ended up dropping out of school and working full-time. I was able to start paying my own bills things were okay for a while. I was content with how bland my life had become. I had my boyfriend and I had our two puppies. I went to work and came home, I lived like an ‘adult’. Until I realized I was getting older, but my life was still the same. I wasn’t growing anymore, and not in a literal way. I was definitely chunky and funky. I wasn’t growing in my jobs, and I wasn’t as witty as I once was. I felt like I needed more! And that leads to today, taking classes at the local community college near my house in Tucson Arizona. How life humbles and changes you. Well, I’ ll keep ya updated. 

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Money Men

I used to spend a lot of time looking for a wealthy boyfriend, shallow I know. Either way, I liked guys that wanted to be around a pretty girl. And that is how I stumbled across an old high school friend, Jesus. He isn’t the most attractive guy, but he has a huge heart, and the kid practically loves me. He is sending me these amazon gift cards to put on my post mates account so my fat ass can get food whenever. We live in different states, haha might I add. 

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Failures:

I suck at math. Proven fact; sadly yes it’s been proven. I am in my first year of college and I’m taking a math course. It’s not even that difficult of math, but I just don’t get it. Either way, I am trying to stay ahead of homework so if I need help, I will know before it’s too late haha.

Doing the 1st homework assignment, I had my math wizard friend and brother helping me when I was lost, so the problems were minimal. Haha tonight though?! A complete fail, it took me 2 hours to do 15 math problems. And I cried 3 times.

Pray that college gets easier, or I get smarter.

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Manifesting rant

Today is the first day I plan to blog daily. I want to see how my life changes over the years and I felt like pictures from Snapchat can only do so much. I want to remember feelings, whether I'm crying or overjoyed.

I’m trying to focus more on expanding how I feel and how I let my feeling dictate my life. I am interested in manifesting positive things. I don't necessarily mean material things, but love and happiness. I don't want to go through life alone. I am going to school and making plans for my future,  I want to find a husband who has similar goals to me. Someone who wants to have all their dreams come true, or at least want to work hard as fuck to make shit happen. I want to see things getting done before we get married, I don't want to be the one pushing my man to be successful, I want him to tell me to get my goals up. 

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sorry.

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What it was..

As I lay here crying, I think back to a time when I was happy. I pray I can go back to who I used to be. I was going to music festivals, I had a large group of friends, I wasn’t eating and was down to my smallest ever. This was only six months ago too... I was so happy, and in control.

That’s all gone now though, now I am a shell of who I was. I am a large black shadow in the place of the old me. I am hurt and cry more than I probably should. I feel sadness pouring out of me and no one knows me well enough to see. I feel trapped and alone and I’m scared. I also feel selfish; no one should have to take away from their own problems and sadness to look at me. No one should have to carry the burden of ‘will she be okay?’.

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Being depressed is really weird because you want someone to care enough to check on you but you don’t want someone to care enough to worry about you

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“You’re better off being alone than being with someone who makes you feel alone.”

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“I’m living in the moment nowadays. I can’t worry about the past or the future when all I have is now to fully create the life I want.”

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“Whatever you’re currently going through is about to come to an end. Be patient with yourself.”

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“Intelligence is inherent in compassion and love.”

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This girl is so cute, and her body is amazing too Her Instagram is gorillaagirll ♡ Not pro anything, don’t report just ignore

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This is so satisfying, cause guys suck either way. Lol